by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 7, 2020 | Dealing With Emotions, Happiness Tips, Self-Improvement
10 Tips to Help Overcome Stress Once and For All
Are you stressed out in life? How do you handle stress and pressure? Learning how to handle stress and pressure can help you transform your life into one that you love.
I think we’re all feeling a little stressed out this year in the midst of the pandemic. But let’s not forget that many of us were already stressed out before this current situation hit. It just elevated it a lot.
So, let’s talk about stress on a deeper level. Obviously, a worldwide pandemic in the midst of an election year in America is going to cause everyone to feel a new level of stress and pressure.
But “normal” life can leave us feeling stressed out all on its own.
Think about it for a minute.
- The bills are rolling in faster than the money is hitting the bank.
- You really want to find the right person, but the thought of meeting new people just seems like too much to handle.
- That promotion at work seemed like a good idea, but now all you do is work and imposter syndrome hits you daily.
- You want to move to a new city, but you worry about what others will think of such a big move.
Honestly, you probably don’t even need reminders about what could cause you stress. If you’re reading this right now, something probably popped into your head instantly.
Maybe a situation that you don’t know what to do about. Or maybe it’s a relationship that has become a struggle. It could even be stress about not knowing what the future holds.
Stress happens. It’s part of life. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed if you struggle with it.
Why stress happens
Believe it or not, stress is meant to be a good thing. It’s one of the ways that your body tries to protect you. Here’s an example:
You’re out on a walk one day and you see a lioness who looks like she’s hunting you. It’s time to act quick. It’s not time to sit and think of a plan. You need to spring into action. Your body floods with stress hormones that trigger the fight or flight response.
Your brain knows that you either need to prepare to defend yourself or get the heck out of there fast.
That makes perfect sense, right? But here’s the problem. You probably aren’t facing life or death, dangerous situations on a regular basis. When you’re in a situation like this, stress helps keep you safe. Once your out of danger, your body works to return to normal.
However, when you’re experiencing daily stress from work, unhealthy relationships, an overwhelmed schedule, or an anxiety disorder, your body is constantly staying in that stressed-out zone. It’s not serving the purpose that it was meant to serve. And it can quickly become unhealthy.
Stress management is important!
Because we experience stress from so many different sources and in so many different ways, it’s really important to learn how to manage it in a healthy way.
Why stress is bad for you
I probably don’t have to tell you that stress affects your health. And it’s not just your mental health. You’re probably feeling it in your body too.
- You can’t sleep at night
- It feels like you’re constantly in a fog
- Your muscles are tight
- You have frequent headaches
- You’re super irritable, even with people you usually enjoy being with
- Your stomach and/or digestive systems feels like a mess
- It may feel like the tension and pressure is building up throughout your body
Stress can make life just feel too hard.
If you let stress go unchecked in your life it can lead to all kinds of problems. It can cause heart issues, relationship challenges, weight fluctuations, and all kinds of other things you don’t want to experience when trying to live your best life.
Living in stress and anxiety can also negatively impact your ability to make decisions.
The more stressed you are, the more you react based on natural instinct. Again, this is good if you come face to face with a wild animal, but not so much in your day-to-day life.
You want to make decisions based on your knowledge and life experiences. You want to use your full brain power in life, not always act based on instinct.
If stress is a major problem for you, then it’s probably playing a big role in how you make decisions. That means if you don’t learn how to manage your stress, you’re going to struggle to make the changes that you want to in life.
You need to learn to get your stress under control.
Stress management techniques that DON’T work
Dealing with stress isn’t easy. And if you try to avoid dealing with it in a healthy way, you probably find yourself dealing with it in a not-so-healthy way.
Can you identify with any of these behaviors?
- Popping open a new bottle of wine and polishing it off day after day
- Binging on Netflix for hours and hours
- Frequent shopping sprees on Amazon or (insert your favorite store name here)
- Looking for love in all the wrong places
- Letting food be your comfort
These are not successful or healthy ways to handle stress. These are known as “escape behaviors”. They may help you feel better for the moment, but it will be short-lived. And you probably feel even more stressed after indulging.
Don’t feel guilty. These are normal behaviors that people turn to when fighting stress on a regular basis. Feeling ashamed or guilty about it isn’t going to help you.
You don’t need to pile on one more thing to stress about.
Instead, turn your focus to learning how to manage stress in a healthy way.
10 stress management techniques that work
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Below are ten different stress management techniques for you to try. You may find that some work better for you than others. Do what works best for you.
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Exercise
Before you scroll on past this section, hear me out for a second.
I know that “exercise” is mentioned all over the place. I also know that it’s an easy trigger for anxiety, guilt, and shame.
You know that you’re supposed to be exercising. You might even struggle with comparing yourself with that super cute coworker who looks like she spends all her spare time in the gym.
That’s not what this is about.
No judgment, shame, or guilt is allowed here. This is simply exercising to help relieve your stress. It can be anything that works for you.
You don’t have to follow some crazy, challenging workout regimen. And it’s not about losing weight, toning your body, or anything like that. This is all about your mental health.
There are TONS of benefits for your mental health from exercising.
Even just going for a simple walk each day can reduce your stress, lower your risk of depression, and help your brain release mood-boosting chemicals. If you want to read more about the benefits, you can check out this article from BetterHelp: The Top Six Mental Health Benefits of Exercise.
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Write it down
Stress and pressure have a way of growing when you try to keep it to yourself. When stress is too much, there’s something that can feel liberating about putting it into words and getting it out of your head.
It’s easy to let anxious and stressful thoughts just roll around in your head. When you do this, it’s really easy for that stress to grow and the pressure to build.
It’s also easy to get stuck in wrong thought patterns without even realizing it. You can end up worrying about things that you don’t really need to spend time focusing on.
When you put your thoughts into words, it can help you gain perspective. You may see that some of the things you’ve been stressing about are things that you can let go. There are other things that you may be able to find action steps for once you see them written out instead of floating around in your head.
There are two approaches you can take once you have all your stress written down. You can hit the delete key or rip your paper and get rid of it forever. Or you can keep your stress writing in a journal to reflect on later.
If you’re able to keep it written in a journal and look back on it in a way that encourages you to overcome stress in the future, then I recommend doing that.
But if you find that you keep going back to your journal and reliving your stressful moments and concerns over and over again, get rid of it. That’s not serving the purpose of stress management.
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Talk to your friends
Isn’t there just something about pouring out your heart and all your crazy thoughts to a friend? That person that won’t judge what’s coming out of your head. The woman who can totally empathize with the stress you’re feeling because she’s felt it too.
It’s the beauty of friendship.
Don’t try to carry and handle stress and pressure by yourself.
Get together or call up that friend that you can be completely yourself around and let it all out. She may be able to help you gain a new perspective on a stressful situation. Or she may just be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.
If you don’t have any friends that you feel you can really trust, find a support system to connect with.
Don’t ever feel alone in your struggles with stress. There are lots of other women who are going through similar situations and struggling with the pressures and stress they face each day as well.
If you’re looking for a place to connect, you can join the Lovely Refinement free mental health support group. Not only will you get free eBooks to help you reduce anxiety, but you’ll also be connected with over 500 women in the Facebook group.
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Lower your expectations
As women, we often feel like we’re supposed to conquer the world. We have careers to build, and social lives to maintain, and we’re supposed to always look like we have it all together.
We feel the pressure that we must maintain this picture-perfect life.
Who are we kidding?
Sometimes the stress and pressure that we feel is coming from within. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet.
“Superwoman” might sound like a great title, and you might have loved the Wonder Woman movie, but here’s the thing—it’s not real!
There’s only so much that one person can take on and successfully handle on any given day. If you’re spending your time trying to be “perfect”, you’re probably going to start feeling stressed out. That’s normal.
Don’t be afraid to lower the bar and be realistic about what you can handle right now.
There are different times in life when you can take on more than others. This may be one of those times that you need to lower your expectations for yourself.
And here’s the kicker—DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT DOING IT! It’s perfectly acceptable and OK. Don’t let anyone make you feel that it’s not.
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Take a look at your calendar & get organized
When learning how to handle stress, it may help to take a look at your schedule. Did Superwoman show up one day when you weren’t paying attention and overbooked your calendar? It may be time to start cutting some things out.
Sit down and make a list of everything that you have on your plate at the moment. Then, prioritize your list. What things can you cut out? Can you delegate anything? Are there things that can be moved to the back burner to tackle when you aren’t under so much stress?
Once you have a list of the things that you really need to do—the things that need your attention—you can start to see where to focus your attention.
There are a few different ways that you can move forward from here. You can choose to work on the most important things first until you get them done. Or you could choose to work on the things that are fastest to finish so you can cross them off your list.
Do what works best for you.
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Find something to laugh about
Laughter really is the best medicine and it helps with handling stress too.
There’s a lot of science behind how this works, but the basic information is that your laughter triggers your brain to release endorphins that make you feel good. They even help reduce the amount of pain that you feel.
So, when you feel the pressure coming on and the stress is building in your life, find something that makes you laugh.
Watch a funny YouTube video. Call up your hilarious friend. Have Alexa tell you a few jokes. Or stream your favorite comedian’s latest show.
And if you can, combine this with #3 and get together and laugh with your friends. Allow yourself to have fun and be distracted from the latest and greatest stress in your life, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
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Create some simple wins in your life
When you’re under a lot of stress, it may feel like you can’t seem to succeed at anything. You may notice that as your anxiety builds, your confidence starts to decline. This can cause you to feel even more pressure in life.
You can fight this by creating and tracking small successes in your day. This may also involve you changing the way that you think about success.
Success doesn’t have to be big in order for you to celebrate it.
If you’re under stress and pressure or dealing with anxiety and depression, even the little things in your day can feel overwhelming. Many people struggling with mental health challenges like anxiety also struggle to do things like clean up the house, get the bills paid on time, and cook dinner.
If you’re doing these things, count them as successes.
Every evening, write down at least three things that you succeeded at doing during the day. Keep a running list. As you see the list of things that you have accomplished grow (even those small things), you’ll probably notice your attention start to shift from your stress to your success. And your confidence will begin to grow.
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Think about what you’re thankful for
I know there are just times in life when it doesn’t seem like there’s anything to be thankful for. When the stress becomes too much, it can start to consume your thoughts and your life. But you have the power to control your thoughts.
That’s right! You don’t have to spend time thinking about things that leave you stressed out and overwhelmed.
Yes, there are times when you may need to think about something that causes you stress. But it doesn’t have to be all that you think about.
If you’re not used to controlling what you think about, it may feel super challenging when you get started. The trick is to find something positive that you can think about instead of just trying not to think about the stressful thing.
This is where gratitude enters the picture.
No matter how bad your situation seems, there’s something you can be grateful for. It may be that you have a best friend to confide in. Or that you’re able to walk and talk. You may be thankful that you have a job that pays the bills or that you had a clean pair of pants to put on this morning.
Spend time each day making a list of things that you’re grateful for. Think of a few things in the morning before your feet hit the floor. Then, do it again before you fall asleep at night.
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Play out the stress in your head
I know this is going to sound weird, but I have talked with multiple women who find this strategy really helpful when they’re feeling stressed out about a situation.
Think about whatever the situation is that you’re worried about. Then, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”. Once you answer it, ask yourself, “Then, what would I do?”.
This forces you to play out step by step the situation that you’ve been allowing to cause you stress.
Some women find that when they do this it helps to remove some of the anxiety they have over the situation. You may realize that the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as they thought. Or you may realize that you’re stronger than you thought and even if the worst-case scenario happens, you’ll still be OK.
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Don’t be afraid to get help
There is no shame in talking to a therapist. There’s a stigma around mental health that stops people from getting the help they need.
Don’t let that be an obstacle for you!
And don’t fall for the myth that you need to have some kind of serious mental health disorder to see a therapist. A licensed therapist can help you with things like:
- Learning how to handle everyday stress
- Setting priorities
- Finding time management skills that help you regain control of your life
- Identifying where stress and anxiety stem from
- Improving stressful relationships with others in your life
- Learning how to gain control of your thoughts
- Overcoming negative thought patterns
It can even help to talk to a therapist if you aren’t sure what the problem is in your life, but you just feel like something’s off.
If you’re struggling, you don’t have to go through it alone. You can even do virtual therapy to make it easier on yourself.
How do you handle stress and pressure?
There are stressful situations that are going to come up from time to time. There are things that will happen that are outside of your control. Everyone handles stress in their own way.
That’s life.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel and experience stress and pressure in life. But you don’t have to let it get the best of you.
Try the tips above and start finding what works for you. And, check out the Anxiety Action Plan + Workbook available in the shop for just $19. You’ll learn an 8-step plan to reduce your anxiety once and for all.
Let’s make this the day that you decide to overcome stress instead of letting it control you!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 30, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Improvement
Are you living an authentic life? Authenticity is to be true to one’s personality and character. It means you’re willing to show the world who you really are.
You’re willing to live the life that you were meant to live. Authenticity is the ability to show your uniqueness to the world.
There are very few authentic people in the world, but you know them when you see them.
We’re naturally drawn to authentic people. We feel comfortable with those who are willing to be themselves.
9 Proven Methods For Living An Authentic Life
Use these strategies to start living an authentic life and show the world the real you
1. Know your values
What’s important to you? Make a list of every quality you think is important for a person to have. Now, put that list in order.
What are your five top values? When you know your values, the authentic choice in any situation is more obvious than when you don’t know your values.
2. Stop doing things you don’t want to do
You still need to pay your bills and take out the trash. However, you don’t have to play on the church softball team, drive your neighbor to the airport, or take care of your cousin’s cat. If something is too disagreeable for you, just say, “No.”
3. Do what you want to do
You can spend your time how you please. You don’t need a grand excuse or proof that you’re doing something noble on a cosmic level.
The fact that you want to do it is a good enough reason. It’s important not to hurt anyone, including yourself, but feel free to play the harmonica, dance in your front yard, or wear white after Labor Day.
4. Keep an open mind
When your thinking is very rigid, you limit yourself and prevent your true self from shining through. Preconceived notions are prisons that block you from being authentic. Learn how to experience the world from a variety of perspectives and an open mind.
5. Trust your intuition
When you ignore your hunches, you feel out-of-sorts. Trust your instincts. They’ll let you know when you’re not being genuine.
6. Be self-aware
You can’t be authentic if you lack self-awareness. Notice how you feel. Ask yourself, “What do I need at this moment? How can I meet that need?” If you ignore your emotions, you can’t be self-aware.
7. Practice boldness
The biggest reason for a lack of authenticity is timidity. We want to say and do certain things, but we’re uncomfortable with standing out in any way.
We feel vulnerable and exposed. A little discomfort never killed anyone, and there’s so much to be gained by being bold. Give it a try.
8. Openly share your opinion
Tell others what you think or how you feel about something. Of course, you’ll want to be tactful so you remain considerate of the feelings of those around you. Are you hesitant to share your thoughts on a topic? Ask yourself why that is.
9. Avoid perfectionism
Trying to be perfect is a huge limitation on your natural personality and expression. Avoiding mistakes and imperfection at all costs is a recipe for inauthenticity.
Life is short! It doesn’t make a lot of sense to pretend to be someone else.
9 Proven Methods For Living An Authentic Life – Conclusion
I hope these tips for living an authentic life encourage you to put your best self out into the world.
Authenticity requires courage and dealing with discomfort. But if you want to live your life to the fullest, authenticity is required.
Show the world the unique person you are, and celebrate your newfound freedom.
More Life Improvement Tips
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 29, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Happiness Tips, Self-Improvement
Can you reprogram your thoughts? It takes practice, but yes. Our thoughts are tricky things to control.
Our beliefs and habits are often hidden from us, but these are two of the things that have great influence over our thoughts. Your thoughts influence your actions.
If you want to change your behavior and results, it’s important to gain control over your thoughts.
5 Ways To Reprogram Your Thoughts For More Success & Happiness
This has been a battle for thousands of years and continues to be a great challenge.
Fortunately, psychology has grown considerably over the last 20 years on this important topic.
Now, you can learn to reprogram your thoughts if you’re motivated to do so. Use these techniques to gain control of your actions by reprogramming your thoughts:
1. Use Mantras
Mantras are helpful reminders of what new thoughts you want to have. You can listen to them, read them silently, or read them aloud. Mantras require a lot of repetition and emotional involvement, but they can be highly effective.
Here’s how to make mantras work for you:
- Create mantras that support the pursuit and achievement of your goals.
- Use mantras that also address your weaknesses.
- Create a schedule for exposing yourself to your affirmations.
- Be patient. Expect that it might be several weeks before you begin to see results.
- Pinterest is a great place to find mantras that you can print out and put in parts of your house that you spend a lot of time in.
2. Open Your Mind
Increasing or altering your knowledge in many areas can have a huge impact on your well-being.
If you view yourself or the world differently, your thoughts will change.
Take a brief look at Stoic and Buddhist philosophy, for example.
These viewpoints are vastly different than how most people view the world. Become a student of philosophy and you’ll learn a lot.
There’s a lot most of us could learn about success.
Goal setting, willpower, perseverance, and communication are just a few topics.
Learning more about these types of topics will change the way you view success, and your thoughts will change, too.
Related: How to Develop a Growth Mindset So You Can Strengthen Your Confidence
3. Ask yourself questions.
Questions change your focus and thoughts.
Asking yourself questions like, “What’s good about this situation?” or “What are my greatest strengths?” or “What should I be working on right now?” will change your thinking.
Use questions to redirect your attention and thoughts.
This is one of the easiest ways to change. Develop the habit of asking the right questions.
Related: 10 Life-Changing Questions to Ask Yourself Today
4. Attack limiting beliefs.
Your beliefs largely create your thoughts. Eliminating negative beliefs and adding positive beliefs will drastically change your thoughts.
Take a negative belief and apply the following process:
- Where did I get this belief? Is it my own? Did someone else give it to me?
- What is the belief based upon? Is the source valid? How do I know it’s true?
- What is this belief costing me? What would happen if I believed the opposite instead?
- Am I willing to let go of this belief for a month and see what happens?
5. Visualize.
Visualize something negative and notice your thoughts.
Now, visualize something positive and notice your thoughts. Compare. There’s no doubt that visualization impacts your thoughts and beliefs.
The period of time right after awakening and just before falling asleep can be especially effective for practicing visualization.
Use this to your advantage, visualize:
- Achieving your goals.
- Completing the tasks you need to do each day.
- Being the type of person you want to be.
- Mastering a skill you want to learn.
5 Ways To Reprogram Your Thoughts For More Success & Happiness
You’re not as easy to program as a computer, but you’re more programmable than you think!
If you’re struggling to manage your behavior and get yourself to do the things you know you should be doing, try reprogramming your thoughts.
Many of our thinking patterns are purely habits and very challenging to alter.
But challenging doesn’t mean impossible!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 17, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Lately, I’ve been wondering how to live a more meaningful life. Wondering how I can have more control over my life. It’s something that happens as you get older.
You learn to let go of all these things you don’t want anymore. Things you maybe thought you wanted but eventually grow out of. That’s where claiming your true power comes into play.
Claiming your power is about your character and accomplishments. It’s the result of who you are and what you do. When you learn how to unlock your personal power, you can achieve your goals and lead a more meaningful life.
14 Ways to Step Into Your True Power & Live a More Meaningful Life
By harnessing that power, you will also speak up more about what you do and don’t want. You won’t feel so trapped by a life that you really don’t want.
In some ways, building up your inner power is like building up your outer body. It takes effort and practice.
Start with these exercises for cultivating inner strengths and taking positive actions.
1. Clarify your values.
Understand who you are and what’s important to you. You do this by getting to know yourself more. Don’t be afraid to do things alone and to step out of your comfort zone.
It’s too easy to have your values blocked by what you think you’re supposed to be. Instead of who you want to be.
Every day society is telling us what we should value and what we shouldn’t, but the only way to claim your true power is by ignoring all of these mixed messages.
Focus on what you value deep in your heart and what matters most to you. When you get clearer on this, your inner power will grow.
2. Practice Optimism.
The world tears us down from the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep. As the day wears on, your boss may criticize you or you get stuck in traffic.
It’s easy to allow these annoyances to change your view of the world. Making you more negative towards things that shouldn’t have that much power over you.
Focus instead on what is going right in your world. Sure, you have bad days because we all do. You’re not alone in this and I’m not going to try and tell you to just pretend to be positive all the time.
But there is beauty in the way that some people turn lemons into lemonade, right? Even when shit is hitting the fan these people can throw a smile on and shake it off.
Imagine what those people would do in your shoes. Laugh off the things that won’t matter tomorrow and turn your attention towards the things you love and value in your life.
Related: How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
3. Build your self-esteem.
Question your self-limiting beliefs. Have the courage to take worthwhile risks and give yourself credit for trying.
Building up your self-esteem is one of the best things you can do. When you believe in yourself, you build resilience towards anything in life.
This takes practice just like thinking more optimistically does. Most people aren’t born naturally confident, they are instead surrounded by things that build their confidence.
This means supportive people and allowing yourself room to make mistakes and take risks, without feeling like a total failure in the process.
4. Manage your emotions.
Recognize your feelings without letting them distract you from making healthy choices. Stop trying to bury emotions deep inside, pretending they don’t exist. This only makes things worse.
You won’t learn how to deal with bad things if you never express your emotions. And the only way to gain control over fear, anxiety, or depression is by shining a light on them.
Whenever you feel sad, angry, hurt, or confused, don’t be afraid to sit with yourself and dissect why you feel that way. Validate your feelings so you can manage them.
5. Let go of baggage.
Free yourself from grudges and resentments.
Forgive yourself and others for any past disappointments.
6. Persevere through obstacles.
Patiently accept reversals and delays as the price of success. Remember your purpose and renew your commitment when the going gets tough.
7. Be authentic.
Stay true to yourself. Be prepared to align your actions with your values even when it’s uncomfortable. Evaluate your progress according to your own standards instead of comparing yourself to others.
Authenticity gives you real strength.
8. Meditate and pray.
You don’t have to be religious to be spiritual. Faith and mindfulness can make you stronger and more resilient. Set aside time each day to give thanks and connect with your spiritual side.
Practice your faith by seizing opportunities to be kind and generous.
9. Engage in self-care.
Your physical condition affects your personal power. Keep your body in peak condition with a balanced diet rich in whole foods like fresh vegetables and fruits. Exercise regularly and stick to a consistent sleep schedule.
10. Continue learning.
Adding to your knowledge and abilities also makes you more powerful. Sign up for educational seminars at work or study a foreign language at your local community college.
Take courses online and read classic novels in your free time.
11. Communicate skillfully.
You can make yourself more likable and influential. Ask friends and colleagues you trust for honest feedback about areas where you need to grow.
- Brush up on your attentive listening or public speaking skills. Monitor your body language and proofread your emails.
12. Network vigorously.
A robust network gives you more opportunities to leverage your strengths by collaborating with others. Help others by sharing your time, expertise, and other resources. Stay in touch with your old contacts, and attend events where you can widen your circle.
13. Aim for balance.
It’s tempting to limit ourselves to the areas where we feel safe and appreciated. Ensure you’re giving adequate attention to both your professional and family life.
14. Maximize your productivity.
Time and other resources are limited. Organizing your routines can help you to do more with less.
Mental and spiritual strength allows you to take charge of your life and your future. Claim your true power so you can realize your potential and have a positive impact on the world around you.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 11, 2019 | Happiness Tips, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Forgiving yourself is so important for mental well-being. We all have things that we regret in life and wish we had done things differently.
We’re only human, after all!
It’s often a lot easier to forgive other people for fairly major things while hanging onto strong resentment towards yourself for even minor slip-ups.
7 Tips For Forgiving Yourself & Moving On
If you find it hard to forgive yourself for things that have happened in the past, it can have a big effect on how you treat yourself.
And according to studies, it can also make you more likely to have health problems, including autoimmune conditions, heart disease, and even cancer.
Learning how to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on from mistakes is so important for self-love. Your ultimate goal is for specific situations to no longer cause you negative emotions such as pain, anger, and resentment.
Here are some tips for forgiving yourself so that you can move on with your life and start to love yourself in the way you deserve.
1. Release negative emotions
When you’re holding onto strong negative emotions, it’s almost impossible to truly forgive yourself unless you’re able to release them.
Whether you’re feeling guilt, shame, or just generally hate yourself, you won’t be able to move forward until you’ve dealt with the underlying emotions that you’re feeling.
It’s often the case that your reactions to even the mere thought of what you did are what is making you feel so bad and by releasing them, they won’t hold the same power. This makes it a whole lot easier to start the process of forgiving yourself.
A great way to release negative emotions is by practicing mindfulness every day. Mindfulness reduces anxiety and helps you focus better on everyday tasks. Be sure to download the free mindfulness activities below and get started on releasing all of those negative emotions:
2. Accept that you’re not perfect
None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. When you didn’t intentionally set out to hurt someone through your actions, holding onto shame and letting it affect how you see yourself can be hugely damaging to your self-esteem.
Your mistakes aren’t ‘proof’ of your failings and they don’t make you a bad person. If you can see mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, it opens up a whole different mindset.
3. It’s okay to let the memory go
Are you still holding onto what happened in your mind and not able to put it aside? This could be one of the big reasons why you’re struggling to forgive yourself. It is actually a perfectly natural response given that our brains are hardwired to use past experiences to try to protect us.
That doesn’t make it helpful though. Reliving the situation in your mind fools your brain into believing that it is happening again and that sets off the stress response.
It also means that you define yourself through the situation, rather than accepting that it happened and trying to learn from it.
It’s not about forgetting what happened. Instead, you want to acknowledge that your actions may have had repercussions but this doesn’t need to extend to self-destructive emotions.
4. Flip the situation around
If you were told about the situation you can’t forgive yourself for, what would you tell the other person? Chances are, you’d push them to forgive themselves and point out some of the reasons why.
And there’s no reason why that shouldn’t apply to you too.
This is a great habit to get into whenever things don’t quite go to plan.
5. Get a different perspective
Talking about the situation with a trusted friend can give you a different take on things.
Because they’re not living in your head and aren’t affected by the same thoughts and emotions as you, they have enough distance to see things that you probably can’t, especially around why you should forgive yourself.
Related: 5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
6. Learn from what happened
Spending some time thinking about what you could have done differently can be very powerful for opening your eyes to the fact that you may not have been in the best position to do the ‘right’ thing then. For most people, there is a really good chance that you have gained new skills or insights since it happened and you can use those to learn from the situation so it doesn’t happen again.
7. Work on self-love
Love is often a strong factor in our ability to forgive. The opposite can be true too – if you don’t love yourself all that much, you’re probably going to have a much tougher time forgiving yourself.
7 Tips For Forgiving Yourself & Moving On – Conclusion
Once you’ve started to have success with this, it’s a lot easier to avoid beating yourself up for every mistake.
You’re probably a lot harsher on yourself than you are with other people, right? This is a sign that it’s time to work on accepting yourself more and learning to love who you are.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 3, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life. It can be a real struggle to remain present in the moments of everyday life.
We have so much going on at any given moment that it’s difficult to slow it all down and just be ok with what’s happening right in front of you.
But from what I’ve experienced, it’s worth it every time I decide to take a step back and pay attention to what I have at the moment.
It’s the only thing I can control, and learning how to be more present has helped me feel less anxious plus I have so much more patience for even the tiniest things.
What Does it Mean to “Be Present in the Moment?”
Do you find that you get impatient waiting in line at the self-checkout lane at 5 p.m. on a Tuesday night?
Or what about driving in traffic eager to get home so you can throw off your work clothes and open up a fresh bottle of wine?
You may always be rushing to get to the next best place in your life, but the magic of the present moment is sitting here with you right now.
In fact, there’s an entire movement or awakening in which individuals have discovered that a secret to enjoying life is to “stay present.”
These are people just like you who experience racing thoughts or get stuck in painful memories of the past.
Anxiousness about the future also spoils the now moments. When you feel anxious, focus on living in the present moment
Living in the present moment is “the secret” that ties all the other secrets of life together, and it is a process referred to as “mindfulness.”
Because there’s no way to deny that there’s an element of magic in staying present.
To be present, you must lasso all of your attention and pull it directly into what is happening in your life in each current moment as it comes.
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
How do you achieve mindfulness? There are many ways to enter into this psychological process, and the benefits are undeniable.
The following are five simple ways to stay present in the moments of your everyday life.
1. Focus on the Now
We have these amazing brains that store memories and have the capability of imagining the future.
Unfortunately, all these brain functions often get away from us and pull us in the wrong direction. Life is only actually lived right now, in the moment we currently have. Which you can do easily by practicing mindfulness.
Be very intentional about focusing on what you are doing at each moment.
Download my free mindfulness activities that will help you to focus more on the now and instantly feel calmer:
2. Use a Breathing Exercise
In the mindfulness movement, breathing has been identified as a key to being present in the moment.
Take in a breath and then consciously breathe out the stress you’ve been feeling. Spend several moments simply breathing in and breathing out the stress that would rob you of this moment.
The power of a breathing exercise is that you focus on your own intake and exhale of air, which can stop other thoughts from invading your consciousness.
Just start over with renewed focus if other thoughts interrupt your breathing exercise.
3. Take a Single-Task Approach
In this age of the Internet, we become easily distracted. The constant input from forces around the globe on our handheld devices sends us into a spiral of thoughts that rob us of the current moments.
Focus on completing a single task at a time. Don’t get diverted from your task by technology, or any other distracting thoughts.
4. Add a New Dimension to Common Tasks
Mundane tasks can be gateways to negative lines of thought. Turn everyday tasks upside down. Think through each everyday activity so that you maintain and sharpen your focus.
Do each set of tasks in reverse order, from the approach to brushing your teeth and putting on your clothing to the way you bath or shower and dry off. When you become overwhelmed by your to-do list, work on taking things one step at a time.
6. Control Your Thoughts
The idea of controlling your thoughts may be new. Many people’s lives are held captive by the flow of thoughts that never end.
So, it can be a surprise to find out that just as you can control your next breath, you can control your next thought. Thoughts are very powerful and have a direct effect on how you feel at any given moment.
A happy thought can lift your mood and bring a smile to your face. A sad thought can cause your emotions to plummet into feelings of depression.
Isn’t it good to know that your thoughts are in your control?
The following are some tips to help you master controlling your thoughts:
- It may help to think of thoughts as things—almost like tangible objects.
- Learn how to stop your thoughts, whether those thoughts are positive, negative, ridiculous, or dull. Doing this can be as simple as saying, “I’m stopping those thoughts and choosing to pick a different thought intentionally.” Make the thought a good one!
- Make it a practice to identify negative thoughts or when you are dreading something.
- Write out your negative thought processes or your dread. This removes them from being a movie in your head. The power of those thoughts decreases as you write them down. When you do this, you are disassociating yourself from the event that was playing in your mind.
- Identify the lie in the negative thoughts and find a positive truth that you can offset the lies with.
Related: How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
Start noticing the direction of your thoughts and divert them elsewhere if they are negative.
These five simple ways to stay present in the moment are just the first step. If you want a happier life, you can begin to incorporate powerful thoughts such as gratefulness. It’s possible to enjoy everyday life.
It all starts with what you do with your next moment.
