by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 22, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Top 10 Best Foods To Eat When You’re Stressed. Emotional eating is a very common thing when you’re stressed out to the bone.
It’s a way to feel comfort when everything feels off. We all do it to some extent. But, when your stress becomes chronic, reaching for a bag of chips or pint of ice cream every time can lead to health problems. And eating foods high in sugar can actually make your stress worse.
It gives you a brief moment of relief, but then you’re left feeling guilty and sluggish from eating foods that don’t provide sustainable energy. And when you’re stressed, eating the right foods can go a long way.
Here are the Top 10 Best Foods to Eat When You’re Stress
You’ll have more energy to deal with your problems, and eating right is a proper form of self-care. Practicing self-care more often will result in a boost in confidence and learning more about yourself.
1. Strawberry Avocado Spinach Salad with Chicken
This is the ultimate power salad that will help reduce your stress levels. The mix of spinach, avocado and strawberries will keep you feeling energized and you won’t crash!
This will give you energy for the rest of the day and will prevent hunger pains.
Get the FoodieCrush recipe here
2. Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quinoa Bowl
Quinoa is a complex carbohydrate (a good kind of carbs!) and a complete protein. This means it helps level out your blood sugar and energy. Two things that can easily influence stress levels.
Sweet potatoes are also great for your blood pressure and heart. Mixing these two foods together provides a healthy meal that is good for your waistline and your stress levels!
Get the recipe here
3. Spicy Avocado Toast with Egg 
Avocados are full of Vitamin B, which is great for lowering stress levels!
If you have a Vitamin B deficiency, there are studies that link it to anxiety.
Avocados are also high in monounsaturated fat (the good kind of fat!) and potassium, which helps lower blood pressure.
This recipe takes less than ten minutes to put together, so give yourself some time in the morning to eat this powerful breakfast.
Get the recipe here
4. Blueberry Pumpkin SpiceMuffins
Blueberries are rich in antioxidants and Vitamin C. Two things your body needs when you’re stressed out or anxious. And who doesn’t love pumpkin spice, especially in the Fall?
Get the recipe from TodaysWorkAtHomeMom here
5. Chunky Monkey Energy Balls
These energy balls pack a punch, and they are a great snack for an afternoon slump. The walnuts reduce blood pressure and lower feelings of anxiety.
These are also a great option if you’re craving something sweet. Instead of grabbing a candy bar, try these out.
This will give you the right type of energy that will last throughout the afternoon and won’t spike your blood sugar levels.
Get the recipe here
6. Roasted Asparagus 
There are a lot of benefits to eating asparagus, but especially to help with stress levels.
Asparagus helps fight back against those crazy hormone levels and will stabilize them.
Which means your mood will even out.
Asparagus contains folic acid, which helps produce serotonin. Serotonin calms you down.
Get the recipe here
7. Iced Matcha Green Tea Latte
Instead of drinking a third cup of coffee in the afternoon, try out this refreshing Matcha green tea. Green tea helps you relax and balances your mood. Which is the complete opposite of what coffee does!
Green tea still contains caffeine, which can help improve your concentration and wake you up. You won’t get the jitters from drinking green tea, which is a win-win.
Get the recipe here
8. Yogurt with blueberries
You already know the benefits of blueberries. Add them to some Greek yogurt and you have yourself one of the best stress-fighting snacks!
It’s been reported that eating yogurt each day reduces stress and increases decision-making. Eating yogurt has many other benefits, like improving your gut health. Which, most likely is what helps improve your overall mental health.
9. Roasted Lemon Pepper Salmon & Garlic Parmesan Asparagus
There are many reasons to include salmon in your diet, and reducing stress is one of them. The omega-3 fatty acids help counteract stress hormones and lower adrenaline.
Get the recipe here
10. Dark Chocolate 
This is when you can really satisfy your sweet tooth.
Dark chocolate helps reduce cortisol levels and is rich in antioxidants.
Eating dark chocolate every day can help relieve stress and give you a reason to eat some chocolate without feeling guilty.
Whether you’re dealing with chronic stress or have a stressful event coming up, eating these foods will help reduce your overall stress.
When we get stressed, we tend to turn to comfort food to make ourselves feel better. But, there are a lot of healthy options out there that are just as good as the comfort food options.
Work on bringing these foods into your diet, and improve your stress levels.
Read more: How to have stress-free family dinners
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 22, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Journaling – The Fastest Way To Get Rid Of Anxiety?
In a world full of social media, ‘swiping’, and ‘clicking’ – it can be easy to forget about one of the oldest methods of self-reflection – journaling.
Journaling is one of many ways to help naturally reduce your anxiety. Writing is a form of therapy where you can focus on getting all of your thoughts out of your head.
This helps you create clarity and gives you a different perspective on your thoughts. Usually, when we’re so wrapped up in our thoughts, we lose sight of what’s real from what isn’t.
Your thoughts form your reality. That’s why writing everything out in a journal is a great way to get out of your head.
But what do you journal about? What questions do you ask yourself? Where should you direct your focus?
Well, there’s no ‘packaged’ answer – everyone’s different. But, there are a few journal prompts you can use to combat anxiety both in the short-term and long-term.
There are some surprising things that cause anxiety. Of course, there are more than a handful of triggers for anxiety.
It all depends on the person and what personally effects them. You may have a different trigger for your anxiety.
There are many common triggers like public speaking, a job interview, or starting the first day of school.
But, what about the lesser-known causes? The ones that we aren’t even aware of trigger our bodies to feel anxious. And are you aware of them?
7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety
The answer to this question lies in the moments when you think you’re going crazy. You feel insanely uncomfortable but aren’t sure if anxiety is the cause.
For example, my main trigger is large crowds of people. Whether that’s the grocery store or a traffic jam. It just makes me feel really vulnerable and uncomfortable.
It might just be that you’re overthinking or something else.
Or maybe someone else is telling you that you’re just overreacting and it’s not a big deal.
Well, luckily here are a few triggers that may answer those questions. So, if you ever encounter the moments below and feel weird on the inside, it could be a result of an anxiety trigger. This may give you peace of mind the next time you encounter these moments.
Just remember, anxiety can pop up in the most random moments in your life. Even if what you’re experiencing isn’t on this list doesn’t mean it’s not a symptom of anxiety.
Listen to your body and dig deeper into how you’re truly feeling. Why is it making you feel uncomfortable?
Ok, now let’s dive into these triggers you may not know of.
Here are 7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety
1. PMS
Just another fun item to add to the list of symptoms of PMS. The hormones you experience during that time of the month can have an effect on your anxiety.
The stress hormone, Cortisol, increases before your period even starts. Causing you to become a worried mess and make you feel like you’re going crazy.
If you find that you can normally handle your anxiety most of the time, but find it unbearable at times, check your calendar.
If you notice your date approaching, there are a few things you can do to reduce these anxiety symptoms:
This will level out your cortisol levels, reducing feelings of panic.
- Go on more walks. Walking really helps reduce anxiety anytime you feel it coming on.
Take a quick 20-minute walk, even a few times a day.
This will help you focus on the present and feel less overwhelmed.
There’s nothing worse than having a full work/school load during that time of the month. Plan ahead and try not to schedule anything too stressful beforehand. This is the best time to stay in your comfort zone and focus on taking care of yourself.
2. Your Parents
How your parents treat you can have a direct impact on your anxiety. Whether or not they are intentionally doing it.
If you have parents who cater too much to your needs and worry about everything you do, this can rub off on you. Causing you to worry or stress out.
If you don’t have a good relationship with your parents, this can also cause anxiety. Seeking approval, or feeling distant from your parents can make it difficult to know how to be a functioning adult.
If we aren’t taught the right skills we need as kids, learning those things as we’re older becomes difficult. If you realize that your parents have a big effect on the way you live your life, you can work on changing it. At the end of the day, you are your own person.
You have to learn how to live your own life for yourself. There are ways to move past what our parents have taught us and to learn new things to reduce anxiety in your life.
3. Anxiety Causes Anxiety
If you’re aware you have anxiety, you could make it worse by bringing on more anxiety. Thinking about a time when you felt anxious can cause you to start feeling anxious again.
It’s a crappy cycle to be in. Anxiety can build onto itself if you allow it.
The best way to break the cycle is by working on worrying less, facing your fears, and practicing self-care to reduce the anxiety you’re feeling.
Worrying is just like fear, because it’s False Evidence Appearing Real. The more you believe in it, the more power you give it.
That’s why you have to work on getting over your fears and seeing that not everything is as bad as it seems.
4. Smoking Weed
This seems odd, right? After all, weed is supposed to make you feel calm and relaxed.
Smoking weed doesn’t always have positive effects. It can also possibly magnify your anxiety, causing worse thoughts than you’ve had before. Even panic attacks!
If you’ve been considering it to relieve your worries and anxiety, I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Take caution with this, if you already experience anxiety in your life.
Often, one or two puffs are all you’ll need to get the relaxing effects, without the anxiety.
5. After Eating Food
We all know the feeling. We ate way too much than we were supposed to. But, did you know that it can also affect anxiety? There are reports such as chest pains, heart palpitations, lightheadedness, and indigestion.
Experiencing any of these symptoms can make you feel worried, causing your anxiety to spike. The solution to this is to eat a well-balanced meal and eat slowly.
Focus on foods that lower stress levels and that keep you feeling full. So you don’t feel the need to have to eat two servings.
6. Nothing at all
The chemical imbalances in our brain can randomly set off waves of anxiety, for what seems like no reason. Maybe everything in your life is going fine, but you still feel anxious.
It can honestly feel like nothing is causing it, but you just feel it. It’s most likely something inside your body, that is impossible to pinpoint unless you went to a doctor to run some tests.
If you feel like nothing is causing your anxiety, take a step back and work on taking care of yourself.
During the times when you have no idea what is causing it, just go easy on yourself. You can even say, “I feel anxious right now, but I’m ok. I’m not in any danger, I just feel off today.”
Then practice being mindful and work on some breathing techniques to help calm you down.
I’ve personally felt this myself and it’s not fun to go through. I mentally go through everything in my life to see if anything has been stressful lately.
When I come up with nothing, I get discouraged. I like to pinpoint a specific cause of my anxiety. But, it’s actually completely normal to not have anything cause your anxiety.
You just feel it. And that’s nothing to disregard. During these moments when you can’t identify a specific problem, just focus on helpful calming strategies to push you through it.
7. TV
Watching a lot of crime television and news causes anxiety. Even if you can watch it without a problem, you could experience anxiety effects later on.
Let’s say you hear on the news someone was murdered downtown in an alleyway. The next time you go downtown and see an alleyway, the image instantly floods into your brain.
Causing a little fear and anxiety.
The best option if you get scared after watching TV is to avoid those channels. Most of the time, the news focuses on the bad because it’s more exciting.
They want to get the best story, but it doesn’t mean the whole world is a crazy scary place. And you have to balance that news out with the good, or it can lead to a lot of worry and anxiety.
With these in mind, you can work on getting rid of the triggers that bring on anxiety. No matter what is causing your anxiety, there are ways of dealing with it that will help reduce it.
7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety – Conclusion
While just implementing one of the above strategies can have a tremendous effect on your motivation, it’s important to note that this isn’t just a one off thing. Consistency wins the game here.
But it can be done. Finding motivation when you’ve got anxiety can be super hard, and there will be easier days than others.
If there’s one thing you take away from this post is that while you do need to make some changes in your life trying to do too much, too soon, is a fast way to burn yourself out. So, take step-by-step, get clear on the direction you want to go and commit.
You got this 🙂
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 21, 2018 | Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
Are you wondering how to look confident, when you really don’t feel confident? Did you know that most people fake confidence? Sounds weird, right?
I do it. And every one of my friends and family do it every once in a while. What’s interesting is “faking” confidence is actually a great way to become confident.
There is a saying: “Fake it till you make it,” and it really is something that will ring true once you start practicing the appearance of confidence.
5 Ways To Look Confident (Even When You’re Not)
In the moment, it might not seem like it. It feels awkward, and slightly uncomfortable.
But, imagine talking to a really cute guy (or girl!) You might feel nervous and worried you’ll make a mistake.
So instead of making a fool out of yourself, you just avoid it altogether. Once you go home you probably end up thinking about it a lot, going over in your head what you should have done instead.
If you went into that situation pretending you were confident, even when you weren’t, you still would have given it a shot.
There’s no way to know how a situation will turn out unless you just do it, no matter how scared you feel. It’s nerve-wracking talking to people sometimes, but what you have to understand is that everyone feels that way.
You’re not alone. Some people are just great at hiding it, and they don’t let it hold them back.
When you act confident, you skip passed overthinking the situation and just jump in. Like when you’re getting ready to jump off the diving board.
If you stand there and wait, it just becomes scarier. But, if you just run and jump and do it without thinking, it’s done. It’s out there.
So, how do you look confident even when you don’t feel it?
1. Pay Attention
When your heart starts to race and you get nervous about something you’re not fully confident in, it’s hard to focus on anything.
Including listening to what that other people around you have to say. This can actually make the situation worse, if you’re having a conversation with someone you like. And your not listening to them.
Then once they realize you’re not listening, things get awkward. They will think you don’t care, when in reality you are just so worried about screwing it up.
Instead of focusing so much on the fear, pay attention to what is happening in the moment.
- Fear is powerful, but a good way to fight it is by being present and listening.
Ask questions and listen to the answer. This is how you build up a conversation, and after you get past that initial phase of talking, you’ll be so focused on the moment that you’ll forget why you were so scared in the first place.
This is super important. Especially when you leave and go home. You don’t want to be feeling like an idiot for not knowing how to respond when someone was talking to you. That can have a big effect on your confidence.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Smile and Make Eye Contact
Laughing or smiling feels impossible when you’re not confident enough. But, it’s honestly the best way to loosen up.
When I was a teenager, I used to work at a restaurant with some really cute guys. I’m introverted, so I didn’t have much skill in talking to other people, let alone cute guys.
But, I just started watching Youtube videos of my favorite actresses and shows like the Office and Friends to bring out my funny personality.
I was awkward, but I totally used it to my advantage. I made jokes and sounded like a dork, because it’s truly who I was. This meant laughing at myself and not being afraid to make eye contact.
People like people who are easy to talk to and who don’t take themselves too seriously. So take a deep breath, and practice laughing.
Think about something funny you truly like and use that to make you feel good before doing something that tests your confidence.
3. Be Kind
Be kind to yourself, and to others. Communicating with other human beings seems like more and more of a challenge these days. Confidence is feeling secure enough in yourself to make others feel better.
When we lack self-confidence, our self-doubt can bring out negative thoughts.
If you’re feeling insecure, instead of giving into the inner critic inside your head, think about something nice to say instead. I have a strong belief that kindness and humor can go a long way.
Practice giving other people compliments, that truly comes from a good place inside you. Don’t just say something nice just to check it off your list. Truly mean it.
If you mean it, it will make you feel amazing.
Because you are making other people feel good about themselves. Which then makes you feel good about yourself.
The more you feel better about yourself, the more you’ll want to give to the world. And this will seriously boost your confidence.
4. Repeat People’s Names
Whether it’s a new job, a new class, or meeting someone at a bar for the first time, practice repeating the person’s name right after you hear it.
Not knowing someone’s name can affect your self-confidence, because asking “Sorry, what’s your name again?” is kind of awkward.
It’s not bad to ask that, but repeating someone’s name is a great way to appear more confident, while also letting the name stick in your head.
If you’re meeting 20 people all at once, then please don’t worry about remembering everyone’s names But, if you meet one new person, try shaking their hand and repeating their name back. It will stick a lot better.
Sometimes I think of how I can remember their name even better. Like if their name is Britney, I think “Like Britney Spears”.
Remembering someone’s name and saying it, later on, will give you a big boost in confidence. And the other person will be super impressed.
Because everyone knows how awkward it is to meet someone for the first time. Remembering a name will go a long way, I promise!
5. Go easy on yourself and celebrate the small wins
Everyone in the world makes mistakes. People stumble on their words, mess up their speeches, and generally just mess up sometimes.
Which is just proof that perfection isn’t possible. And the more you try to reach it, the further it will get. Leaving you feeling defeated and annoyed.
Instead, track your progress and the small wins. If you had the courage to get up in front of the class and give a speech, way to go!
It really doesn’t matter how the speech even went. All that matters, to build up your confidence and appear more confident, is taking action.
Even if you totally butchered something, who cares? We all make mistakes and laughing about it later is all you can really do.
Sometimes, it’s not that easy. But, thinking about everything you’ve done so far is what you have to remember during those tough moments.
Fear is crippling, and every time you decide to go after something despite facing fear, you build up confidence. You become stronger.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 20, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
Things to stop doing when you’re stressed. It’s hard to know the right thing to do when you’re stressed. We often do the things we’re NOT supposed to.
Most of us don’t really know how to cope when our lives are chaotic. We turn to unhealthy habits that make us feel better (temporarily), like drinking or playing video games.
It’s just like sweeping your problems under the rug. Out of sight so you don’t really have to deal with them. But still there and unresolved.
When You’re Stressed, It’s Easy To Turn To Things That Are Harmful
The challenge is, that when we’re stressed, we fall into a trap of unhealthy habits that are tough to break.
These habits form when you just need something to take the edge off. Stressed and overwhelmed aren’t comfortable to sit in.
So you find that drinking a glass of wine at the end of a hard day is the best answer. It helps take your mind off of your issues for a while. Eventually, this becomes a regular thing to do.
And then every time you’re stressed, instead of fixing the problem, you end up resorting to bad things to make you feel better.
But, most of the time we aren’t even aware these things are bad for us, or why.
Here are 8 things you should stop doing when you’re stressed
Let’s work on getting to the bottom of some of the things you should stop doing if you’re feeling stressed out. This way, you can start to understand the things that do help the most when you’re stressed.
1. Emotional Eating
Comfort food tastes the best after a long, tough day at work. Maybe you even use it as a reward for getting through those days.
But, using food as a way to handle stress isn’t very sustainable. Especially if it happens every time you get stressed out.
You might feel good for a little bit, but afterward, you’ll feel guilty. Which can feed into the stress (no pun intended!).
- Emotional eating can also cause a bad cycle of feeling like you need to eat any time your cortisol levels are off. And you’re feeling guilty about eating too much might cause you to eat more to cover up your feelings.
A better way to deal with your stress is by addressing your emotional feelings and getting to the root of the problem.
Think about how you’re feeling during your stressful times. Are you angry, sad, or depressed? Once you pinpoint your emotion, and what is causing that emotion, you’ll begin to learn how to deal with stress without relying on food.
2. Avoiding your problems
We all try to avoid our problems at some point or another. Sometimes, it might be necessary just to find a distraction and clear your mind.
But, avoiding every problem will cause a lot of issues in your life. When things get tough, some people’s first instinct is to run away and pretend like nothing is wrong.
This is unhealthy because you don’t how to properly build up the mental strength to get through bad times. It all starts with your outlook on your life, and choosing to avoid problems can cause tension between people close to you.
It also doesn’t give you a chance to deal with the issue and move on to something better. Start small and create a to-do list of everything that needs to be taken care of.
- Then, work on holding yourself accountable to accomplish the small goals you set for yourself.
This will teach you how to handle discomfort and give you the confidence to know you’ll get through anything.
3. Giving into unhealthy urges
Whether it’s smoking, eating, drinking, or any other vice out there, they aren’t the right way to handle stress. When you give in to an urge, you make it that much harder to resist it the next time it comes up.
Giving in to urges means you’re weakening your mental strength and willpower.
- It eventually turns into an unhealthy habit that becomes really tough to break.
You can practice ignoring your urges (even though it’s really hard!) and every time an urge comes up, practice telling yourself “This is just a temptation, and I haven’t trained my brain long enough to know I don’t do that anymore.”
It’s going to take a lot to overcome some of those urges, especially with smoking and drinking. Having an addiction makes it almost impossible to never give in.
- But, you can start today with baby steps and work on building up your mental strength and dealing with stress in a healthier way.
4. Ignoring health issues
Of all these things to stop doing when you’re stressed, ignoring your stress is one of the biggest. Stress can cause a number of health issues, like:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- High blood pressure
- Heart disease
- Obesity
And plenty more, but these are issues that can be life-threatening. And if you start to let stress completely control your life, it will start to affect other people who care about you.
If you ever feel off and it lasts for a couple of days, don’t ignore it and wait for it to go away. Go see your doctor and talk about what’s going on. They might determine an underlying issue.
You can also talk to an online therapist at any time, day or night.
5. Watching too much TV/News
Nothing stresses me out more than turning on the 4 o’clock news. It’s usually only bad stuff and gives me a bad feeling in my stomach.
Consuming too much negativity or watching too much TV can increase your stress levels. We weren’t meant to sit all day at work and come home and sit all night in front of the TV.
- It’s not always bad, but moderation is important.
I’ve completely stopped watching the news and my stress levels have reduced. I don’t feel so scared because I limit how much information I give myself.
Simply cutting out the news may be one of the easiest things to stop doing when you’re stressed, which can have the biggest impact.
It’s always good to be aware of your surroundings, but watching the news can do more harm than good. And it can make it seem like the world isn’t that great of a place, which definitely isn’t true.
6. Overworking
Hiding behind your work to deal with stress is a common problem. Technology allows you to be in constant contact with co-workers, even if that’s at 10 p.m. at night.
Society has created a world where if you’re not insanely busy at all hours of the day, you’re doing something wrong. This is what’s causing a lot of stress and it’s taking a toll on our health.
It’s actually much healthier to take breaks and set boundaries with work. Not just for your health right now, but in the future. Eventually, you’ll come to a point where you don’t have to work anymore.
Learning how to accept that you don’t have to be a workaholic to be accepted by other people is a huge step to take to reduce your stress.
- Start by leaving work at work and setting your phone to away at night.
Once you set those limits, other people will learn to respect them and you’ll feel more relaxed and it will allow you to enjoy the important moments of your life.
7. Mis-Managing Your Time
Do you ever hop onto Facebook to see if you have any notifications, and end up getting sucked into for like an hour?
Maybe it’s just me, but losing track of time is very easy to do. On any given day you probably have a running to-do list that grows by the minute. And when it comes down to checking these things off your list, you realize certain things take way more time to get done than others.
That’s why knowing how to manage your time can drastically reduce stress. With hectic to-do lists and not feeling like there’s enough time, we start to procrastinate because it’s too overwhelming.
You can nix the problem in the butt by sitting down and focusing on important things that need to get done. Then you can determine how long each task is going to take and slowly spread them out throughout the week or month.It takes discipline on your part to tackle your to-do list, but you’ll quickly find that it will allow you to get a lot more done in less time. Which leaves more time to focus on you and have some important relaxation time!
8. People Pleasing
People pleasing turns into overfilling your schedule, which turns into a lot of unwanted stress. Even feeling the need to please people causes stress.
Worrying about what others think will only lower your confidence and make you question a lot of things you do. The most important thing you can start doing is saying no. During times when it’s desperately needed.
Saying no is not the easiest thing to do, because we as humans have a need to fit in and seek the approval of others.
- It’s in our genes, so it makes sense that it’s pretty difficult to set boundaries with people. But, it will give you back control over your life.
8 Things To Stop Doing When You’re Stressed – Conclusion
It first starts with knowing what your limits are, and how much you are comfortable with taking on. After you do that, managing your time will be easier because there won’t be so much on your plate.
And trust me, the more often you bite the bullet and tell someone no when you’re too busy, the easier it will be to do it in the future!
If you’re looking for more help with solving the problems in your life to help reduce stress, make sure to check out the Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness Course.
This is an incredibly uplifting online course packed with so many resources to help you destress, set goals, break through mindset blocks, and take radical action and accountability for the happiness in your own life.
You can check out the wellness course by clicking here!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 15, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
We could all stand to learn how to be more resilient during stressful times of life. Because I know. there are times when stress completely takes over.
And it’s usually when you’ve reached your maximum capacity that things go south fast. You can’t control your temper, you’re short with your loved ones, and you’d do anything to get away from what you’re feeling right now.
But, there are ways to handle tough times in your life without going over the edge. Here are some tips to help you become stronger and more resilient when times get tough.
How To Be More Resilient During Stressful Times
Stress sucks. Our lives are crazy hectic at times and it’s no wonder we don’t flip out on people more often.
With how much we’re expected to handle without complaining, outbursts are bound to happen. No matter how bad it is, you can stay calm and remind yourself this will pass.
I’m not saying it’s easy—I don’t always deal properly with stress. But, as I’ve reached my breaking point more often, I’ve learned that blowing up on my boyfriend and crying on the floor isn’t the best answer.
Neither is emotional eating or sulking your sorrows in alcohol. Our fight or flight reaction kicks in when we’re stressed, so we get one of two urges.
Fight it out with anyone in sight or run away from our problems with some ice cream in tow. And neither one of those is the right answer.
These don’t solve anything, they are just quick fixes to cover up a bigger problem. What you can start to do instead is work on being more resilient in the face of trouble.
What is Resilience?
In the simplest terms, resilience is your ability to bounce back from anything that gets thrown your way. I’m going to use a rubber band metaphor here. Think of pulling a rubber band as far as it can go, really stretching its limits.
Then think about letting go of the rubber band–what happens to it?
It snaps right back to its original form. I know that rubber bands lose their elasticity after a while, so it’s not the best metaphor, but resilience is basically a rubber band that never loses its elasticity.
Some people have a lot of resilience. They get knocked down, but they continue to get up and push through.
How to Build Resilience During Stressful Times
There won’t be a time in your life when bad things and problems stop happening. The quicker you can accept that, the faster you’ll move on and develop resilience.
1. Think of Your Stressful Situation as a Learning Experience
So often we fall into the trap of playing the victim. When stress piles on, it’s hard not to think the world is out to get you.
It’s destructive thinking to believe you deserve to have bad things happen to you. And it’s incredibly difficult to be stronger during tough times if you just cave and let it control your life.
Think about any stressful situation as a growing period. You could even call it growing pains. You might feel vulnerable, hurt, or scared and these feelings are raw.
Nothing feels good about these moments, but they are going to pass. Resilient people believe this, and they take it as a learning experience.
They ask questions like:
- How can I know better for next time?
- What do I know now that I didn’t know before this problem?
- What is the best solution to push through right now, so I can go back to feeling normal?
When you start to believe what you’re going through is just a growing phase, you’ll feel more confident you can push through it.
Every time a tough situation comes up and you believe that you build up resilience. Until one day, it’s not even a question if you’ll make it through or not.
So if you want to be more resilient, know that you need to tell yourself that you believe you are strong.
2. Use your Low Moments to Push You Forward
Everyone has setbacks. Trying to be a more positive and resilient person will have its own setbacks.
Life sometimes feels like it’s a one-step forward two steps back kind of thing. You might try really hard to focus on being resilient and not let things get to you.
But, you’re human. What helps is using those low moments, where you’ve fallen down and don’t see any hope, to push yourself out of it.
Think of what can change, and what problems can be solved. Take it one step at a time and lay it all out. When you get knocked down and decide to try again, you build resilience.
If you choose to stay down, it’ll be way too easy to stay there a fall prey to feeling like a victim.
3. Practice Being Grateful for What You Have
Think about it– what makes you happy? Is it your dog? Your boyfriend? Is it when you get to come home from a long day, make a yummy dinner and binge on Netflix?
These things are easy to take for granted. But these are the things that get you through the tough times.
Sometimes it’s hard to be grateful for things that are constantly there. We just assume they’ll always be there.
Thinking of things that bring you happiness makes it really easy to be grateful for them.
Resilient people know what they have, and they protect it and appreciate it every day. Start with the small things, like your car, your bedroom, or your pillow.
Thinking about those things during the tough moments will give you a new appreciation for what you do have. Bad things happen, but they are only temporary.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Do you find that exercising or eating healthy goes out the window when you’re stressed out of your mind? That’s because we are looking for comfort in any way we can find it.
Things feel out of control, and it’s so easy to resort to unhealthy ways of coping. But, drinking wine every time you come across an issue just makes you rely on it to fix your problems, or make them disappear for a night.
You’re not actually listening to what you need, which is a shoulder to cry on, or driving around listening to your favorite music.
- Start putting yourself first, learn how to listen to what you need, and put in the effort to do those things.
Once you learn how to take care of yourself during tough moments in a healthy way, you’ll be well-equipped to deal with any level of stress.
Download my free mental wellness resource kit for more tips on how to take care of yourself from the inside out.
5. Focus on Improving Your Confidence
A lot of the time we lose sight of what we are capable of when we’re stressed. This can diminish our confidence and leave us wondering what the heck we’re doing.
Without confidence, it’s incredibly easy to want to give up. And that mental strength is exactly what you need to have in the face of difficult moments.
Confidence is one of the key ingredients to building resilience. Once you have it, you won’t struggle with feeling overwhelmed anymore.
You’ll believe you can make it through, and you’ll think logically about the situation.
Confidence also prevents your life from getting too stressful in the first place, because you’ll know how to set healthy boundaries.
6. Work on Building Strong Relationships
Sometimes you can’t do everything alone. Having the right people on your side can make a huge difference.
During the moments when you feel like giving up, talking to a close friend might be just the thing you need to keep pushing forward.
When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, keeping up with relationships is difficult. You’re so preoccupied with everyone going on that staying in touch with someone is tough.
This backfires during those moments when you’re in complete distress and really need someone. Building resilience requires taking time, even during hectic times, to call up a friend and say, hey can we talk for a few minutes?
- Talking it out is one of the best ways to manage everything going on.
You’ll get a new perspective and learn the things you’re freaking out about aren’t that big of a deal, in the grand scheme of things.
- Just remember that during stressful times in your life, things aren’t going to be perfect.
- You’ll have moments of not knowing what you’re doing, but go easy on yourself.
If you beat yourself up over trying to handle a situation better than you did, you’ll only add to the stress.
Resilience is all about accepting what happens in your life and solving problems one step at a time.
It requires patience and practice, over and over again. You will become mentally stronger and you’ll go from thinking “I can’t” to “I can”.
The more obstacles you overcome in your life and come out on the other side, the stronger your resilience will become.
For More Tips On How To Be More Resilient:
If you’re looking for more help with building a stronger mindset, becoming more resilient, and creating your dream life, make sure to check out Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness.
Inside Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness course we cover:
- Mindset
- Blocks
- Emotions and feelings
- Self-love
- Problems
- Overwhelm, burnout, and busyness
- Productivity
- Time management
- Goal setting
- Habits
The course is packed full of information that begins with changing your mindset to push through obstacles and ends with giving you important life skills that everyone needs to know.
To see the full video, and all other lessons, click here.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 10, 2018 | Self-Improvement
Strengthening your mind is a great way to fight off anxiety and reduce depression.
Both anxiety and depression are very treatable, and it can start with you taking a few minutes each day to focus on your mindset.
It can seem like either one (or both) of these things is taking over your life. Believe me, I get it. I’ve had times where my anxiety prevented me from wanting to go outside, and my depression prevented me from wanting to get up in the mornings.
The goods news is it’s possible to reduce the power either of these holds over you.
10 Mental Exercises to Help Reduce Anxiety & Depression
If you’re finding that you can’t bring yourself to do these exercises, or you aren’t sure if they will work, I’d suggest looking into finding a counselor.
Our minds can get so wrapped up in a tangled web, that it’s almost impossible to unravel it all by yourself.
These mental exercises will help if you feel like you’re anxiety is manageable enough for you to do it on your own.
Otherwise, I’d suggest taking a look at BetterHelp, an online counseling platform. You can get matched with a therapist who will help you unravel all of those thoughts in your head.
And they will give you the right tools you’ll need to learn how to fight off anxiety and depression.
How Mental Exercises Can Improve Your Anxiety
Working on your mindset is a great way to retrain your brain to focus on the positives in your life. It will take work on your part.
If you want to reduce the anxiety in your life, you’ll need to take time every day to focus on it. Just like working out or eating healthy, it requires some discipline.
Mental exercises will clear your mind and give you a better outlook on your life. Practicing these techniques frequently will build your mental strength.
You’ll feel more confident in yourself because you’ll be able to unravel those anxious thoughts. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out causes stress. When we’re stressed, we develop bad habits to try and cope with our feelings.
This weakens our mindset and makes us vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Instead of using unhealthy coping techniques, you can try these mental exercises and work on improving your mindset.
1. Start by Identifying Your Fear
Figure out what is the cause of your anxiety. Determine what this is first, then you can work on retraining your brain.
Write down the things that trigger anxiety for you.
These things can sometimes be hard to admit. We don’t like to dig deep and think about what triggers us to feel uncomfortable.
Anxiety feels like it just happens out of nowhere sometimes.
In reality, though, you have a fear that triggers anxiety for you.
So dig deep and figure out what it is for you.
2. Practice Staying Present in the Moment
Once anxiety starts, keeping a grasp on reality is tough. Your mind feels like it’s going 100 miles per hour.
A good way to slow it down is by focusing on this moment, right now. Start by taking time out of everything.
Something that really helps me is (if it’s nice enough outside) going outside sans phone or any technology. The weather plays a big role in my own anxiety, and I am aware of this.
Warmth makes my anxiety manageable and gloomy days make it sometimes unbearable. What is something that makes you feel calm? Some people love the sound of crowds.
Others love the sound of rain. Think about what clicks with you. Try to find that space, then practice using your senses to be more present in the moment.
This can help train your brain to focus on what is right in front of you in the moment. Instead of letting your mind take you away into anxietyland.
3. Let Go of the Value You Give to Your Thoughts
When anxiety floods in, you might allow it to take over your thoughts. It makes sense, we worry over things that we believe have a big impact on our lives.
But, think back to 6 months ago when anxiety took over and made you feel terrible. Can you remember back to 6 months ago?
That’s kind of my point. We often get so focused on the moment right now we forget that we’ve made it through before.
We place a lot of value on what controls our thoughts. In reality, they are just thoughts. Our thoughts don’t make our reality.
Think about a dollar. We give it value because it’s money. The truth is, it’s a piece of paper. So, what’s the difference between a dollar bill and a piece of paper we use to print off movie tickets? Just the value we give it.
What’s the difference between the worries in your head and the reality that you’re in? The value you give to your worries. After you learn to stop giving those thoughts so much power, you’ll learn that your anxiety has only as much value as you give it.
4. Work on Breathing Techniques
A lot of the time I don’t breathe enough. I actually have a weird issue where I need to take deep breaths often, or else I feel like my lungs will collapse on me.
And I believe this is because I hold my breath a lot. And when I’m trying to sleep, I wake up with a strong pain in my chest because I have sleep apnea. Knowing how to breathe properly is super important, and yet not a lot of people know how to do it.
Which is crazy, right? Breathing is a requirement to survive but we still suck at it. Breathing is how you connect your body with your mind, so it makes sense that it’s an important mental exercise.
I don’t care how stupid it may sound, you need to pay more attention to your own breathing. A very simple and effective way to practice breathing correctly is:
- Inhale deeply for 7 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 5 seconds.
- Exhale deeply (where you have no oxygen left) for 7 seconds.
- Repeat 5 times
Do this 3 times a day. I would suggest setting reminders for yourself. Because it’s all too easy to forget to set aside time to breathe.
If you can work on this consistently for a few weeks, you’ll feel calmer and your anxiety won’t seem so extreme.
5. Ask Yourself “What’s the Worst That Can Happen?”
If you’re feeling extra anxious, take a step back and think about the worst-case scenario. Let’s say you messed up at work and now you’re worried you’ll get fired.
The worst-case scenario is you get fired from your job. Now, focus on two things, the reality of the situation and what would happen if you did get fired.
The reality is, you won’t get fired. And deep down, you know this. The fears you create in your mind aren’t real.
The worst-case scenario for you is the extreme. Getting fired usually requires you to do a lot of things wrong, even then some companies will still keep you around.
And then think about what would happen if you did get fired. You’d be ok. You’d push yourself to look for a new job, work hard at filling out applications, and move on to the next thing.
You can do this with any scenario that is made up in your head. Think of the worst that could happen, then work back from there.
6. Ground Yourself
Grounding techniques will bring you out of your thoughts and back into the present moment. You can start to reduce stress and feel more confident in your abilities.
Think about connecting your body to the earth below you. Visualize grounding yourself. Pay attention to the sights, smells, and sounds around you.
Practice staying grounded for 10-15 minutes a day. It can truly help you become more centered with yourself and feel at peace with your anxiety.
7. Write Out all of Your Thoughts on Paper
Have you ever tried to solve a long-division problem all in your head? If you have, you know how complicated it is.
Writing it out on a piece of paper is much easier and it helps clear your mind. The same goes for all of the other thoughts going on in your head.
Don’t expect yourself to work through your thoughts just by keeping stirring them in your head. Especially if you know you aren’t getting very far by doing that.
Writing down everything you’re feeling, how your day is going, and what is causing your anxiety or depression can help clear your cluttered brain.
This will allow you to get a different perspective, and feel a little lighter.
8. Use Visualization
Visualization is personally one of my favorite mental exercises to do. You can get away from your thoughts for a little bit and focus on something you truly enjoy.
Visualization is when you think about a safe place during the moments you feel anxious or depressed. This can calm you down and help deal better with what is going on.
You can practice visualization by:
- Thinking of your safe, relaxing place
- Relaxing your body
- Letting go of the stresses by imagining they are dissolving whenever they enter your safe place
- Working on it every day
This gives you a healthy distraction, and I find it useful when I can’t fully get myself to relax with meditation.
Sometimes, in the middle of a stressful situation, I have to use visualization to distance myself from it until I am looking at it from a bird’s eye view.
9. Remove the Negative Thoughts
Stop trying so hard to hold onto all of the negative thoughts floating in your head. Negativity feeds on itself, so you have to put an end to the cycle.
That starts with being mentally aware of when you’re negative thoughts are creeping in. They can sometimes be hard to pick out because a lot of your thoughts are negative, so you’re used to it. But, think about how you’re thoughts make you feel.
Do they:
- Hold you back from trying new things?
- Tell you that you’re not good enough?
- Convince you to avoid uncomfortable situations?
- Make up excuses as to why something wouldn’t work out?
Any time you hear thoughts similar to these, make a mental note. This will make you more aware of how many negative thoughts you are having.
Then, practice replacing a negative thought with a positive one. If you think “I shouldn’t go to the party because I’ll look stupid.”
Think, “I’m going to the party because I want to, and I’m curious to see what happens.” This will bring you back to neutral thinking, and will give you a more optimistic outlook on things.
10. Count Backwards
If all else fails during the moments when you feel really anxious or depressed, come up with a number in your head and focus on counting backward.
But, you have to focus all of your attention on counting. It can’t be mindless. The second you feel your thoughts drifting off to something else, start over counting.
Just focus on the numbers. If it helps, start with a really large number that takes a lot of focus to count back from.
10 Mental Exercises to Help Reduce Anxiety & Depression – Conclusion
I understand that reducing anxious and depressing thoughts isn’t easy. Especially if you’ve never practiced any of these mental exercises before. Trust me, I’ve been there!
But, it always helps to just start somewhere.
Being more aware of the thoughts in your head brings you closer to knowing how to control them. And once you take control of your thoughts, you take away the power of anxiety and depression.
The only way anxiety and depression can completely take over is if you sit by and let them. There are always ways to overcome both anxiety and depression. And, at one point I didn’t believe that.
I now know after going to therapy and learning about these mental exercises, these things aren’t permanent. It is possible to live a calm and happy life. Where you see your purpose and are excited for what comes next into your life.
That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to. If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again. If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here.
