When it comes to mental health, it’s important to take it seriously.
I always find the stigma around mental health a challenge, for myself and others. It’s not the easiest thing to explain to someone who just doesn’t get it.
Too many times I’ve gotten the advice of “It’s all in your head” or “Just go out and get some exercise and you’ll feel better.”
But, as you may know already, when you have anxiety it just doesn’t work that way.
You can’t just tell yourself to get over it and move on. Burying those thoughts and those feelings only allows them to refloat to the surface later on.
Until eventually you have to face what’s going on before you break.
I went about 2 years feeling pretty miserable. And I would follow all the rules like exercising daily and making sure I checked off the rest of the boxes that should have helped with my mental health.
I tried so hard to fight the feelings and troubling thoughts I kept having.
During this time, I didn’t really believe it could get much better. I thought my life was destined to be this way forever.
And thinking about such a grim future just made my depression worse. It was a bad cycle to be in.
I finally broke down and started to talk to people about what was going on. I cried to my sister, who told me she knew exactly what I was going through.
She has struggled with both before as well so I believed her when she told me it would get better.
At first, she suggested trying to change my thought process. Things like cognitive behavior therapy, where you work on challenging your thoughts.
That worked for a little bit, but I think part of it was because I just felt better talking to her about it. Once that feeling wore off, I fell back into the depression.
It reached a point where none of it was working anymore. That’s when I finally decided to go on anti-depressants. I’ve been on them in the past but didn’t fully see the importance of them until now.
Once I went back on antidepressants things started to shift.
How to Start Taking Your Life Back When You Have Anxiety
Consider Trying Anti-Depressants
I think that if you are finding that nothing seems to be working and you feel anxious all of the time, medication can help.
There’s a lot of speculation around anti-depressants, which can make it hard to know if it’s right for you.
For a long time, I was a skeptic myself. But, once I reached a point where nothing else worked anymore I was open to giving it a shot.
I’m very happy I did because I am able to manage my thoughts and focus on what is most important in my life.
My mood has stabilized, and I don’t fall into the deep trap of depression. My anxiety has lowered as well.
I’m suggesting this only because I know it has a chance of helping. It helped when nothing else worked and I’m grateful for that.
Once you are at a point where you feel like you have enough control over your thoughts, you can begin to work on everything else.
Remember, when it comes to your mental health, it starts first with just getting to a state of mind where you feel okay again.
That was my ultimate goal for the longest time. I just wanted to feel like my chest wasn’t going to explode all the time.
If you find that you aren’t ready for this step, please continue to work on steps 1 & 2. Unfortunately, with anxiety and depression, it’s not always possible to do normal daily functions.
And it starts by taking one step at a time. So, once you do feel that you are in a good state of mind, grab a notebook and pen and start coming up with things that you want your life to consist of.
What is it that you want your days to be full of, that your anxiety was preventing you from doing?
Is that working out? Getting a new job? Meeting new friends?
This list you’re creating has no limits. Think about all of the things that truly make you happy.
Again, if you are struggling with depression this part won’t be easy. This is only for when you are truly starting to feel hope again.
Just writing these things down can help set off a spark inside you.
As you begin to see these things, you can work on figuring out how to add them into your life.
It’s just crazy how our minds can prevent us from doing or even wanting the things we want. We can convince ourselves that these things aren’t important.
And your anxiety can tell you these things are too scary to ever try.
But, you deserve every single thing on that list. As your mind starts to come to a place of feeling better and like you can focus on living your life, you will begin to believe this, too.
Slowly Start Adding New Things Into Your Daily Routine
From personal experience and from research, I’ve found that trying to jump all in on trying a bunch of new things when you are overcoming anxiety can backfire.
Either from not being ready enough to try all of these new things, and your anxiety coming back. Or by feeling so overwhelmed by everything that it prevents you from doing anything.
As you are taking back control over your life, it’s best to take it slowly. You’re making lifestyle changes that can help you for the rest of your life.
Quick fixes won’t work when it comes to improving your mental health.
If you want to start working out, take some time to find some exercises that appeal to you. Then, try to do it 3 times a week. For the first week, try for 10 minutes, then increase to 20 then so on.
This way, you are working to build up a new habit. Jumping into a full hour of intense workout may make you hate it and not want to try it ever again.
As you are adding things to your daily routine, focus on enjoying the process. If you aren’t enjoying it anymore, then it’s okay to let it go.
Sometimes we feel the pressure to work out because we think we have to. But if you hate it then try to find something you do enjoy doing.
If You’ve Ever Experienced a Panic Attack You Know Just How Serious They Can Feel…
Thankfully, there are some great ways to not only stop a panic attack in its tracks but, with a little work subside the tremours from rearing their ugly head in the first place.
Panic attacks can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people feel it coming on, other times it just happens all at once.
But we all can agree – they are not fun. At all.
Panic attacks are our body’s fight-or-flight response. A very useful feature when we lived among the animal kingdom – not so useful in the modern world.
So how do you stop a panic attack? Well, it’s a skill, and luckily for us, it’s a skill we can all develop.
Once you’re aware of what’s happening, you can ‘deploy’ one or more of the following strategies on this page and you’ll be able to direct yourself away from a future attack and back down to earth.
How I Stopped My First Panic Attack
When I had my first panic attack, I definitely thought something was really wrong. Was I having a heart attack? This made me panic more.
I couldn’t focus and felt extremely disoriented. The feeling was so terrifying, I honestly didn’t know what to do. I called up my sister who had experienced them before and she was able to quickly calm me down.
Something that stuck with me was how calm she was about it and how she just kept telling me “Nothing is wrong, you’re completely healthy.”
Since it feels like you’re having a heart attack it helps to hear that nothing is actually wrong with your heart.
I still do get panic attacks, but I’ve been able to manage them and get through them without panicking too much. They are still uncomfortable, and I don’t think that will ever go away. The most important part, though, is knowing how to manage them.
17 Proven Ways to Quickly Stop a Panic Attack
Here are 17 things you can do to quickly stop a panic attack. Read through this list and remember some of them in case of a future episode.
1. Deep Breathing
Part of what makes us feel like we’re dying when we have a panic attack is we forget to breathe! Our breath shortens and we don’t inhale enough oxygen.
When you feel an attack coming on, remember to breathe. Practice this simple breathing technique from Anxiety Coach, so you can use it whenever you need it.
It also helps to keep a sticky note or reminder in your phone as a quick go-to.
2. Go for a Walk & Play Some Music
Listen to your body and take a break for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block and get some fresh air.
Listening to some good music also helps, too. Create a playlist full of your favorite songs that you can go to when you feel a panic attack coming on.
Planning ahead puts you in control of your attacks. You might not know exactly when they will happen, but you can learn to understand the symptoms.
Then, you can work on a game plan for when it does happen. If it’s at work, practice finding an escape route.
If it’s a situation you can’t get out of, think about breathing deeply and being mindful. Plan for the situation so that the attack doesn’t feel like the end of the world. This will help you stay calm.
4. Practice Mindfulness
You can check out the top mindfulness exercises I recommend here. Do these at home when you are relaxing, that way you can remember what works for you and use it during times of panic.
5. Think of Your Happy Place (something funny)
Panic attacks feel so serious. It’s honestly hard not to freak out when you feel one coming on.
But, just like any other fears we have, there are ways to overcome that initial state of panic. One of the best ways is by distracting yourself, and even laughing.
Think of your favorite movie, TV show, or even YouTube video. One that really makes you laugh so hard every time you see it.
Laughing helps because it diffuses the situation. Your brain calms down, and by laughing you learn that a panic attack doesn’t have to be so serious.
When I feel this way, I think of my boyfriend’s laugh when he thinks something is really funny. It always cracks me up because he sounds like a little kid.
6. Write Down Your Thoughts & Triggers
Journaling is always a great practice for reducing anxiety and panic attacks. During the times when you feel fine, write down your thoughts on your panic attacks.
This can give you a different perspective when you are experiencing an attack. And then, when you do have a panic attack, also write down how you’re feeling.
Getting your thoughts out can quickly help calm you down and alleviate some of the symptoms of a panic attack.
7. Repeat a mantra like, “This too Shall Pass”
A simple mantra can go a long way. Just because it’s something very easy to focus on. And your brain will start to believe it.
My mantra is “I think I can, I think I can”, and another popular one is “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.
Repeat these in your mind as you experience a panic attack. Keep your mind strong even when the rest of your body feels like it’s breaking down. You can even close your eyes to really help you focus on pushing through the uncomfortable moments.
8. Get Some Space and Talk to Yourself
Get out of the stuffy room that you’re in and get away from all the other people. Find a quiet spot, or even go out to your car if you have one. Then, talk to yourself.
Talk through how you feel and what is going on in your head. Try to understand why you’re having a panic attack in the first place, and figure out a rational spot in your head.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
9. Stop Repressing What is Bothering You
A big issue I’ve noticed is when we don’t feel so great and we feel anxious and nervous, we want to tell someone.
But, when we try to speak up other people are quick to judge and tell us that nothing is wrong with us. Trying to explain a panic attack to someone isn’t easy, and it can become misunderstood pretty quickly.
But, repressing how you’re feeling will only make your panic attacks worse. You’ll feel the pressure to keep things inside, and you’ll think that you shouldn’t even be having panic attacks in the first place.
This can cause a bad cycle to start. Instead, don’t repress how you’re feeling. Reach out to someone who won’t judge you and who understands.
If you want to talk to a therapist, I recommend BetterHelp. Or, you can also reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, which is completely free.
10. Slow Down
I just want to tell you that you are doing enough. No matter how you’re feeling inside or what anyone else tells you.
When you experience a panic attack, focus on slowing down everything around you. You can even pretend like you’re moving in slow motion.
I know it sounds weird, but with the speed we work at nowadays, you’re going to have to slow things way down.
Let go of the deadlines, and the pressure from school or your boss, and just stop what you’re doing. Your panic attacks happen because of many different reasons in your life, usually brought on by stress and feeling like you’re not doing enough.
Take 5 minutes out of your day and just take it easy. On the days when you feel really stressed, go slow. Focus on one thing at a time.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
11. Drink Some Chamomile Tea
Some herbal remedies can help to quickly calm you down.
I personally love to drink some warm tea when I’m feeling anxious and uncomfortable. It feels similar to being wrapped up in a warm blanket.
You can drink some chamomile tea, which has calming effects. Or you can check out some essential oils and keep them near you during the day when you’re prone to anxiety attacks.
12. Stay in the Present & Ground Yourself
Practicing grounding techniques helps reduce anxiety and calm you down from a panic attack.
When you feel an attack coming on, try this 54321 game:
Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.
Name 4 things you can feel (“chair on my back” or “feet on the floor”)
Name 3 things you can hear right now (“fingers tapping on keyboard” or “tv”)
Name 2 things you can smell right now (or, 2 things you like the smell of)
Name 1 good thing about yourself
13. Call a Close Friend
Calling someone you trust can quickly help de-escalate the situation.
Reaching out for help is one of the best things you can do, as long as the person is actually helpful on the other end.
Sometimes, we feel like we can’t talk to anyone about what we’re going through because they might not understand it. During a panic attack, you need as much help as you can get. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who can help talk you through it.
Explain how you’re feeling and let them tell you that everything is okay, and get out of your head for a second.
14. Take Care of Yourself
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Also, don’t think you have to push these feelings away.
Embrace how you’re feeling and listen to it. If you’re feeling anxious, take a break.
Spend some time alone and do the things you enjoy. Taking care of yourself helps prevent panic attacks from happening because you’re more in tune with how you feel.
15. Don’t Fight the Anxiety, Go Easy on Yourself
When you’re feeling really anxious you don’t want to avoid how you’re feeling. This can just make you more anxious and cause you to feel on edge around other people.
There’s a reason you’re feeling anxious, whether that’s something in your environment or a chemical imbalance in your brain.
It’s OK to feel anxious! And to go easy on those days when you have high anxiety.
Once you learn to stop fighting how you’re feeling you will start to understand your anxiety more. You’ll learn what your triggers are. Understanding where your anxiety stems from will stop a panic attack in its tracks. Fighting your anxiety will only cause more panic attacks to occur.
Listen to what your anxiety is trying to tell you. If you don’t think anything is wrong in your life and you’re still feeling anxious, talk to your doctor about it.
Sometimes our bodies don’t produce enough serotonin to keep us naturally calm, and this could be what’s triggering your panic attacks (if you can’t seem to pinpoint what is actually wrong).
16. Let go of the Tension
I grind my teeth and tighten up my whole body when I feel a panic attack coming on, or when I’m just super anxious.
You most likely put a lot of tension on your body when you’re reacting to the nervous feelings.
Try to be more conscious of how your body feels. The more tense you are, the harder it is to get yourself to relax. Focus on relaxing your whole body when you’re feeling anxious. Take some deep breaths and release all of the built-up tension.
You’ll quickly start to feel calmer and more in control.
17. Think About After
As a panic attack hits, try to think about what happens when it finally goes away. If you’ve experienced panic attacks before then you know they do eventually pass.
Close your eyes and think about that moment. Imagine the panic attack passing through your body until it is completely gone.
Thinking about after helps you believe that you will survive this panic attack since you’ve done it before. This can help keep you calm and you can allow the attack to come and go.
Conclusion
If you can work on these ways to stop a panic attack, eventually your panic attacks will feel less extreme to you.
They won’t have such a big impact on your mentality when you know they will eventually go away.
At one point or another, we feel like we just aren’t good enough.
For that new job, that new guy, or even with our own family.
Self-doubt pops up depending on how you’re feeling, and someone can easily come in and break you down even more if you’re not careful.
Think about Cinderella for a second. Throughout the whole movie, she is treated like garbage by the people she calls family.
They definitely try their hardest to make her feel like she’s not good enough.
She still holds onto a little bit of hope that she deserves more than how she’s been treated.
And once she meets the prince, it’s such a relief to her for him to accept her exactly how she is.
I know I know, this is just a fairytale movie and it’s not the most realistic.
But, the premise of the story is accurate. The dark parts of Disney movies often reflect the dark parts of life.
And what happened to Cinderella with her family is what happens often to people in real life.
Maybe you’ve been treated a certain way for so long and you just never learned how to actually feel good about yourself.
Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough
I might not know exactly why you feel the way you do, because everyone goes through different experiences in life that morph them into who they are.
But, there are a few common things that often cause people to not feel good enough.
1. Family
Family members usually have the best intentions at heart, but they can easily make you feel not good enough.
You probably trust your family, or at least did at one point. They are the closest people to you until you’re 18 (because you don’t really have any other choice 🙂 )
18 years is a long time to be influenced by your family, and what they say and think about you can impact you much further down the road in your life.
This can lead to feeling not good enough because you don’t measure up in your family’s eyes.
2. Relationships
If you have certain people in your life who take advantage of you, they might be causing you to not feel good enough.
Whether it’s an intimate relationship or your best friend, these relationships can become toxic if the people you’re around don’t fully accept you for who you are.
Think about the closest people to you. Do they support you no matter what? Or do they constantly bring you down and judge you for living your life?
Negative energy can eventually break you down and make you question everything you do. Pay attention to the relationships around you and see if they’re toxic or not.
3. Society
Society says you are supposed to look, think, and act a certain way to appear “cool” and be accepted by other people.
The ads you see on TV and in magazines can mess with your subconscious, making you think you need to change who you are in order for someone to love you.
This stuff is honestly just a ploy for you to buy the things that will make you feel “good enough”. It’s just a mind trick marketers like to play on people, so they can make money.
Don’t listen to society when it’s telling you to change who you are. Who you are right now is enough.
4. Yourself
You can easily become your own worst enemy once you stop believing in yourself.
The toll society and people take on your confidence can quickly make you feel not good enough.
And if you don’t fully believe in yourself, you’ll eventually start to think that everyone else is right. Or that you should change who you are to please other people.
Who you are doesn’t mean you’re flawed or that anything is wrong with you. It just means you haven’t figured out how to truly appreciate what you have to offer.
If you feel like you’re trying your best and it’s still not enough, something has to change.
Reflect on everything that has made you feel not good enough. Then begin to question that a lot. Question why.
15 Important Things to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
1. Build up Your Mental Strength
Your own mentality decides what gets in and what doesn’t. What other people think and say about you doesn’t have to matter to you.
Building up your mental strength means becoming more resilient and fighting back against the negative thoughts inside your head.
Life is hard, so learning how to build up your mental strength can help you combat a lot of feelings of being insecure and not feeling good enough.
2. Get Rid of the Toxins in Your Life
Toxic people and things can keep you exactly where they want you: on the ground.
You can choose to let go of anything toxic in your life that isn’t providing you any happiness. These things don’t mean you’re not good enough to have them in your life.
If there is a person in your world making you question everything you do in your life, then move on without them. They are the ones who don’t deserve you, and they will only suck the life out of you with any chance they get.
Rid yourself of toxins and fill your life with things that encourage you to be exactly who you are.
3. Practice Working on Your Confidence
Being confident is a skill, it’s not something we are born with. Certain factors in your life can cause you to lose or gain confidence.
If you don’t have any confidence on your own, you will allow outside things to define who you are. Someone’s judgment of you may make you believe that’s who you are.
Building confidence means you get to decide who you are. You get to determine your future and grab hold of your life again.
Being confident makes you believe with all your heart that you are good enough for anything.
4. Seek out the Good-Hearted People of the World
There are a lot of people out there who do things just for their own benefit, without thinking twice about you.
But, there are also plenty of people who have big hearts and don’t judge. They allow you to be who you want to be, and they still choose to have you in their lives.
It’s because they don’t care what you do, as long as you treat them well they will return that kindness to you. They are there for you when you need it most.
Work on finding more of these people in your life. Stop trying to please people who are just not worth it. Let go of the people who can’t see your worth right now.
5. Understand That You Deserve Better
When you don’t feel good enough you believe you don’t deserve much in this world.
The truth is, no matter how you were brought up or what has happened to you in life, you deserve what you want just like anyone else.
Every person on this planet has an equal shot at a great life. It’s all about what you choose to do with your life to get there.
Start today by telling yourself “I deserve a great life. I deserve better. I deserve to have whatever I want because I am good enough.”
6. Know the Difference Between Conditional & Unconditional Love
It sucks, but some people will love you only conditionally. Once you do something they don’t approve of, they will love you a little less.
How messed up does that sound? Well, that’s because it is. And anyone who doesn’t know how to love you fully no matter what is the one who isn’t good enough for you.
You can’t be walking on eggshells all the time, just waiting for the next to screw up in this person’s eyes.
Move on from the people who only love you under their specific conditions. Seek out people who find your quirks admirable and who will always love you unconditionally.
7. Figure Out Your Strengths
You have a lot of strengths. You just have to work on finding those and using them to your advantage.
What are you good at? What have other people told you’re good at? What’s your favorite subject in school? Are you right-brained or left-brained?
Understanding yourself more and viewing your strengths in a new light will help make you feel good enough.
You’ll appreciate everything you are already capable of, and you might even wonder how could anyone not like you. Because you’re awesome!
8. Question Your Thoughts
Thoughts are honestly just thoughts. They hurt sometimes, and other times they make you feel great.
Your brain is incredibly powerful, and it will convince you you’re not good enough, even when you’re not aware of it.
You can start taking hold of some of the thoughts that come into your head when it feels like you’re not good enough.
What are they saying? Why do they hurt so bad?
Is there any truth to these thoughts? Why do you believe in them so strongly? How can you work on letting these thoughts go?
Just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s an absolute fact.
9. Open up Your Heart to Love
Stop thinking you’ll ruin every relationship because you just don’t think you’re good enough.
You deserve love, and there is someone out there who is looking for you.
But, they will never be able to find you if you close off your heart to love. Work on letting go of the fear of getting hurt.
Practice holding onto the light inside of you that believes there is love out there for you. Be open to it and allow it to come to you fully. Don’t hold back or question it.
10. Let Go of What the Past Has Done to You
Your past is a part of you, but it doesn’t define you.
It’s hard to let go of but holding onto it is part of what makes you feel not good enough. You’ve been burned before and are worried about making the same mistakes again.
Learn from what the past has taught you and be grateful for how it has turned you into the person you are today.
Then, let go of it. When a memory comes in, allow it to come and then go. You don’t have to become attached to this thought and allow it to ruin your whole day.
Move on from the past and enjoy the present.
11. Fill up Your Own Needs
You know how a car can’t go very far without gas? The same thing happens when you stop listening to your own needs.
When you don’t feel good enough, a lot of the time you’re trying to fix things externally by trying to make other people happy or become a perfectionist.
One of the truest ways you can start feeling good enough is by listening to your own needs and then filling your life up with those.
When you ignore your own needs, you can’t be there for other people. And you can easily lose sight of who you are, allowing negative self-talk to take over and make you feel weaker than you are.
12. Become Your Own Best Friend
Talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Compliment yourself when you see your reflection in the mirror.
Once it’s out of your head, it’s usually easier to process. You can come face to face with those negative thoughts, and then begin to release them.
Usually, when those thoughts are out, you can then start to see that they don’t have as much value as you thought they did.
14. Forgive Anyone Who’s Done You Wrong
Spend time forgiving the people who have made you feel like you’re not good enough.
The truth is, if anyone has ever made you feel that way that means something is wrong with them. They wanted to tear you down in order to feel better about themselves.
This is where you can work on forgiving them for what they have done to you. Not so much for their benefit, but for yours.
Once you can learn to forgive the people who have done you wrong, you can begin to move on and stop giving them so much power over you.
15. Stop the Self-Hate
At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. How you view yourself, and how much power you give to other’s opinions about yourself.
If you love to play the victim to get the necessary attention you desire, work on changing that.
It’s time to come to terms with yourself and take control of your life again. I get what it’s like to never feel good enough for people or for anything in life.
It sucks, but I’ve also learned that I hold that key to my own worth. You do, too.
You get to decide who comes into your life. And you can choose to believe that you deserve more than you have right now.
No one else can make you feel less than if you don’t allow it. Stick to your guns and start believing in your awesomeness a little more.
Move on from the people who don’t support you and remove the toxins from your life.
Trust me, once you decide to take a stand for your life you will start to see your life quickly change for the better.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety – Even When Nobody Around You ‘Gets It’…
When you struggle with doing any of your daily habits because your mental health is getting in the way it can be difficult to do even the simplest of things.
You know, like getting out of bed, taking a shower, even just mustering up the energy to brush your teeth can be a drag.
Trust me – I get it.
Finding the energy, joy, and motivation when you struggle with anxiety can seem like a job on its own – and if you’re a mom, employee, run your business, or do any other ‘life stuff’ the weight on your mind and body can get mighty heavy.
But, you’ll be glad to know, through a little bit of determination, understanding a few key concepts, and a little bit of simplicity you can start to unlock those shackles, lift the weight of depression off your shoulders and start hitting your days with more purpose.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety & Depression
I understand all too well what it’s like to have a long list of to-do things, but then depression prevents any of that stuff from happening.
It’s very hard to get motivated when you struggle with anxiety and depression.
I’ve gotten so used to being in survival mode that I forgot how to push myself to get things done and be productive.
If you know this feeling and are struggling to find the motivation to start doing things again, I’m here to tell you that all hope is not lost.
Your anxiety and/or depression have had too much control over your mind.
And anyone out there who is telling you to just get over it and do something about it has never been where you are right now.
I’ve realized the hardest part about having a mental illness is that nobody really gets it, unless they’ve been there before.
And I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you or how you’re feeling. It’s honestly very normal to have anxiety and depression. (My doctor said it’s the second most common thing her patients struggle with, next to weight loss and dieting.)
It’s just that a lot of people don’t want to talk about it. They may feel embarrassed or deny they have it.
So, I want you to take all of this pressure off of yourself. Stop thinking you just need to be doing more than you are right now. Stop thinking you need to just be stronger. And stop thinking you have to fight your mindset by forcing yourself to do things you hate.
These things will only make it worse.
Trying to fight anxiety or push it away doesn’t help
When you fight or hide your anxiety, it’s a temporary solution. You might feel ok for a little bit, but it always comes back with a vengeance.
Before I go into this list, I want to recommend talking to your doctor or finding a therapist if you’re finding it hard to function. Dealing with Clinical Depression or Generalized Anxiety Disorder can make trying anything new feel impossible.
That’s why I suggest talking to professionals to get to a point where you’re mentally ready to move forward. It’s totally possible to manage both of these and actually get out of depression.
But, if you’re in the middle of struggling, the tips below might not be helpful enough. I’m saying this from experience. I was in a deep depression for a long time, and nothing worked.
Even setting small goals didn’t help.
It wasn’t until I finally talked to my doctor and started taking anti-depressants that I actually felt okay enough to work on other things. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, because everyone is different. But if you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist.
Talking to someone who has experience can help put you on the right track
I don’t want you to suffer. It’s why I always suggest focusing on that first and then moving forward. Remember, there is affordable online counseling available to you, which you can access from home at any time.
This post is for you if you are pulling yourself out of depression but are finding it hard to motivate yourself to start doing things again.
It’s for you if you’re feeling okay enough to try things, but you’re still in the habits you created when you were anxious, depressed, and in survival mode.
So, this blog post is about slowly pulling you out of survival mode and helping you get back on track to start pursuing your goals.
This post will teach you how to take baby steps to find your motivation when you struggle with anxiety and depression. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself with too many things at once.
How do Baby Steps Help?
Taking baby steps towards your goals ensures that you stick to them in the long run.
Usually, when we set goals, we end up setting multiple goals and want to make a huge change all at once. Such as working out every day, eating healthy foods, stopping drinking anything but water, writing in a journal, etc.
These are all great goals, but the problem is trying to do way too much at once.
Each goal requires setting a habit, and it takes about a month to do that. Even after that it still requires consistency to maintain it.
When we set goals, we typically set big ones that are hard to accomplish. And we expect our whole lives to change within a day.
This might work for a few days or a week, but then it becomes way too hard to keep up with. You’re trying to change everything ingrained in your brain and set new habits all at once.
And if you’ve been in survival mode just trying to get through the day without having a panic attack, setting multiple goals at once is a lot of work.
This takes a tremendous amount of willpower, that even the strongest people sometimes can’t do.
So, that’s why baby steps are the way to go. They help you stick to your goals and make it easier to follow every day.
It also takes some of the pressure off you. When we set unrealistic goals, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. This just makes the whole process very unenjoyable. But baby steps actually make setting and achieving goals a fun process. You get to focus on one goal at a time and eventually master it.
This way you can add in more self-care goals and slowly change your lifestyle for the better.
Start with One Goal
Think about all the things you want to start doing to add to your daily routine.
You can even write down a list of all your goals. Then go through and number each goal. Number one being the first one you want to start with.
Starting with your biggest goal is a good idea because it’s most likely the one you think about most of the time.
When you start doing this thing daily, you’ll quickly start to feel much better about each day. This helps motivate you to keep going. After this one becomes a habit, you can then focus on the next item on the list.
Carve out the Same Time Every Day
To develop a habit, doing it at the same time every day will help it stick. Your internal clock will start to know when to work on it.
Figure out what time of day works best for your schedule.
If you want to start working out, it might be best for you to set a time in the morning before your day starts.
I’ve personally found working out later in the day a challenge. There are more things to distract me and a lot of things tend to come up later in the day.
But, if you enjoy doing things later in the day then just find a time that works best for you. The goal is to find the best time that helps you do it every day consistently.
Start with Just 5 Minutes
If your goal requires you to set aside time daily to focus on it (like working out or practicing a hobby), start with just 5 minutes.
You can set a timer on your phone and accomplish your goal quickly. If you think about it, 5 minutes is nothing! That makes it super easy to do.
Doing this daily is doable, no matter how you’re feeling. Figure out a specific time of day where you can commit 5 minutes to your goal.
The nice part about it only being 5 minutes at first, is you may even look forward to doing it because it won’t take that long. It sets you up for a quick win.
For the first few weeks or months, you can keep it at 5 minutes. Then, you can start to increase it by 5 minutes a week or a month. When this becomes a habit, you can increase it again.
If your goal doesn’t involve a time limit, like saving money, then you can focus on adding money daily into a piggy bank. You can start with $1 or $5 a day.
You can start cutting out expenses, like going to Starbucks or buying lunch daily. Then you can use that money saved towards your savings account.
No matter what your goal is, just remember to start very small. You want it to be very possible to do it no matter what. Experiencing these daily small daily successes helps you build confidence to keep trying more.
Make a Commitment
You know deep down inside of you that you want to make a change. I know it, too!
If you’re pulling yourself out of depression or dealing with anxiety, then you’re facing a bigger challenge than others who don’t have to go through that.
That doesn’t mean it’s impossible though. And, these baby steps will help get you out of the rut that you’re in and move you forward.
Starting with just 5 minutes a day is doable. A good tip that helps me is whenever I hear my reminder go off on my phone, I immediately stop whatever I’m doing and focus on my goal.
I also set a timer for 5 minutes so that I can quickly get it done.
Don’t Overthink It
A big piece to all of this is to not overthink it. It’s easy to convince yourself that nothing matters and to just stay sitting on the couch. This is a habit that your brain becomes very accustomed to.
The nice part is that you can change that habit and grow a new one that is ingrained into your brain. The whole point of taking baby steps is to slowly phase out the bad habits and replace them with better ones.
Trying to change your whole lifestyle in one day just isn’t sustainable. Not when your brain and body are so used to doing things a certain way.
Imagine that your brain is very used to going down the same paved path every single day. It’s easy to walk down that path because you’ve done it a thousand times.
But, the day you decide to change up the route means you are walking into uncharted territory. You have to fight through branches and the unknown. You have to start creating a new path for yourself. And it’s not easy.
Even the most disciplined and determined person can fail if they try to change everything all at once.
Just remember why you want to do it in the first place. You probably have goals for the future to live a life you’re proud of. You want a life that includes all of the things you enjoy.
Making a commitment to these goals will give you a sense of purpose in your life. And it will help you see that your life matters.
Eventually, once you start to accomplish your goals, you’ll start to feel better. You’ll start to see that you don’t have to feel anxious or depressed all the time.
There is so much more to life than that. It doesn’t have to take over your whole life.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety & Depression – Now, Go Love Yourself
While just implementing one of the above strategies can have a tremendous effect on your motivation, it’s important to note that this isn’t just a one-off thing. Consistency wins the game here.
But it can be done. Finding motivation when you’ve got anxiety can be super hard. And some days will be easier than others.
If there’s one thing you take away from this post, let it be that while you do need to make some changes in your life, trying to do too much, too soon, is a fast way to burn yourself out. Instead, take it step-by-step. Get clear on the direction you want to go and commit to it.
And if you want some extra help in learning to overcome your anxiety, check out the Anxiety Action Plan.
If you are an empath (or someone who takes on other people’s emotions) you know how draining it can be.
I’ve taken on people’s emotions my whole life. I grew up as the youngest of 6 kids, so knowing how to not piss everyone off was something I learned early on.
Growing up, my Mom struggled with depression and there were days when she never left her bed.
Every morning I determined how the day was going to go based on her mood.
If she was slamming dishes in the kitchen sink, we knew to stay in our rooms.
And if she was blasting music and singing around the house, it was a good day.
Some people’s emotions are so strong they can truly dictate and rule parts of who you are.
Sometimes even without you knowing it, someone’s bad attitude can leave you feeling annoyed and frustrated. You can feel responsible for other’s pain, which is an unnecessary burden to carry.
If you tend to take on other’s emotions, you may also struggle with anxiety and/or depression. As you try to be there for everyone it can become stressful and leave you feeling like you aren’t doing enough to help the people around you.
And as we become adults it’s hard to be in relationships and even have a job where you don’t constantly feel sensitive to every emotion around you.
I still struggle to this day trying to figure it all out. There is a fine line between caring too much and not caring at all.
And it’s hard to figure out where that line is.
If you’re someone who takes on other people’s emotions, you’re either all in or you’re out.
But, it is possible to teach yourself a balance between the two. Where you can still empathize with other people, but you don’t have to fully take on their emotions.
You can still be caring and kind to others without letting it completely mess with your emotions.
With all this said, I want to remind you that being sensitive to other people’s emotions is a very good thing!
It allows you to be more in tune and know when something is up before anyone else does.
I personally have built very strong connections with people because I know when someone is upset and help them work through it. And it just makes you a very caring person overall.
You can still be this way without letting all of these emotions flood into your life.
Setting emotional boundaries can give you the right balance of caring and being there for people.
Understand That You Might Not Always Know Everyone’s True Emotions
Something that helped me was when my boyfriend would get upset, and then I would follow.
He would ask me “Why are you getting so upset?” and I would say because he was.
He then said, “I’m not upset. I’m a little irritated because I had a tough day, but I’m actually ok.”
I tried so hard to pay attention to the cues he was giving me, and I realized I was way wrong.
Sometimes it’s all in our heads, based on how we perceive other people. If someone looks upset, you may start to believe they are.
But, there is no way to know unless you ask them. Otherwise, you may just be making stuff up in your head.
Also, what you might think they feel over what they truly feel may be off. You might think about how you’d feel in their situation, but it won’t always match how they do.
This realization has truly helped me understand it more. Because since I am not that person, I can’t just say I know exactly what they are feeling.
And their feelings might not be nearly as sensitive as yours.
So, when you are around people understand that it’s possibly you who is assuming what other people are feeling.
Practice Being Aware of How You Feel in These Situations
Instead of taking on the other person’s pain, focus on how it makes you feel.
You might feel stressed out or concerned for them. Or you want to empathize with them because you would want someone to do that for you.
If you aren’t fully in tune with how others are feeling, it might make you feel guilty.
Pay close attention to how it truly makes you feel, and not just how you’re trying to take on their emotions.
Sometimes we think we need to be more sensitive to things and care more.
I am definitely the type to try to put myself in other people’s shoes and I want to feel the same pain to understand it more.
And you may feel you have gone through something similar, and wish to take on their pain so they don’t have to. Because you feel strong enough to do it.
But, everyone has to go through their own hardships in order to grow. No matter how badly you may want to, you can’t take away other people’s pain and experiences they are supposed to go through.
Stay Away from Emotionally Draining People
Some people are leeches. They see that you care, and they take advantage of it by sucking up everything you have to give them.
This is how some people stay playing the victim and get away with doing the bare minimum in life.
They stick to empaths like glue, because empaths will always be there to help them.
But, these types of people can quickly drain you of anything you have left to offer. Leaving you feeling resentful and annoyed.
Every relationship in your life should have a 50/50 ratio. Where you make an effort to show up, give and receive. The other person in the relationship does the same thing.
There are equal amounts of give and take with both parties.
That’s why relationships require a little bit of work, and certain people aren’t willing to put in that work.
The leeches in the world will only take what you have to give and won’t give anything back. And if you try to set boundaries with them, they will fight you on it.
When you take on other people’s emotions, this can become a challenge because you want to give to as many people as possible.
Some people just don’t deserve it, until they are willing to put in that work too. So, work on filling your life up with people who show up and make an effort in your life.
These people won’t ask you to take the burden on their emotions.
This way, you won’t get drained and you will have strong people in your life who can take care of themselves.
Let People Know You Care, but Get Distance if it Becomes too Much
In order to set emotional boundaries, you have to listen to yourself.
Fully taking on other people’s emotions isn’t healthy, because it just causes you to feel bad, when you really shouldn’t.
What’s important is to tell whoever it is that is having a hard time that you are there for them.
Be fully engaged with them, listen carefully, and empathize.
But, don’t let it completely take over your emotions. Practice telling yourself, I am here for this person and I will talk them through it, but I won’t allow myself to get absorbed in the same feelings.
If you have the right people in your life, it becomes much easier to set these boundaries. These people won’t rely on you all of the time to pull them out of their bad moods.
Set limits. If your best friend is upset about a guy cheating on her, be there for her. Set up a night to talk about it and be a supportive friend.
Then, move forward. If she continues to talk about it for weeks, work on setting a boundary with her.
This can also help her in moving on with her life. Because when we enable the behavior, it’s much easier to keep doing it.
If you set a limit, people will respect that and they can work on moving on with their own lives.
Work on Taking Care of Yourself
As a woman, it’s all too simple to put people before myself. I don’t need much, and would rather give more than receive.
But, this can start playing into your own self-worth and how you think of yourself.
Taking on other people’s emotions can be a result of you not believing in yourself enough. You base your mood off of other people because you aren’t sure how you feel.
Or you rely on others so much to determine your own value.
I learned from an early age that taking on other people’s emotions was a way for me to fit in with people. I did what they wanted, and ignored what I needed.
And, if you have a tendency to be an empath, you most likely ignore your own needs often.
So, work on taking care of yourself first. Before you can focus on taking care of anyone else.
You have to believe in yourself so you can stop letting other people’s emotions define you.
Practice self-care often, and do something every day for yourself. When your cup is full, it’s much easier to give to others. And it’s easier to set healthy boundaries.
I know that it’s easier said than done to stop taking on other people’s emotions. Trust me!
I still do it. And because you are sensitive to the world around you, you won’t reach a point where you completely stop.
But, you can get to a healthy spot where you are a great person because you care so much, but you also know where to set up a boundary.
This can keep you from taking on so many emotions around you. Just like with anything, it starts with you and having the confidence to put yourself first over anything else.
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