Why Anxiety Makes you Feel Like a Failure (and How to Fix it)

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it just isn’t good enough? Even when you’re trying your hardest?

It’s almost like trying to run in deep sand, uphill. Dealing with anxiety isn’t easy, and when it makes you feel like a failure it just makes it that much worse.

I personally struggle with this and internally beat myself up often. I’ve learned that my anxiety loves to try and sabotage me and make me worry about things that don’t even really exist.

You know what I mean?

Why Anxiety Makes you Feel Like a Failure (and How to Fix it)

The good news is it’s possible to fix this. And it’s not too difficult, if you’re willing to put in a little bit of effort.

You actually don’t have to always feel like you’re failing.

It’s very much possible to be confident with what you’re doing and not second-guess yourself all the time.

Why Anxiety Makes You Feel Like a Failure

There are many reasons why anxiety makes you feel like you’re failing.

Some people think that having anxiety is a failure.

Others think allowing anxiety to consume their life is a failure.

And other people feel ashamed because of the mental health stigma out there, leading them to feel like a failure if they have anxiety.

It Makes it Harder to Feel Confident

Anxiety trips you up. It makes you second-guess yourself.

Which diminishes the confidence you once had.

Instead of feeling sure that nothing will go wrong, you become discouraged when it seems like everything is going wrong.

It’s Difficult to Make Decisions and Stick to them

Ugh. I personally hate making decisions. It’s a weakness of mine.

And making decisions isn’t easy when you struggle with anxiety.

Do you know how much worry goes into decision-making?

The thoughts like “Well, if I do this then this could happen. Or if I don’t do this, this could happen.”

With anxiety, the possibilities are endless.

And your brain won’t stop, making it nearly impossible to make a decision and stick to it.

It’s Hard to Have Conversations with people

Anxiety means you’re in your head a lot. This allows you to overthink things.

And when it comes to talking to people, that can be really hard.

You might think that someone doesn’t like you based on they’re body language.

Or just how quiet some people are towards you.

And then not to mention actually having a conversation with someone. What to say and what to keep to yourself is hard to know when the whole conversation just feels awkward. Due to your anxiety.

Anxiety Leads to Depression

The spiraling thoughts, feeling not good enough, worrying about every little thing…

These anxious thoughts and feelings stop you from living your life, which leads to depression.

You may even start to wonder “What’s the point?” when your quality of life has gone way down due to these things.

How to Fix This

Practice Patience

When we are trying to make progress but end up falling behind, it’s so easy to get down on ourselves.

Practice having patience. I know it’s hard to do when you’re in the moment.

But, having patience allows you to slow it all down.

Instead of trying to completely get rid of anxiety, you give yourself time to learn and make mistakes.

Be patient with yourself and remember that it’s ok if you have setbacks.

Gain Perspective

Along with being patient, taking a step back to gain perspective helps too.

Think about how far you’ve already come and what you’ve gone through to get to where you are right now.

It’s hard to remember these things when you just don’t feel all that good about yourself.

But, life isn’t easy. And just the fact that you’re here now, wanting to work on your anxiety says a lot.

Be proud of this fact and just remember that whenever you feel like a failure, it will pass and you’ll move on stronger from this.

Replace Your Negative Core Beliefs with Positive Ones

We all have core beliefs within ourselves. These beliefs are what guide us in life, and they also are how we view ourselves.

If you have negative core beliefs such as “I’m a failure”, you’ll feel this way whenever you come across a bump in the road.

For example, if you get a bad grade on a test, get fired from a job, can’t go to work because you’re anxious, feel like you’re letting others down, etc.

These are all thoughts that come from that negative core belief. In order to change these thoughts, you have to work on changing that initial core belief.

Spend Time Around Supportive People

I believe a support system is one of the best tools you can have for your mental health.

When you’re feeling like a failure and just can’t seem to shake it, hang out with the people you trust the most. Bounce ideas off of them, and even ask them if what you believe is true. Let them help guide you in a more positive direction so you can bounce back quicker.

Remember Nothing is Permanent

No matter how badly you messed up remember that nothing in life is permanent.

Everything is temporary. Just like how you might get worried about the good times not lasting long enough, the bad times also don’t last. Maybe you can find some comfort in that. So if you’re feeling like a failure in the current moment, it will pass.

In the meantime, don’t do anything drastic when it’s a temporary feeling.

Learn from your Mistakes

Making mistakes feels embarrassing and uncomfortable. It’s why we avoid trying to make them in the first place. But, mistakes are inevitable.

When you do make them, use it as a lesson. Not as a failure.

Messing up and making mistakes is a part of life. Just like eating or brushing your teeth.

Think of it as more of a blessing and a learning opportunity, if you can. This will take practice on your part to switch negative thoughts toward mistakes into positive ones.

Finally, Ask Yourself What You Truly Want.

Ok, so we all make mistakes and have our own failures.

From the small things we do on a daily basis (like showing up late to work or missing a dentist appointment) to the bigger things (dating someone for 5 years before realizing they weren’t the right one, spending thousands on a bachelor’s degree you never use)

These examples aren’t how I view failure, they are just typical things we feel like failures about. If you’ve done these things, it doesn’t automatically make you a failure! They’re just examples.

Anyways… if you look at your failures right now can you answer this question with honesty, Did you want them in the first place?

Maybe a part of you wanted them. But, you have to be honest with yourself first. Failing at things usually comes from not caring enough about them.

And maybe this is a generalization of it because I’m sure some people will honestly say they did care enough.

But, coming from experience I know that when I “fail” at something, it’s always because I give up. Due to the fact that I didn’t really want it…

Or it wasn’t the right timing and my priorities were different. There are many factors that come into why we choose to stop doing things.

But, it’s so helpful to just be honest with yourself.

The next time you feel like a failure ask yourself “Do I want this?”Then ask yourself “Is there anything I could have done differently?”

And finally ask “If I had the chance to redo this and make that change, would I do it?” So, let’s say you went to college for a bachelor’s degree and didn’t end up using it. You might think, this was a waste of money and time on my part.

But, be honest here. First, getting a bachelor’s degree is a HUGE success in my eyes, and in most people’s eyes.

Secondly, you learned a lot from getting a bachelor’s degree. You had the opportunity to learn, which is one of the most beautiful parts of life.

Finally, there is a reason you decided not to use it. Maybe you realized your passion was in something else or you were offered an amazing opportunity with something else.

That does not mean you have failed. Failure isn’t so black and white. We win some and we lose some. It’s important to be honest with yourself and self-reflect.

This is how you become more in tune with yourself and how you live a more authentic life.