by The Lovely Refinement Team | Dec 4, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
We all struggle with anxiety from time to time.
Some struggle constantly with it while others do every once in a while.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to experiencing anxiety.
Each person is unique, which means what causes their anxiety is unique.
I personally hate being in public spaces by myself and feeling eyes on me at all times (even if no one is actually staring).
Other people get anxious about doing good enough at school or work.
And there could be multiple things causing your own anxiety.
What I work on making happen with this blog is getting you to see that your anxiety is not a bad thing.
It’s a part of who you are and yes, it can make you feel awful at times.
But just because you have it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to feel awful forever.
And you can also have anxiety while keeping it at bay… so it doesn’t fully take over and cripple you from doing anything.
Do you want to know a secret? Even though I constantly write about how to overcome anxiety I STILL deal with it on a daily basis.
I’ve come to terms that it’s not going away for me.
There are some days where it’s barely there, but other days it pulls the rug out from under me and I feel anxious over the smallest things.
I have a love-hate relationship with anxiety, and sometimes it is really frustrating.
However, I have spent enough time dealing with it that I’ve learned to just accept it for what it is.
Anxiety no longer has a strong hold over me like it used to.
Since I’ve learned how to do this, I want to teach you to feel the same way about it.
Anxiety can be that stubborn friend that drives you crazy most of the time, but you refuse to give up on. Because when you decide to give up on your anxiety you are also deciding to give up on yourself.
Here are 20 survival tips for living with anxiety.
1. Take the Pressure Off Yourself… Let Go of Perfection
Each time you try to strive for perfection you are just feeding your anxiety.
Imagine giving a little monster in your head food to keep it strong and powerful.
You want to starve that freaking monster, and one way you can do that is by letting go of trying to be perfect.
You’re going to mess up sometimes, that’s just part of being a human. And if you can learn to accept that and move forward then you will lessen the hold anxiety has over you.
2. Talk Openly About How You’re Feeling, Don’t Hide
If you’re anxious, I want you to scream it to the freaking world!
Ok, maybe not. Just stop feeling like you have to hide it. If you’re anxious, that’s OK.
And if you’re uncomfortable about doing something because of your anxiety then you can speak up to people about it.
Whether that’s at work or just letting a family member know how you’re feeling.
Don’t be afraid to speak up about your mental state because you deserve to have support from others close to you.
3. Make Sure to Take Frequent Breaks
Do you know how much energy it takes to get through a single day when you have high anxiety?
A LOT.
Doing simple tasks just like getting out of bed in the morning and taking a shower can feel like you’ve run a half marathon.
Going to work, socializing with other people, and being a responsible adult is like climbing Mt. Everest.
Take frequent breaks to avoid completely burning yourself out. At work that might mean a quick bathroom break every hour.
And each night when you’re in the comfort of your home make sure to take some time to unwind and decompress.
Allow your anxiety to rest for a little bit.
4. Eat Anxiety Reducing Foods
If your diet consists of mainly eating junk food or foods high in sugar, this could be contributing to your anxiety.
What you eat has an effect on your hormones and mindset.
It’s ok to eat your favorite ice cream every once in a while, but eating anxiety-reducing foods most of the time will help keep your mindset strong.
You can learn more about the best anxiety-reducing foods here.
5. Challenge Your Brain Daily
You know how dogs need enough walks and playtime every day to keep their brains stimulated?
The same goes for your own brain.
Challenging your brain allows you to make it stronger. And it not only helps with anxiety, it helps keep your memory sharp.
Some ways you can challenge your brain are:
- Playing games like Sudoku
- Cooking up a meal
- Doing math in your head, not using a calculator
- A challenging hobby like learning a new language, or instrument, or doing a puzzle
6. Find the Right Job for Your Wellbeing
I spent two years at a job that was the worst fit for my overall mentality.
I became anxious daily and that turned into depression.
If you feel this way about your job, you can make it your priority to spend time finding a job that does work for you.
We spend most of our time stuck at work throughout the week. Then we come home exhausted and don’t have the energy to focus on the things we love.
Find a job that encourages your mental well-being to be strong. And trust me, it is out there. There isn’t any reason you have to stay at a job you hate forever.
7. Work on Accepting the Fact Not Everyone Will Understand What You’re Going Through
It’s so easy to assume that no one cares and that you’re all alone. When you suffer from anxiety, your brain can convince you of anything.
What’s really happening though is your mind is making up false stories in your head.
It’s hard to find the right people to talk to about your anxiety because not everyone will understand. So it can definitely feel as though nobody cares.
What can help you is learning to accept that not everyone will understand what you’re going through. You are unique and have your own unique struggles that cause your anxiety.
A lot of other people struggle with anxiety, but different things make them anxious.
That doesn’t make what you’re going through any less important. It just means YOU have to be the one who supports yourself.
Have your own back and forgive others for not fully being able to understand. You matter and you just have to believe that.
8. Work With Your Anxiety, Not Against it
Stop fighting your anxiety and wishing it never existed.
It’s here in your life for a reason. To make you stronger and to keep you aware.
Try to start working with it and listen to what it’s telling you. If you get really anxious about talking to other people, how can you make that work in your favor?
9. Spend Time with Non-Judgemental Animals (or People)
Sometimes all you need is to be around living things that place no judgment on you.
You can do this by going to your local animal shelter and hanging out with the animals there.
Or some people find a lot of peace at a horse stable.
If you know certain people in your life who never judge you, hang out with them!
You are already judging yourself more than anyone else, there’s no reason to be around people who love to bring you down.
10. Remember That You Are Not Alone And Work Daily at Convincing Yourself of This
What can really get to people is believing they are all alone in how they feel.
I’ve been where you have been, and I know a lot of other people who have too.
Anytime you do think you’re all alone, just work on changing those thoughts. Think “I’m not the only one going through this, and I know I can get help from people who are experienced in this.”
You’re NOT alone. Keep working on telling yourself this.
11. Take it Day by Day, and Hour by Hour
There are days when you need to take each moment as it comes.
When you wake up in the morning it might feel really overwhelming to think about all you have to get done that day.
Instead, work on focusing on the moment right in front of you. That means getting out of bed. Then taking a shower, then eating some breakfast.
Focus on the present moment and let the rest of the day happen when it happens.
12. If a Certain Technique Doesn’t Work For you, Don’t Let it Cause You More Anxiety
When I was really anxious I tried to do CBT, which is challenging your thoughts.
It helped a little, but I was so devastated when my anxiety came back and I couldn’t fight it.
I had to start taking medication before I could work on CBT. If you are trying a technique to help your anxiety and it’s not working, don’t give up hope.
Not every technique will work for everyone, but that doesn’t mean nothing will work for you.
Believing this will only cause you more anxiety.
13. Practice Gratitude Often, Even When You Feel the Opposite
Every day work on finding at least 3 things you are grateful for.
No matter how you’re feeling. This might not always help in the moment, but if you do it enough times your brain will start to see the good in things.
During the times you’re feeling really anxious, close your eyes and picture the things you love and are so grateful for having in your life.
14. Engage in Exercises That Help Anxiety
Strength training can really help reduce your anxiety because it allows you to focus on putting that anxious energy into something else.
The same thing goes for yoga, kickboxing, and running.
All forms of exercise can help different people. Try to do some sort of exercise most days of the week.
Even if that’s just a 30-minute walk. Take care of your body so your brain can benefit from it.
15. Use Your Anxiety to Your Advantage
Despite all the bad associated with anxiety, there is some good.
You can start using it to your advantage by using that energy and taking action.
What makes anxiety worse is letting the fear stop you in your tracks.
When you’re feeling anxious about something, take action towards whatever it is that’s making you anxious.
If you’re feeling anxious about going to the grocery store, drive to the parking lot and visually see what it’s like to be there.
Embrace your anxiety instead of wishing it was gone.
16. Have a Backup Plan
This is always helpful for someone with anxiety. If you are scared about going to the grocery store, set your limits.
Make your grocery list and think about where your items are in the store.
Then, set a goal for yourself. If you can get just 5 items on your list, it’s a win.
And rate how anxious you feel on a scale from 1 to 10 when you’re in the store.
If you hit above a 7, then it’s time to leave.
Remember, work with your anxiety, not against it. Don’t force yourself to jump into the deep end if you know you’re not ready.
17. Don’t Let the Mental Health Stigma Prevent You From Getting Help
It’s getting better, but there is still a stigma around mental health struggles.
Some people just can’t wrap their heads around depression or anxiety.
They’re the ones that tell you to “just get over it”.
If you come across people who believe in the stigma, please ignore them.
Believe in yourself and believe that you deserve to get help. What you’re feeling is valid, it’s not just made up in your head.
Never give up the fight to get help. When you have a lot of anxiety, it becomes very uncomfortable.
Nobody deserves to stay in that state of mind for the rest of their lives. There are people out there who can help, you just have to believe that.
18. Keep in Mind That When You Struggle With Anxiety, There Are Positives
Your anxiety allows you to be more aware as a person.
That means when you’re having conversations with people, you can sense how they are feeling.
You listen better, care more, and understand when people are struggling.
Your anxiety gives you a type of power that other people don’t have.
You are more in tune with yourself and how you feel, which makes you an emotionally intelligent person.
There is a lot of good that comes out of being an anxious person, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
19. Don’t Rely on Unhealthy Coping Strategies to Pull You Through… You’ve GOT This
When you feel anxious, don’t try to completely push it away.
Using alcohol, food, or drugs to help you get through it will only make it worse. Unhealthy coping weakens your mental strength.
The next time you’re feeling anxious, challenge yourself to lean into feeling uncomfortable.
Do something that will help your anxiety, not temporarily cover it up.
20. Never Give Up Hope
Don’t ever give up hope. There is a spark inside of you that is just waiting for you to listen to it.
It’s 100% possible to reduce the anxiety in your life and feel great again.
There’s a reason why you struggle with anxiety, and you just have to work on finding what that reason is.
If you’re feeling hopeless, here are some resources for you to go to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through:
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Nov 5, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior, Self-sabotage is something we all can get pretty good at if we’re not careful.
It’s something that starts when you’re younger and how your parents treated you. Before you even have a shot at creating a positive life for yourself.
This isn’t just because I’ve been watching all the episodes of This is Us (but that show is a very good example of how your childhood affects adulthood).
How do you handle rejection? Or if someone judges you? Do you let things slide or let them stick to you for the next ten years?
How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior
Our parents have a big influence on how we grow up, how we see ourselves, and how much value we place on who we are.
If your parents didn’t treat you right, there’s a chance it’s affecting your life right now. Don’t get me wrong, your parents aren’t the only reason why this happens.
The way they teach you about life and how they encourage you can have a big impact on your confidence. But, also other people in your life too. Like your siblings, best friend, or early-on intimate relationships.
Other people make us feel less than or more than good enough. When life crashes its crazy waves down onto you, how you handle it is what’s most important.
I like to relate how you’re feeling right now to your childhood because if you get rejected as an adult then you might think back to a time when you felt the exact same way.
Like you were in trouble with the principal or something. It just makes you feel like way less of a person. And when we don’t know how to handle these negative side effects to life then that’s when the self-sabotage starts.
What is Self-Sabotage?
If you aren’t sure if you self-sabotage (even though I’m pretty sure you are), then here are some ways you could be doing it without knowing it:
Because of all the different forms of self-sabotage, your anxiety levels will increase. It’s honestly a bad cycle to get into, and it’s very difficult to pull yourself out of it.
A Glimpse Into My Personal Life
For the longest time, I always believed that nothing good was supposed to happen to me. I was good with living that way, too.
I didn’t expect much and didn’t like to get my hopes up. When it came to getting close to people in relationships I always kept my wall up.
That way if something happened and they lost interest, I wouldn’t be so hurt. The downside was they never got close enough to see who I truly was.
Being vulnerable to the world is scary and it’s much easier to just stay in your little bubble and avoid it all.
With being happy comes the risk of losing it all. And then being left alone, once again with a broken heart. If you feel this way, I get it.
You’ve been hurt in the past, so self-sabotage does seem like the easiest option. You do it to yourself first before anyone else can.
- Coming from someone who’s made it through to the other side, I will tell you it’s way better on the other side.
When you decide to finally open up and live your life authentically then it actually gets easier. At first, it’s uncomfortable and weird. But, it’s very much worth it to open up your heart to the good life has to offer.
I have learned a lot from my past experiences. After a string of problems in my youth, I believed I didn’t deserve much happiness. It felt so much better to be one step ahead of everyone else. When I had my walls up, I felt more in control.
But then I started to meet people who didn’t put up with that crap. They either wanted all of me or none of it. And honestly, I was getting sick of living the life I was living because it wasn’t real.
I went through trials and errors when it came to jobs and relationships and my family. But I am now on the other side. Where I am risking a lot, but I believe it’s worth it.
- Stop sabotaging your life and start exploring what it has to give you.
Even if it’s scary and uncomfortable.
How to Overcome Self-Sabotage, Reduce Anxiety, and Live a Better Life
That quote “It’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all” is a great quote.
It’s so true. Because when you actually decide to live your life and stop sabotaging any chance you have at happiness then you really learn how to start living.
1. Stop Neglecting Yourself
At some point, you are going to have to come to terms with who you are. Even if you don’t currently like yourself.
If you try to move quickly in the world and avoid your thoughts and feelings, slow down. If you love to get into relationships with toxic people who don’t treat you right, stop.
And if you love to work yourself into the ground before taking a second to look up at all that you’ve accomplished then it’s time to look deeper inside.
Obviously, there are deep roots to all of these things. It won’t be as easy as me telling you to just “stop”. But, you can choose to make the decision if you really want to.
It just depends on how committed you are to living a better life. And it starts with you.
Stop neglecting yourself. Focus on what you need the most and listen to it. Start believing that you deserve more. And if there is a belief inside of you that thinks you deserve more, hold onto it. Don’t let it go for anyone.
The first step to ending self-sabotage begins with you. Once you learn to let go of all of those self-deprecating thoughts then you will start to see what you will and will not tolerate anymore.
You will begin to let go of the people and toxic things that just don’t serve you anymore. And you’ll start to bring in more positive things.
2. Don’t Avoid Things
Your emotions, other people, the long to-do list on your fridge… these are all things you probably tend to avoid from time to time.
Avoidance doesn’t solve anything, though. It usually just ends up making the situation much much worse.
Maybe you learned to avoid things at an early age. Avoiding things in your life is actually a symptom of something else.
People use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or overeating to avoid what’s really going on. This will only help temporarily.
Avoiding things just makes life way more complicated than it has to be. If that’s what you enjoy about it, then work on paying more attention to what your emotions are telling you.
You can put a stop to this by actually facing what is going on. At the end of the day, whatever you are avoiding will float right back up to the surface.
Confronting things might not have been something you were taught, but it’s never too late to learn! Face your problems head-on, figure out a way to fix them, then move forward.
3. Open up to the People Around You
No matter what you might believe, there are people out there who care about you. It may actually surprise you. The people who you only say two words to you at work might like you a lot more than you think.
You will never know what someone else is thinking unless you decide to start talking to them. Assuming is such a dangerous thing to your mind.
Thinking no one cares about you, or that other people are way happier without you, or that everyone is too busy to make time for you isn’t healthy.
Any thoughts that flood into your brain when you think about reaching out is your inner critic trying to make you feel worse about the situation.
- It’s not fair to you or the other people around you to just assume they don’t care.
Some people don’t, and they are the assholes who you don’t need in your life. Most people do, though. The world is full of a lot more kinder and heartfelt people than bad ones.
It’s just unfortunate that the bad guys make headlines in the news. It’s more interesting than writing “Nice gentlemen held the door open for the woman in a wheelchair.”
Good does exist in the world. It always will. The world might feel very dark at times, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a light shining somewhere.
You just have to be willing to see it. Reach out to people. Talk to someone about what’s going on.
Be open and honest and stick to your guns. Take care of your mind by letting out the things that are affecting you.
If you know people close to you who check in and want to make sure you’re ok, speak up to them. And if you don’t have close people, then reach out to a counselor or therapist.
4. Stop Blaming Others
I’ll be honest, I held onto blaming others for a long time. It was so much easier to do that and resent them instead of focusing on myself.
It’s very difficult to turn that finger back on ourselves and face our own issues. Admitting to your faults takes strength that you may or may not have right now.
- You can work on building up that strength by stopping that knee-jerk reaction to blame someone when you’re uncomfortable.
Sure, it could be someone else’s fault. That doesn’t make it any better, though. Instead, work on clearing your mind. Don’t focus on the issue and distract yourself with something else.
Take responsibility for your life and let go of all of the blame. People who don’t self-sabotage don’t blame others, even when they have every right to do so.
They are strong enough to take a step back, learn how to fix the problem and then move on. They don’t dwell on the bad stuff, they just move forward so they can get back to feeling good again.
5. Let go of Trying to be Someone You’re Not
Are you trying to live up to the expectations of someone else? Does your job accurately reflect what you want to be doing with your life, or is it just something you do to get by?
Are you spending every day trying to live as authentically as possible or are you more focused on being successful in other people’s eyes?
These are just a few questions you should be asking yourself. As we grow up into adults, we get advice from many different angles.
Other people tell us what we should do, and yet they never want to stick around to help us through the tough moments. The more you try to live up to other people’s expectations the more resentful you will become.
That’s how you start blaming other people for your life problems. Honestly one of the best ways you can stop self-sabotage and live a happy life is by ignoring what everyone else thinks.
No matter who they are. The ones who love you and respect you will be by your side every step of the way. The ones who don’t support you, won’t.
- If you spend all your time trying to please the unsupportive ones then you’ll be living an unfulfilling life.
Maybe you already have supportive people in your life. But, if you don’t then don’t worry about leaving them behind when you start to live your life on your terms.
Because your well-being matters way more than anyone’s opinion of you. And when you start to fully believe in that then you will feel the self-sabotage start to fall off your shoulders. You will begin to see your worth and you’ll start to see a spot in this world for you.
How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior – Conclusion
As I’m writing this ‘how to overcome self-sabotage behavior’ article, and as I write any article on my blog, I realize that it’s so much easier to just write these things out than to actually do them.
Whenever you are trying to improve yourself and are searching online for the answers, remember that improving yourself takes time.
All the advice in the world can’t change that fact. You won’t turn into a completely different person overnight. What you can do is take this advice and work on moving in the right direction with it.
Every article you read or thing you do to better yourself is a huge step in giving yourself a great life.
If you want to learn more about this and discover how to break through your own mental roadblocks to take radical action over your own happiness, enroll in my signature mental wellness course.
And as you work on stopping the self-sabotage and loving yourself more, each time you decide to work on yourself is you deciding to put yourself first above anything else.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 31, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
We will always believe what we tell ourselves is true.
Even if it’s a total blatant lie. If your brain is convinced, then you have no choice but to believe what it’s telling you.
The unfortunate part about this is if your brain is full of constant negative self-talk, you will begin to feel negative a lot of the time.
And as the negativity begins to grow this will breed anxiety and possibly depression.
You might be thinking “I’m just a negative person.” Or “I like to be realistic about life.” Or “I’ve been told I’m a pessimist.”
And maybe because of those things, you really did start turning into a pretty negative person.
Let’s say you see things a specific way (because you’re human and have your own opinions on things) and when you start to voice these things, other people take offense to it.
Like maybe when you were 16 you really hated the Beatles and everyone around you thought you were crazy.
So, you start to feel like an outcast. And as you grow older, you realize your views on life differ from other people.
This is completely normal, but if you feel all alone in your views, you might start to think something is wrong with how you think.
If you don’t really go along with the social norms then sometimes it’s difficult to find people who get what you’re talking about.
And some people might start to label you as “the negative one”.
Because they don’t know what else to call you.
Then you just assume you’re negative and can never be a happy person. We can all allow ourselves to go down a crazy rabbit hole of really bad thoughts if we’re not careful.
When we do this, we train our brains to have automatic negative thoughts.
Negative thinking is a way to protect yourself from the world.
Being a more realistic person and seeing things as stupid or irritating doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
We were just all taught that complaining is bad and makes you a person that no one wants to be around. Which is true, if you choose to complain all the time and never do anything about it and expect other people to sympathize with you.
But, if you are just speaking your mind sometimes and venting to someone about a situation that really ticked you off, it’s totally ok to do that when you need to.
If I try to avoid my thoughts that feel too negative, they only end up coming back twice as bad.
The answer is not to avoid your negative thoughts.
Here’s How to Beat Anxiety by Changing Your Self-Talk
Go Easy on Yourself
With whatever changes you decide to make in your life, you first have to commit to going easy on yourself.
Change is hard, and a lifestyle change requires constant discipline and consistency.
Whether that’s getting into a workout routine, or changing your inner self-talk, this will take time and patience on your part.
Beating yourself up for not doing more than you should will only hinder your progress and make you feel more anxious.
Focus on going easy on yourself, especially when you are changing the negative self-talk going on inside your head.
If you find yourself having a bad day and letting your thoughts take over, forgive yourself.
Just say “this is a roadblock and I was told this might happen. I’m not going to beat myself even more for giving into the bad talk, I will forgive myself and move forward tomorrow.”
Listen to Your Self-Talk, and Write Down What It’s Telling You
I get that you might not be able to write down every single thing your thoughts are telling you throughout the day, but maybe the times you are home.
Begin paying attention to what that inner critic is telling you. This is how you become more aware of your thinking.
You might think you’re pretty in tune with your thoughts and that since they consume your life, you don’t have to be more aware of them.
But, honestly, if they are consuming your life, that is a big sign that you aren’t aware of your thinking at all.
That’s because you’re allowing those negative thoughts to fester and take control of your brain.
If you’re more aware of your thoughts, you can begin to break apart each thought and work forward from there.
Realize That Your Thoughts are Just Thoughts
You’ve most likely heard this before.
Let’s be clear: I’m not saying that your thoughts don’t have a huge impact on how you live your day-to-day life.
Your thoughts and your brain are insanely powerful, and they really do create your reality.
They will prevent you from trying or doing things that can impact your life or future in some way.
Thoughts are definitely crazy powerful, but at the end of the day, they are just thoughts.
And you ultimately make the decision to listen to them or not. You most likely have thoughts you ignore.
It’s the ones you listen to and act on that mold your life.
Whatever thoughts you have engrained into your head to tell you daily like “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t matter.” “This is pointless.” “No matter what I do, my life will never get better.” Etc.
These are what you’re telling yourself. You believe these things, and you replay them in your head daily like Drake’s In My Feelings song.
After a while, your subconscious catches on and hears this often so it must be important enough to stick it in the back of your mind.
So even on the days when you’re feeling ok, you still hear a little bit of your inner critic talking you down.
That’s because you’ve created these automatic negative thoughts that your brain immediately goes to whenever you’re trying to make a difference in your life.
Get Out of Survival Mode
When our lives are up in the air, we resort to survival mode because our anxiety completely takes over.
This means you end up doing the bare minimum just to get through the day, like making sure you take a shower or eat enough food.
And if you do this long enough you become used to living that way. But, that’s honestly a really crappy way to live your life.
Especially with the type of world we live in now. There are so many new exciting things waiting for you out there.
But if you’re in survival mode, you won’t care about any of those things.
You truly just care about getting through the day. Or getting through the next hour without having a panic attack.
You just want to feel ok.
Honestly, you won’t be able to work on yourself until you can find a way out of survival mode and are open to making changes.
(This might mean using medication to help raise your serotonin levels. Remember when I said earlier that your brain is a powerful thing? Well, when you are constantly feeding it negative thoughts and putting it in toxic environments, you will break down the happy parts of your brain.
That even means reducing levels of serotonin, which is what helps even everything out. A chemical imbalance is very common in a lot of people. And what sucks is if you have it, you will not care about improving yourself at all. You will just care about making it through today without having a total breakdown.)
There are many other ways to break out of survival mode, like talking to someone and getting help on how to fix it.
But, you may need a helping hand at the beginning to get you going in the right direction so that you have the energy to keep it up.
If your brain is low on serotonin and in survival mode, it will be like climbing Mt. Everest to try and get yourself to retrain your thoughts without fixing those things first.
Break the Bad Habits
Ok, so once you are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and beginning to enjoy life again, you need to focus on breaking out of the bad thoughts.
This will take time. But, if you’re in a spot where you feel ok mentally, it won’t be too hard.
Start by slowly replacing your bad habits with good ones.
If you tend to reach for chocolate when you’re stressed out, try going for a walk instead.
Stop hiding away from your thoughts and instead show up for them. Be real with yourself and process what is going on.
When you repress things and just resort to bad habits, you just end up feeling worse. And the bad habits are feeding into that negative self-talk.
Start with baby steps. Think about one habit you want to change and work on that each day for a month. Then you can move onto the next habit you want to change.
Moving Forward
Part of the reason why I wrote this post is for the people who feel like they have to be positive all the time to be happy. Especially when they have high levels of anxiety.
This is not true. Life is too chaotic and unpredictable to just be thinking “happy thoughts” all the time.
And if you pretend to be happy as you repress how you’re truly feeling you will eventually just blow up on somebody.
There’s a balance between being too negative and too positive. I tend to lean more towards the negative side so I have to work on balancing it out.
Just start with forgiving yourself and taking all the pressure off. That’s how you can move forward with letting go of all your anxious thoughts and living a life you enjoy.
Did you enjoy this article or have any questions? Leave them in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 27, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
When it comes to mental health, it’s important to take it seriously.
I always find the stigma around mental health a challenge, for myself and others. It’s not the easiest thing to explain to someone who just doesn’t get it.
Too many times I’ve gotten the advice of “It’s all in your head” or “Just go out and get some exercise and you’ll feel better.”
But, as you may know already, when you have anxiety it just doesn’t work that way.
You can’t just tell yourself to get over it and move on. Burying those thoughts and those feelings only allows them to refloat to the surface later on.
Until eventually you have to face what’s going on before you break.
I went about 2 years feeling pretty miserable. And I would follow all the rules like exercising daily and making sure I checked off the rest of the boxes that should have helped with my mental health.
I tried so hard to fight the feelings and troubling thoughts I kept having.
During this time, I didn’t really believe it could get much better. I thought my life was destined to be this way forever.
And thinking about such a grim future just made my depression worse. It was a bad cycle to be in.
I finally broke down and started to talk to people about what was going on. I cried to my sister, who told me she knew exactly what I was going through.
She has struggled with both before as well so I believed her when she told me it would get better.
At first, she suggested trying to change my thought process. Things like cognitive behavior therapy, where you work on challenging your thoughts.
That worked for a little bit, but I think part of it was because I just felt better talking to her about it. Once that feeling wore off, I fell back into the depression.
It reached a point where none of it was working anymore. That’s when I finally decided to go on anti-depressants. I’ve been on them in the past but didn’t fully see the importance of them until now.
Once I went back on antidepressants things started to shift.
How to Start Taking Your Life Back When You Have Anxiety
Consider Trying Anti-Depressants
I think that if you are finding that nothing seems to be working and you feel anxious all of the time, medication can help.
There’s a lot of speculation around anti-depressants, which can make it hard to know if it’s right for you.
For a long time, I was a skeptic myself. But, once I reached a point where nothing else worked anymore I was open to giving it a shot.
I’m very happy I did because I am able to manage my thoughts and focus on what is most important in my life.
My mood has stabilized, and I don’t fall into the deep trap of depression. My anxiety has lowered as well.
I’m suggesting this only because I know it has a chance of helping. It helped when nothing else worked and I’m grateful for that.
But, if you don’t feel comfortable going on medication (or it hasn’t worked for you), you can learn natural ways to overcome anxiety here.
Try Therapy or CBT
I always suggest anti-depressants first, if you know you can’t possibly manage all of the anxious thoughts in your head.
Medication assists you in getting back to a normal frame of mind. Some people need this before they can move on to the next step.
With mental health, there isn’t one answer. I think you need to do a few things every day to work on it.
Therapy has helped me in so many ways. I use BetterHelp, which is an online counseling platform that connects you to a therapist today.
I have access to a therapist frequently, during the moments when I really need to talk to someone.
What I also like to recommend to people is trying CBT. CBT is cognitive behavior therapy which helps you challenge your thinking.
I’ve personally done this on my own time by reading books and working on workbooks.
This helps because you can focus on changing the automatic negative thoughts coming into your head.
Here are some books you can try to help get you started:
Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks: A Workbook for Managing Depression and Anxiety
Write Down What Your Ideal Life Looks Like
Once you are at a point where you feel like you have enough control over your thoughts, you can begin to work on everything else.
Remember, when it comes to your mental health, it starts first with just getting to a state of mind where you feel okay again.
That was my ultimate goal for the longest time. I just wanted to feel like my chest wasn’t going to explode all the time.
If you find that you aren’t ready for this step, please continue to work on steps 1 & 2. Unfortunately, with anxiety and depression, it’s not always possible to do normal daily functions.
And it starts by taking one step at a time. So, once you do feel that you are in a good state of mind, grab a notebook and pen and start coming up with things that you want your life to consist of.
What is it that you want your days to be full of, that your anxiety was preventing you from doing?
Is that working out? Getting a new job? Meeting new friends?
This list you’re creating has no limits. Think about all of the things that truly make you happy.
Again, if you are struggling with depression this part won’t be easy. This is only for when you are truly starting to feel hope again.
Just writing these things down can help set off a spark inside you.
As you begin to see these things, you can work on figuring out how to add them into your life.
It’s just crazy how our minds can prevent us from doing or even wanting the things we want. We can convince ourselves that these things aren’t important.
And your anxiety can tell you these things are too scary to ever try.
But, you deserve every single thing on that list. As your mind starts to come to a place of feeling better and like you can focus on living your life, you will begin to believe this, too.
Slowly Start Adding New Things Into Your Daily Routine
From personal experience and from research, I’ve found that trying to jump all in on trying a bunch of new things when you are overcoming anxiety can backfire.
Either from not being ready enough to try all of these new things, and your anxiety coming back. Or by feeling so overwhelmed by everything that it prevents you from doing anything.
As you are taking back control over your life, it’s best to take it slowly. You’re making lifestyle changes that can help you for the rest of your life.
Quick fixes won’t work when it comes to improving your mental health.
If you want to start working out, take some time to find some exercises that appeal to you. Then, try to do it 3 times a week. For the first week, try for 10 minutes, then increase to 20 then so on.
This way, you are working to build up a new habit. Jumping into a full hour of intense workout may make you hate it and not want to try it ever again.
As you are adding things to your daily routine, focus on enjoying the process. If you aren’t enjoying it anymore, then it’s okay to let it go.
Sometimes we feel the pressure to work out because we think we have to. But if you hate it then try to find something you do enjoy doing.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 21, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
If You’ve Ever Experienced a Panic Attack You Know Just How Serious They Can Feel…
Thankfully, there are some great ways to not only stop a panic attack in its tracks but, with a little work subside the tremours from rearing their ugly head in the first place.
Panic attacks can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people feel it coming on, other times it just happens all at once.
But we all can agree – they are not fun. At all.
Panic attacks are our body’s fight-or-flight response. A very useful feature when we lived among the animal kingdom – not so useful in the modern world.
So how do you stop a panic attack? Well, it’s a skill, and luckily for us, it’s a skill we can all develop.
Once you’re aware of what’s happening, you can ‘deploy’ one or more of the following strategies on this page and you’ll be able to direct yourself away from a future attack and back down to earth.
How I Stopped My First Panic Attack
When I had my first panic attack, I definitely thought something was really wrong. Was I having a heart attack? This made me panic more.
I couldn’t focus and felt extremely disoriented. The feeling was so terrifying, I honestly didn’t know what to do. I called up my sister who had experienced them before and she was able to quickly calm me down.
Something that stuck with me was how calm she was about it and how she just kept telling me “Nothing is wrong, you’re completely healthy.”
Since it feels like you’re having a heart attack it helps to hear that nothing is actually wrong with your heart.
I still do get panic attacks, but I’ve been able to manage them and get through them without panicking too much. They are still uncomfortable, and I don’t think that will ever go away. The most important part, though, is knowing how to manage them.
17 Proven Ways to Quickly Stop a Panic Attack
Here are 17 things you can do to quickly stop a panic attack. Read through this list and remember some of them in case of a future episode.
1. Deep Breathing
Part of what makes us feel like we’re dying when we have a panic attack is we forget to breathe! Our breath shortens and we don’t inhale enough oxygen.
When you feel an attack coming on, remember to breathe. Practice this simple breathing technique from Anxiety Coach, so you can use it whenever you need it.
It also helps to keep a sticky note or reminder in your phone as a quick go-to.
2. Go for a Walk & Play Some Music
Listen to your body and take a break for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block and get some fresh air.
Listening to some good music also helps, too. Create a playlist full of your favorite songs that you can go to when you feel a panic attack coming on.
There are a lot of songs out there that can help you get through a panic attack.
3. Plan Ahead
Planning ahead puts you in control of your attacks. You might not know exactly when they will happen, but you can learn to understand the symptoms.
Then, you can work on a game plan for when it does happen. If it’s at work, practice finding an escape route.
If it’s a situation you can’t get out of, think about breathing deeply and being mindful. Plan for the situation so that the attack doesn’t feel like the end of the world. This will help you stay calm.
4. Practice Mindfulness
You can check out the top mindfulness exercises I recommend here. Do these at home when you are relaxing, that way you can remember what works for you and use it during times of panic.
5. Think of Your Happy Place (something funny)
Panic attacks feel so serious. It’s honestly hard not to freak out when you feel one coming on.
But, just like any other fears we have, there are ways to overcome that initial state of panic. One of the best ways is by distracting yourself, and even laughing.
- Think of your favorite movie, TV show, or even YouTube video. One that really makes you laugh so hard every time you see it.
Laughing helps because it diffuses the situation. Your brain calms down, and by laughing you learn that a panic attack doesn’t have to be so serious.
When I feel this way, I think of my boyfriend’s laugh when he thinks something is really funny. It always cracks me up because he sounds like a little kid.
6. Write Down Your Thoughts & Triggers
Journaling is always a great practice for reducing anxiety and panic attacks. During the times when you feel fine, write down your thoughts on your panic attacks.
This can give you a different perspective when you are experiencing an attack. And then, when you do have a panic attack, also write down how you’re feeling.
Getting your thoughts out can quickly help calm you down and alleviate some of the symptoms of a panic attack.
7. Repeat a mantra like, “This too Shall Pass”
A simple mantra can go a long way. Just because it’s something very easy to focus on. And your brain will start to believe it.
My mantra is “I think I can, I think I can”, and another popular one is “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.
Repeat these in your mind as you experience a panic attack. Keep your mind strong even when the rest of your body feels like it’s breaking down. You can even close your eyes to really help you focus on pushing through the uncomfortable moments.
8. Get Some Space and Talk to Yourself
Get out of the stuffy room that you’re in and get away from all the other people. Find a quiet spot, or even go out to your car if you have one. Then, talk to yourself.
Talk through how you feel and what is going on in your head. Try to understand why you’re having a panic attack in the first place, and figure out a rational spot in your head.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
9. Stop Repressing What is Bothering You
A big issue I’ve noticed is when we don’t feel so great and we feel anxious and nervous, we want to tell someone.
But, when we try to speak up other people are quick to judge and tell us that nothing is wrong with us. Trying to explain a panic attack to someone isn’t easy, and it can become misunderstood pretty quickly.
But, repressing how you’re feeling will only make your panic attacks worse. You’ll feel the pressure to keep things inside, and you’ll think that you shouldn’t even be having panic attacks in the first place.
This can cause a bad cycle to start. Instead, don’t repress how you’re feeling. Reach out to someone who won’t judge you and who understands.
If you want to talk to a therapist, I recommend BetterHelp. Or, you can also reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, which is completely free.
10. Slow Down
I just want to tell you that you are doing enough. No matter how you’re feeling inside or what anyone else tells you.
When you experience a panic attack, focus on slowing down everything around you. You can even pretend like you’re moving in slow motion.
I know it sounds weird, but with the speed we work at nowadays, you’re going to have to slow things way down.
Let go of the deadlines, and the pressure from school or your boss, and just stop what you’re doing. Your panic attacks happen because of many different reasons in your life, usually brought on by stress and feeling like you’re not doing enough.
Take 5 minutes out of your day and just take it easy. On the days when you feel really stressed, go slow. Focus on one thing at a time.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
11. Drink Some Chamomile Tea
Some herbal remedies can help to quickly calm you down.
I personally love to drink some warm tea when I’m feeling anxious and uncomfortable. It feels similar to being wrapped up in a warm blanket.
You can drink some chamomile tea, which has calming effects. Or you can check out some essential oils and keep them near you during the day when you’re prone to anxiety attacks.
12. Stay in the Present & Ground Yourself
Practicing grounding techniques helps reduce anxiety and calm you down from a panic attack.
When you feel an attack coming on, try this 54321 game:
- Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.
- Name 4 things you can feel (“chair on my back” or “feet on the floor”)
- Name 3 things you can hear right now (“fingers tapping on keyboard” or “tv”)
- Name 2 things you can smell right now (or, 2 things you like the smell of)
- Name 1 good thing about yourself
13. Call a Close Friend
Calling someone you trust can quickly help de-escalate the situation.
Reaching out for help is one of the best things you can do, as long as the person is actually helpful on the other end.
Sometimes, we feel like we can’t talk to anyone about what we’re going through because they might not understand it. During a panic attack, you need as much help as you can get. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who can help talk you through it.
Explain how you’re feeling and let them tell you that everything is okay, and get out of your head for a second.
14. Take Care of Yourself
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Also, don’t think you have to push these feelings away.
Embrace how you’re feeling and listen to it. If you’re feeling anxious, take a break.
Spend some time alone and do the things you enjoy. Taking care of yourself helps prevent panic attacks from happening because you’re more in tune with how you feel.
15. Don’t Fight the Anxiety, Go Easy on Yourself
When you’re feeling really anxious you don’t want to avoid how you’re feeling. This can just make you more anxious and cause you to feel on edge around other people.
There’s a reason you’re feeling anxious, whether that’s something in your environment or a chemical imbalance in your brain.
It’s OK to feel anxious! And to go easy on those days when you have high anxiety.
Once you learn to stop fighting how you’re feeling you will start to understand your anxiety more. You’ll learn what your triggers are. Understanding where your anxiety stems from will stop a panic attack in its tracks. Fighting your anxiety will only cause more panic attacks to occur.
Listen to what your anxiety is trying to tell you. If you don’t think anything is wrong in your life and you’re still feeling anxious, talk to your doctor about it.
Sometimes our bodies don’t produce enough serotonin to keep us naturally calm, and this could be what’s triggering your panic attacks (if you can’t seem to pinpoint what is actually wrong).
16. Let go of the Tension
I grind my teeth and tighten up my whole body when I feel a panic attack coming on, or when I’m just super anxious.
You most likely put a lot of tension on your body when you’re reacting to the nervous feelings.
Try to be more conscious of how your body feels. The more tense you are, the harder it is to get yourself to relax. Focus on relaxing your whole body when you’re feeling anxious. Take some deep breaths and release all of the built-up tension.
You’ll quickly start to feel calmer and more in control.
17. Think About After
As a panic attack hits, try to think about what happens when it finally goes away. If you’ve experienced panic attacks before then you know they do eventually pass.
Close your eyes and think about that moment. Imagine the panic attack passing through your body until it is completely gone.
Thinking about after helps you believe that you will survive this panic attack since you’ve done it before. This can help keep you calm and you can allow the attack to come and go.
Conclusion
If you can work on these ways to stop a panic attack, eventually your panic attacks will feel less extreme to you.
They won’t have such a big impact on your mentality when you know they will eventually go away.
Furthermore, I share more tips on how to manage anxiety in my mental wellness course Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness.
Introducing Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness Course
A complete mindset shift program to help women who feel lost and unsure in their lives become the best version of themselves from the inside out.
- FIND YOUR PURPOSE
- LET THE PAST GO
- STOP PROCRASTINATING
- TAKE RADICAL ACTION TOWARDS YOUR GOALS
To learn more about this uplifting and informative program, read this!
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