by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 11, 2019 | Happiness Tips, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Forgiving yourself is so important for mental well-being. We all have things that we regret in life and wish we had done things differently.
We’re only human, after all!
It’s often a lot easier to forgive other people for fairly major things while hanging onto strong resentment towards yourself for even minor slip-ups.
7 Tips For Forgiving Yourself & Moving On
If you find it hard to forgive yourself for things that have happened in the past, it can have a big effect on how you treat yourself.
And according to studies, it can also make you more likely to have health problems, including autoimmune conditions, heart disease, and even cancer.
Learning how to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on from mistakes is so important for self-love. Your ultimate goal is for specific situations to no longer cause you negative emotions such as pain, anger, and resentment.
Here are some tips for forgiving yourself so that you can move on with your life and start to love yourself in the way you deserve.
1. Release negative emotions
When you’re holding onto strong negative emotions, it’s almost impossible to truly forgive yourself unless you’re able to release them.
Whether you’re feeling guilt, shame, or just generally hate yourself, you won’t be able to move forward until you’ve dealt with the underlying emotions that you’re feeling.
It’s often the case that your reactions to even the mere thought of what you did are what is making you feel so bad and by releasing them, they won’t hold the same power. This makes it a whole lot easier to start the process of forgiving yourself.
A great way to release negative emotions is by practicing mindfulness every day. Mindfulness reduces anxiety and helps you focus better on everyday tasks. Be sure to download the free mindfulness activities below and get started on releasing all of those negative emotions:
2. Accept that you’re not perfect
None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. When you didn’t intentionally set out to hurt someone through your actions, holding onto shame and letting it affect how you see yourself can be hugely damaging to your self-esteem.
Your mistakes aren’t ‘proof’ of your failings and they don’t make you a bad person. If you can see mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, it opens up a whole different mindset.
3. It’s okay to let the memory go
Are you still holding onto what happened in your mind and not able to put it aside? This could be one of the big reasons why you’re struggling to forgive yourself. It is actually a perfectly natural response given that our brains are hardwired to use past experiences to try to protect us.
That doesn’t make it helpful though. Reliving the situation in your mind fools your brain into believing that it is happening again and that sets off the stress response.
It also means that you define yourself through the situation, rather than accepting that it happened and trying to learn from it.
It’s not about forgetting what happened. Instead, you want to acknowledge that your actions may have had repercussions but this doesn’t need to extend to self-destructive emotions.
4. Flip the situation around
If you were told about the situation you can’t forgive yourself for, what would you tell the other person? Chances are, you’d push them to forgive themselves and point out some of the reasons why.
And there’s no reason why that shouldn’t apply to you too.
This is a great habit to get into whenever things don’t quite go to plan.
5. Get a different perspective
Talking about the situation with a trusted friend can give you a different take on things.
Because they’re not living in your head and aren’t affected by the same thoughts and emotions as you, they have enough distance to see things that you probably can’t, especially around why you should forgive yourself.
Related: 5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
6. Learn from what happened
Spending some time thinking about what you could have done differently can be very powerful for opening your eyes to the fact that you may not have been in the best position to do the ‘right’ thing then. For most people, there is a really good chance that you have gained new skills or insights since it happened and you can use those to learn from the situation so it doesn’t happen again.
7. Work on self-love
Love is often a strong factor in our ability to forgive. The opposite can be true too – if you don’t love yourself all that much, you’re probably going to have a much tougher time forgiving yourself.
7 Tips For Forgiving Yourself & Moving On – Conclusion
Once you’ve started to have success with this, it’s a lot easier to avoid beating yourself up for every mistake.
You’re probably a lot harsher on yourself than you are with other people, right? This is a sign that it’s time to work on accepting yourself more and learning to love who you are.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 3, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life. It can be a real struggle to remain present in the moments of everyday life.
We have so much going on at any given moment that it’s difficult to slow it all down and just be ok with what’s happening right in front of you.
But from what I’ve experienced, it’s worth it every time I decide to take a step back and pay attention to what I have at the moment.
It’s the only thing I can control, and learning how to be more present has helped me feel less anxious plus I have so much more patience for even the tiniest things.
What Does it Mean to “Be Present in the Moment?”
Do you find that you get impatient waiting in line at the self-checkout lane at 5 p.m. on a Tuesday night?
Or what about driving in traffic eager to get home so you can throw off your work clothes and open up a fresh bottle of wine?
You may always be rushing to get to the next best place in your life, but the magic of the present moment is sitting here with you right now.
In fact, there’s an entire movement or awakening in which individuals have discovered that a secret to enjoying life is to “stay present.”
These are people just like you who experience racing thoughts or get stuck in painful memories of the past.
Anxiousness about the future also spoils the now moments. When you feel anxious, focus on living in the present moment
Living in the present moment is “the secret” that ties all the other secrets of life together, and it is a process referred to as “mindfulness.”
Because there’s no way to deny that there’s an element of magic in staying present.
To be present, you must lasso all of your attention and pull it directly into what is happening in your life in each current moment as it comes.
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
How do you achieve mindfulness? There are many ways to enter into this psychological process, and the benefits are undeniable.
The following are five simple ways to stay present in the moments of your everyday life.
1. Focus on the Now
We have these amazing brains that store memories and have the capability of imagining the future.
Unfortunately, all these brain functions often get away from us and pull us in the wrong direction. Life is only actually lived right now, in the moment we currently have. Which you can do easily by practicing mindfulness.
Be very intentional about focusing on what you are doing at each moment.
Download my free mindfulness activities that will help you to focus more on the now and instantly feel calmer:
2. Use a Breathing Exercise
In the mindfulness movement, breathing has been identified as a key to being present in the moment.
Take in a breath and then consciously breathe out the stress you’ve been feeling. Spend several moments simply breathing in and breathing out the stress that would rob you of this moment.
The power of a breathing exercise is that you focus on your own intake and exhale of air, which can stop other thoughts from invading your consciousness.
Just start over with renewed focus if other thoughts interrupt your breathing exercise.
3. Take a Single-Task Approach
In this age of the Internet, we become easily distracted. The constant input from forces around the globe on our handheld devices sends us into a spiral of thoughts that rob us of the current moments.
Focus on completing a single task at a time. Don’t get diverted from your task by technology, or any other distracting thoughts.
4. Add a New Dimension to Common Tasks
Mundane tasks can be gateways to negative lines of thought. Turn everyday tasks upside down. Think through each everyday activity so that you maintain and sharpen your focus.
Do each set of tasks in reverse order, from the approach to brushing your teeth and putting on your clothing to the way you bath or shower and dry off. When you become overwhelmed by your to-do list, work on taking things one step at a time.
6. Control Your Thoughts
The idea of controlling your thoughts may be new. Many people’s lives are held captive by the flow of thoughts that never end.
So, it can be a surprise to find out that just as you can control your next breath, you can control your next thought. Thoughts are very powerful and have a direct effect on how you feel at any given moment.
A happy thought can lift your mood and bring a smile to your face. A sad thought can cause your emotions to plummet into feelings of depression.
Isn’t it good to know that your thoughts are in your control?
The following are some tips to help you master controlling your thoughts:
- It may help to think of thoughts as things—almost like tangible objects.
- Learn how to stop your thoughts, whether those thoughts are positive, negative, ridiculous, or dull. Doing this can be as simple as saying, “I’m stopping those thoughts and choosing to pick a different thought intentionally.” Make the thought a good one!
- Make it a practice to identify negative thoughts or when you are dreading something.
- Write out your negative thought processes or your dread. This removes them from being a movie in your head. The power of those thoughts decreases as you write them down. When you do this, you are disassociating yourself from the event that was playing in your mind.
- Identify the lie in the negative thoughts and find a positive truth that you can offset the lies with.
Related: How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
Start noticing the direction of your thoughts and divert them elsewhere if they are negative.
These five simple ways to stay present in the moment are just the first step. If you want a happier life, you can begin to incorporate powerful thoughts such as gratefulness. It’s possible to enjoy everyday life.
It all starts with what you do with your next moment.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 1, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Living a happier life is something we’re all searching for, right? The main goal of most humans on this planet is to just be happy.
And yet it’s something that feels difficult to achieve a lot of the time. If you fall into the trap of thinking “Once I have x,y,z then I’ll be happy“, then you’ve probably seen time and time again that even once you have everything perfectly in place, you still aren’t happy.
That’s because buying things, losing weight, traveling every other week, or staying busy doesn’t guarantee happiness.
All of these are more of a distraction than anything. It keeps your mind occupied for a little while, making you believe that this is the answer to your happiness.
At the beginning of your journey, you may feel excited or eager to reach these goals. However, for a lot of people even when they reach their goals they don’t always feel that much happier. Even if they do, it seems to vanish quickly after the high is gone.
We as humans are taught to chase what seems important. Things that don’t always mean a happier life.
Like success, money, being attractive, a large home, a good job, etc.
But these things are external factors that are only there to fit in with society. Society says all of these things are acceptable so it’s only natural for all of us to strive for them. But society and social status are not what makes you happy.
What are actually the simplest things in your life? Things that don’t require much of anything. Like the smile on your child’s face, walking your dog, sitting out in the backyard on a Sunday afternoon reading a good book. All of these things fill up your cup in different ways.
Giving you the keys to sustainable happiness throughout your life.
So, if you’re chasing materialistic and external things, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying to work on the things that truly make you happy internally.
And if you can’t think of anything at the moment, I’ve compiled a list of rules for living a happier life.
Here are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life
These rules for a happier life are things that create the kind of happiness that sticks with you. It doesn’t disappear as soon as the next new material item catches your interest.
1. Live in the moment.
Stop worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Appreciate what is happening right now.
2. Give without expectation.
A compliment, a smile, your full attention, or an apology. Lend an ear when someone needs to talk. Forgive someone who has wronged you. There are many areas in which you can give without expectation.
3. Redefine the word failure.
Instead of thinking of it in terms of not succeeding, think of it as a challenge, a stepping stone. Reflect on it to see where things went wrong so you can adjust and keep going forward.
4. Stop overthinking.
Make a conscious effort to quiet your mind to all the negative things that can happen. Instead, focus on the positive outcome and go for it.
5. Own your emotions and actions.
Never place the blame for them on someone or something else.
6. Replace the words “should” or “could” with the word “will”.
I should/will stop smoking. I could/will be happier.
7. Stay focused on what you want.
It’s the only way to reach your goals. When you notice you’re losing focus, reflect on your thoughts and emotions.
Find the core reason for your distraction and deal with it so you can refocus and keep moving forward.
8. Practice acceptance.
Make peace with your past. Accept who and where you are now. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Set realistic goals.
9. Allow your emotions to guide you, but not define you.
It’s perfectly okay to feel emotions as they indicate you’ve experienced something that needs your attention. But don’t allow them to shape your life, to define or control you.
10. Let go of your inner ‘control freak’ so you can experience all that life offers.
The need to be in control is based on fear and the desire to feel safe. But you cannot control everything. In fact, the only thing you have full control of is yourself. For true happiness, sometimes you must let go of the reins and see where life takes you.
11. Place more value on your experiences than on things.
When you think about it, material possessions come and go. They may make you happy in the short-term but that’s about it. What you remember most about them is the experiences you had with them – in buying, using, and enjoying them.
12. Celebrate even the smallest wins.
Big wins are great, but a happy life is filled with lots of small wins too.
13. Make each day worth living.
Wake with Mother Nature and enjoy the sunrise. Practice reflection and deep breathing techniques. Rise with intent each day. Smile, laugh, and share your joy.
14. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.
Appreciate them. Express your gratitude for them being in your life. Share the love with others.
15. Be happy with yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t rely on others to make you happy. Know that you are enough.
16. Stop talking and start listening.
The more you listen to yourself, the better you understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions. The more you listen when others are speaking, the deeper your connections will become.
17. Practice gratitude every day.
The more often you feel gratitude, the quicker it will become a habit. The more gratitude you feel, the more positive emotions you will evoke.
18. Start each day with the intent to be happy.
Wake up each morning and tell yourself “Today is going to be a great day and I’m going to make the most of it.” Starting the day with a positive thought will set your subconscious to seek out more positive things all day.
19. Don’t allow others to tell you what you should think or how you should feel.
You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Only you know what’s happening on the inside.
20. Step out of your comfort zone.
Open your mind to new possibilities.
21. Stop thinking success will make you happy.
The opposite is true. Happiness makes you successful.
22. Follow your passion.
Find what makes you feel passionate and do it. Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t.
23. Find your true purpose.
If your life feels like it’s off-track, it could be that you’re not following your true purpose. Spend some time getting to know yourself and your desires. Find that one thing that makes life worth living well.
24. Practice forgiveness.
When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. Rather than view forgiveness as something you do for the other person, do it for yourself. By forgiving, you open more room within yourself for love, kindness, beauty, and happiness.
25. Focus on the positive.
Train yourself to speak and think in positive terms. Practice viewing the glass as half full rather than half empty.
Every time you experience negative self-talk, turn that negative into a positive. When something bad happens, accept responsibility for your part in it but do not place full blame on yourself.
25 Essential Rules For A Happier Life
These are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life. Do you have more to add to this list? Let me know in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 31, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
What are some ways to have more confidence? Confidence feels like an iffy thing. Some days you may feel better than others. And on the good days, you may even wonder if you struggle with confidence at all.
But then things pile onto your plate, life becomes stressful and it doesn’t take long before you start to wonder if you’re good enough.
Are you capable enough to get through this?
And the unfortunate thing is when we experience trying times it can damage our confidence levels. The longer you stay in difficult moments, the harder it becomes to feel good about anything.
But the thing with confidence and self-esteem is it requires a conscious effort on your part to build it.
Just like a muscle in your body, having confidence takes a little work and some time to establish. And once you do feel confident enough, you also have to maintain it so when bad things happen you don’t feel the rug pulling out from under you.
That’s why it feels iffy. When we reach a point of feeling good enough we still have to put the work in to take care of ourselves and work on confidence. It’s not something you just let go of once you feel good enough.
Because eventually, your confidence will wane again. And this is good for you to just be aware of. If you think that some people are just born with confidence, that’s not the case. Some people are raised to believe in themselves and not question things.
But others grow up always feeling unsure if anything they’re doing is right. It depends on your specific situation and what you’re surrounded by in your life.
If you have a lot of negativity and toxic people in your life, your confidence and self-worth will crumble over time.
On the other hand, if you have a supportive group of people in your life who encourage you and are there for you when times get tough, your confidence will grow.
Tips To To Have More Confidence
Below I’m going to list 25 ways to have more confidence and I encourage you to pick out things on this list that fit into what you want to focus on more.
Write these things down and work on implementing little things into your daily life. Some of the things on this list are very easy to do and require little effort.
Once you learn how to add more of these into your life, you will begin to feel confident and it will become sustainable instead of feeling like it comes and goes.
Here are 25 Ways to Have More Confidence
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Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
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Ditch stains and holes. Dress nicely
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Visualize yourself as you want to be.
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Spend extra time on personal hygiene
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Challenge yourself to do something outside your comfort zone
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Take time to get to know yourself
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Practice gratitude
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Challenge your inner critic. It’s your worst enemy.
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Stand tall and look people in the eye
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Learn something new (Like This!)
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Volunteer your time
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Set and achieve a small goal
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Replace a bad habit with something good
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Set personal boundaries and hold firm to them
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Smile often
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Focus on the solutions rather than the problems
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Take up something fun that gets you physically active
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Complete something you’ve been procrastinating about
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Make a list of your positive qualities and achievements
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Bring out your inner creativity through art, music, dance, photography, or whatever you enjoy
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Spend more time with those you care about
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Distance yourself from those who do not encourage and support you
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Clean and organize the space you spend the most time in
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At the end of each work day, clear your desk
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Take better care of yourself; physically, emotionally, and socially.
25 Ways To Have More Confidence – Conclusion
There you go! There are 25 ways you can feel more confident in your everyday life. If this list feels overwhelming, just pick one thing.
Once you’ve decided on that one thing, plan out how you’re going to add that to each day throughout the week. Identify the resistance you may be feeling towards trying this, and really start to focus on just taking one small step towards feeling more confident.
If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave a message below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 7, 2019 | Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Your mind works in mysterious yet powerful ways.
I know all too well that it doesn’t seem easy (or even possible) to change your mind on things.
Whether that’s when you’re feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed with negative thoughts, or you just don’t feel too great about yourself.
The good news is it’s not too difficult to develop a growth mindset.
Develop A Growth Mindset To Strengthen Your Confidence
You’ve probably heard the term “you are a product of your thoughts”, and while there is some truth to this I also think it’s placing blame on the way you think.
People will often tell you to just get over it, stop being sad, and just be happy, or why can’t you stop worrying so much? And some of these people may just tell you to change the way you think, and you will feel better.
But, that’s now how it works. Whatever thought trap you are in right now is brought on by way more than just the thoughts in your head.
It’s based on the experiences you’ve gone through, what your brain has been exposed to, and how you have been taught to handle these experiences.
And while something like anxiety or depression is not to be taken lightly, there are things you can do to work on feeling better.
I’ve learned this through my own experience. I’ve had both anxiety and depression for years. Sometimes I felt so awful that I would sit on my couch and play video games for days, ordering takeout and ignoring anything from the outside world.
It’s about creating new habits and changing your behavior. A growth mindset means being open-minded and allowing yourself to learn. Even when you make mistakes.
Your brain is on auto-pilot like 80% of the time. Especially during the week. Think about your schedule, how you wake up at the same time, go to work, drive home, and have your evening routine. All of these things are done without much thought.
It’s partly what makes eating healthy and getting into a workout routine more difficult. You have to combat the engrained habits consciously until the habit of thinking positively, eating more veggies, and working out becomes sub-conscious.
Your thoughts, actions, responses, and future are all affected by the mind. Transforming your mind might seem like something magical, but it is very doable.
Here are some tips to develop a growth mindset so you can have a happier, more focused, and enlightened mind.
Be open to changing your mind
I think there’s a difference between wanting to change how you think and actually doing it.
In order to develop a growth mindset, it takes effort, time, and work. If you don’t want to put in the work badly enough you will just fall back into your old mindset.
So, first, think about why you want to change your mind.
This is going to be the biggest step for you, and the most important one. You need to envision how you actually want to feel. Because just deciding on a whim to change won’t last very long.
Think about “Why do I actually want to do this?” I remember when I was depressed nearly every single day. The first thing that goes through your mind when you’re depressed is the motivation to do anything. So, I had no reason to feel better.
I was convinced I would never feel better.
But, one day I broke down and cried for the 15th time within a short amount of time. I was so sad and unhappy. Nothing mattered. And I realized at that moment that I was in a deep depression.
And I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t ever care enough to feel better. But, I just had to try. I had to be open to this idea of change even if I didn’t see anything in that moment.
So even if you’re feeling down and upset, I encourage you to work on this. Think about what does or used to make you happy. What lights that spark inside you? And work towards that.
Be in love, not just with someone else but with yourself and your life.
Happiness comes and goes. If your goal is to be content and happy all of the time, it’s not a very realistic goal. Life is full of great moments, as well as challenging moments.
The key to developing a growth mindset is being aware of these challenges, and allowing them into your life. You don’t need to avoid the hard times, you just have to allow them to be there.
To set an expectation of yourself to just feel amazing all the time is setting yourself up for failure. It’s also not giving you the credit you deserve.
Identify the moments when you’re struggling and don’t try to change it. Work on caring about yourself and going easy during the tough moments.
If you want to feel happier and more positive, focus on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up and try not to set crazy expectations.
Just say “I’m doing the best I can.” And take a break. Take baby steps and continue to move forward.
Take time to do what makes you happy
A lot of times, we can get stuck in the rut of day-to-day life, working dead-end jobs that have no real meaning and value to our lives.
Just getting by won’t transform your mind or outlook on life.
Live your passion! Strive to perfect your daily life and open up your mind to possibilities outside of your comfort zone.
Showing yourself that you can do anything you put your mind to is one of the best ways to transform your mind, forever. It builds up trust within yourself and gives you more confidence to go after the things you want.
Related: How to Build Self-Worth & Start Believing in Yourself Again
Eat organic brain food- vegetables and fruits
Feeding your brain the purest and highest quality foods will give you the greatest advantage.
Chemicals in non-organic foods play a big role in the hormones associated with our feelings.
Too many hormones/pesticides in our foods can cause an imbalance in our own bodies, which will make balancing our minds difficult. Eliminate those pesticides and hormones. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you.
Transforming your mind isn’t magic. It’s all about transforming yourself, your level of happiness, and your drive in this world. You can do this!
