by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 9, 2018 | Gift Guides, Self-Esteem & Self-Love
There are a number of things that help with reducing your overall stress.
But, during high stressful moments it’s difficult to remember how to stay calm without the right tools.
It’s all too easy to reach for something that isn’t healthy, just because its convenient. And it relieves the issue for a little while.
That’s why creating a stress relief kit is something I really believe we all should have on hand! Stress is as much a part of our lives as our jobs, children, or pets.
How to Create the Ultimate Stress Relief Kit
We know how to manage these other things (at least, somewhat), so being prepared for when stress hits allows you to face it without falling back on unhealthy coping habits.
How Does a Stress Relief Kit Help?
A stress kit helps set you up for success.
Think about when you’re really hungry and you’re heading home from work and pass by a fast food restaurant.
Temptation is all too strong, especially if you know there isn’t any food at home.
Our lives are crazy busy, so we often lean towards what’s easy and convenient.
If you had already prepped your meals for the week and knew exactly what you were having for dinner, the temptation to go off plan wouldn’t be as strong.
You’d be much more likely to stick to your healthy diet, and the same thing goes for a stress relief kit.
When you have a reliable source that you know will keep your stress levels in check, you’ll be far better equipped to handle it properly.
A stress relief kit is a great resource that can improve your stress management skills and give you the confidence you need to push through tough moments in your life.
How Do You Create a Stress Relief Kit?
Below I listed some of the best items to keep in your stress relief kit and why they’re important.
If you have a healthy go-to that helps with stress, then definitely add it to your own kit!
I wouldn’t recommend adding too much of an unhealthy coping strategy (like alcohol, comfort food, cigarettes, etc.) just because these things are more of a crutch.
However, if you find drinking a glass of wine and eating a piece of chocolate helps you unwind and relax, then it’s okay to add them in occasionally.
It’s all about finding balance and taking care of yourself.
That sometimes means taking a time out and having some chocolate!
Especially if it’s not usually a part of your daily routine.
Here are some items I think would be great to add to your own stress kit.
1. Essential Oils
Essential oils come from nature, like trees, flowers, or leaves. They have a lot of benefits, and some can help relieve stress.
ArtNaturals Aromatherapy Essential Oils.Â
Some of the best essential oils for stress relief are:
- Lavender
- Cinnamon
- Grapefruit
- Eucalyptus
- Sandalwood
- Jasmine
I love using essential oils to help calm me down and bring me back to earth when I’m stressed.
My absolute favorites are eucalyptus and lavender.
I typically drop a little in a warm bath or dot my wrists with a little eucalyptus when I’m going out and about.
2. Small plates and a hammer
 Ok, I know this sounds odd. But, there have been many times in my life when I wanted to just break something.
Stress builds up and makes us literally feel like we’ll explode. I’ve found that either using a punching bag or taking a hammer to some old plates can improve my mood.
If you find breaking plates to be too weird (or messy), then a classic stress ball can help relieve tension, too.
3. Tea
Tea, in general, can help you relax and is very beneficial if you’re feeling under the weather. It’s always good to have a box on hand, just in case!
4. Bath salts
When you’re stressed, your body suffers. Your tense neck and shoulder muscles need a break!
Bath salts are a great addition to the stress relief kit. Taking a nice hot bath is an awesome way to wind down, and the bath salts will help relax the rest of your body.
5. Dark Chocolate
Yep, even chocolate is a good addition to your stress relief kit!
Dark chocolate, more specifically. It’s proven to reduce stress, improve your heart and brain health, and fight disease.
Chocolate can do all that?? Yep! Consuming dark chocolate once a day for 2 weeks will lower the cortisol (or “stress) hormone and your fight or flight response.
I definitely think it’s a necessity to have in your kit J A word of caution… don’t go overboard. A 1.4-ounce bar is the recommended daily amount.
6. Face Mask
Stress can cause a number of health issues, including breakouts and skin issues. The right face mask is a win-win for both.
The next time you take a bath with your bath salts and essential oils, throw on a face mask and you will feel all of the stress disappear from your body.
I love Brooklyn Botany’s Brown Sugar Face Scrub. It’s vegan!
Face masks that are all natural are usually the best bet. You could even make one at home if you want!
7. Journal
Writing in a journal is my favorite thing to do when I’m stressed or anxious.
It helps relieve stress by getting all your thoughts, ideas, and to-do lists out of your head and into the real world.
Write It Down, Let It Go is one of my favorite journals. No one besides you has to see it but getting your thoughts out is very therapeutic.
Visually seeing your problems will help you start learning how to solve them.
If you have a lot of stuff to get done, using a journal is a great way to reduce procrastination and increase productivity.
8. Books
This can either be your favorite books or new self-improvement books you’ve been meaning to read.
Reading has always helped me feel more confident in dealing with my own life. Whether it’s a fiction or non-fiction book, I enjoy the change of perspective.
I also love coloring books, and who doesn’t want to feel like a kid again—with an adult twist?
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 7, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Do you find it hard to put yourself first? Are you even aware that you probably don’t put yourself first?
This is a common problem for a lot of people. During the day, we are at the mercy of others. At work, we have to listen to what our bosses and co-workers tell us to do.
At home, we have to take care of our pets, children and SO’s. As an adult, there is a constant obligation you feel. To cater to everything else, and put your needs last.
But to be truly happy, you need to put yourself first. Especially when it comes to being able to take care of other people, pets, and responsibilities.
Why You Need To Put Yourself First and How to Do It
I applaud you because putting everyone and everything before yourself makes you a stand-up person. Putting others before yourself is a huge act of kindness. It’s hard to say it’s a bad thing because other people benefit greatly from what you do.
But, putting other people before yourself brings up a lot of issues. You’ve heard the saying you can’t pour from an empty cup, right? It’s true.
If your cup is empty or your batteries are dead, it becomes impossible to cater to others. But, you might have been taught that putting your needs first is selfish.
It’s what we’re taught growing up because acting selfless is viewed as good in our society.
And it is, don’t get me wrong. But, there’s a line that has to be drawn. If not, giving all you have away will end with you feeling miserable. Not to mention overwhelmed, stressed, and resentful of others.
If you don’t take time for yourself, you can’t be there for someone else in the way you want
You’ll also have less patience and tolerance for people who need your help. Letting your cup run dry will cause issues in your life. As you’re trying to please everyone else and take care of other people, eventually it will backfire.
You can only take on so much at a time before becoming so burnt out that you stop caring about all of it. It will affect your health because of the chronic stress it causes. And it has the potential to ruin relationships.
You might think putting yourself first is selfish and will cause these issues anyway. In reality, you’ll be a much better person to be around.
Once your cup is full, you’ll be more than willing to give more to other people.
How to Start Putting Yourself First
1. Set Your Limits
Everything is okay in moderation. To set your limits, you’ll have to figure out what your limits are. This might take some practice. It’s OK if you don’t get it exactly right all the time. But, setting your limits is so important.
If your boss keeps asking you to work overtime or your sister is crashing on your couch every night, you’ll need to set up some limits.
You can start doing this by taking a few minutes out of the day and reflecting on the balance in your life. Do you have enough of your own downtime every day? What brings you happiness?
Think about the things that start to get uncomfortable if they continue to happen. This is a great way to start putting yourself first. Saying no and setting boundaries is NOT a bad thing.
It’s 100% necessary. You’ll have to believe it’s necessary for your own health before you can start practicing it.
Get rid of those thoughts that saying no means you’re a bad person. If you don’t set limits, people will not know when to stop. It’s not their fault, it’s just that most people don’t know when they cross a boundary.
Boundaries are different for everybody, so it’s important to determine what your own are and make them clear to the people you care about.
In order to stay at your job and do good work, you need a good work-life balance. Let your boss know this, that way they can understand what you need to succeed and to stay at the job.
For some people, setting boundaries is too difficult so they end up quitting or getting out of relationships to avoid it.
This is not the best option, because you’ll always come across a situation where someone tests your limits. Instead of avoiding it, work on fixing it. And if you find that you try setting boundaries with certain people and they still continue to cross them, then that’s when you can decide to remove that from your life.
People who don’t respect boundaries are difficult, and you’ll need to determine if they are worth having around or not.
2. Learn How to Listen to Yourself
If you haven’t put yourself first in a while, you might have forgotten how to listen to your own wants and needs. Knowing what you want is essential because you’ll also know what you don’t.
This is how you build up self-confidence, by listening to yourself. If your friends all want to go out to a club on Friday night, but you really just want to stay in and watch a movie, listen to that!
Instead of going just to avoid upsetting anyone, listen to what you truly want. This is also part of setting limits. But, before you can set limits you have to know what you truly want.
You’ll have to get rid of everyone else’s thoughts and opinions about your life and practice listening to what it is you want. At the end of the day, it’s about what brings you happiness.
It’s not really about what anyone else wants, because the people who care about your happiness will be more than willing to give you what you need.
Our own voices can disappear once we start putting everyone else first before ourselves.
This is the time to start practicing listening to your heart and going after that. You deserve it!
3. Remember, You Aren’t Responsible for Other People
If you struggle to put yourself first, you most likely have your life way more together than others around you. People who need you to take care of them don’t have the right tools to do it themselves.
You might feel like you can give more because you can handle more. And that means giving some people way more than they deserve.
Everyone needs to hold themselves accountable for their own lives. You can’t be responsible for everyone. With the exception of animals and babies, other adults can take care of themselves.
And if they can’t, they shouldn’t be relying on you to fix their struggles.
You can do your best to be there for them when they need it, but you’ll also need to take time for yourself. Put up that boundary so they know they can’t run you completely dry.
This isn’t a selfish act. It’s actually really healthy for both of you. It teaches other people that if they draw the line, you can’t be there for them anymore. And that’s on them, not on you. And you won’t get to the point of resenting them or blowing up on them for taking so much.
4. Practice Self-Care
Do what it is you need to do. Do you enjoy reading? Taking hot baths? Talking to your closest friends? Drinking wine and binge-watching Netflix?
Do these things and do them often. Practice taking care of yourself every single day. Even if it’s just 15 minutes before you go to bed.
Self-care keeps you in tune with yourself. This helps you set your limits, listen to yourself more, and know when things are off-balance in your life.
Self-care is like watering a flower, and the more you do it the more you’ll grow as a person. You’ll flourish even!
5. Stop Feeling So Guilty
Guilt makes us feel awful and brings us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do.
We feel guilt out of fear of people disliking us, feeling like we’re doing something wrong, or feeling like we’re being too selfish.
Guilt is what will keep your cup from filling up if you allow it to control your life. Instead, let go of it! I know how tough guilt can be. Even when you decide to make a decision for yourself, you might be flooded with guilt and decide to go back on your decision.
This is when you just have to lean into it. Deal with feeling uncomfortable and stand by your decision to put yourself first. Guilt is a test, and you have to push through it.
Once you become more comfortable with doing things for yourself, instead of always doing things for others, the guilt will go away. I promise!
The only reason you feel guilty in the first place is either because someone is trying to take advantage of you and make you feel bad, or you’ve been taught from a young age to not put yourself first. You have to counteract those feelings of guilt and understand how much good will come out of putting yourself first.
You can maybe even make a pros and cons list of what will happen if you decide to do something you really don’t want, just to please someone else. And see the pros of listening to yourself and doing what you want.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | May 18, 2018 | Self-Improvement
Did you know that you can create a morning routine that can actually reduce stress? Do you feel like once you get up in the morning, you are constantly running around to catch up to the day?
That could be a result of not having the right morning routine in place. A morning routine is a great way to take charge of your whole day.
It allows you enough time to focus on the most important things. And it sets you up for success for the rest of the day. That means little to no stress.
And if you can start your day without feeling stressed, you’ll have enough resilience to face whatever the day throws at you.
Why are morning routines important?
You get time to yourself
The best way to start your day is by checking in with yourself. Before anyone else wakes up, including any pets you have.
Taking a few minutes to slowly wake up and focus on yourself will leave you feeling calm and collected to face the day.
You get a head start on the day
The mornings are a great time to work on some of the most important (and toughest) tasks for the day. This way you’ll feel super productive before lunchtime hits.
Productivity will give you that momentum you need to keep things going until your day ends.
You’ll focus more
A proper morning routine can give you enough time to start the day and will make you less likely to feel stressed and distracted.
When you have control over the day, you won’t feel like you have to remember a zillion things. This will help improve your focus on each task, and get more stuff done.
How To Create A Morning Routine That Reduces Stress
1. Wake Up Earlier
I know, waking up early is not easy for me either. That’s why setting a consistent sleep schedule is absolutely essential.
This starts with the night before, and making sure you go to bed at the same time. Even on weekends.
When you do this for long enough, you form a habit. So that, eventually, you won’t have to focus so much on getting to bed on time and waking up on time. Your internal clock will just know.
As you’re starting out, try to go to bed 30 minutes earlier and wake up 30 minutes earlier for one week. Then keep increasing by 30-minute increments until you are at your goal wake-up time.
Try to challenge yourself to do this for one month and see how you feel.
2. Don’t Check Your Phone
Looking at emails and notifications before you properly sit up in bed will cause you to feel stressed right away.
I’ve done this before where I get an urgent email right when I get up, and it throws off my whole morning. You don’t have to immediately get up and go.
Try to avoid looking at your phone for the first 30 minutes when you wake up. This way you can focus on enjoying the moment and feel more relaxed.
3. Do Something You Enjoy
Instead of doing what you think you have to do, do what you actually enjoy doing. To some, that’s exercising, but if you struggle to work out early in the morning, don’t put that into your morning routine.
Exercising will make you feel better, but if you are forcing yourself to do it every morning, it will make it difficult to want to wake up early every morning.
Start by doing stuff you love to do, like watching old cartoons or reading a book. Or sitting outside on the patio watching the sun come up.
You’ll want to be in the moment, not thinking about everything else you have to do that day. Practice doing one thing at a time, and ignoring everything else.
Allow yourself to be fully present in the moment, and try not to think about work or anything else.
4. Eat a Healthy Breakfast
Eating a healthy meal right when you wake up will help you feel energized. It will also instantly keep you on the right track to eat healthy throughout the rest of the day.
Most people wait to eat breakfast until they’re starving and end up overeating bad foods. You can avoid this by making it a point to eat a well-balanced meal every single morning.
Again, once you create this habit, you won’t have to force yourself to do it. You’ll just become so used to doing it, you won’t even have to think about it.
5. Split Your Tasks From the Evening Into the Morning
Imagine if you could knock out half your to-do list before leaving the house for work. If you can manage it, try to split up your things to do between morning and evening.
If there are dishes to do, knock them out before getting ready. Balance out your day by creating a productive morning for yourself.
This will help give you energy once you are off work. Instead of driving home feeling tired, and thinking about everything else you have to get done for the day.
If you drive home and already have most of the chores out of the way, you’ll have more energy to do things you actually want to do.
These are just a few ways you can create an awesome morning routine to help reduce stress. Do you have other ideas that you enjoy adding to your morning routine? Leave them in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Feb 1, 2018 | Self-Confidence
Let’s chat about some ways to build confidence at work.
Recently I shared some tips for what to do when you have anxiety at work. That article may help you too!
But today I want to add on to that, by discussing ways to build confidence for yourself in your job. Especially if it’s a new job which you are just starting.
Because for sure, that can be pretty terrifying all on its own, if you aren’t mentally prepared. It doesn’t have to be scary. Here’s how to fake it till you make it.
How To Build Confidence At Work
Starting a new job is always exciting. You finally get the call that you got your dream job and you’re walking on clouds.
Holy crap! This is it! This is when everything starts falling into place. Your life is coming together, and the door is opening for endless possibilities.
Then the first day at your new job arrives, and you’re scared to death. Why the hell did you want to get a new job? This is not exciting anymore… it’s freaking scary.
With palms sweating and heart racing, you’re just sure you’re gonna mess something up. First days of everything are the hardest.
The first day of high school, the first day of college, and now the first day at your new job. You know you can get through it, but the unknown is also terrifying.
It’s totally natural to get scared when you’re starting something new. That’s partly what makes it so exciting! And once you get your feet wet, it ends up not so bad. Fortunately, we adapt to change quickly.
Whenever I start a new job, I always remind myself that it’s just temporary. This fear of trying something new will go away in a few days, and then I’ll wonder why I was so scared of it in the first place.
The unknown can be crippling, but it’s usually never as bad as we make it out to be.
Telling myself this usually helps, but it doesn’t always prevent me from totally messing something up. And if you do get scared on your first day, just think about my first day on the job. I showed up twenty minutes late to my first job after trying to take a shortcut and spilled a little bit of coffee on my pants…. very professional.
So just keep in mind that you will get over that initial first-day hump. Even if it’s scary, it’s just another day that will pass.
How to prepare for your first day at a new job.
I’ve found that being prepared helps in general. Whether that’s getting up to talk in front of a large group of people or going out on a first date. During those moments, you probably stand in front of the mirror and practice what you’re going to say.
I say do the same for a new job! Gather as much information as you can during the interview process. That way you can pretty much know what to expect on that first day. At the same time, avoid preparing too much.
You don’t want to psyche yourself out. The weekend before you start, you can spend twenty minutes preparing what you might have to talk about.
Like answering questions about what job you worked at before, where you went to school, all that small talk jazz. And then… let it go. Staying prepared helps your confidence.
But, there are things you can’t prepare for cause you don’t know what the future holds… if only! This is where that saying comes in “Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t.”Â
Take that much-needed break.
As an introvert, I need time to myself to recharge. Devoting 40 hours of my time a week to a job drains my energy. Really, talking to someone for twenty minutes is enough for my WHOLE week. Yep, I’m that weirdo who prefers playing Zelda over talking to anyone.
So, when I start a new job, I typically try to take a few extra days off in between to ease the transition. Starting a new job is super exciting, but it’s also stressful. And it takes a toll on your body, like being too nervous to sleep or eat the day before.
If you’re going from one job to the next with only a two-day weekend in between, it might not be enough time to fully prepare. Not everyone can take a week break in between jobs (because of bills), but even if you can give your two weeks’ notice to end on a Wednesday or Thursday before starting that next Monday can help.
Our jobs take up over half of our time, which is difficult when you need time to buy new clothes, find new office notebooks, and just mentally prepare for a new work environment.
That’s why I think taking an extra few days (or weeks if you can!) to cleanse yourself of your old job and start fresh with a new one can help out a lot.
You’ll feel more confident to knock out that first day, and if you have a long enough break, you’ll be eager to start working again.
Find your rockstar outfit.
If I end up wearing something that is uncomfortable at work, I can’t. Stop. Focusing on it. This means I am not listening to anyone around me… not the best way to make a good first impression.
If I had the option, I’d wear sweatpants and my favorite sweatshirt at all times during the day. But since you have to be somewhat professional looking at work, the right outfit is super important. Wear something that you don’t have to worry about, that fits well.
What I mean by that is a shirt that doesn’t ride up when you sit down or isn’t too low-cut. And pants or jeans that fit just right and don’t suffocate your stomach when you sit down.
A perfect outfit will make you feel extra confident walking into your first day at work. Read this guide on how to create a capsule wardrobe.Â
Some things to consider when choosing your outfit:
- Bring a sweater. Office temperatures are so wishy-washy. One day it’s too hot, the next it’s too cold. Unless that’s just me going through hot flashes, in which case I need to see a doctor. Bring a sweater you don’t mind leaving at work and put it on your chair. If you’re super sensitive to temperatures like me, a sweater is an easy solution.
- Don’t wear white. Be careful about choosing an all-white shirt. From personal experience, any time I’ve ever worn a white shirt to work, I drop something on it. And it’s 10 times more difficult to try to remove a stain from a white shirt than it is a dark shirt! Who would’ve thought?
- Wear comfy pants. I have a very sensitive stomach and when I choose to wear skinny jeans that cut off my circulation, my stomach pays for it and starts yelling loud Shamu sounds (let’s be real, this happens even when I’m wearing sweats, too. Damn you stomach.) I love the stretchy skinny jeans that come in different colors. I usually get mine at Ross for like $12. They are professional-looking but still flattering and super comfy, especially if you sit at a desk all day.
Get a gold star. Arrive early.
Stressing about time on your first day is the last thing you want to worry about. Since you are most likely going to be pretty stressed already, make sure you have enough time to get to work, deal with parking, figure out who you should talk to, etc.
When you had your interview, it was most likely during the day in between rush hour. So it might have only taken twenty minutes to get there without traffic, but if you work at rush hour times you’ll want to plan ahead. You can never go wrong with being early, so give yourself an extra twenty minutes or so.
Don’t be like me.
Write that down.
You’ll get a lot of information on the first day. Meeting new people and remembering their names, plus learning all the new rules.
Keeping a notebook handy will help you remember certain things. Again, the first day might be a little nerve-wracking, which makes it hard to fully focus on what’s going on.
It’s happened to me before when I’m told what days of the month I get my paycheck, and I completely forget because I’m too nervous to remember anything.
With this in mind, if you don’t remember everything on your first day don’t sweat it. I’ve been at jobs before where I never learned certain people’s names, and I was there for a year— and I survived.
Where’s the bathroom?
Ask questions. It doesn’t matter how small or big your questions are. Where’s the bathroom? When is my break? What time do I get off? Think of any question you have, and make sure to ask the right person. That’s usually the one who is helping you throughout the day.
Asking the right questions also shows that you are genuinely interested in your job, and you care to make a good impression. Even if you are super quiet on your first day, you can write down a few questions in advance to ask.
Prepare for lunch…with your co-workers.
This is a typical friendly gesture of your new co-workers. They want to make you feel welcome and get to know you more. If you’re anything like me, going out to lunch with a group of strangers is… something I’d never voluntarily do. If you’re prepared, you can power through it.
You can write down a list of questions you want to ask, and pretend that you’re comfortable in situations like those, even if you’re not. The truth is, it’s awkward for everyone, even the employees who have been there for years. So just pretend you’re a confident badass, and no one will be able to tell the difference!
- Just like I said earlier, starting anything new is tough. But, you have a reason for starting a new job and the cool part is that you do have a new job to look forward to!
With these things in mind, you’ll be able to fully prepare for your first day and be well on your way to taking the next step in your career. Which, I’ll admit is a great feeling.
If you are ready to make some changes in your life, enroll in my training series Refine Your Life Purpose.Â
