by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 15, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
We could all stand to learn how to be more resilient during stressful times of life. Because I know. there are times when stress completely takes over.
And it’s usually when you’ve reached your maximum capacity that things go south fast. You can’t control your temper, you’re short with your loved ones, and you’d do anything to get away from what you’re feeling right now.
But, there are ways to handle tough times in your life without going over the edge. Here are some tips to help you become stronger and more resilient when times get tough.
How To Be More Resilient During Stressful Times
Stress sucks. Our lives are crazy hectic at times and it’s no wonder we don’t flip out on people more often.
With how much we’re expected to handle without complaining, outbursts are bound to happen. No matter how bad it is, you can stay calm and remind yourself this will pass.
I’m not saying it’s easy—I don’t always deal properly with stress. But, as I’ve reached my breaking point more often, I’ve learned that blowing up on my boyfriend and crying on the floor isn’t the best answer.
Neither is emotional eating or sulking your sorrows in alcohol. Our fight or flight reaction kicks in when we’re stressed, so we get one of two urges.
Fight it out with anyone in sight or run away from our problems with some ice cream in tow. And neither one of those is the right answer.
These don’t solve anything, they are just quick fixes to cover up a bigger problem. What you can start to do instead is work on being more resilient in the face of trouble.
What is Resilience?
In the simplest terms, resilience is your ability to bounce back from anything that gets thrown your way. I’m going to use a rubber band metaphor here. Think of pulling a rubber band as far as it can go, really stretching its limits.
Then think about letting go of the rubber band–what happens to it?
It snaps right back to its original form. I know that rubber bands lose their elasticity after a while, so it’s not the best metaphor, but resilience is basically a rubber band that never loses its elasticity.
Some people have a lot of resilience. They get knocked down, but they continue to get up and push through.
How to Build Resilience During Stressful Times
There won’t be a time in your life when bad things and problems stop happening. The quicker you can accept that, the faster you’ll move on and develop resilience.
1. Think of Your Stressful Situation as a Learning Experience
So often we fall into the trap of playing the victim. When stress piles on, it’s hard not to think the world is out to get you.
It’s destructive thinking to believe you deserve to have bad things happen to you. And it’s incredibly difficult to be stronger during tough times if you just cave and let it control your life.
Think about any stressful situation as a growing period. You could even call it growing pains. You might feel vulnerable, hurt, or scared and these feelings are raw.
Nothing feels good about these moments, but they are going to pass. Resilient people believe this, and they take it as a learning experience.
They ask questions like:
- How can I know better for next time?
- What do I know now that I didn’t know before this problem?
- What is the best solution to push through right now, so I can go back to feeling normal?
When you start to believe what you’re going through is just a growing phase, you’ll feel more confident you can push through it.
Every time a tough situation comes up and you believe that you build up resilience. Until one day, it’s not even a question if you’ll make it through or not.
So if you want to be more resilient, know that you need to tell yourself that you believe you are strong.
2. Use your Low Moments to Push You Forward
Everyone has setbacks. Trying to be a more positive and resilient person will have its own setbacks.
Life sometimes feels like it’s a one-step forward two steps back kind of thing. You might try really hard to focus on being resilient and not let things get to you.
But, you’re human. What helps is using those low moments, where you’ve fallen down and don’t see any hope, to push yourself out of it.
Think of what can change, and what problems can be solved. Take it one step at a time and lay it all out. When you get knocked down and decide to try again, you build resilience.
If you choose to stay down, it’ll be way too easy to stay there a fall prey to feeling like a victim.
3. Practice Being Grateful for What You Have
Think about it– what makes you happy? Is it your dog? Your boyfriend? Is it when you get to come home from a long day, make a yummy dinner and binge on Netflix?
These things are easy to take for granted. But these are the things that get you through the tough times.
Sometimes it’s hard to be grateful for things that are constantly there. We just assume they’ll always be there.
Thinking of things that bring you happiness makes it really easy to be grateful for them.
Resilient people know what they have, and they protect it and appreciate it every day. Start with the small things, like your car, your bedroom, or your pillow.
Thinking about those things during the tough moments will give you a new appreciation for what you do have. Bad things happen, but they are only temporary.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Do you find that exercising or eating healthy goes out the window when you’re stressed out of your mind? That’s because we are looking for comfort in any way we can find it.
Things feel out of control, and it’s so easy to resort to unhealthy ways of coping. But, drinking wine every time you come across an issue just makes you rely on it to fix your problems, or make them disappear for a night.
You’re not actually listening to what you need, which is a shoulder to cry on, or driving around listening to your favorite music.
- Start putting yourself first, learn how to listen to what you need, and put in the effort to do those things.
Once you learn how to take care of yourself during tough moments in a healthy way, you’ll be well-equipped to deal with any level of stress.
Download my free mental wellness resource kit for more tips on how to take care of yourself from the inside out.
5. Focus on Improving Your Confidence
A lot of the time we lose sight of what we are capable of when we’re stressed. This can diminish our confidence and leave us wondering what the heck we’re doing.
Without confidence, it’s incredibly easy to want to give up. And that mental strength is exactly what you need to have in the face of difficult moments.
Confidence is one of the key ingredients to building resilience. Once you have it, you won’t struggle with feeling overwhelmed anymore.
You’ll believe you can make it through, and you’ll think logically about the situation.
Confidence also prevents your life from getting too stressful in the first place, because you’ll know how to set healthy boundaries.
6. Work on Building Strong Relationships
Sometimes you can’t do everything alone. Having the right people on your side can make a huge difference.
During the moments when you feel like giving up, talking to a close friend might be just the thing you need to keep pushing forward.
When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, keeping up with relationships is difficult. You’re so preoccupied with everyone going on that staying in touch with someone is tough.
This backfires during those moments when you’re in complete distress and really need someone. Building resilience requires taking time, even during hectic times, to call up a friend and say, hey can we talk for a few minutes?
- Talking it out is one of the best ways to manage everything going on.
You’ll get a new perspective and learn the things you’re freaking out about aren’t that big of a deal, in the grand scheme of things.
- Just remember that during stressful times in your life, things aren’t going to be perfect.
- You’ll have moments of not knowing what you’re doing, but go easy on yourself.
If you beat yourself up over trying to handle a situation better than you did, you’ll only add to the stress.
Resilience is all about accepting what happens in your life and solving problems one step at a time.
It requires patience and practice, over and over again. You will become mentally stronger and you’ll go from thinking “I can’t” to “I can”.
The more obstacles you overcome in your life and come out on the other side, the stronger your resilience will become.
For More Tips On How To Be More Resilient:
If you’re looking for more help with building a stronger mindset, becoming more resilient, and creating your dream life, make sure to check out Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness.
Inside Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness course we cover:
- Mindset
- Blocks
- Emotions and feelings
- Self-love
- Problems
- Overwhelm, burnout, and busyness
- Productivity
- Time management
- Goal setting
- Habits
The course is packed full of information that begins with changing your mindset to push through obstacles and ends with giving you important life skills that everyone needs to know.
To see the full video, and all other lessons, click here.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 10, 2018 | Self-Improvement
Strengthening your mind is a great way to fight off anxiety and reduce depression.
Both anxiety and depression are very treatable, and it can start with you taking a few minutes each day to focus on your mindset.
It can seem like either one (or both) of these things is taking over your life. Believe me, I get it. I’ve had times where my anxiety prevented me from wanting to go outside, and my depression prevented me from wanting to get up in the mornings.
The goods news is it’s possible to reduce the power either of these holds over you.
10 Mental Exercises to Help Reduce Anxiety & Depression
If you’re finding that you can’t bring yourself to do these exercises, or you aren’t sure if they will work, I’d suggest looking into finding a counselor.
Our minds can get so wrapped up in a tangled web, that it’s almost impossible to unravel it all by yourself.
These mental exercises will help if you feel like you’re anxiety is manageable enough for you to do it on your own.
Otherwise, I’d suggest taking a look at BetterHelp, an online counseling platform. You can get matched with a therapist who will help you unravel all of those thoughts in your head.
And they will give you the right tools you’ll need to learn how to fight off anxiety and depression.
How Mental Exercises Can Improve Your Anxiety
Working on your mindset is a great way to retrain your brain to focus on the positives in your life. It will take work on your part.
If you want to reduce the anxiety in your life, you’ll need to take time every day to focus on it. Just like working out or eating healthy, it requires some discipline.
Mental exercises will clear your mind and give you a better outlook on your life. Practicing these techniques frequently will build your mental strength.
You’ll feel more confident in yourself because you’ll be able to unravel those anxious thoughts. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out causes stress. When we’re stressed, we develop bad habits to try and cope with our feelings.
This weakens our mindset and makes us vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Instead of using unhealthy coping techniques, you can try these mental exercises and work on improving your mindset.
1. Start by Identifying Your Fear
Figure out what is the cause of your anxiety. Determine what this is first, then you can work on retraining your brain.
Write down the things that trigger anxiety for you.
These things can sometimes be hard to admit. We don’t like to dig deep and think about what triggers us to feel uncomfortable.
Anxiety feels like it just happens out of nowhere sometimes.
In reality, though, you have a fear that triggers anxiety for you.
So dig deep and figure out what it is for you.
2. Practice Staying Present in the Moment
Once anxiety starts, keeping a grasp on reality is tough. Your mind feels like it’s going 100 miles per hour.
A good way to slow it down is by focusing on this moment, right now. Start by taking time out of everything.
Something that really helps me is (if it’s nice enough outside) going outside sans phone or any technology. The weather plays a big role in my own anxiety, and I am aware of this.
Warmth makes my anxiety manageable and gloomy days make it sometimes unbearable. What is something that makes you feel calm? Some people love the sound of crowds.
Others love the sound of rain. Think about what clicks with you. Try to find that space, then practice using your senses to be more present in the moment.
This can help train your brain to focus on what is right in front of you in the moment. Instead of letting your mind take you away into anxietyland.
3. Let Go of the Value You Give to Your Thoughts
When anxiety floods in, you might allow it to take over your thoughts. It makes sense, we worry over things that we believe have a big impact on our lives.
But, think back to 6 months ago when anxiety took over and made you feel terrible. Can you remember back to 6 months ago?
That’s kind of my point. We often get so focused on the moment right now we forget that we’ve made it through before.
We place a lot of value on what controls our thoughts. In reality, they are just thoughts. Our thoughts don’t make our reality.
Think about a dollar. We give it value because it’s money. The truth is, it’s a piece of paper. So, what’s the difference between a dollar bill and a piece of paper we use to print off movie tickets? Just the value we give it.
What’s the difference between the worries in your head and the reality that you’re in? The value you give to your worries. After you learn to stop giving those thoughts so much power, you’ll learn that your anxiety has only as much value as you give it.
4. Work on Breathing Techniques
A lot of the time I don’t breathe enough. I actually have a weird issue where I need to take deep breaths often, or else I feel like my lungs will collapse on me.
And I believe this is because I hold my breath a lot. And when I’m trying to sleep, I wake up with a strong pain in my chest because I have sleep apnea. Knowing how to breathe properly is super important, and yet not a lot of people know how to do it.
Which is crazy, right? Breathing is a requirement to survive but we still suck at it. Breathing is how you connect your body with your mind, so it makes sense that it’s an important mental exercise.
I don’t care how stupid it may sound, you need to pay more attention to your own breathing. A very simple and effective way to practice breathing correctly is:
- Inhale deeply for 7 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 5 seconds.
- Exhale deeply (where you have no oxygen left) for 7 seconds.
- Repeat 5 times
Do this 3 times a day. I would suggest setting reminders for yourself. Because it’s all too easy to forget to set aside time to breathe.
If you can work on this consistently for a few weeks, you’ll feel calmer and your anxiety won’t seem so extreme.
5. Ask Yourself “What’s the Worst That Can Happen?”
If you’re feeling extra anxious, take a step back and think about the worst-case scenario. Let’s say you messed up at work and now you’re worried you’ll get fired.
The worst-case scenario is you get fired from your job. Now, focus on two things, the reality of the situation and what would happen if you did get fired.
The reality is, you won’t get fired. And deep down, you know this. The fears you create in your mind aren’t real.
The worst-case scenario for you is the extreme. Getting fired usually requires you to do a lot of things wrong, even then some companies will still keep you around.
And then think about what would happen if you did get fired. You’d be ok. You’d push yourself to look for a new job, work hard at filling out applications, and move on to the next thing.
You can do this with any scenario that is made up in your head. Think of the worst that could happen, then work back from there.
6. Ground Yourself
Grounding techniques will bring you out of your thoughts and back into the present moment. You can start to reduce stress and feel more confident in your abilities.
Think about connecting your body to the earth below you. Visualize grounding yourself. Pay attention to the sights, smells, and sounds around you.
Practice staying grounded for 10-15 minutes a day. It can truly help you become more centered with yourself and feel at peace with your anxiety.
7. Write Out all of Your Thoughts on Paper
Have you ever tried to solve a long-division problem all in your head? If you have, you know how complicated it is.
Writing it out on a piece of paper is much easier and it helps clear your mind. The same goes for all of the other thoughts going on in your head.
Don’t expect yourself to work through your thoughts just by keeping stirring them in your head. Especially if you know you aren’t getting very far by doing that.
Writing down everything you’re feeling, how your day is going, and what is causing your anxiety or depression can help clear your cluttered brain.
This will allow you to get a different perspective, and feel a little lighter.
8. Use Visualization
Visualization is personally one of my favorite mental exercises to do. You can get away from your thoughts for a little bit and focus on something you truly enjoy.
Visualization is when you think about a safe place during the moments you feel anxious or depressed. This can calm you down and help deal better with what is going on.
You can practice visualization by:
- Thinking of your safe, relaxing place
- Relaxing your body
- Letting go of the stresses by imagining they are dissolving whenever they enter your safe place
- Working on it every day
This gives you a healthy distraction, and I find it useful when I can’t fully get myself to relax with meditation.
Sometimes, in the middle of a stressful situation, I have to use visualization to distance myself from it until I am looking at it from a bird’s eye view.
9. Remove the Negative Thoughts
Stop trying so hard to hold onto all of the negative thoughts floating in your head. Negativity feeds on itself, so you have to put an end to the cycle.
That starts with being mentally aware of when you’re negative thoughts are creeping in. They can sometimes be hard to pick out because a lot of your thoughts are negative, so you’re used to it. But, think about how you’re thoughts make you feel.
Do they:
- Hold you back from trying new things?
- Tell you that you’re not good enough?
- Convince you to avoid uncomfortable situations?
- Make up excuses as to why something wouldn’t work out?
Any time you hear thoughts similar to these, make a mental note. This will make you more aware of how many negative thoughts you are having.
Then, practice replacing a negative thought with a positive one. If you think “I shouldn’t go to the party because I’ll look stupid.”
Think, “I’m going to the party because I want to, and I’m curious to see what happens.” This will bring you back to neutral thinking, and will give you a more optimistic outlook on things.
10. Count Backwards
If all else fails during the moments when you feel really anxious or depressed, come up with a number in your head and focus on counting backward.
But, you have to focus all of your attention on counting. It can’t be mindless. The second you feel your thoughts drifting off to something else, start over counting.
Just focus on the numbers. If it helps, start with a really large number that takes a lot of focus to count back from.
10 Mental Exercises to Help Reduce Anxiety & Depression – Conclusion
I understand that reducing anxious and depressing thoughts isn’t easy. Especially if you’ve never practiced any of these mental exercises before. Trust me, I’ve been there!
But, it always helps to just start somewhere.
Being more aware of the thoughts in your head brings you closer to knowing how to control them. And once you take control of your thoughts, you take away the power of anxiety and depression.
The only way anxiety and depression can completely take over is if you sit by and let them. There are always ways to overcome both anxiety and depression. And, at one point I didn’t believe that.
I now know after going to therapy and learning about these mental exercises, these things aren’t permanent. It is possible to live a calm and happy life. Where you see your purpose and are excited for what comes next into your life.
That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to. If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again. If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 9, 2018 | Gift Guides, Self-Esteem & Self-Love
There are a number of things that help with reducing your overall stress.
But, during high stressful moments it’s difficult to remember how to stay calm without the right tools.
It’s all too easy to reach for something that isn’t healthy, just because its convenient. And it relieves the issue for a little while.
That’s why creating a stress relief kit is something I really believe we all should have on hand! Stress is as much a part of our lives as our jobs, children, or pets.
How to Create the Ultimate Stress Relief Kit
We know how to manage these other things (at least, somewhat), so being prepared for when stress hits allows you to face it without falling back on unhealthy coping habits.
How Does a Stress Relief Kit Help?
A stress kit helps set you up for success.
Think about when you’re really hungry and you’re heading home from work and pass by a fast food restaurant.
Temptation is all too strong, especially if you know there isn’t any food at home.
Our lives are crazy busy, so we often lean towards what’s easy and convenient.
If you had already prepped your meals for the week and knew exactly what you were having for dinner, the temptation to go off plan wouldn’t be as strong.
You’d be much more likely to stick to your healthy diet, and the same thing goes for a stress relief kit.
When you have a reliable source that you know will keep your stress levels in check, you’ll be far better equipped to handle it properly.
A stress relief kit is a great resource that can improve your stress management skills and give you the confidence you need to push through tough moments in your life.
How Do You Create a Stress Relief Kit?
Below I listed some of the best items to keep in your stress relief kit and why they’re important.
If you have a healthy go-to that helps with stress, then definitely add it to your own kit!
I wouldn’t recommend adding too much of an unhealthy coping strategy (like alcohol, comfort food, cigarettes, etc.) just because these things are more of a crutch.
However, if you find drinking a glass of wine and eating a piece of chocolate helps you unwind and relax, then it’s okay to add them in occasionally.
It’s all about finding balance and taking care of yourself.
That sometimes means taking a time out and having some chocolate!
Especially if it’s not usually a part of your daily routine.
Here are some items I think would be great to add to your own stress kit.
1. Essential Oils
Essential oils come from nature, like trees, flowers, or leaves. They have a lot of benefits, and some can help relieve stress.
ArtNaturals Aromatherapy Essential Oils.
Some of the best essential oils for stress relief are:
- Lavender
- Cinnamon
- Grapefruit
- Eucalyptus
- Sandalwood
- Jasmine
I love using essential oils to help calm me down and bring me back to earth when I’m stressed.
My absolute favorites are eucalyptus and lavender.
I typically drop a little in a warm bath or dot my wrists with a little eucalyptus when I’m going out and about.
2. Small plates and a hammer
Ok, I know this sounds odd. But, there have been many times in my life when I wanted to just break something.
Stress builds up and makes us literally feel like we’ll explode. I’ve found that either using a punching bag or taking a hammer to some old plates can improve my mood.
If you find breaking plates to be too weird (or messy), then a classic stress ball can help relieve tension, too.
3. Tea
Tea, in general, can help you relax and is very beneficial if you’re feeling under the weather. It’s always good to have a box on hand, just in case!
4. Bath salts
When you’re stressed, your body suffers. Your tense neck and shoulder muscles need a break!
Bath salts are a great addition to the stress relief kit. Taking a nice hot bath is an awesome way to wind down, and the bath salts will help relax the rest of your body.
5. Dark Chocolate
Yep, even chocolate is a good addition to your stress relief kit!
Dark chocolate, more specifically. It’s proven to reduce stress, improve your heart and brain health, and fight disease.
Chocolate can do all that?? Yep! Consuming dark chocolate once a day for 2 weeks will lower the cortisol (or “stress) hormone and your fight or flight response.
I definitely think it’s a necessity to have in your kit J A word of caution… don’t go overboard. A 1.4-ounce bar is the recommended daily amount.
6. Face Mask
Stress can cause a number of health issues, including breakouts and skin issues. The right face mask is a win-win for both.
The next time you take a bath with your bath salts and essential oils, throw on a face mask and you will feel all of the stress disappear from your body.
I love Brooklyn Botany’s Brown Sugar Face Scrub. It’s vegan!
Face masks that are all natural are usually the best bet. You could even make one at home if you want!
7. Journal
Writing in a journal is my favorite thing to do when I’m stressed or anxious.
It helps relieve stress by getting all your thoughts, ideas, and to-do lists out of your head and into the real world.
Write It Down, Let It Go is one of my favorite journals. No one besides you has to see it but getting your thoughts out is very therapeutic.
Visually seeing your problems will help you start learning how to solve them.
If you have a lot of stuff to get done, using a journal is a great way to reduce procrastination and increase productivity.
8. Books
This can either be your favorite books or new self-improvement books you’ve been meaning to read.
Reading has always helped me feel more confident in dealing with my own life. Whether it’s a fiction or non-fiction book, I enjoy the change of perspective.
I also love coloring books, and who doesn’t want to feel like a kid again—with an adult twist?
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 7, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Do you find it hard to put yourself first? Are you even aware that you probably don’t put yourself first?
This is a common problem for a lot of people. During the day, we are at the mercy of others. At work, we have to listen to what our bosses and co-workers tell us to do.
At home, we have to take care of our pets, children and SO’s. As an adult, there is a constant obligation you feel. To cater to everything else, and put your needs last.
But to be truly happy, you need to put yourself first. Especially when it comes to being able to take care of other people, pets, and responsibilities.
Why You Need To Put Yourself First and How to Do It
I applaud you because putting everyone and everything before yourself makes you a stand-up person. Putting others before yourself is a huge act of kindness. It’s hard to say it’s a bad thing because other people benefit greatly from what you do.
But, putting other people before yourself brings up a lot of issues. You’ve heard the saying you can’t pour from an empty cup, right? It’s true.
If your cup is empty or your batteries are dead, it becomes impossible to cater to others. But, you might have been taught that putting your needs first is selfish.
It’s what we’re taught growing up because acting selfless is viewed as good in our society.
And it is, don’t get me wrong. But, there’s a line that has to be drawn. If not, giving all you have away will end with you feeling miserable. Not to mention overwhelmed, stressed, and resentful of others.
If you don’t take time for yourself, you can’t be there for someone else in the way you want
You’ll also have less patience and tolerance for people who need your help. Letting your cup run dry will cause issues in your life. As you’re trying to please everyone else and take care of other people, eventually it will backfire.
You can only take on so much at a time before becoming so burnt out that you stop caring about all of it. It will affect your health because of the chronic stress it causes. And it has the potential to ruin relationships.
You might think putting yourself first is selfish and will cause these issues anyway. In reality, you’ll be a much better person to be around.
Once your cup is full, you’ll be more than willing to give more to other people.
How to Start Putting Yourself First
1. Set Your Limits
Everything is okay in moderation. To set your limits, you’ll have to figure out what your limits are. This might take some practice. It’s OK if you don’t get it exactly right all the time. But, setting your limits is so important.
If your boss keeps asking you to work overtime or your sister is crashing on your couch every night, you’ll need to set up some limits.
You can start doing this by taking a few minutes out of the day and reflecting on the balance in your life. Do you have enough of your own downtime every day? What brings you happiness?
Think about the things that start to get uncomfortable if they continue to happen. This is a great way to start putting yourself first. Saying no and setting boundaries is NOT a bad thing.
It’s 100% necessary. You’ll have to believe it’s necessary for your own health before you can start practicing it.
Get rid of those thoughts that saying no means you’re a bad person. If you don’t set limits, people will not know when to stop. It’s not their fault, it’s just that most people don’t know when they cross a boundary.
Boundaries are different for everybody, so it’s important to determine what your own are and make them clear to the people you care about.
In order to stay at your job and do good work, you need a good work-life balance. Let your boss know this, that way they can understand what you need to succeed and to stay at the job.
For some people, setting boundaries is too difficult so they end up quitting or getting out of relationships to avoid it.
This is not the best option, because you’ll always come across a situation where someone tests your limits. Instead of avoiding it, work on fixing it. And if you find that you try setting boundaries with certain people and they still continue to cross them, then that’s when you can decide to remove that from your life.
People who don’t respect boundaries are difficult, and you’ll need to determine if they are worth having around or not.
2. Learn How to Listen to Yourself
If you haven’t put yourself first in a while, you might have forgotten how to listen to your own wants and needs. Knowing what you want is essential because you’ll also know what you don’t.
This is how you build up self-confidence, by listening to yourself. If your friends all want to go out to a club on Friday night, but you really just want to stay in and watch a movie, listen to that!
Instead of going just to avoid upsetting anyone, listen to what you truly want. This is also part of setting limits. But, before you can set limits you have to know what you truly want.
You’ll have to get rid of everyone else’s thoughts and opinions about your life and practice listening to what it is you want. At the end of the day, it’s about what brings you happiness.
It’s not really about what anyone else wants, because the people who care about your happiness will be more than willing to give you what you need.
Our own voices can disappear once we start putting everyone else first before ourselves.
This is the time to start practicing listening to your heart and going after that. You deserve it!
3. Remember, You Aren’t Responsible for Other People
If you struggle to put yourself first, you most likely have your life way more together than others around you. People who need you to take care of them don’t have the right tools to do it themselves.
You might feel like you can give more because you can handle more. And that means giving some people way more than they deserve.
Everyone needs to hold themselves accountable for their own lives. You can’t be responsible for everyone. With the exception of animals and babies, other adults can take care of themselves.
And if they can’t, they shouldn’t be relying on you to fix their struggles.
You can do your best to be there for them when they need it, but you’ll also need to take time for yourself. Put up that boundary so they know they can’t run you completely dry.
This isn’t a selfish act. It’s actually really healthy for both of you. It teaches other people that if they draw the line, you can’t be there for them anymore. And that’s on them, not on you. And you won’t get to the point of resenting them or blowing up on them for taking so much.
4. Practice Self-Care
Do what it is you need to do. Do you enjoy reading? Taking hot baths? Talking to your closest friends? Drinking wine and binge-watching Netflix?
Do these things and do them often. Practice taking care of yourself every single day. Even if it’s just 15 minutes before you go to bed.
Self-care keeps you in tune with yourself. This helps you set your limits, listen to yourself more, and know when things are off-balance in your life.
Self-care is like watering a flower, and the more you do it the more you’ll grow as a person. You’ll flourish even!
5. Stop Feeling So Guilty
Guilt makes us feel awful and brings us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do.
We feel guilt out of fear of people disliking us, feeling like we’re doing something wrong, or feeling like we’re being too selfish.
Guilt is what will keep your cup from filling up if you allow it to control your life. Instead, let go of it! I know how tough guilt can be. Even when you decide to make a decision for yourself, you might be flooded with guilt and decide to go back on your decision.
This is when you just have to lean into it. Deal with feeling uncomfortable and stand by your decision to put yourself first. Guilt is a test, and you have to push through it.
Once you become more comfortable with doing things for yourself, instead of always doing things for others, the guilt will go away. I promise!
The only reason you feel guilty in the first place is either because someone is trying to take advantage of you and make you feel bad, or you’ve been taught from a young age to not put yourself first. You have to counteract those feelings of guilt and understand how much good will come out of putting yourself first.
You can maybe even make a pros and cons list of what will happen if you decide to do something you really don’t want, just to please someone else. And see the pros of listening to yourself and doing what you want.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | May 18, 2018 | Self-Improvement
Did you know that you can create a morning routine that can actually reduce stress? Do you feel like once you get up in the morning, you are constantly running around to catch up to the day?
That could be a result of not having the right morning routine in place. A morning routine is a great way to take charge of your whole day.
It allows you enough time to focus on the most important things. And it sets you up for success for the rest of the day. That means little to no stress.
And if you can start your day without feeling stressed, you’ll have enough resilience to face whatever the day throws at you.
Why are morning routines important?
You get time to yourself
The best way to start your day is by checking in with yourself. Before anyone else wakes up, including any pets you have.
Taking a few minutes to slowly wake up and focus on yourself will leave you feeling calm and collected to face the day.
You get a head start on the day
The mornings are a great time to work on some of the most important (and toughest) tasks for the day. This way you’ll feel super productive before lunchtime hits.
Productivity will give you that momentum you need to keep things going until your day ends.
You’ll focus more
A proper morning routine can give you enough time to start the day and will make you less likely to feel stressed and distracted.
When you have control over the day, you won’t feel like you have to remember a zillion things. This will help improve your focus on each task, and get more stuff done.
How To Create A Morning Routine That Reduces Stress
1. Wake Up Earlier
I know, waking up early is not easy for me either. That’s why setting a consistent sleep schedule is absolutely essential.
This starts with the night before, and making sure you go to bed at the same time. Even on weekends.
When you do this for long enough, you form a habit. So that, eventually, you won’t have to focus so much on getting to bed on time and waking up on time. Your internal clock will just know.
As you’re starting out, try to go to bed 30 minutes earlier and wake up 30 minutes earlier for one week. Then keep increasing by 30-minute increments until you are at your goal wake-up time.
Try to challenge yourself to do this for one month and see how you feel.
2. Don’t Check Your Phone
Looking at emails and notifications before you properly sit up in bed will cause you to feel stressed right away.
I’ve done this before where I get an urgent email right when I get up, and it throws off my whole morning. You don’t have to immediately get up and go.
Try to avoid looking at your phone for the first 30 minutes when you wake up. This way you can focus on enjoying the moment and feel more relaxed.
3. Do Something You Enjoy
Instead of doing what you think you have to do, do what you actually enjoy doing. To some, that’s exercising, but if you struggle to work out early in the morning, don’t put that into your morning routine.
Exercising will make you feel better, but if you are forcing yourself to do it every morning, it will make it difficult to want to wake up early every morning.
Start by doing stuff you love to do, like watching old cartoons or reading a book. Or sitting outside on the patio watching the sun come up.
You’ll want to be in the moment, not thinking about everything else you have to do that day. Practice doing one thing at a time, and ignoring everything else.
Allow yourself to be fully present in the moment, and try not to think about work or anything else.
4. Eat a Healthy Breakfast
Eating a healthy meal right when you wake up will help you feel energized. It will also instantly keep you on the right track to eat healthy throughout the rest of the day.
Most people wait to eat breakfast until they’re starving and end up overeating bad foods. You can avoid this by making it a point to eat a well-balanced meal every single morning.
Again, once you create this habit, you won’t have to force yourself to do it. You’ll just become so used to doing it, you won’t even have to think about it.
5. Split Your Tasks From the Evening Into the Morning
Imagine if you could knock out half your to-do list before leaving the house for work. If you can manage it, try to split up your things to do between morning and evening.
If there are dishes to do, knock them out before getting ready. Balance out your day by creating a productive morning for yourself.
This will help give you energy once you are off work. Instead of driving home feeling tired, and thinking about everything else you have to get done for the day.
If you drive home and already have most of the chores out of the way, you’ll have more energy to do things you actually want to do.
These are just a few ways you can create an awesome morning routine to help reduce stress. Do you have other ideas that you enjoy adding to your morning routine? Leave them in the comments below!
