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How to Love Yourself Again

Use the I L.O.V.E. M.E. checklist to go from feeling unloveable & anxious to confident & composed (making everyone in the room totally captivated & enchanted by your presence)

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I totally get what it’s like to feel completely lost with life. And if you currently feel this way, then please don’t feel discouraged.

The truth of the matter is most people feel lost in their journey through life. Even when it seems like they have everything perfectly placed together. And as if their lives are going exactly as planned.

But, I can argue with you about anyone in the world who, at one point or the other, doesn’t have a clue about what they are doing with their life.

Please don’t be fooled because it’s just not physically possible to have your shit together 100% of the time. Life will do its best to throw you off the beaten path. And it’s when your life is far from perfect that you learn how to actually deal with it.

I just want to get rid of this idea that you need to have your life figured out. Right now, or even 5 years from now.

I’m not saying to stop caring about everything in your life right now and just “go with the flow”. Remember, we are talking about our lives here.

Our own bodies and mind control what we turn into and this changes almost on a daily basis. You might want to write a book and travel the world today, and want to have a secure relationship/office job by tomorrow. It gets messy, and there is no one specific way to go about living your life.

If anything I think it’s more important to understand about who you are and what you want, instead of trying to nail down the one thing that you can stick to for the rest of your life.

If you feel lost right now, then you’re in just the right spot of living life as authentically as you want to be. It’s only when we become complacent and don’t question our surroundings that we are in trouble.

When you look back on your ancestors and how the human body has transformed over the hundreds or thousands of years that we’ve been on this earth, you will see that a lot of it is out of your control. And you may feel lost right now because of what is engrained into your genes way before you were even born.

Have I lost you yet?

In more simpler terms, we as humans are modified to be and act a certain way. Yes our surroundings have morphed tremendously within the last 100 years. We have electricity, internet, heat & air conditioning, safe cars to drive in, phones that give us instant access to whatever we want… the list goes on.

And yet we are feeling more and more lost. But, it’s because we are looking to all of these things to solve our problems.

When 100 years ago it was more about survival. About how to figure out where to get your next meal that made life less about “will I have my life figured out by the end of this year?” and more about “Will I be able to survive until next month?”

Let me remind you that CPR was invented in 1960, which means before that we had no clue what to do when someone’s heart stopped. And while hospitals have been around for centuries, the average lifespan for each person has increased from 47 years old in 1919 to 80 in 2019.

As the world evolves we are getting better and better at solving the most inconvenient problems, and yet we feel more and more lost.

I personally believe it’s because of all of our problems being solved. Our brains don’t have much to worry about, which makes us worry about the littlest things.

And those small things turn into big things after a while.

Ok, so how can you start finding yourself when you feel lost and unmotivated?

Let’s start with a few steps:

Embrace Simplicity

Some of you may hate me for saying this. Embracing simplicity isn’t that simple to do, is it? And even when it is, will that really solve your struggles at the moment? It sounds too simple right?

I just have to say that the more and more we go searching for outside resources to solve every problem of ours until our houses are locked, ovens turned off and lights turn on with the sound of our voice – the less we feel at all productive.

These things are immediate solutions to our problems, and yet they don’t deal with the deeper problems. Like, the obvious question of “since I have everything solve my problems, why am I not any happier?”

And honestly this starts by embracing simplicity. Instead of going on your phone every 20 minutes to search for the next new thing to make you feel better, leave your phone at home. Or on your desk as you take a walk on your lunch break at work.

Embracing simplicity allows you to become more in tune with yourself, and your surroundings. Which is the most basic way of living you can get. And it allows you to slow things down a little bit.

Remember, 100 years ago a lot of people didn’t have cars to drive, or even lights in their homes. Right at this time, a lot of people in the world were just getting used to the idea of something out there being able to provide them light in their homes that didn’t involve fire.

I’m not trying to give you a history lesson, instead I am trying to remind you of where you have descended from. Even though we try to forget these parts of ourselves, there was once a time when nothing was so easily accessible. Mankind has worked it’s ass off for the last 100 years to replace every problem with a solution, hoping to reach this point of zero problems.

But, like I said, life is not supposed to be lived without problems. It’s inevitable, and if you are going down this route then I encourage you to instead embrace the simplicity of it all.

 

Talk About Your Struggles

If you feel lost right now, don’t be afraid to admit it! It’s totally ok to just say “I really don’t have this thing called life figured out right now, but I sure am trying.”

Because if you do feel worried about feeling lost, or feeling behind or whatever it is you feel, it means you are trying. You’re trying your best to figure out.

So open up about this, to whoever you trust. Maybe that’s your sister or you therapist or you professor at school.

Whoever seems to judge you the least, please don’t be afraid to open up to people. We are humans who crave connection and you seriously need this in order to feel more content in your life.

When you open up, you will see that other people feel the same as you. And you will have a companion who is on your side – which will help you see that you can conquer this time of your life.

Tip: There is this misconception that we are more appealing if we just keep our mouths shut and pretend that we have our lives together. But, truthfully? Other people will be so much MORE grateful for when you open up about not feeling 100% confident about your life. They will relate to you, and feel more comfortable opening up to you.

 

Look Inwards

One of the main reasons you feel lost right now is because you aren’t living authentically.

Which means you aren’t living life how you want to. You have all of this outside noise telling you how you should live your life.

And you want to do a good job, so that means listening to those voices. But, by listening to other people around you and ignoring yourself, you will become more and more lost.

This is a confidence lesson in its most simplest form – look inward. Listen to your needs and your wants.

Start small by doing one thing that you’ve been wanting to try for a long time. Whatever the hell it is, do it.  Then, build from there.

Want to run a marathon? Sign up for a race in the next 3 months! Want to learn how to sing properly? Sign up for a vocal lesson.

I know, I’m making it sound way more simpler than it is for you. If you had the time, you would. Or even if you had the money you would.

But, that’s just a sign that you’re ignoring your needs and wants. Stop ignoring these things! I promise you, the minute you decide to take action towards one small thing you want, you will feel way more empowered. Give it a shot, then send me an email if you don’t.

 

Make it a Point to Be More Real

I am a fan of Instagram just like most twenty-somethings. But, I’ve set my limits on what I choose to believe and what I ignore.

And you have to do this, too. Whatever you see on social media (whether that’s Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc), you have to set boundaries with yourself.

Most of the time people only post to get more likes, views, and shares. A lot of people will go to great lengths to prove they are worthy of going viral. Which sometimes means selling their soul.

It’s your choice to decide to let other people’s “perfect lives” determine how successful you are. If you are feeling pretty good about your life but see your friends from high school getting married and having children, don’t allow that to influence your decisions moving forward.

That’s just because you have no idea what is truly going on. If people are trying that hard to make it seem like they’re picture perfect on social media, then there may be a chance that they are trying to cover something up. Something they aren’t proud of to share.

I never use Facebook anymore, but if I am ever feeling down in my life I still get an urge to post something uplifting. As if to prove that I am strong. Like Facebook can validate that for me. Which is dumb.

And I still fight that urge, but then it passes and I move on and totally forget about Facebook for another few months.

I would suggest to you that being more real is as good as you can get. Embrace your personal struggles and embrace where you are at right now.

Be kind to yourself, as cliche as that sounds. I am saying that from my heart.

When it feels like everything you read on the internet is just a ploy to get more likes, shares, or for you to purchase something, I am here to tell you to just focus on being more real.

Once upon a time the term “follow your heart” didn’t sound so cheesy. At least, I’d like to believe that.

 

Alright, that’s it for this post. What are some ways that you work at trying to find yourself? Leave a comment below or feel free to email me with your answer! I always look forward to hearing from each and every one of you.

How to Love Yourself Again

Use the I L.O.V.E. M.E. checklist to go from feeling unloveable & anxious to confident & composed (making everyone in the room totally captivated & enchanted by your presence)

Powered by ConvertKit

 

Confused as to where your life is going? Struggling with finding direction? This post will help you figure out how to find yourself, even when you're feeling totally lost.
Confused as to where your life is going? Struggling with finding direction? This post will help you figure out how to find yourself, even when you're feeling totally lost.
Confused as to where your life is going? Struggling with finding direction? This post will help you figure out how to find yourself, even when you're feeling totally lost.
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