by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 31, 2020 | Finding Motivation, Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
Gandhi once said: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” And he wasn’t wrong; our every thought does have the power to influence our entire lifestyle.
If you’re an overthinking woman like myself, your thoughts can be detrimental to your personal development, hindering you from becoming the best version of yourself. I know you probably feel that you don’t have control over your mind because that’s how I felt for the longest time. Yet, the matter of the fact is, you do have the power to control your mind’s inner dialogue.
How so? One word: self–affirmations. Self-affirmations are sentences targeted at affecting your conscious and subconscious mind in positive ways to influence your behavior, thinking patterns, and habits.
Because I know that you might bounce off this article this very minute, let me first tell you whether affirmations work, and how they do. Then, I’ll showcase some of my favorite positive affirmations for women that I’ve tried myself at different stages of my life. Read on!
Do Affirmations Work?
You probably think that this is just some wishful, unrealistic thinking. I thought so too before trying affirmations myself. But believe me, they do work!
You can use affirmations in almost any scenario where you’d like to see a positive change. For instance, you could want to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence levels, overcome a specific bad habit, control negative feelings and thoughts, overcome self-sabotaging, and more.
When you use and repeat affirmations regularly, preferably daily, you actually start believing in them and make positive changes.
In a way, daily affirmations reprogram your thinking patterns and exercise your mind. Therefore, the key to make an affirmation work is to keep reciting it, especially as soon as you start encountering the negative thought or experience you want to overcome.
Just a tip: Before you start your affirmations, be clear with yourself about what you’re working on changing and what exactly you want out of the affirmations.
From one woman to another, below is a set of common yet diverse daily affirmations for women, including affirmations for black women, affirmations for single women, self-affirmations for women, and affirmations for positivity for women. To the power of positive thoughts!
Affirmations for Single Women
Lady, if you think you’re incomplete just because you don’t have a partner, think again! You’re fully whole on your own, literally. Being single will only feel horrible if you look at your life from such a pessimistic perspective. Shift your perception, take away the ‘being single sucks’ attitude, and be happy with the support of these positive affirmations. You go, girl!
- A relationship will never, ever define me.
- It’s not their job to like me; it’s mine.
- I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.
- Every day, I will practice the art of self-love.
- I’m worthwhile and deserving of real love.
- My life is already fulfilling, and I hold the keys to my own happiness.
- My single status is a blessing, not a burden.
- I’m enough. If I can’t be myself, then I can’t be with them.
- I enjoy having time to do whatever I want.
- There are so many opportunities for love in the future.
- Starting today, I’m letting go of anyone or anything that’s no longer serving me and my best interests.
- I forgive myself for accepting less than I deserved in the past.
- True love is out there for me; I just need to be patient and accept that my timeline is different than those around me.
- I deserve to be happy in my life, no matter who is in it.
- I’m capable of living each day to its fullest without someone else in it.
- Being single doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else.
Self-Esteem Affirmations for Women
It’s quite easy to get weighed down and lose sight of the bigger picture sometimes. However, it’s tough to restore our self-confidence and positive energy. Self-affirmation sure does take practice, so take yourself one step closer to loving the woman you are inside. Live by these boosters and watch how you’ll feel empowered with daily positive thoughts flowing through you.
- I’m in control of my life.
- I’m creating a beautiful life.
- I believe in myself.
- I value and honor my boundaries.
- Believing in myself comes naturally to me.
- I’m worthy of love and attention.
- I’m respected by the people around me.
- I value my worth.
- I will continue to learn and grow.
- I believe in my skills and abilities.
- I will stand by my decisions. They are sound and reasoned.
- I’m doing my best, and it is enough.
- It isn’t selfish to be kind to myself.
- I am my best source of motivation.
- I’m becoming a better version of myself one day at a time.
Positive Affirmations for Women
Positive affirmations for women are among the unique ones. Why so? Because positive affirmations can change your thought process, forever. Once your thoughts are positive ones, there’s no going back. Your life just propels from there, day after day. It’s worth the work, but if you want to take it slow, choose one positive affirmation to work with and watch the magic.
- I embrace myself and all women in the world.
- I attract energies and situations that fill me with joy every day.
- I’m grateful for this wonderful day and the endless possibilities it has to offer. I know something great is in store for me.
- I’m patient with myself and accept that positive change takes time. My best self is emerging every day.
- Rather than being discouraged by how far I have left to go, I’m grateful for how far I’ve already come.
- I’m ready to create more success in my life and release any excuses. I’m productive and focused on attaining results.
- I don’t have to wait until I feel ready to act on my goals. The timing will never be right; I’m ready now.
- I believe that life brings me only the best, and I rejoice in what is and what is coming.
- I recognize my role in attracting everything that comes my way.
- My journey of self-love means giving my mind some time to rest.
- My peace is mine; I won’t give anyone the power to take it away from me.
- I act with confidence and have a plan, and I accept that plans are open to change.
- I practice self-care and recognize when I need to take a break. I feel good about taking care of myself.
- I move at the perfect pace. I don’t need to speed up or slow down.
- I refuse to overcommit myself. I’m able to say no when I need to. I protect my time because I deserve it, and it’s invaluable.
Affirmations for Black Women
In these troubling and difficult times, we live in, we stand in full solidarity with our African-American sisters. Remember to love yourself and don’t lose perspective. Even one daily affirmation can go a long way, and these are some of the most positive affirmations for black women that I wholeheartedly believe in. I know that sometimes you believe you don’t have it in you to achieve your purposes, but in fact, all you need is this push below. You can, and you will!
- I have the power to create change.
- I will not let society dictate who I am.
- I feel comfortable in my own skin.
- “I know it can get tough out there. It can get downright ugly. Know you are designed for greatness. Black girl, you rock, because you have so much potential. I’m so grateful to be a black woman. I would be so jealous if I was anything else.”- Danai Gurira
- I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
- I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.
- “The things that make me different are the things that make me ME.”- A.A. Milne
- I can. I will. End of story!
- I now choose to release all hurt and resentment.
- I’m superior to negative thoughts and low actions.
- Mistakes are not the end of me. Challenges are not the end of me.
- My hair is the perfect halo for my head.
- “The black woman is art; a perfect expression of pain, struggle, strength, and beauty.” – Dr. X
- The comeback is always stronger than the setback.
Final Thoughts
This is just a glimpse of the many ways you can use affirmations for women in your day-to-day life, and I truly hope that by just going through every affirmation, you feel some sort of motivation and positive affirmation that your life is nowhere as bad as it feels like.
As I said, use these affirmations to reinforce positive thoughts in your mind and make them your new norm. If you need to, take it one positive affirmation at a time; it also helps to keep an affirmation journal where you can record your reciting every day to maintain progress. Have a look at some of our other blogs like this one “How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Increase Your Confidence” which can also help in finding your confidence. I really love this video from Oprah as well which explains why it’s so important for us to value ourselves and what we do. When You UNDERVALUE What You DO, the WORLD Will UNDERVALUE Who You Are
Every single day is worth living; so, unleash the life of your dreams by bombarding your subconscious with confidence and certainty to replace the extra baggage of negative thoughts and beliefs. You’ll thank yourself later.
Be happy!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 17, 2020 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
If you are wondering how to stop caring what people think, you are in good company.
To care about what other people think is a part of our nature. We as humans crave connection with other humans.
But caring too much about what we assume other people think of us can turn into a negative anxiety spiral that can actually be very hard to get out of.
So here are some crucial tips, so you can confidently break into your own power. It’s time to become more assertive, more confident and not just a people pleaser or push-over.
How To Not CareWhat People Think
Being accepted and fitting in is a large goal a lot of us have in life. That’s why we try so hard to have the right job, to attract the right partner, to get married, have children, to buy a home, etc.
Checking off the list of things we’re “supposed” to do because that’s what everyone else does.
The problem is throughout this process, we forget who we are.
We stop listening to the things we want to be doing and eventually lose sight of what gives us purpose.
Then you end up waking up one day, wondering what you’re doing with your life. Negative thinking and anxiety form as a result.
Drawing the line between caring what others think of you and what you think of you is important.
You can’t stop listening to yourself, even when you worry about what others might think.
- Go after the things you want in life, despite what others say.
Because at the end of the day, you have to be on your side. And the people who don’t mind what you do will stand by your side, too.
Why Do We Care So Much About What Other People Think?
This goes back to being a child. Think about elementary or middle school.
If you wanted to hang out with the cool kids, you had to do what they liked.
Otherwise, you’d get made fun of. And as a kid, no one likes to get made fun of. It’s a crucial time in your life that morphs you into who you become as an adult.
We spend 12 years in school, learning how to be a certain way.
- And if you tried really hard to fit in and be accepted by people, that most likely has bled into how you act as an adult.
Trying to break that cycle is difficult because it’s going against everything you were taught growing up.
Letting go of what others think and listening to yourself is like speaking a different language. These days social media makes it even harder than before. It is all around us every minute of every day. How many times have you looked at that old friend from high school and silently judged their life, their weight, or their hair? We all do. The key is to not let social media become reality and not let it drive our thoughts.
The truth is, we won’t ever fully stop caring about what others think of us. And that’s OK!
It’s good, actually. Because that means you still care about being kind to others. How to not care what people think starts deep within yourself, and it is completely natural.
Not caring at all what people think can lead to possibly becoming heartless, so there is a fine balance.
Signs You Care Too Much
- Often assume what other people think of you. Such as “That person probably thinks I’m an idiot.”
- Try way too hard to get people to like you
- Put yourself last
- Saying no or setting boundaries feels impossible
- Always try to be one step ahead of what other people are thinking
- Get anxious if someone is upset with you
- Base your value on what others think about you
- One wrong look from someone makes you question yourself
How Can You Stop Caring What People Think?
Letting go of what others think about you is possible. It just will require some effort on your part. And self-reflecting.
Here are some ways to work on your ability not to care what people think
1. Stop Overgeneralizing
Overgeneralizing is when you experience something bad that sticks with you, and assume it’s going to happen every time.
- One bad experience shapes how you view every other possible future experience with the same scenario.
Let’s say when you were a kid you got made fun of for having a big nose.
So, whenever someone is talking to you, and you catch them looking at you weirdly, you immediately think it’s because of your big nose.
When in reality, it could be a number of reasons. Possibly just because the person is contemplating how to respond to what you said.
When you care too much about what others think, overgeneralizing can trigger anxiety.
It can also prevent you from putting yourself in situations that might require someone noticing your nose.
Overgeneralizing is all made up in your head. And giving power to those thoughts will make it feel like you’re not good enough.
Most of the time, people don’t notice the things you think they do. You’re just hyper-aware of it because it did happen before. And even if you do have a big nose, what’s so wrong about it?
You have to continue to ask yourself these questions and challenge the negative thoughts in your head.
This will allow you to reflect on yourself, instead of focusing so much on what others think.
2. Remember Everyone Feels the Same as You
If you can take a step back and look around you, you’ll notice that everyone has their own insecurities.
The ones they can’t bear when someone points out. No matter who it is, or how old they are. People feel the same as you. Never ever think you are alone, trust me you are not.
So, when you’re sitting there talking to someone, just remember that they are most likely more worried about what you think of them. Treat them how you would like to be treated. Listen before you judge, in fact don’t judge at all.
They are not judging you.
Unless you are doing something that is offensive or hurtful, most people don’t judge like that. They are way too focused on themselves to even care if you have a big nose. a Lot of people might actually love your nose.
3. Work on Finding Yourself
When you’re so focused on everyone else’s opinions of you, you aren’t listening to the most important person: Yourself.
The voices in your head can get insanely loud sometimes, and they can make you doubt yourself.
From your own inner critic to assuming what other people are thinking, it’s hard to quiet the noise and hear what you have to say.
So try to focus on yourself more. Write down the things you love about yourself, and what you really enjoy doing.
Spend some time alone, away from the outside noise. This might mean you have to start from scratch. Losing yourself is a common thing that happens in life.
Because we do the things we think we should do, not what we want to do.
If you can instead start focusing on what you enjoy, you will stop caring about what other people think. Because you’ll be having fun and enjoying life, and you won’t want those negative thoughts to ruin it.
Download my FREE Mindfulness Activities Book Now 🙂
4. Let Go of Trying To Please Everyone
Pleasing people and perfectionism are as real as a unicorn. So think that when you are trying to do these things, you might as well be trying to find a unicorn.
Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.
If you can learn this sooner in life, you will be one step ahead of most people in the world.
We are all unique, and you were made who you are right now for a reason. If we were all supposed to be the same, we’d all look exactly the same.
Embrace the fact that you are who you are. And let go of trying to please other people.
Because the people who love you and support you don’t need that. Being yourself is all they could ever want.
The people who ask you to change are the ones you might want to reconsider being around.
Because it’s impossible. And when you place your value on what others think of you, you lose complete sight of the value you already hold.
5. Stop Making up Stories in Your Head
Nothing ruins confidence more than assuming everything. Unless you can get the hard cold facts, don’t believe everything your brain is telling you.
We tell ourselves things based on past experiences, people’s body language, and how we view ourselves.
Mix all three of these together and you have a toxic mindset.
You have to fight off those evil thoughts that form in your head. If someone was pissed at you for no reason, that’s on them.
You can self-reflect and double-check you didn’t do anything wrong, and then you have to let it go.
- Get rid of negative people who put those thoughts into your head.
- Replace the made-up stories with real ones.
How To Stop Caring What People Think – Conclusion
It can be hard to learn how to not care what people think. But if you practice these tips, your self-confidence will grow over time. With practice, you won’t worry about what anyone is thinking about you, and you can believe in yourself, uninterrupted. Never stop believing in the magic of you. Although it might not always feel like it, you might be someone else’s hero, and they might look up to you. Start to worry more about what you think of yourself than what other people think of you.
Remind yourself that you are good enough, you are a kind person, you give love and receive love, and you deserve anything you want in this world.
Then let the rest of those stories go. Once you can learn to do all of these things, you will let go of caring about what others think of you.
Because how you think of yourself will matter way more. For more on this, read 12 signs you’re doing better than you think you are.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Dec 6, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
There are many ways to reduce social anxiety. You do not have to ‘just get on with it.’ You can actually overcome it.
Social anxiety is a very common thing, and it’s definitely possible to overcome it. That means deciding to go out and do things that scare you, despite how anxious you’re feeling.
With the Holiday season of celebrations and social gatherings approaching, now is the best time to practice these 10 ways to reduce social anxiety.
Soon you will hit the scene with confidence, and dang it, you may really have a good time, too.
10 Ways To Reduce Social Anxiety
I know, learning how to overcome social anxiety is tough. Situations that involve large groups or public speaking can make it worse.
When you give in to the anxiety and avoid these situations, the anxiety continues to grow. Then you’re eventually left feeling trapped.
The fear becomes too much to handle, and staying home instead of going out into the real world sounds like the safest option.
You might still feel anxious at times, but knowing the right techniques to push through it will make you believe in yourself more. And sometimes seeking help when you need it. This in return builds up your confidence.
Which gets stronger, and then you’re able to trust yourself more and your social anxiety lessens. I have a few tips on how to start overcoming your anxiety so you can feel confident again.
Related: What to give an introvert as a present
1. Start Challenging Your Thinking
Your thoughts are powerful. They can and will convince you of anything if you let them.
Think you’re going to look stupid in front of the boy you like? That thought turns into fear, which turns into anxiety.
What you need to do is challenge that thought.
Okay, so you might look stupid in front of a boy you like. What’s the worst that can happen? Does that guy think you’re stupid?
First, if he’s that judgemental, he’s not worth your time. Second, the feeling of looking or acting stupid is all in your head.
Most people don’t notice the same things you do. We are our harshest critic.
You can easily beat yourself up for not saying the exact perfect thing. Give yourself a break, take a step back, and don’t let that thought take over. Practice thinking rationally.
The moment you allow your thoughts to control you, you’ll start to avoid the situations that trigger anxiety. Which means it will only continue to grow and get worse.
2. Talk to More People
You don’t have to go up to a complete stranger and force yourself to be super uncomfortable.
Instead, practice talking to your friends or family. Think about questions you can ask them, more about their life.
As you’re doing this, try not to think about you. Focus on other people.
It sounds weird, but usually, we get so wrapped up in our own thoughts, we forget how other people are doing around us.
And if you can ask other people questions, you’ll learn more about them and you might be able to relate to them more.
Anxiety can sometimes make you feel incredibly alone. And talking to other people doesn’t always seem like the right thing.
But, focusing your attention on others will create a stronger bond with you and other people. It will also give you a different perspective on what other people are dealing with.
Everyone has problems, fears, and insecurities. If you can learn more about other people close to you, you can start to see that you’re perfectly normal.
3. Practice Relaxation Methods
When you start to feel anxious, your heart begins to race and your breathing shortens. It’s partly why we go into panic mode.
Your body is so tensed up, you forget to breathe properly and you literally feel like you’re in danger. Yoga, meditation, and breathing are great ways to slow it all down.
Meditation isn’t for everyone, that’s why yoga might be a better solution because it allows you to fully focus on each movement.
Also, having a breathing regime to focus on when you have social anxiety can help calm you down.
The next time you feel anxious, take a step back.
Imagine a clock in your head coming to a stop. Everything around you is stopping for a second, allowing you to catch up.
Take deep, long breaths and focus on calming your body down. This will help you regain control over your reactions, and lessen your anxiety.
4. Set Achievable Goals
To overcome anxiety, it’s a good idea to set some realistic, S.M.A.R.T. goals.
Think about how your social anxiety is holding you back. Do you avoid doing something because it makes you too uncomfortable?
Are you sick of feeling scared of things that most people aren’t scared of? If you want to work on your anxiety, then write down some things you want to try that cause anxiety.
For me, I always wanted to go to the gym. But, thinking about trying to use the weight machines when I had no idea how scared me too much.
I didn’t want to look like an idiot. I was too worried about what other people would think of me.
Eventually, I forced myself to go and figure it out. It wasn’t easy, and at first, it was awkward. But, I looked around and saw that most people didn’t care what I was doing.
Once I realized this and kept going to the gym, my anxiety went away. Setting realistic goals for yourself and taking action can be a great way to overcome your social anxiety.
Related:
5. Remember, Social Anxiety Has Some Good to It
Anxiety doesn’t feel good a lot of the time, so finding any positives in it can be impossible.
But, it’s not all bad. Believing anxiety is only bad will make you feel worse for having it.
With anxiety comes a deeper understanding of yourself and other people. You’re more aware of things around you, like social cues, people’s emotions, and body language.
It’s almost like a superpower. Being hyper-aware is difficult because it’s easier to just not care.
But, you’re probably a really good friend that listens well and knows how to have a deeper, meaningful conversation.
Think about what good anxiety can bring and keep that in your mind. Anxiety doesn’t have to be so black & white.
6. Eliminate Safety Behaviors
Safety behaviors are what we use as a shield to protect us from anxiety.
Anxiety is unpleasant a lot of the time. It makes sense that you’d want to find something to make it a little easier to deal with.
But, safety behaviors are just a crutch that tricks you into thinking you’re “safe”.
And they only help for a small amount of time. They do nothing to get rid of the fears associated with anxiety.
And if you rely on a safety behavior to get you through anxious moments, you’ll never learn how to build the confidence to properly deal with anxiety on your own.
Some examples of safety behaviors are:
- Avoiding a harmless situation that makes you anxious
- Seeking constant reassurance from others that you’re doing ok
- Using a substance (like alcohol or drugs) to make a situation bearable
- Over-preparing for a situation so you can avoid anxiety from coming in
7. Stay Mindful
Always work on staying in the present moment.
Be aware of what is around you. Anxiety will take you to a completely different reality if you let it.
Practicing mindfulness is a great way to think about what is real, vs what is made up in your mind.
Try to take 10 minutes every day (preferably when you’re anxious) to take a step back, shut your eyes, and think about the now.
- What do you hear?
- What do you smell?
- What do you feel?
- Why are you feeling anxious?
- Is there any evidence that your worries are real?
Get a free copy of my mindfulness activities.
8. Let Go of Perfection
Perfection isn’t real. You can’t predict how every situation is going to go. Pleasing everyone isn’t possible.
Making mistakes in life is inevitable. And trying to avoid every mistake will make it so much harder to swallow when it does happen.
Perfectionism makes social anxiety worse because you’re always trying to be aware of everything.
Work on letting go of trying to be perfect.
This will allow you to accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all. It will take work to let go of those things, but it will allow you to relax more and enjoy your life more.
9. Don’t Let Your Fears Hold You Back
Once you let your fears stop you from doing things, you begin to make your anxiety stronger. I know how scary it is to do something when your fear is crippling.
Even if it’s something you really want to do, if you’re too scared to do it, you’ll come up with an excuse not to do it. Fear is like a bully.
Threatening something bad will happen to you if you don’t listen to it. Unless it really is a situation that is putting you in danger, the fear forming in your mind isn’t real.
The only way to truly overcome your anxiety is by not letting these fears hold you back, and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Doing things, despite how terrifying it feels.
When I finally decided to face my fears and go to the gym, my anxiety diminished. And that’s because when you’re in a fearful situation, at first it’s scary.
But, when you sit in it and look around long enough, your anxiety will fade. You get bored eventually, and are so used to being in that moment that it’s not scary anymore.
10. Talk to a Therapist
Social anxiety happens to pretty much everyone.
I’ve had moments where I just couldn’t deal with my anxious thoughts on my own.
Sometimes, you aren’t capable of handling it all by yourself. And that’s OK.
When you have no idea where to start, talking to a professional can help a lot. If you let someone guide you in the right direction, you’ll reduce your social anxiety faster.
It’s similar to taking a class to help teach you more about how to sew.
Therapy is about giving you the proper tools to know how to deal with anxiety. So that eventually, you will know what to do during those moments.
I know that it’s sometimes weird going in and talking to a therapist. That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to.
If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again.
BetterHelp is there for you when you really need it.
If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here and get a free account.
10 Ways To Reduce Social Anxiety – Conclusion
It takes practice, but these clever ways to reduce social anxiety really can help you become more calm and confident in social situations. And the more you practice it, the less anxious you will become.
Do you have more questions about overcoming social anxiety? Leave them in the comments below!
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by The Lovely Refinement Team | Nov 14, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
Do you have anxiety at the gym? It’s very common. Anywhere you look when searching for how to reduce anxiety, getting in a good workout is always on the list.
I’ve even mentioned it a few times here on my own blog. Exercising is a great way to feel better about yourself.
But, if you have anxiety, you know how difficult it is to get up and work out. There are so many mental roadblocks thrown in our way whenever we want to do something.
Anxiety makes you worry about every possible scenario that could go wrong, and you’re just left feeling confused and unmotivated to try.
Working out at home is one thing but getting to the gym is a whole other story. Here are some tips for how to deal with anxiety at the gym.
How To Deal With Anxiety At The Gym
I have gym anxiety, so trying out an exercise I’ve never done before in front of a bunch of strangers at the gym is similar to standing in front of them naked.
- I am so uncomfortable to the point I can’t even focus on the workout.
- I don’t want to look like an idiot in front of the experienced people.
- And there have been times when I really struggled through a workout, just waiting for it to be over so I could go home.
This made wanting to work out very difficult. I come from a family who loves to exercise, so I feel like I should be able to do it with no problem.
All of my siblings have done triathlons, marathons, and IronMans. My dad climbs mountains like Mt. Blanc and Mt. Kilimanjaro, and he just got done climbing Mt. Denali.
Meanwhile, there have been days when I can’t even bring myself to get to the freaking gym. But, that’s just a part of what anxiety does.
Giving yourself a break and taking baby steps is the best way to make progress.
I am able to go to the gym by myself now and am okay with it. I still have mental roadblocks, but I work through them. And I’ll show you how you can, too!
1. Figure Out Your Reason Why
Exercising is a great way to deal with anxiety, but you have to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
A lot of people like to do it to look better and lose weight. And sometimes that can motivate you at the beginning.
But, it can also lead to a distorted view of exercise. You don’t have to do it just to lose weight.
Determining your reason behind it will help you stick with it. Doing it to maintain anxiety is a great reason, and as a bonus, you’ll get into shape in the process.
2. Take it Slow
As you start to exercise, don’t force yourself to do too much at once. Sometimes, just waking up earlier and putting on workout clothes is enough.
I know it might seem weird but take it as slow as you need to. Set mini goals that push you in the right direction.
Then, you can eventually work up to going to the gym for 15 minutes. After that, you can push for 30 minutes. That way, you don’t throw yourself into the fire and never want to go back.
3. Make Sure to Challenge Yourself Mentally
When you have anxiety, there isn’t a moment where you don’t constantly have to challenge your thinking. Otherwise, it can eat you up.
So, as you make progress towards exercise, focus more on building up your mental strength. Instead of physical strength, at least for a while.
Work through the thoughts you have about working out. What prevents you from trying in the first place?
- Is it intimidation at the gym?
- Feeling creepy guys staring at you?
- Lacking the motivation to get outside?
Pay attention to the thoughts that hold you back, then work on those every single day. That’s why starting small is important.
You first have to prove to your brain that exercising isn’t as bad as you’re making it up in your head.
Take 10 minutes a day exercising or walking outside and see how you feel. Then slowly progress from there.
4. Practice Mindfulness at the Gym
Anxiety at the gym usually stems from being unfamiliar with the equipment and what you’re supposed to do with it.
Going to the gym when you have no idea what you’re doing is terrifying. So many people are there, and if you catch them staring at you it can feel uncomfortable.
I go to the gym often by myself. And I have a lot of anxiety. At first, it wasn’t easy, but after I worked on mindfulness and just going all the time, it got better.
Practice staying in the present moment and remember why you’re there in the first place.
Think about how your body feels during each exercise. Listen to the music in your headphones and focus on what is right in front of you.
Work on letting go of the fear that everyone is staring at you. Most people have the same worries at the gym, and it’s overwhelming at first. But, people usually only stare because they don’t know what else to do.
When I run on the treadmill, I never know where to look. So, I ended up looking around at all the people. I’m not judging, it’s just that I literally don’t know where else to put my eyes.
5. Spend 10 Minutes Being an Observer
When you first get to the gym and your anxiety is high, try to look for a treadmill or elliptical that’s in the back of the room.
As you get a warm-up in, you can observe what everyone else is doing. This helps give you a better idea if people are actually staring at you, or if it’s all in your head.
You can also look around and see that most people are in the same boat as you. Some people just like to stay on the treadmill the whole time and observe people.
Others are so focused on their own workout, that they don’t even know you’re there. This can help you to stop caring about what other people think. And just focus on doing your own thing.
6. Do What You Enjoy
If you hate running but do it only because it burns more calories, then stop! I hate playing basketball because I suck at it. That’s not what I’m going to do to get exercise.
Think about the type of exercise you do enjoy, or what you want to try. There are so many different ways to exercise. I’m sure you can find something that interests you.
- Even if you haven’t tried it before, it’s worth a shot to try out.
Exercising becomes a lot easier when you actually enjoy and look forward to your workouts. If you hate getting your heart pumping, try yoga or Pilates. Or get a 30-minute walk in each day.
This way you can reduce your anxiety and feel excited about adding it to your daily routine.
6 Ways To Beat Anxiety At The Gym – Conclusion
Anxiety at the gym is completely normal and very common. I completely understand feeling anxious about exercising. When you have a high-anxiety day, doing anything feels like the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest.
Some days, you will not want to work out at all, and that’s OK! What you can do is stop beating yourself up so much.
Forgive yourself on the days when your anxiety takes over. Progress with anything is not always a straight line.
Sometimes progress is one step forward and two steps back. There will be days that will be harder and days that will be amazing.
The most important step is to just keep moving forward. Even when you’ve taken two steps back. Just don’t give up, and you will see that your anxiety at the gym will lessen over time.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 31, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How to get rid of negative thinking so you can live a better life. Negative thoughts create an alternative world in your head. They are defeating and can convince of pretty much anything.
Negative thinking can and will take over your life if you allow it. But, there are ways to push past it and see the good in things.
Changing your mindset might sound impossible, but it’s actually quite easy.
How To Get Rid Of Negative Thinking
Imagine what your life would be like without doubt or fear preventing you from trying new things. Where you decide to take a chance on things despite the outcome. Because you aren’t afraid of making the wrong decision.
And even if you did end up making a horrible mistake, you wouldn’t resort to feeling like a total failure who isn’t capable of anything. Instead, you’d be upset, but it wouldn’t take over your whole day. You’d learn from it and move on.
This is a rational way of thinking. What makes it complicated is the fact that working on your mental health isn’t deemed as important in society.
We are all way too focused on making more money, buying new things, and distracting ourselves from our thoughts. We also weren’t given the proper tools to know how to handle our thoughts, when they get out of control.
That doesn’t mean that it’s overly complicated, though. It just means you’ll have to make the decision to make your mental health a priority and work on it every day. Just like brushing your teeth or working out.
Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness, But Having More Money Does Help Boost Mental Wellness
They say money doesn’t buy happiness. But as someone who used to have very little, and now earns quite a lot, I can honestly say that having a safety net of savings and regular income coming in absolutely gives one peace of mind.
Making more money does help increase positive thinking, so if you are looking for ways to increase your income, read this: How to make more money, on your own terms.
1. Start by being more aware of your thoughts
We have thousands and thousands of thoughts in a single day. Some are totally random, some are intentional, and some are conscious.
Like when you take a look at yourself in the mirror, a quick thought might cross your mind before you even register it.
It’s so second nature that you might not even realize you’re having a negative thought. To stop the negative thoughts from creeping in, pay attention to when they are happening.
Do they happen in front of the mirror? In a large group of people? Around your family? At work? Don’t let those negative thoughts pass by without any recognition.
They secretly make you feel bad, without you even getting a say in it. That’s the power of your inner critic, she’s a sneaky one.
When you figure out when those negative thoughts are happening, that’s when you can start stopping them in their tracks, by knowing when they come around. Break down those thoughts into bite-sized pieces.
If you hear them when you’re looking in the mirror, you can work on quieting them by being more aware when you look in the mirror.
2. Stop Giving So Much Value to Negative Thoughts
Every single person out there has negative thoughts. We all have an inner critic. Whether or not you choose to listen to yours is up to you.
You can still have negative thoughts and not let them control what you do. The less value you give the bad thoughts, the more they just become thoughts.
When you have negative thoughts, instead of letting them freak you out, why not just look at them for what they are? Let them pass by like a cloud and observe what they are telling you.
Let’s say your thoughts are saying you shouldn’t go out with this guy because it probably won’t work out. Unless there are red flags from the start, give it a shot anyway.
3. Rationalize Your Thoughts
Negative thoughts don’t provide much value. They just convince you to feel terrible, instead of allowing you to feel happy.
I don’t really think there is any good that comes out of negative thinking. So, when you start feeling negative, work on rationalizing those thoughts.
If you don’t feel very positive about where your life is heading and think “I am such a loser, my life isn’t going anywhere and I might as well get used to feeling like this.”
Ask why you feel that way. What is causing those bad thoughts? Are they helping you in any way? What are you making up in your head, that is most likely not true? And then think about how those thoughts aren’t doing anything but making you feel like crap.
When you can choose to rationalize those thoughts and say:
It feels like my life isn’t going anywhere just because I am learning how to figure things out. It’s a process, and some days are harder than others. It doesn’t mean I won’t get my life figured out, it just means I have to give myself a break and continue to do my best. My negative thoughts only make the situation worse, when I could be working on encouraging myself to keep moving forward.
Try to talk to yourself like you would your best friend. If your friend is feeling bad about their life, think about what you’d tell them to make them feel better.
But, in this case, do it to yourself! To get rid of negative thinking, stop those bad thoughts in their tracks and give yourself a pep talk.
4. Practice Positive Thinking
I know what it’s like when I am feeling extra negative and people around me tell me to “just change your thinking” or “just be happy”. As if it’s as easy as flipping a switch.
I’m not here to tell you to change your thinking right now and “just be positive”. It’s, unfortunately, not that easy. It takes time to get rid of negative thinking. The way we are programmed to think and believe can be engrained in us over years and years.
We develop habits in our ways of thinking, and it’s difficult to try to change that within a day. And, the more you believe a negative thought to be true, the harder it is to let go of that thought.
What you can do is slowly practice bringing in more positive thoughts. Start small, and work on it daily. Tips on how to practice positive thinking:
- Come up with a short affirmation that’s easy to repeat like, “I am grateful for my life”, “I am calm”, “I’m awesome”, or “I love myself”. Keeping it short makes it easier to remember.
- Avoid negative words in your positive talk. Instead of saying “I won’t be afraid today”, say “I will be brave today”
- Do what feels right. Don’t say positive words that go against what you truly believe. That’s why keeping it simple and doing it on your terms will stick better because it’s on your terms. If you don’t fully believe in an affirmation, skip it and find one that does work for you.
Related: How To Develop Growth Mindset To Strengthen Your Confidence
Be sure to download your FREE mental wellness kit! You will find all of the ebooks pictured above and more! Just let me know where to send your access link by entering your email address below:
5. Stop the Black or White Thinking
Do you find that you end up using extreme words to describe negative things in your life?
Words like always, never, every time, hate. When you get in an argument with a friend and say they “always make you feel terrible about yourself”.
This is black-or-white thinking. There is no in-between, which leaves very little room for flexibility. It’s why negative thoughts start to form because there isn’t room for anything else.
Black-and-white thinking isn’t how the world works. There are so many possibilities for one thing, and believing there is only one way to do something is very limiting. It causes stress and anxiety and you get lost in the cycle of negative thoughts.
Instead, try practicing gray thinking. This opens up your mind for more optimism. For a quick and easy exercise, practice finding the middle between these words:
- Black— White
- Near— Far
- Young—Old
Think of these words and what comes in between those two. Between black and white are all of the other colors that are possibly out there.
- You don’t need to get rid of negative thinking all by yourself. Oftentimes it helps to vent to someone. You can get a free trial of Betterhelp and chat with a therapist anytime, via this special link.
Between near and far is always the middle. And there are many different terms for people who aren’t young or old. Middle-aged. And even still, being young can be anything from a newborn to 45. Being old can be anywhere from 25 to 100, depending on how you look at things.
Do you see how black-or-white thinking isn’t very logical? With so many things that come in between, only focusing on the negative isn’t very realistic.
6 Ways To Get Rid Of Negative Thinking – Conclusion
No matter what, when it comes to figuring out how to get rid of negative thinking, remember this. The next time you find a negative thought floating in, try to think about the gray areas instead of the extremes.
For example, let’s say you interviewed for a job and never got a callback.
- Black-and-white thinking is “I did terribly during the interview and they hated me.”
- Grey thinking is “There are so many reasons why they didn’t call me back, and I might not ever know the real reason. It could have been anything from they were too busy to tell me I didn’t get it, or they thought I was a good fit but they interviewed someone else who was even more qualified.”
You don’t instantly have to go to the worst thoughts in your head. That’s self-sabotage and it ruins your confidence. Learn more about how to stop self-sabotaging behavior.
To learn more about overcoming negative thoughts and growing into a positive mindset, connect with me via the uplifting Refine Your Life Purpose And Wellness Program.
I hope you found these tips for ways to get rid of negative thinking. If you did, please use the share buttons below or at the top of this page to share it across your social media, so that someone else can enjoy it too.
Before you go, remember to download your FREE mental wellness kit!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 21, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How can you learn how to be more confident with who you are? I know that feeling 100% confident in yourself can be a challenge.
Mainly because it’s difficult to keep it consistent. You may have days where you feel on top of the world, and other days where you feel unworthy of anything.
Unfortunately, how we feel about ourselves can affect a lot of things in our lives. Our relationships can suffer when we aren’t confident, and it’s hard to even want to get out of bed when you aren’t happy with how your life is going.
To be happy with who you are means figuring yourself out in a number of ways.
How To Be More Confident With Who You Are
Confidence comes from within, and it’s easy to lose sight of that. Especially when there are so many outside factors like money or materialistic things) that temporarily make us feel great but after a while leaves us feeling empty.
Instead of taking the easy road and finding things that temporarily fill your happiness, you have to take the time to build yourself up.
So that even when you aren’t feeling great, it’s not because you aren’t okay with who you are.
It’s just because it’s a bad day or you’re in a funk that you know you’ll pull out of because you have that confidence in yourself.
1. Start Trusting Yourself More
There may be times when you feel incompetent and like your self-confidence is long gone.
Life is not always easy, and there are events that happen that test us. Whether that’s a bad relationship, a shitty job, or someone passing away.
When the rug gets pulled out from under us, it’s difficult to keep things in perspective. You might wonder why you even tried in the first place and question everything.
Some people choose to let their own difficulties knock them down and they avoid ever trying again.
Trying HURTS. Rejection hurts. Living sometimes hurts. Enduring life when you have felt pain is a test to your will.
Trusting yourself during the toughest times is how you will ultimately find confidence and happiness within yourself.
Same with building resilience and overcoming the fear of failure. When you believe you can make it through to the other side, you are finding ways to trust yourself. But, you have to push through when you’re uncomfortable.
That means getting rejected and putting yourself out there to possibly get shot down.
Eventually, you build up so much tolerance to things that you just learn how to survive through it all. You’ll break through that barrier and find you can make it through just about anything.
2. Recognize the Thoughts That are Preventing you From Being Happy
Telling you that you can be happy right now, no matter your circumstances sounds too easy. If it was that easy, there wouldn’t be countless books and blog posts written about it.
Just change your mindset! That’s all there is to it. Yeah, I hear your skeptical laugh as I write this.
The thoughts we have every day have more control than we like to admit. What you have to do is become more aware of what they are saying to you.
The thoughts that are saying “I’m not good enough to date someone like that.” or “if I lost 20 pounds, I’d be a lot more confident and a lot happier.”
- If you ever come across thinking something similar, this is preventing you from being happy with who you are right now.
Trying to fix those things you are unhappy about will result in MORE unhappiness. Why are you giving power and value to thoughts that are preventing you from being happy right now?
I’ve gone through a period of feeling pretty low, and not seeing the purpose in my life. Basically, for a whole year, I felt that way. I didn’t see what my value was and some days I wondered what the point was.
It was because I allowed other people’s negativity to get into my head and break me down. Which resulted in a lot of unhappy days, even when nothing was wrong.
- What changed was training myself to believe I was good enough.
It meant practicing self-care and working on the parts of who I am that I’m not confident in. Instead of changing those things, I’m learning to embrace them. But, one thing to remember is that it takes time.
Nothing drastic happens overnight, and you will need to work on it daily.
3. Find positive people to hang out with
My sister is my rock and she always helps me see the value in who I am, even when I don’t see it.
No matter what, you need a supportive person in your life who will always reassure you that what you’re doing is good.
The world is full of way too much negativity, and it’s too easy to get sucked into it. But, there are also a lot of really freaking great people out there.
Even if you don’t have anyone in your life right now, make it a point to find someone. I could be your supportive friend if you want!
Find a supportive positive person (or people) who want to build you up. They are out there, and they can do wonders to help bring more happiness into your life.
I like to think that if these people are choosing to hang out with me, I must be doing something right. That brings me enough confidence to see that I must be a good person to be around, and once you feel that way, it’s easier to be happy with who you are.
4. Work On Changing Things That Aren’t Bringing You Happiness
Do you have a close friend who you care about a lot, but who always seems to take and not give a whole lot? Or are you in a relationship with a guy who isn’t quite the right fit, but you don’t want to go through the motions of breaking up?
If you are in a situation in your life where things aren’t bringing you happiness, and are the cause for your unhappiness, work on changing them.
I know, easier said than done. But, eventually, we end up so miserable that something ends up happening whether we like it or not.
- Change is inevitable, and if something feels wrong in your life, it probably is.
This is a tough one because some people don’t like to admit that there is a problem. They don’t want to see their friends leave because they care a lot and don’t want to inflict pain on anyone.
So we stay still, even if we are secretly miserable, to avoid anything bad happening to anything else.
- You aren’t a terrible person if it’s the people around you who are draining your energy and causing you to be miserable.
And you aren’t a terrible person if you choose to change your circumstances for a chance at a better life.
Start by evaluating your life. Base things off of the 80/20 rule for a week.
If you realize that your job or relationship makes you miserable 5 out of the 7 days of the week, something probably needs to change.
Letting go is tough, but if you know in your heart that letting go will bring you happiness, you know deep down you have to do it.
5. Understand What Happiness Means to You
What brings happiness is different for everyone. My happiness comes from the comfort of my home, with my dogs, my boyfriend, and my huge family.
What are some things that bring you happiness? Is it a specific day of the week? A coffee shop nearby? Write them down!
Get your thoughts out of your head and figure out what brings you happiness. If you are in a state of mind where it feels like nothing brings you happiness, start small.
The reason why I say this is because as we grow up and have to focus more on reality than our well-being, it’s easy to lose sight of the things that make us feel good.
What are some moments where you have truly enjoyed yourself? Channel inside and think about what things make you happy! If you still need help with this part, you can always email me.
6. Stay Consistent With Your Efforts
Building confidence means changing your thoughts. Which means it will take time and effort on your part.
Just like working out, it’s something you have to do often if you want to see results. And it’s definitely possible.
But sometimes we don’t think we need to work on ourselves. It’s difficult to put yourself first sometimes. Confidence comes from within, and that starts with you.
7. Start A Blog
Starting a money-making blog is something anyone can do, and it can be very lucrative.
A blog is a business, and having your own business allows you to take control of your income. This can give you a new lease on life. As your own boss, you will learn so many new skills! You will surprise yourself with how savvy you can be.
Some bloggers make 6 figures a year, like this one! You can take her free blogging course to learn how she does it.
The confidence that comes from owning your own business is like no other. Blogging has made me a much more confident person, and the money I make from my blog is now more than I ever made at a job. I’m a full-time blogger now and couldn’t be happier.
8. Train To Be Confident For The Long Run
If you make a commitment to work on yourself and your mindset, you can have more confidence. But learning how to do that takes a good teacher to show you what to do.
Did you know that there are amazing online training resources to help you build confidence from the inside out?
A Course In Gorgeous is the best training to help you build confidence and remove negative thinking for an overall mindset and balance makeover. It teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident and gorgeous in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
A Course in Gorgeous teaches you exactly how to make the necessary changes in your life and start feeling confident almost immediately.
If you are ready to take control and make big changes in your life, click here to learn more!
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