by The Lovely Refinement Team | Mar 8, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Brene Brown is one of my favorite authors in the world. Her books are powerful and relatable.
She works hard at getting deep into these issues that we don’t usually want to talk about. Things like vulnerability, shame, and guilt.
We always push these things away and yet she works hard at helping us face them. She often talks about putting yourself in the arena and getting knocked on your butt a few times.
And if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, she has no interest in your opinion.
I believe Brene Brown can be the person that helps pull you out of a depressive state or anxiety attack through her books. Her relatability and own vulnerability feel like a fresh of breath air and help you to stop feeling so ashamed of yourself.
10 Amazing Inspirational Quotes From Brene Brown
Below I have put together a few of my favorite Brene Brown inspirational quotes:
Related: 13 Of The Best Books About Mental Health
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Mar 8, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
When it comes to improving your mental health taking care of your mind and body go hand in hand.
You can’t neglect one and expect the other to thrive. That’s why exercising is so important to improve mental health.
It takes care of your body, which is something we often overlook when trying to reduce anxiety and depression.
We just want our minds to feel ok, not our bodies. And yet once you decide to take care of yourself as a whole, you will start to see a world of difference.
You feel in tune with yourself in multiple ways. And you’ll feel more confident about your life because you’ll feel more in control.
When you decide to put your mind and body first above anything else, you can then start to achieve the things you want out of life. Because we can’t get very far when our minds are in a negative spot, fighting our every move.
And in this post, I want to discuss 10 ways exercise can benefit you and how to get started.
1. Exercise reduces stress
Exercising is a great way to relieve stress because it takes that tension and uses it in a good way.
When you decide to go out on a run after a stressful day at work, it can help to let go of built-up feelings
Same with doing some yoga at home, this helps calm your mind down and quickly reduce stress.
2. Exercise helps with your memory
Research shows that exercise may increase the size of the hippocampus, which is a part of your brain that develops your learning and memory capabilities.
Because of this, it allows you to remember things better, focus more, and helps your brain cells continue to grow.
3. Exercise helps you cope in a healthy way
When we are anxious or depressed it’s very easy to turn to unhealthy coping like drinking alcohol.
Deciding to go out and exercise instead is a way to actively face what is bothering you.
Which is a very healthy way to cope. When you exercise, you use that anxious energy and turn it into a way to positively get it out of your body. And when exercise turns into a habit for when you’re stressed out, you develop the skills to cope in a very healthy way
4. Exercise gives you more energy
Even though the idea of working out today may make you want to hide under the covers, once you actually get out and do it you’ll have so much more energy.
It’s not easy getting started but try a workout for at least 20 minutes and see how you feel afterwards.
Initially, your body will feel tired because it’s getting warmed up. After a few minutes though your body will adjust, and you’ll start to feel your body getting energized from the movement.
Allowing you to have more energy throughout the day and feel more motivated.
5. Exercise improves your self-confidence
Not only do you feel good internally, but you start to feel good externally when you exercise.
As your body gets stronger and builds endurance, you become more confident in your abilities.
And you feel like you look better as well, which is true!
Exercise gives you this feeling that you matter because you want to take care of your body.
Which quickly increases your self-worth and confidence.
6. Exercise helps you get more stuff done
As mentioned before, exercise gives you more energy. And when you have more energy you naturally get more stuff done.
After a good workout at the gym or at your home, you’ll get a boost of energy that you’ll want to use toward other things.
Like getting a specific project done, cleaning up the house, or doing your favorite hobby.
7. When your body is happy, your mind is happy
You most likely know all the benefits exercise has on your body.
Like a stronger heart, stronger bones, healthier body weight, healthy lungs, etc
And when you start improving your body’s capabilities, your mind follows.
You feel better and have more energy, which helps reduce anxiety and depression.
As we get older, we have to pay more attention to taking care of our bodies or else it causes even more stress.
Exercise is a great way to ensure you’re taking proper care of yourself.
8. Exercise relaxes your overthinking mind
The cool part about exercise is it gives you energy for a few hours afterward, then your body winds down.
It gets tired, which is so good for people who struggle to fall asleep at night.
When I’m anxious, my mind goes in circles. Making it really difficult to get a normal night’s rest.
But, working out makes me too tired to overthink too much.
When I exercise, my sleep improves drastically. And it can do the same to you.
9. Exercise quickly improves your mood
When we feel anxious or stressed, sometimes we keep it boiling up inside. Which wreaks havoc on your body and mind.
Exercising allows you to get rid of all that negative energy and focus it on something actionable.
Which quickly relieves those bad thoughts and feelings.
Leaving you in a much better mood after you exercise. And you only have to do it for 30 minutes to see quick results.
10. Exercise builds resilience
As you exercise you push yourself to your limits.
Each rep you do when you’re lifting weights or each extra mile you run on the treadmill.
This is building resilience in your mind.
And you need that for your mental health. Your mind needs to be strong to fight off the negative thoughts.
Exercise helps train your mind to do that. When you run that extra mile, you know you can do it.
You teach your brain that you can make it through the painful moments because you’re strong enough.
What exercise is best for me?
So now that you know the benefits of exercise you might be wondering what type of exercise is best for you.
Everyone’s different so there’s no one size fits all.
Think about the type of exercise you hate doing. Maybe you hate to run or swim.
Don’t force yourself to do the stuff you hate just because you’ve heard it’s a good workout.
There are a lot of different ways to exercise. So if you’d prefer not to do intense cardio, opt for watching a yoga YouTube video at home.
Or if you want to build strength, look into a free 6-week training guide.
If you want some ideas on exercises, I always recommend the Nike Training App.
It’s completely free to use and has a lot of different workouts to choose from based on your personal preference.
How much exercise should I do?
The standard recommended amount of exercise is 30 minutes 5 times per week of moderate-intense activity.
Or vigorous activity for 25 minutes 3 days a week.
If you are struggling with your mental health though, I suggest taking it slow.
Start by exercising for 5 minutes a day for a week. Just so you get into the habit of setting aside time to work out.
Then work up from there. Each week increase your time by 5 minutes.
How do I get started when I feel unmotivated?
I think it’s important to set goals for yourself
Not just in how you want to look, but also in how you want to feel.
What do you want to get out of exercising? Do you want to reduce anxiety? Do you want to get yourself out of a rut?
Write down your main goals for exercising, and then find things that inspire you.
That could be fitness quotes on Pinterest or creating a fun playlist on Spotify.
Inspire yourself so that on the day you start working out, you want to do it.
Visualize where you want to be.
It all starts with your own mindset and changing that to start making improvements.
Set aside time daily to exercise (it helps if it’s consistently at the same time) and make it a priority.
You can even find an accountability partner who you can tell your goals.
They can help you reach those goals by pushing you when you don’t feel like pushing yourself.
Exercise is one of many great ways to improve your mental health.
Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons- to feel better.
Sometimes we use exercise as a way to torture ourselves and our bodies even more.
We deprive ourselves because we don’t love ourselves enough. And when you start to exercise, you have to view it in a way that is beneficial to your mental health.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Mar 7, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Are you considering trying therapy but aren’t sure where to start? Or maybe you’re already seeing a therapist but don’t feel like you’re benefiting much from it.
Have you considered online therapy? With the Betterhelp app, you can chat or text with a certified therapist at any time day or night.
In this article we will discuss the benefits of online therapy, so you can make an informed decision.
7 Surprising Benefits of Doing Online Therapy
Going to therapy is an amazing thing, but it can also turn into a waste of money if you aren’t getting the results you want.
This comes down to a few things like:
- Not having the right therapist
- Not being consistent with going to sessions
- Not taking it seriously
- Not opening up about your struggles
Plus, more depending on your personal preference. This is when therapy gets a bad rap.
I’ve gone through this myself, with 3 different therapists. I tried each one for a few months, talked about my specific struggles, and didn’t feel any better.
One of my therapists almost fell asleep on me while I was talking! And I nearly lost faith in therapy after that because I thought it was a scam.
I learned that my experience with therapy wasn’t unique. A lot of people feel the same way. I wish it was as easy as calling up a therapist and setting up an appointment and your life changing instantly.
But, real life gets in the way sometimes and you will hit a few bumps in the road. The one thing that made the experience so much better was trying out online therapy using the platform Betterhelp.
That’s why I always recommend to anyone thinking about therapy to try out online therapy first.
It allows you to see what it’s all about, and it helps you find the therapist that is the right fit for you without wasting a bunch of money.
Here are some of the Surprising Benefits of Online Therapy
1. Online Therapy is Very Convenient
Online therapy allows you to do it in the comfort of your home.
Laying in bed with your PJs on, enjoying your coffee. Or if you travel often and don’t have a consistent schedule of being home every week to go to in-person therapy.
This is a great option for anyone really because it allows you to be connected to your therapist no matter where you are. Taking the inconvenience out of it and making it much more accessible.
2. There Are Many Therapist Options
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it really bummed me out when I realized my therapist wasn’t the right match for me.
It’s a hassle and challenging to find the perfect fit. And when your insurance only covers a portion of your visits, the price adds up.
With BetterHelp you can work with a therapist, but if you don’t truly “click”, you can request a new therapist. It’s very easy to do and BetterHelp provides a great conduit to bringing you to your perfect fit.
3. Online Therapy Allows You to be More Vulnerable
When you’re in the comfort of your own home, you may feel more comfortable opening up to someone about things. And when you talk over the phone, it allows you to open up as well.
Instead of sitting in a therapist waiting room anxiously waiting to get inside, you can stay right where you are. And when you feel comfortable you are more likely to be vulnerable and talk about what is actually bugging you.
Sometimes in therapy, we tend to leave out the important details and beat around the bush. Using online therapy may allow you to open up in ways you wouldn’t have done otherwise in an in-person therapy session.
4. Less Expensive than Traditional Therapy
Some insurance companies don’t cover therapy to start with. And even when they do, they require you to meet your deduction first which could be a couple of thousand dollars.
Traditional therapy without insurance is expensive, but online therapy is much more affordable.
With BetterHelp you can also choose how often you want to speak to a therapist and can be as low as $35 a week. Compared to seeing a traditional therapist that can charge $80 and up for one session.
5. Online Therapy Saves Time
With the way the world works now, we are all constantly fighting for more time. And the idea of driving to therapy after a long day at work, then driving home in traffic just might not seem worth it enough to you.
- Online therapy is available at any time and day of the week.
- And you never have to leave your home.
- Or if you’re already out and about throughout the day, you can sit in your car to talk to your therapist.
- Your therapy sessions are at the mercy of you and not the other way around.
6. Online Therapy is There When you Need it
Have you ever gone to a therapy session when you’re having a good day? Then find there’s nothing you want to talk about.
It feels kind of like a waste of time and money. With BetterHelp, you can set up a session with your therapist during the moments you actually need it.
When you’re feeling really anxious or depressed and just need someone to talk you through it. That way you can enjoy your good days and use your therapist on the days you actually need them.
7. Takes Away the Feelings of Shame Associated with Therapy
The idea of going to traditional therapy scares some people. It’s uncomfortable and weird. And it makes you feel like something is wrong with you.
Which prevents a lot of people from even going in the first place. If you’ve never been to therapy, trying online therapy first can help you get your feet wet.
You can communicate with your therapist through email, text, or on the phone. So if you aren’t sure about it at first, no one else has to know about it.
And you can even discuss with your therapist how you feel about therapy! Online therapists can give you the tools you need to start seeing a traditional therapist.
Or you can choose to just stick with online therapy.
7 Surprising Benefits of Doing Online Therapy – Conclusion
There are many benefits to using online therapy and I truly believe it can benefit anyone.
I use it and I know multiple people who use it. And we all feel the same way about it. When you’re struggling with your mental health one of the best things you can do is talk to someone about it.
You might think you are in control and have it all figured out. But, if you’re anxiety keeps coming back even when you think you made it go away, it might be time to talk to someone.
And online therapy is the least scary way to do that. If you’re thinking about giving online therapy a shot, I highly recommend BetterHelp.
It’s a good option for when you really need to talk to someone today. Or any time of the day. It works with your schedule, not the other way around.
Because you can’t decide when your anxiety attacks are going to hit and it’s so hard to set a regular schedule with a therapist.
We all have good days and bad days. And you need access to a therapist on your bad days. Which is why BetterHelp for online therapy can help you.
During your moments of crisis when you need it most, you can alleviate your anxiety/depression and keep living your life.
You can click here to check it out.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Feb 26, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
When you’re in the midst of a panic attack it can seem as though nothing will help fix it.
Which gives you this sense of hopelessness. Treating anxiety isn’t always easy and sometimes it might feel completely impossible.
The good news is there are actually a lot of options out there for you to choose from.
What matters is choosing what works for you. For me personally, I enjoy venting to my sister and going out on long runs. Other people prefer to not talk about it and put that attention towards something else. Like a hobby or working out.
It all depends on what works best for you. Figuring that out might be a challenge at first.
That’s why in this post I compiled the best treatment options for you to choose from.
Read through this list and then decide which ones sound best to you.
Then, work on making a commitment to yourself. Choose one thing to focus on for the rest of the week and spend just 5 minutes a day working toward it.
I promise, when you make this commitment you will start to feel better mentally and more refreshed.
Opening Up to People You Trust
Talking it out is one of the best ways to expel anxiety.
Your mind builds up stories inside and once you decide to voice those stories into the world, they lose power.
Let people close to you know how you’re feeling. Even if you feel uncomfortable opening up to someone about it.
When you do talk to someone, you will feel much better just getting it out.
Click here to read more: Tips for Talking About Your Mental Health
Practicing Acceptance
Do you try to fight your anxiety? If you do this could be what is actually making your anxiety worse.
What you can try instead is learning how to accept it for what it is.
This means allowing your anxiety to come into your body, and then leave. Feel all the feels and then allow it to move out of your body.
The next time you feel anxious tell yourself “I am anxious but it’s OK. This will pass.”
Take 3 deep breaths and see how you feel after this.
The quicker you can accept your anxious thoughts the quicker they will disappear.
Being More Mindful
It sounds weird to be more mindful when you’re trying so hard to be mindless, right?
What being mindful means is being more present in the moment.
Focus on the things around you and let them ground you.
Because anxiety tries its best to get you to lose control and float away into an anxious cloud.
That’s when you want to ground yourself and pay attention to what is happening in the now.
What do you see, hear, and smell?
List 3 things you can focus on in this current moment.
Read more about grounding techniques here.
Loving Yourself
When you don’t give yourself enough compassion and love, you’ll gradually feel more and more anxious.
As you struggle with anxiety you’ll want to focus on loving yourself more.
You can do this by being more patient with yourself when you experience anxiety.
A lot of the time we feel shame and guilt associated with anxiety and mental health. We think we shouldn’t think these thoughts or feel these things.
But, loving yourself no matter what won’t make anxiety feel so terrible. You’ll be more accepting of yourself which allows you to be more accepting of anxiety.
Getting Rid of Toxins
This might be any number of things.
Do you work at a dead-end job that doesn’t serve you?
Are you friends with people who don’t support you?
Do you resort to eating junk food, drinking alcohol, or smoking cigarettes when you feel uncomfortable?
These things are comforting but very toxic to your body. And actually make anxiety worse in the long run.
Work on lessening the toxins in your life. Practice some more self-love and think about what is most important to you.
Try to let go of some of these things that just don’t make you feel good anymore. I promise your anxiety will lessen once this happens.
Going to Therapy
I believe therapy is a great option for anybody. No matter if you have anxiety or not.
It’s good because you learn more about yourself and why you might feel the way you do.
Therapy allows you to be in a safe environment with a supportive person who can help you work some of your anxious thoughts.
If you don’t want to physically go to therapy and are looking for something you can do from the comfort of your own home, I recommend using Betterhelp.
I personally use this platform and really enjoy it, especially since my schedule changes often. You can also spend time finding the right therapist for you, which is huge in your recovery process.
Click here to find the right therapist for you!
Possibly Medication
There’s a lot of controversy over using anti-depressants to help with your mental health.
It doesn’t work for everyone and some people even believe doctors give prescriptions for them out like vitamins.
Just so doctors can make more money.
On the other hand though I don’t think medication should be completely dismissed.
I personally take it for my anxiety and it has done wonders. Anti-depressants helped pull me out of my own rut and I want to mention them in case they could do the same for you.
I would recommend talking to your doctor about how you’ve been feeling and asking what they recommend. They usually put you on a small dose and go up from there depending on how you’re feeling.
Another note with medication is to be patient with it. The first type you try might not work. (Just like with birth control if you’re on that)
There is no one size fits all so you’ll want to experiment a little and don’t give up hope if it doesn’t work the first try around.
Following your Core Values
A lot of the times we get influenced by certain things.
Like what job to get, and what people to hang out with. Deep within you have your own core values.
If you sway too far from these values it can feel like you aren’t living true to yourself. And it’s easy to do this when society is telling you to do something different.
Living authentically and true to your core can help reduce anxiety. It’s not an easy fix though and requires effort.
But, it just starts by doing everything on this list and listening to yourself more often.
Stop ignoring your wants and needs. If you feel trapped or stuck often, then it’s most likely a sign you’re not living authentically.
Exercising
Exercise is so beneficial in so many ways. I believe this even on most days when I have zero motivation to get my butt off the couch.
It’s because when I do decide to walk my dogs or work out, I feel a lot better. Almost as if my mind cleared itself of all my overthinking.
What’s even better is your body gets tired afterward. And when you’re tired, you don’t have much energy to think.
(Although I always have the energy to overthink). Exercising is also a great form of self-care.
You might not want to do it and might even believe it won’t help you. But your body says otherwise.
Your body needs movement. It needs to be challenged and to burn off some energy.
If you hate doing intense exercises, why not try yoga or Pilates?
When you’re working out for your mental health it’s not about losing weight. It’s just about getting your mind to feel better, so try and take some of that pressure off.
Alright, that’s it for today. What is one thing you’re going to choose from this list to help treat your anxiety? Let me know in the comments!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Feb 17, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it just isn’t good enough? Even when you’re trying your hardest?
It’s almost like trying to run in deep sand, uphill. Dealing with anxiety isn’t easy, and when it makes you feel like a failure it just makes it that much worse.
I personally struggle with this and internally beat myself up often. I’ve learned that my anxiety loves to try and sabotage me and make me worry about things that don’t even really exist.
You know what I mean?
Why Anxiety Makes you Feel Like a Failure (and How to Fix it)
The good news is it’s possible to fix this. And it’s not too difficult, if you’re willing to put in a little bit of effort.
You actually don’t have to always feel like you’re failing.
It’s very much possible to be confident with what you’re doing and not second-guess yourself all the time.
Why Anxiety Makes You Feel Like a Failure
There are many reasons why anxiety makes you feel like you’re failing.
Some people think that having anxiety is a failure.
Others think allowing anxiety to consume their life is a failure.
And other people feel ashamed because of the mental health stigma out there, leading them to feel like a failure if they have anxiety.
It Makes it Harder to Feel Confident
Anxiety trips you up. It makes you second-guess yourself.
Which diminishes the confidence you once had.
Instead of feeling sure that nothing will go wrong, you become discouraged when it seems like everything is going wrong.
It’s Difficult to Make Decisions and Stick to them
Ugh. I personally hate making decisions. It’s a weakness of mine.
And making decisions isn’t easy when you struggle with anxiety.
Do you know how much worry goes into decision-making?
The thoughts like “Well, if I do this then this could happen. Or if I don’t do this, this could happen.”
With anxiety, the possibilities are endless.
And your brain won’t stop, making it nearly impossible to make a decision and stick to it.
It’s Hard to Have Conversations with people
Anxiety means you’re in your head a lot. This allows you to overthink things.
And when it comes to talking to people, that can be really hard.
You might think that someone doesn’t like you based on they’re body language.
Or just how quiet some people are towards you.
And then not to mention actually having a conversation with someone. What to say and what to keep to yourself is hard to know when the whole conversation just feels awkward. Due to your anxiety.
Anxiety Leads to Depression
The spiraling thoughts, feeling not good enough, worrying about every little thing…
These anxious thoughts and feelings stop you from living your life, which leads to depression.
You may even start to wonder “What’s the point?” when your quality of life has gone way down due to these things.
How to Fix This
Practice Patience
When we are trying to make progress but end up falling behind, it’s so easy to get down on ourselves.
Practice having patience. I know it’s hard to do when you’re in the moment.
But, having patience allows you to slow it all down.
Instead of trying to completely get rid of anxiety, you give yourself time to learn and make mistakes.
Be patient with yourself and remember that it’s ok if you have setbacks.
Gain Perspective
Along with being patient, taking a step back to gain perspective helps too.
Think about how far you’ve already come and what you’ve gone through to get to where you are right now.
It’s hard to remember these things when you just don’t feel all that good about yourself.
But, life isn’t easy. And just the fact that you’re here now, wanting to work on your anxiety says a lot.
Be proud of this fact and just remember that whenever you feel like a failure, it will pass and you’ll move on stronger from this.
Replace Your Negative Core Beliefs with Positive Ones
We all have core beliefs within ourselves. These beliefs are what guide us in life, and they also are how we view ourselves.
If you have negative core beliefs such as “I’m a failure”, you’ll feel this way whenever you come across a bump in the road.
For example, if you get a bad grade on a test, get fired from a job, can’t go to work because you’re anxious, feel like you’re letting others down, etc.
These are all thoughts that come from that negative core belief. In order to change these thoughts, you have to work on changing that initial core belief.
Spend Time Around Supportive People
I believe a support system is one of the best tools you can have for your mental health.
When you’re feeling like a failure and just can’t seem to shake it, hang out with the people you trust the most. Bounce ideas off of them, and even ask them if what you believe is true. Let them help guide you in a more positive direction so you can bounce back quicker.
Remember Nothing is Permanent
No matter how badly you messed up remember that nothing in life is permanent.
Everything is temporary. Just like how you might get worried about the good times not lasting long enough, the bad times also don’t last. Maybe you can find some comfort in that. So if you’re feeling like a failure in the current moment, it will pass.
In the meantime, don’t do anything drastic when it’s a temporary feeling.
Learn from your Mistakes
Making mistakes feels embarrassing and uncomfortable. It’s why we avoid trying to make them in the first place. But, mistakes are inevitable.
When you do make them, use it as a lesson. Not as a failure.
Messing up and making mistakes is a part of life. Just like eating or brushing your teeth.
Think of it as more of a blessing and a learning opportunity, if you can. This will take practice on your part to switch negative thoughts toward mistakes into positive ones.
Finally, Ask Yourself What You Truly Want.
Ok, so we all make mistakes and have our own failures.
From the small things we do on a daily basis (like showing up late to work or missing a dentist appointment) to the bigger things (dating someone for 5 years before realizing they weren’t the right one, spending thousands on a bachelor’s degree you never use)
These examples aren’t how I view failure, they are just typical things we feel like failures about. If you’ve done these things, it doesn’t automatically make you a failure! They’re just examples.
Anyways… if you look at your failures right now can you answer this question with honesty, Did you want them in the first place?
Maybe a part of you wanted them. But, you have to be honest with yourself first. Failing at things usually comes from not caring enough about them.
And maybe this is a generalization of it because I’m sure some people will honestly say they did care enough.
But, coming from experience I know that when I “fail” at something, it’s always because I give up. Due to the fact that I didn’t really want it…
Or it wasn’t the right timing and my priorities were different. There are many factors that come into why we choose to stop doing things.
But, it’s so helpful to just be honest with yourself.
The next time you feel like a failure ask yourself “Do I want this?”Then ask yourself “Is there anything I could have done differently?”
And finally ask “If I had the chance to redo this and make that change, would I do it?” So, let’s say you went to college for a bachelor’s degree and didn’t end up using it. You might think, this was a waste of money and time on my part.
But, be honest here. First, getting a bachelor’s degree is a HUGE success in my eyes, and in most people’s eyes.
Secondly, you learned a lot from getting a bachelor’s degree. You had the opportunity to learn, which is one of the most beautiful parts of life.
Finally, there is a reason you decided not to use it. Maybe you realized your passion was in something else or you were offered an amazing opportunity with something else.
That does not mean you have failed. Failure isn’t so black and white. We win some and we lose some. It’s important to be honest with yourself and self-reflect.
This is how you become more in tune with yourself and how you live a more authentic life.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Feb 4, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Have you ever noticed when you try to push your anxiety away, it gets worse?
No matter how much you try to stay busy and distract yourself with other things, anxious thoughts float up to the surface.
And because you can’t seem to fight them away, you feel even more anxious. It’s honestly a vicious cycle to be in.
How to Stop Fighting Anxiety & Find Peace
Here’s the deal:
Fighting your anxiety will never get you where you want to be. Resisting it just doesn’t work. What does work is embracing it.
Which most people find uncomfortable to do when they’re sitting smack dab in the middle of a panic attack.
That’s because they think embracing means to love your anxiety.
And who loves anxiety!? Not me, that’s for sure.
But what embrace means is accept it for what it is. Without trying to change or fix the situation.
You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to force yourself to do anything.
All you have to do is allow your anxiety to exist with you. Similar to an annoying fly that will not leave you alone in the summertime.
Are you interested in learning more about how to accept your anxiety in order to reduce it? Ok, let’s get started!
How to Stop Fighting Anxiety & Find Peace
Start with your Self-Talk
Pay more attention to how you’re talking to yourself during highly stressful moments.
When you’re feeling really anxious, are you internally telling yourself negative things?
Like “I’m a failure because my anxiety keeps coming back no matter how hard I try to fight it.”
Or “I deserve to be unhappy and anxious. Since I can’t seem to get rid of it, this must mean this is how my life is going to be forever.”
If you find yourself saying negative things when you become anxious, use the S.O.S. technique.
S.O.S. is:
S- Stop: tell yourself “stop!” to pause the situation. Pause your thinking and don’t dig any further into the negative hole. This is your chance to identify the specific negative thought and interrupt the cycle.
O- Observe– Observe what you’re saying and how it’s making you feel.
S- Shift: Shift your mindset. Start with changing your thoughts to a positive one, then create a positive feeling through that. Once you’ve created a positive thought and feeling, you can then turn it into a positive action.
Understand your Anxiety
Have you ever given yourself a few minutes to sit with your anxiety and understand where it’s coming from?
Most of the time we try to push it away. Some people use unhealthy coping strategies like alcohol or smoking. They just can’t bear feeling anxious.
But that only covers up the problem temporarily.
Work on figuring out where your anxious thoughts are coming from. What is triggering this?
Once you take a moment to learn why you’re anxious then you can put a plan in place to solve the problem.
Look at it From a Different Perspective
Imagine if this was a close friend who was having this problem instead of you. How would you react?
You’d probably start by showing some compassion towards them and telling them that everything is going to be ok.
It’s easy for you to do that because you have a different perspective on the situation than they do. And that’s how you can work on managing your own anxiety.
By changing your perspective. Sometimes we get so zoomed in on our problems that we don’t think clearly.
When you’re so close to your problem, you might not even see a helpful solution because your brain is too focused on the problem.
Take a step back. Imagine flying high up into the air to where you can barely even see your house.
Think about if this problem is life-threatening or not. And ask yourself if there was a time worse than this in your life that you’ve overcome before.
Gaining some perspective allows you to untie some of those anxious thoughts, loosening its grip over you.
Make Sure to Take Care of Yourself
Feeling overwhelmed and anxious are usually symptoms of a bigger problem.
A lot of people forget to focus on taking care of themselves when they have a bunch of stuff going on.
It’s just too easy to forget that you need a break, the right nutrients and to set boundaries.
Instead of fighting your anxious thoughts, check in with yourself.
Are you getting enough exercise? Do you feel like you have a lot of self-worth within yourself? Are you satisfied with your jobs and relationships?
As you do this, you might realize there are parts of your life that are slipping away.
And losing those things could feel threatening to you, which causes anxiety.
If you find that you need to take a step back and reevaluate things, try to figure out a way that you can take care of yourself on a daily basis.
Find Support
It seems that part of the world is becoming more and more isolated. Due to things like technology and the ability to work remotely.
Being isolated and alone with your thoughts allows way too much room for anxious thoughts.
As a form of taking care of yourself, it’s important to set up a strong support system.
This starts with your close friends and family. Then intimate relationships. As well as co-workers and seeking therapy if needed.
Each person in your life provides different things. And some people just won’t understand what you’re going through.
Even if they love and care about you, it’s difficult to open up to people who might misunderstand what you’re going through.
You can work on building a pyramid of a support group. And put in the people who you can rely on during moments when you need them.
And if you can’t find anyone in your life who knows how to talk with you, then I always suggest speaking to a therapist. They can help you better communicate with your friends and family about your specific needs.
Moving Forward
When you decide to accept your anxiety instead of fighting it, you will start to feel a shift.
It will require practice and patience on your part. But this allows you to embrace your anxiety for what it is.
And when you start to do that, it’s much easier to go on with living your life. Things won’t scare you or worry you as much.
You won’t feel crippled by your anxiety.
And as you move forward with your life, you’ll recognize when your anxiety is popping up. It’s even possible to have high levels of anxiety and be able to quickly push through them.
It just starts by accepting your anxiety. And going into it by telling yourself “I’m not trying to get rid of my anxiety, I just want to learn how to accept it for what it is. It can be in my life, but it doesn’t have to control my life.”
