How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior, Self-sabotage is something we all can get pretty good at if we’re not careful.
It’s something that starts when you’re younger and how your parents treated you. Before you even have a shot at creating a positive life for yourself.
This isn’t just because I’ve been watching all the episodes of This is Us (but that show is a very good example of how your childhood affects adulthood).
How do you handle rejection? Or if someone judges you? Do you let things slide or let them stick to you for the next ten years?
How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior
Our parents have a big influence on how we grow up, how we see ourselves, and how much value we place on who we are.
If your parents didn’t treat you right, there’s a chance it’s affecting your life right now. Don’t get me wrong, your parents aren’t the only reason why this happens.
The way they teach you about life and how they encourage you can have a big impact on your confidence. But, also other people in your life too. Like your siblings, best friend, or early-on intimate relationships.
Other people make us feel less than or more than good enough. When life crashes its crazy waves down onto you, how you handle it is what’s most important.
I like to relate how you’re feeling right now to your childhood because if you get rejected as an adult then you might think back to a time when you felt the exact same way.
Like you were in trouble with the principal or something. It just makes you feel like way less of a person. And when we don’t know how to handle these negative side effects to life then that’s when the self-sabotage starts.
What is Self-Sabotage?
If you aren’t sure if you self-sabotage (even though I’m pretty sure you are), then here are some ways you could be doing it without knowing it:
Because of all the different forms of self-sabotage, your anxiety levels will increase. It’s honestly a bad cycle to get into, and it’s very difficult to pull yourself out of it.
A Glimpse Into My Personal Life
For the longest time, I always believed that nothing good was supposed to happen to me. I was good with living that way, too.
I didn’t expect much and didn’t like to get my hopes up. When it came to getting close to people in relationships I always kept my wall up.
That way if something happened and they lost interest, I wouldn’t be so hurt. The downside was they never got close enough to see who I truly was.
Being vulnerable to the world is scary and it’s much easier to just stay in your little bubble and avoid it all.
With being happy comes the risk of losing it all. And then being left alone, once again with a broken heart. If you feel this way, I get it.
You’ve been hurt in the past, so self-sabotage does seem like the easiest option. You do it to yourself first before anyone else can.
Coming from someone who’s made it through to the other side, I will tell you it’s way better on the other side.
When you decide to finally open up and live your life authentically then it actually gets easier. At first, it’s uncomfortable and weird. But, it’s very much worth it to open up your heart to the good life has to offer.
I have learned a lot from my past experiences. After a string of problems in my youth, I believed I didn’t deserve much happiness. It felt so much better to be one step ahead of everyone else. When I had my walls up, I felt more in control.
But then I started to meet people who didn’t put up with that crap. They either wanted all of me or none of it. And honestly, I was getting sick of living the life I was living because it wasn’t real.
I went through trials and errors when it came to jobs and relationships and my family. But I am now on the other side. Where I am risking a lot, but I believe it’s worth it.
Stop sabotaging your life and start exploring what it has to give you.
Even if it’s scary and uncomfortable.
How to Overcome Self-Sabotage, Reduce Anxiety, and Live a Better Life
That quote “It’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all” is a great quote.
It’s so true. Because when you actually decide to live your life and stop sabotaging any chance you have at happiness then you really learn how to start living.
1. Stop Neglecting Yourself
At some point, you are going to have to come to terms with who you are. Even if you don’t currently like yourself.
If you try to move quickly in the world and avoid your thoughts and feelings, slow down. If you love to get into relationships with toxic people who don’t treat you right, stop.
And if you love to work yourself into the ground before taking a second to look up at all that you’ve accomplished then it’s time to look deeper inside.
Obviously, there are deep roots to all of these things. It won’t be as easy as me telling you to just “stop”. But, you can choose to make the decision if you really want to.
It just depends on how committed you are to living a better life. And it starts with you.
Stop neglecting yourself. Focus on what you need the most and listen to it. Start believing that you deserve more. And if there is a belief inside of you that thinks you deserve more, hold onto it. Don’t let it go for anyone.
The first step to ending self-sabotage begins with you. Once you learn to let go of all of those self-deprecating thoughts then you will start to see what you will and will not tolerate anymore.
You will begin to let go of the people and toxic things that just don’t serve you anymore. And you’ll start to bring in more positive things.
2. Don’t Avoid Things
Your emotions, other people, the long to-do list on your fridge… these are all things you probably tend to avoid from time to time.
Avoidance doesn’t solve anything, though. It usually just ends up making the situation much much worse.
Maybe you learned to avoid things at an early age. Avoiding things in your life is actually a symptom of something else.
People use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or overeating to avoid what’s really going on. This will only help temporarily.
Avoiding things just makes life way more complicated than it has to be. If that’s what you enjoy about it, then work on paying more attention to what your emotions are telling you.
You can put a stop to this by actually facing what is going on. At the end of the day, whatever you are avoiding will float right back up to the surface.
Confronting things might not have been something you were taught, but it’s never too late to learn! Face your problems head-on, figure out a way to fix them, then move forward.
3. Open up to the People Around You
No matter what you might believe, there are people out there who care about you. It may actually surprise you. The people who you only say two words to you at work might like you a lot more than you think.
You will never know what someone else is thinking unless you decide to start talking to them. Assuming is such a dangerous thing to your mind.
Thinking no one cares about you, or that other people are way happier without you, or that everyone is too busy to make time for you isn’t healthy.
Any thoughts that flood into your brain when you think about reaching out is your inner critic trying to make you feel worse about the situation.
It’s not fair to you or the other people around you to just assume they don’t care.
Some people don’t, and they are the assholes who you don’t need in your life. Most people do, though. The world is full of a lot more kinder and heartfelt people than bad ones.
It’s just unfortunate that the bad guys make headlines in the news. It’s more interesting than writing “Nice gentlemen held the door open for the woman in a wheelchair.”
Good does exist in the world. It always will. The world might feel very dark at times, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a light shining somewhere.
You just have to be willing to see it. Reach out to people. Talk to someone about what’s going on.
Be open and honest and stick to your guns. Take care of your mind by letting out the things that are affecting you.
If you know people close to you who check in and want to make sure you’re ok, speak up to them. And if you don’t have close people, then reach out to a counselor or therapist.
4. Stop Blaming Others
I’ll be honest, I held onto blaming others for a long time. It was so much easier to do that and resent them instead of focusing on myself.
It’s very difficult to turn that finger back on ourselves and face our own issues. Admitting to your faults takes strength that you may or may not have right now.
You can work on building up that strength by stopping that knee-jerk reaction to blame someone when you’re uncomfortable.
Sure, it could be someone else’s fault. That doesn’t make it any better, though. Instead, work on clearing your mind. Don’t focus on the issue and distract yourself with something else.
Take responsibility for your life and let go of all of the blame. People who don’t self-sabotage don’t blame others, even when they have every right to do so.
They are strong enough to take a step back, learn how to fix the problem and then move on. They don’t dwell on the bad stuff, they just move forward so they can get back to feeling good again.
5. Let go of Trying to be Someone You’re Not
Are you trying to live up to the expectations of someone else? Does your job accurately reflect what you want to be doing with your life, or is it just something you do to get by?
Are you spending every day trying to live as authentically as possible or are you more focused on being successful in other people’s eyes?
These are just a few questions you should be asking yourself. As we grow up into adults, we get advice from many different angles.
Other people tell us what we should do, and yet they never want to stick around to help us through the tough moments. The more you try to live up to other people’s expectations the more resentful you will become.
That’s how you start blaming other people for your life problems. Honestly one of the best ways you can stop self-sabotage and live a happy life is by ignoring what everyone else thinks.
No matter who they are. The ones who love you and respect you will be by your side every step of the way. The ones who don’t support you, won’t.
If you spend all your time trying to please the unsupportive ones then you’ll be living an unfulfilling life.
Maybe you already have supportive people in your life. But, if you don’t then don’t worry about leaving them behind when you start to live your life on your terms.
Because your well-being matters way more than anyone’s opinion of you. And when you start to fully believe in that then you will feel the self-sabotage start to fall off your shoulders. You will begin to see your worth and you’ll start to see a spot in this world for you.
How To Overcome Self-Sabotage Behavior – Conclusion
As I’m writing this ‘how to overcome self-sabotage behavior’ article, and as I write any article on my blog, I realize that it’s so much easier to just write these things out than to actually do them.
Whenever you are trying to improve yourself and are searching online for the answers, remember that improving yourself takes time.
All the advice in the world can’t change that fact. You won’t turn into a completely different person overnight. What you can do is take this advice and work on moving in the right direction with it.
Every article you read or thing you do to better yourself is a huge step in giving yourself a great life.
If you want to learn more about this and discover how to break through your own mental roadblocks to take radical action over your own happiness, enroll in my signature mental wellness course.
And as you work on stopping the self-sabotage and loving yourself more, each time you decide to work on yourself is you deciding to put yourself first above anything else.
We will always believe what we tell ourselves is true.
Even if it’s a total blatant lie. If your brain is convinced, then you have no choice but to believe what it’s telling you.
The unfortunate part about this is if your brain is full of constant negative self-talk, you will begin to feel negative a lot of the time.
And as the negativity begins to grow this will breed anxiety and possibly depression.
You might be thinking “I’m just a negative person.” Or “I like to be realistic about life.” Or “I’ve been told I’m a pessimist.”
And maybe because of those things, you really did start turning into a pretty negative person.
Let’s say you see things a specific way (because you’re human and have your own opinions on things) and when you start to voice these things, other people take offense to it.
Like maybe when you were 16 you really hated the Beatles and everyone around you thought you were crazy.
So, you start to feel like an outcast. And as you grow older, you realize your views on life differ from other people.
This is completely normal, but if you feel all alone in your views, you might start to think something is wrong with how you think.
If you don’t really go along with the social norms then sometimes it’s difficult to find people who get what you’re talking about.
And some people might start to label you as “the negative one”.
Because they don’t know what else to call you.
Then you just assume you’re negative and can never be a happy person. We can all allow ourselves to go down a crazy rabbit hole of really bad thoughts if we’re not careful.
When we do this, we train our brains to have automatic negative thoughts.
Negative thinking is a way to protect yourself from the world.
Being a more realistic person and seeing things as stupid or irritating doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
We were just all taught that complaining is bad and makes you a person that no one wants to be around. Which is true, if you choose to complain all the time and never do anything about it and expect other people to sympathize with you.
But, if you are just speaking your mind sometimes and venting to someone about a situation that really ticked you off, it’s totally ok to do that when you need to.
If I try to avoid my thoughts that feel too negative, they only end up coming back twice as bad.
The answer is not to avoid your negative thoughts.
Here’s How to Beat Anxiety by Changing Your Self-Talk
Go Easy on Yourself
With whatever changes you decide to make in your life, you first have to commit to going easy on yourself.
Change is hard, and a lifestyle change requires constant discipline and consistency.
Whether that’s getting into a workout routine, or changing your inner self-talk, this will take time and patience on your part.
Beating yourself up for not doing more than you should will only hinder your progress and make you feel more anxious.
Focus on going easy on yourself, especially when you are changing the negative self-talk going on inside your head.
If you find yourself having a bad day and letting your thoughts take over, forgive yourself.
Just say “this is a roadblock and I was told this might happen. I’m not going to beat myself even more for giving into the bad talk, I will forgive myself and move forward tomorrow.”
Listen to Your Self-Talk, and Write Down What It’s Telling You
I get that you might not be able to write down every single thing your thoughts are telling you throughout the day, but maybe the times you are home.
Begin paying attention to what that inner critic is telling you. This is how you become more aware of your thinking.
You might think you’re pretty in tune with your thoughts and that since they consume your life, you don’t have to be more aware of them.
But, honestly, if they are consuming your life, that is a big sign that you aren’t aware of your thinking at all.
That’s because you’re allowing those negative thoughts to fester and take control of your brain.
If you’re more aware of your thoughts, you can begin to break apart each thought and work forward from there.
Realize That Your Thoughts are Just Thoughts
You’ve most likely heard this before.
Let’s be clear: I’m not saying that your thoughts don’t have a huge impact on how you live your day-to-day life.
Your thoughts and your brain are insanely powerful, and they really do create your reality.
They will prevent you from trying or doing things that can impact your life or future in some way.
Thoughts are definitely crazy powerful, but at the end of the day, they are just thoughts.
And you ultimately make the decision to listen to them or not. You most likely have thoughts you ignore.
It’s the ones you listen to and act on that mold your life.
Whatever thoughts you have engrained into your head to tell you daily like “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t matter.” “This is pointless.” “No matter what I do, my life will never get better.” Etc.
These are what you’re telling yourself. You believe these things, and you replay them in your head daily like Drake’s In My Feelings song.
After a while, your subconscious catches on and hears this often so it must be important enough to stick it in the back of your mind.
So even on the days when you’re feeling ok, you still hear a little bit of your inner critic talking you down.
That’s because you’ve created these automatic negative thoughts that your brain immediately goes to whenever you’re trying to make a difference in your life.
Get Out of Survival Mode
When our lives are up in the air, we resort to survival mode because our anxiety completely takes over.
This means you end up doing the bare minimum just to get through the day, like making sure you take a shower or eat enough food.
And if you do this long enough you become used to living that way. But, that’s honestly a really crappy way to live your life.
Especially with the type of world we live in now. There are so many new exciting things waiting for you out there.
But if you’re in survival mode, you won’t care about any of those things.
You truly just care about getting through the day. Or getting through the next hour without having a panic attack.
You just want to feel ok.
Honestly, you won’t be able to work on yourself until you can find a way out of survival mode and are open to making changes.
(This might mean using medication to help raise your serotonin levels. Remember when I said earlier that your brain is a powerful thing? Well, when you are constantly feeding it negative thoughts and putting it in toxic environments, you will break down the happy parts of your brain.
That even means reducing levels of serotonin, which is what helps even everything out. A chemical imbalance is very common in a lot of people. And what sucks is if you have it, you will not care about improving yourself at all. You will just care about making it through today without having a total breakdown.)
There are many other ways to break out of survival mode, like talking to someone and getting help on how to fix it.
But, you may need a helping hand at the beginning to get you going in the right direction so that you have the energy to keep it up.
If your brain is low on serotonin and in survival mode, it will be like climbing Mt. Everest to try and get yourself to retrain your thoughts without fixing those things first.
Break the Bad Habits
Ok, so once you are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and beginning to enjoy life again, you need to focus on breaking out of the bad thoughts.
This will take time. But, if you’re in a spot where you feel ok mentally, it won’t be too hard.
Start by slowly replacing your bad habits with good ones.
If you tend to reach for chocolate when you’re stressed out, try going for a walk instead.
Stop hiding away from your thoughts and instead show up for them. Be real with yourself and process what is going on.
When you repress things and just resort to bad habits, you just end up feeling worse. And the bad habits are feeding into that negative self-talk.
Start with baby steps. Think about one habit you want to change and work on that each day for a month. Then you can move onto the next habit you want to change.
Moving Forward
Part of the reason why I wrote this post is for the people who feel like they have to be positive all the time to be happy. Especially when they have high levels of anxiety.
This is not true. Life is too chaotic and unpredictable to just be thinking “happy thoughts” all the time.
And if you pretend to be happy as you repress how you’re truly feeling you will eventually just blow up on somebody.
There’s a balance between being too negative and too positive. I tend to lean more towards the negative side so I have to work on balancing it out.
Just start with forgiving yourself and taking all the pressure off. That’s how you can move forward with letting go of all your anxious thoughts and living a life you enjoy.
Did you enjoy this article or have any questions? Leave them in the comments below!
When it comes to mental health, it’s important to take it seriously.
I always find the stigma around mental health a challenge, for myself and others. It’s not the easiest thing to explain to someone who just doesn’t get it.
Too many times I’ve gotten the advice of “It’s all in your head” or “Just go out and get some exercise and you’ll feel better.”
But, as you may know already, when you have anxiety it just doesn’t work that way.
You can’t just tell yourself to get over it and move on. Burying those thoughts and those feelings only allows them to refloat to the surface later on.
Until eventually you have to face what’s going on before you break.
I went about 2 years feeling pretty miserable. And I would follow all the rules like exercising daily and making sure I checked off the rest of the boxes that should have helped with my mental health.
I tried so hard to fight the feelings and troubling thoughts I kept having.
During this time, I didn’t really believe it could get much better. I thought my life was destined to be this way forever.
And thinking about such a grim future just made my depression worse. It was a bad cycle to be in.
I finally broke down and started to talk to people about what was going on. I cried to my sister, who told me she knew exactly what I was going through.
She has struggled with both before as well so I believed her when she told me it would get better.
At first, she suggested trying to change my thought process. Things like cognitive behavior therapy, where you work on challenging your thoughts.
That worked for a little bit, but I think part of it was because I just felt better talking to her about it. Once that feeling wore off, I fell back into the depression.
It reached a point where none of it was working anymore. That’s when I finally decided to go on anti-depressants. I’ve been on them in the past but didn’t fully see the importance of them until now.
Once I went back on antidepressants things started to shift.
How to Start Taking Your Life Back When You Have Anxiety
Consider Trying Anti-Depressants
I think that if you are finding that nothing seems to be working and you feel anxious all of the time, medication can help.
There’s a lot of speculation around anti-depressants, which can make it hard to know if it’s right for you.
For a long time, I was a skeptic myself. But, once I reached a point where nothing else worked anymore I was open to giving it a shot.
I’m very happy I did because I am able to manage my thoughts and focus on what is most important in my life.
My mood has stabilized, and I don’t fall into the deep trap of depression. My anxiety has lowered as well.
I’m suggesting this only because I know it has a chance of helping. It helped when nothing else worked and I’m grateful for that.
Once you are at a point where you feel like you have enough control over your thoughts, you can begin to work on everything else.
Remember, when it comes to your mental health, it starts first with just getting to a state of mind where you feel okay again.
That was my ultimate goal for the longest time. I just wanted to feel like my chest wasn’t going to explode all the time.
If you find that you aren’t ready for this step, please continue to work on steps 1 & 2. Unfortunately, with anxiety and depression, it’s not always possible to do normal daily functions.
And it starts by taking one step at a time. So, once you do feel that you are in a good state of mind, grab a notebook and pen and start coming up with things that you want your life to consist of.
What is it that you want your days to be full of, that your anxiety was preventing you from doing?
Is that working out? Getting a new job? Meeting new friends?
This list you’re creating has no limits. Think about all of the things that truly make you happy.
Again, if you are struggling with depression this part won’t be easy. This is only for when you are truly starting to feel hope again.
Just writing these things down can help set off a spark inside you.
As you begin to see these things, you can work on figuring out how to add them into your life.
It’s just crazy how our minds can prevent us from doing or even wanting the things we want. We can convince ourselves that these things aren’t important.
And your anxiety can tell you these things are too scary to ever try.
But, you deserve every single thing on that list. As your mind starts to come to a place of feeling better and like you can focus on living your life, you will begin to believe this, too.
Slowly Start Adding New Things Into Your Daily Routine
From personal experience and from research, I’ve found that trying to jump all in on trying a bunch of new things when you are overcoming anxiety can backfire.
Either from not being ready enough to try all of these new things, and your anxiety coming back. Or by feeling so overwhelmed by everything that it prevents you from doing anything.
As you are taking back control over your life, it’s best to take it slowly. You’re making lifestyle changes that can help you for the rest of your life.
Quick fixes won’t work when it comes to improving your mental health.
If you want to start working out, take some time to find some exercises that appeal to you. Then, try to do it 3 times a week. For the first week, try for 10 minutes, then increase to 20 then so on.
This way, you are working to build up a new habit. Jumping into a full hour of intense workout may make you hate it and not want to try it ever again.
As you are adding things to your daily routine, focus on enjoying the process. If you aren’t enjoying it anymore, then it’s okay to let it go.
Sometimes we feel the pressure to work out because we think we have to. But if you hate it then try to find something you do enjoy doing.
If You’ve Ever Experienced a Panic Attack You Know Just How Serious They Can Feel…
Thankfully, there are some great ways to not only stop a panic attack in its tracks but, with a little work subside the tremours from rearing their ugly head in the first place.
Panic attacks can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people feel it coming on, other times it just happens all at once.
But we all can agree – they are not fun. At all.
Panic attacks are our body’s fight-or-flight response. A very useful feature when we lived among the animal kingdom – not so useful in the modern world.
So how do you stop a panic attack? Well, it’s a skill, and luckily for us, it’s a skill we can all develop.
Once you’re aware of what’s happening, you can ‘deploy’ one or more of the following strategies on this page and you’ll be able to direct yourself away from a future attack and back down to earth.
How I Stopped My First Panic Attack
When I had my first panic attack, I definitely thought something was really wrong. Was I having a heart attack? This made me panic more.
I couldn’t focus and felt extremely disoriented. The feeling was so terrifying, I honestly didn’t know what to do. I called up my sister who had experienced them before and she was able to quickly calm me down.
Something that stuck with me was how calm she was about it and how she just kept telling me “Nothing is wrong, you’re completely healthy.”
Since it feels like you’re having a heart attack it helps to hear that nothing is actually wrong with your heart.
I still do get panic attacks, but I’ve been able to manage them and get through them without panicking too much. They are still uncomfortable, and I don’t think that will ever go away. The most important part, though, is knowing how to manage them.
17 Proven Ways to Quickly Stop a Panic Attack
Here are 17 things you can do to quickly stop a panic attack. Read through this list and remember some of them in case of a future episode.
1. Deep Breathing
Part of what makes us feel like we’re dying when we have a panic attack is we forget to breathe! Our breath shortens and we don’t inhale enough oxygen.
When you feel an attack coming on, remember to breathe. Practice this simple breathing technique from Anxiety Coach, so you can use it whenever you need it.
It also helps to keep a sticky note or reminder in your phone as a quick go-to.
2. Go for a Walk & Play Some Music
Listen to your body and take a break for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block and get some fresh air.
Listening to some good music also helps, too. Create a playlist full of your favorite songs that you can go to when you feel a panic attack coming on.
Planning ahead puts you in control of your attacks. You might not know exactly when they will happen, but you can learn to understand the symptoms.
Then, you can work on a game plan for when it does happen. If it’s at work, practice finding an escape route.
If it’s a situation you can’t get out of, think about breathing deeply and being mindful. Plan for the situation so that the attack doesn’t feel like the end of the world. This will help you stay calm.
4. Practice Mindfulness
You can check out the top mindfulness exercises I recommend here. Do these at home when you are relaxing, that way you can remember what works for you and use it during times of panic.
5. Think of Your Happy Place (something funny)
Panic attacks feel so serious. It’s honestly hard not to freak out when you feel one coming on.
But, just like any other fears we have, there are ways to overcome that initial state of panic. One of the best ways is by distracting yourself, and even laughing.
Think of your favorite movie, TV show, or even YouTube video. One that really makes you laugh so hard every time you see it.
Laughing helps because it diffuses the situation. Your brain calms down, and by laughing you learn that a panic attack doesn’t have to be so serious.
When I feel this way, I think of my boyfriend’s laugh when he thinks something is really funny. It always cracks me up because he sounds like a little kid.
6. Write Down Your Thoughts & Triggers
Journaling is always a great practice for reducing anxiety and panic attacks. During the times when you feel fine, write down your thoughts on your panic attacks.
This can give you a different perspective when you are experiencing an attack. And then, when you do have a panic attack, also write down how you’re feeling.
Getting your thoughts out can quickly help calm you down and alleviate some of the symptoms of a panic attack.
7. Repeat a mantra like, “This too Shall Pass”
A simple mantra can go a long way. Just because it’s something very easy to focus on. And your brain will start to believe it.
My mantra is “I think I can, I think I can”, and another popular one is “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.
Repeat these in your mind as you experience a panic attack. Keep your mind strong even when the rest of your body feels like it’s breaking down. You can even close your eyes to really help you focus on pushing through the uncomfortable moments.
8. Get Some Space and Talk to Yourself
Get out of the stuffy room that you’re in and get away from all the other people. Find a quiet spot, or even go out to your car if you have one. Then, talk to yourself.
Talk through how you feel and what is going on in your head. Try to understand why you’re having a panic attack in the first place, and figure out a rational spot in your head.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
9. Stop Repressing What is Bothering You
A big issue I’ve noticed is when we don’t feel so great and we feel anxious and nervous, we want to tell someone.
But, when we try to speak up other people are quick to judge and tell us that nothing is wrong with us. Trying to explain a panic attack to someone isn’t easy, and it can become misunderstood pretty quickly.
But, repressing how you’re feeling will only make your panic attacks worse. You’ll feel the pressure to keep things inside, and you’ll think that you shouldn’t even be having panic attacks in the first place.
This can cause a bad cycle to start. Instead, don’t repress how you’re feeling. Reach out to someone who won’t judge you and who understands.
If you want to talk to a therapist, I recommend BetterHelp. Or, you can also reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, which is completely free.
10. Slow Down
I just want to tell you that you are doing enough. No matter how you’re feeling inside or what anyone else tells you.
When you experience a panic attack, focus on slowing down everything around you. You can even pretend like you’re moving in slow motion.
I know it sounds weird, but with the speed we work at nowadays, you’re going to have to slow things way down.
Let go of the deadlines, and the pressure from school or your boss, and just stop what you’re doing. Your panic attacks happen because of many different reasons in your life, usually brought on by stress and feeling like you’re not doing enough.
Take 5 minutes out of your day and just take it easy. On the days when you feel really stressed, go slow. Focus on one thing at a time.
Talking it out is just like writing it out, once it’s out of your head it’s much easier to process.
11. Drink Some Chamomile Tea
Some herbal remedies can help to quickly calm you down.
I personally love to drink some warm tea when I’m feeling anxious and uncomfortable. It feels similar to being wrapped up in a warm blanket.
You can drink some chamomile tea, which has calming effects. Or you can check out some essential oils and keep them near you during the day when you’re prone to anxiety attacks.
12. Stay in the Present & Ground Yourself
Practicing grounding techniques helps reduce anxiety and calm you down from a panic attack.
When you feel an attack coming on, try this 54321 game:
Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.
Name 4 things you can feel (“chair on my back” or “feet on the floor”)
Name 3 things you can hear right now (“fingers tapping on keyboard” or “tv”)
Name 2 things you can smell right now (or, 2 things you like the smell of)
Name 1 good thing about yourself
13. Call a Close Friend
Calling someone you trust can quickly help de-escalate the situation.
Reaching out for help is one of the best things you can do, as long as the person is actually helpful on the other end.
Sometimes, we feel like we can’t talk to anyone about what we’re going through because they might not understand it. During a panic attack, you need as much help as you can get. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who can help talk you through it.
Explain how you’re feeling and let them tell you that everything is okay, and get out of your head for a second.
14. Take Care of Yourself
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Also, don’t think you have to push these feelings away.
Embrace how you’re feeling and listen to it. If you’re feeling anxious, take a break.
Spend some time alone and do the things you enjoy. Taking care of yourself helps prevent panic attacks from happening because you’re more in tune with how you feel.
15. Don’t Fight the Anxiety, Go Easy on Yourself
When you’re feeling really anxious you don’t want to avoid how you’re feeling. This can just make you more anxious and cause you to feel on edge around other people.
There’s a reason you’re feeling anxious, whether that’s something in your environment or a chemical imbalance in your brain.
It’s OK to feel anxious! And to go easy on those days when you have high anxiety.
Once you learn to stop fighting how you’re feeling you will start to understand your anxiety more. You’ll learn what your triggers are. Understanding where your anxiety stems from will stop a panic attack in its tracks. Fighting your anxiety will only cause more panic attacks to occur.
Listen to what your anxiety is trying to tell you. If you don’t think anything is wrong in your life and you’re still feeling anxious, talk to your doctor about it.
Sometimes our bodies don’t produce enough serotonin to keep us naturally calm, and this could be what’s triggering your panic attacks (if you can’t seem to pinpoint what is actually wrong).
16. Let go of the Tension
I grind my teeth and tighten up my whole body when I feel a panic attack coming on, or when I’m just super anxious.
You most likely put a lot of tension on your body when you’re reacting to the nervous feelings.
Try to be more conscious of how your body feels. The more tense you are, the harder it is to get yourself to relax. Focus on relaxing your whole body when you’re feeling anxious. Take some deep breaths and release all of the built-up tension.
You’ll quickly start to feel calmer and more in control.
17. Think About After
As a panic attack hits, try to think about what happens when it finally goes away. If you’ve experienced panic attacks before then you know they do eventually pass.
Close your eyes and think about that moment. Imagine the panic attack passing through your body until it is completely gone.
Thinking about after helps you believe that you will survive this panic attack since you’ve done it before. This can help keep you calm and you can allow the attack to come and go.
Conclusion
If you can work on these ways to stop a panic attack, eventually your panic attacks will feel less extreme to you.
They won’t have such a big impact on your mentality when you know they will eventually go away.
At one point or another, we feel like we just aren’t good enough.
For that new job, that new guy, or even with our own family.
Self-doubt pops up depending on how you’re feeling, and someone can easily come in and break you down even more if you’re not careful.
Think about Cinderella for a second. Throughout the whole movie, she is treated like garbage by the people she calls family.
They definitely try their hardest to make her feel like she’s not good enough.
She still holds onto a little bit of hope that she deserves more than how she’s been treated.
And once she meets the prince, it’s such a relief to her for him to accept her exactly how she is.
I know I know, this is just a fairytale movie and it’s not the most realistic.
But, the premise of the story is accurate. The dark parts of Disney movies often reflect the dark parts of life.
And what happened to Cinderella with her family is what happens often to people in real life.
Maybe you’ve been treated a certain way for so long and you just never learned how to actually feel good about yourself.
Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough
I might not know exactly why you feel the way you do, because everyone goes through different experiences in life that morph them into who they are.
But, there are a few common things that often cause people to not feel good enough.
1. Family
Family members usually have the best intentions at heart, but they can easily make you feel not good enough.
You probably trust your family, or at least did at one point. They are the closest people to you until you’re 18 (because you don’t really have any other choice 🙂 )
18 years is a long time to be influenced by your family, and what they say and think about you can impact you much further down the road in your life.
This can lead to feeling not good enough because you don’t measure up in your family’s eyes.
2. Relationships
If you have certain people in your life who take advantage of you, they might be causing you to not feel good enough.
Whether it’s an intimate relationship or your best friend, these relationships can become toxic if the people you’re around don’t fully accept you for who you are.
Think about the closest people to you. Do they support you no matter what? Or do they constantly bring you down and judge you for living your life?
Negative energy can eventually break you down and make you question everything you do. Pay attention to the relationships around you and see if they’re toxic or not.
3. Society
Society says you are supposed to look, think, and act a certain way to appear “cool” and be accepted by other people.
The ads you see on TV and in magazines can mess with your subconscious, making you think you need to change who you are in order for someone to love you.
This stuff is honestly just a ploy for you to buy the things that will make you feel “good enough”. It’s just a mind trick marketers like to play on people, so they can make money.
Don’t listen to society when it’s telling you to change who you are. Who you are right now is enough.
4. Yourself
You can easily become your own worst enemy once you stop believing in yourself.
The toll society and people take on your confidence can quickly make you feel not good enough.
And if you don’t fully believe in yourself, you’ll eventually start to think that everyone else is right. Or that you should change who you are to please other people.
Who you are doesn’t mean you’re flawed or that anything is wrong with you. It just means you haven’t figured out how to truly appreciate what you have to offer.
If you feel like you’re trying your best and it’s still not enough, something has to change.
Reflect on everything that has made you feel not good enough. Then begin to question that a lot. Question why.
15 Important Things to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
1. Build up Your Mental Strength
Your own mentality decides what gets in and what doesn’t. What other people think and say about you doesn’t have to matter to you.
Building up your mental strength means becoming more resilient and fighting back against the negative thoughts inside your head.
Life is hard, so learning how to build up your mental strength can help you combat a lot of feelings of being insecure and not feeling good enough.
2. Get Rid of the Toxins in Your Life
Toxic people and things can keep you exactly where they want you: on the ground.
You can choose to let go of anything toxic in your life that isn’t providing you any happiness. These things don’t mean you’re not good enough to have them in your life.
If there is a person in your world making you question everything you do in your life, then move on without them. They are the ones who don’t deserve you, and they will only suck the life out of you with any chance they get.
Rid yourself of toxins and fill your life with things that encourage you to be exactly who you are.
3. Practice Working on Your Confidence
Being confident is a skill, it’s not something we are born with. Certain factors in your life can cause you to lose or gain confidence.
If you don’t have any confidence on your own, you will allow outside things to define who you are. Someone’s judgment of you may make you believe that’s who you are.
Building confidence means you get to decide who you are. You get to determine your future and grab hold of your life again.
Being confident makes you believe with all your heart that you are good enough for anything.
4. Seek out the Good-Hearted People of the World
There are a lot of people out there who do things just for their own benefit, without thinking twice about you.
But, there are also plenty of people who have big hearts and don’t judge. They allow you to be who you want to be, and they still choose to have you in their lives.
It’s because they don’t care what you do, as long as you treat them well they will return that kindness to you. They are there for you when you need it most.
Work on finding more of these people in your life. Stop trying to please people who are just not worth it. Let go of the people who can’t see your worth right now.
5. Understand That You Deserve Better
When you don’t feel good enough you believe you don’t deserve much in this world.
The truth is, no matter how you were brought up or what has happened to you in life, you deserve what you want just like anyone else.
Every person on this planet has an equal shot at a great life. It’s all about what you choose to do with your life to get there.
Start today by telling yourself “I deserve a great life. I deserve better. I deserve to have whatever I want because I am good enough.”
6. Know the Difference Between Conditional & Unconditional Love
It sucks, but some people will love you only conditionally. Once you do something they don’t approve of, they will love you a little less.
How messed up does that sound? Well, that’s because it is. And anyone who doesn’t know how to love you fully no matter what is the one who isn’t good enough for you.
You can’t be walking on eggshells all the time, just waiting for the next to screw up in this person’s eyes.
Move on from the people who only love you under their specific conditions. Seek out people who find your quirks admirable and who will always love you unconditionally.
7. Figure Out Your Strengths
You have a lot of strengths. You just have to work on finding those and using them to your advantage.
What are you good at? What have other people told you’re good at? What’s your favorite subject in school? Are you right-brained or left-brained?
Understanding yourself more and viewing your strengths in a new light will help make you feel good enough.
You’ll appreciate everything you are already capable of, and you might even wonder how could anyone not like you. Because you’re awesome!
8. Question Your Thoughts
Thoughts are honestly just thoughts. They hurt sometimes, and other times they make you feel great.
Your brain is incredibly powerful, and it will convince you you’re not good enough, even when you’re not aware of it.
You can start taking hold of some of the thoughts that come into your head when it feels like you’re not good enough.
What are they saying? Why do they hurt so bad?
Is there any truth to these thoughts? Why do you believe in them so strongly? How can you work on letting these thoughts go?
Just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s an absolute fact.
9. Open up Your Heart to Love
Stop thinking you’ll ruin every relationship because you just don’t think you’re good enough.
You deserve love, and there is someone out there who is looking for you.
But, they will never be able to find you if you close off your heart to love. Work on letting go of the fear of getting hurt.
Practice holding onto the light inside of you that believes there is love out there for you. Be open to it and allow it to come to you fully. Don’t hold back or question it.
10. Let Go of What the Past Has Done to You
Your past is a part of you, but it doesn’t define you.
It’s hard to let go of but holding onto it is part of what makes you feel not good enough. You’ve been burned before and are worried about making the same mistakes again.
Learn from what the past has taught you and be grateful for how it has turned you into the person you are today.
Then, let go of it. When a memory comes in, allow it to come and then go. You don’t have to become attached to this thought and allow it to ruin your whole day.
Move on from the past and enjoy the present.
11. Fill up Your Own Needs
You know how a car can’t go very far without gas? The same thing happens when you stop listening to your own needs.
When you don’t feel good enough, a lot of the time you’re trying to fix things externally by trying to make other people happy or become a perfectionist.
One of the truest ways you can start feeling good enough is by listening to your own needs and then filling your life up with those.
When you ignore your own needs, you can’t be there for other people. And you can easily lose sight of who you are, allowing negative self-talk to take over and make you feel weaker than you are.
12. Become Your Own Best Friend
Talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Compliment yourself when you see your reflection in the mirror.
Once it’s out of your head, it’s usually easier to process. You can come face to face with those negative thoughts, and then begin to release them.
Usually, when those thoughts are out, you can then start to see that they don’t have as much value as you thought they did.
14. Forgive Anyone Who’s Done You Wrong
Spend time forgiving the people who have made you feel like you’re not good enough.
The truth is, if anyone has ever made you feel that way that means something is wrong with them. They wanted to tear you down in order to feel better about themselves.
This is where you can work on forgiving them for what they have done to you. Not so much for their benefit, but for yours.
Once you can learn to forgive the people who have done you wrong, you can begin to move on and stop giving them so much power over you.
15. Stop the Self-Hate
At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. How you view yourself, and how much power you give to other’s opinions about yourself.
If you love to play the victim to get the necessary attention you desire, work on changing that.
It’s time to come to terms with yourself and take control of your life again. I get what it’s like to never feel good enough for people or for anything in life.
It sucks, but I’ve also learned that I hold that key to my own worth. You do, too.
You get to decide who comes into your life. And you can choose to believe that you deserve more than you have right now.
No one else can make you feel less than if you don’t allow it. Stick to your guns and start believing in your awesomeness a little more.
Move on from the people who don’t support you and remove the toxins from your life.
Trust me, once you decide to take a stand for your life you will start to see your life quickly change for the better.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety – Even When Nobody Around You ‘Gets It’…
When you struggle with doing any of your daily habits because your mental health is getting in the way it can be difficult to do even the simplest of things.
You know, like getting out of bed, taking a shower, even just mustering up the energy to brush your teeth can be a drag.
Trust me – I get it.
Finding the energy, joy, and motivation when you struggle with anxiety can seem like a job on its own – and if you’re a mom, employee, run your business, or do any other ‘life stuff’ the weight on your mind and body can get mighty heavy.
But, you’ll be glad to know, through a little bit of determination, understanding a few key concepts, and a little bit of simplicity you can start to unlock those shackles, lift the weight of depression off your shoulders and start hitting your days with more purpose.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety & Depression
I understand all too well what it’s like to have a long list of to-do things, but then depression prevents any of that stuff from happening.
It’s very hard to get motivated when you struggle with anxiety and depression.
I’ve gotten so used to being in survival mode that I forgot how to push myself to get things done and be productive.
If you know this feeling and are struggling to find the motivation to start doing things again, I’m here to tell you that all hope is not lost.
Your anxiety and/or depression have had too much control over your mind.
And anyone out there who is telling you to just get over it and do something about it has never been where you are right now.
I’ve realized the hardest part about having a mental illness is that nobody really gets it, unless they’ve been there before.
And I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you or how you’re feeling. It’s honestly very normal to have anxiety and depression. (My doctor said it’s the second most common thing her patients struggle with, next to weight loss and dieting.)
It’s just that a lot of people don’t want to talk about it. They may feel embarrassed or deny they have it.
So, I want you to take all of this pressure off of yourself. Stop thinking you just need to be doing more than you are right now. Stop thinking you need to just be stronger. And stop thinking you have to fight your mindset by forcing yourself to do things you hate.
These things will only make it worse.
Trying to fight anxiety or push it away doesn’t help
When you fight or hide your anxiety, it’s a temporary solution. You might feel ok for a little bit, but it always comes back with a vengeance.
Before I go into this list, I want to recommend talking to your doctor or finding a therapist if you’re finding it hard to function. Dealing with Clinical Depression or Generalized Anxiety Disorder can make trying anything new feel impossible.
That’s why I suggest talking to professionals to get to a point where you’re mentally ready to move forward. It’s totally possible to manage both of these and actually get out of depression.
But, if you’re in the middle of struggling, the tips below might not be helpful enough. I’m saying this from experience. I was in a deep depression for a long time, and nothing worked.
Even setting small goals didn’t help.
It wasn’t until I finally talked to my doctor and started taking anti-depressants that I actually felt okay enough to work on other things. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, because everyone is different. But if you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist.
Talking to someone who has experience can help put you on the right track
I don’t want you to suffer. It’s why I always suggest focusing on that first and then moving forward. Remember, there is affordable online counseling available to you, which you can access from home at any time.
This post is for you if you are pulling yourself out of depression but are finding it hard to motivate yourself to start doing things again.
It’s for you if you’re feeling okay enough to try things, but you’re still in the habits you created when you were anxious, depressed, and in survival mode.
So, this blog post is about slowly pulling you out of survival mode and helping you get back on track to start pursuing your goals.
This post will teach you how to take baby steps to find your motivation when you struggle with anxiety and depression. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself with too many things at once.
How do Baby Steps Help?
Taking baby steps towards your goals ensures that you stick to them in the long run.
Usually, when we set goals, we end up setting multiple goals and want to make a huge change all at once. Such as working out every day, eating healthy foods, stopping drinking anything but water, writing in a journal, etc.
These are all great goals, but the problem is trying to do way too much at once.
Each goal requires setting a habit, and it takes about a month to do that. Even after that it still requires consistency to maintain it.
When we set goals, we typically set big ones that are hard to accomplish. And we expect our whole lives to change within a day.
This might work for a few days or a week, but then it becomes way too hard to keep up with. You’re trying to change everything ingrained in your brain and set new habits all at once.
And if you’ve been in survival mode just trying to get through the day without having a panic attack, setting multiple goals at once is a lot of work.
This takes a tremendous amount of willpower, that even the strongest people sometimes can’t do.
So, that’s why baby steps are the way to go. They help you stick to your goals and make it easier to follow every day.
It also takes some of the pressure off you. When we set unrealistic goals, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. This just makes the whole process very unenjoyable. But baby steps actually make setting and achieving goals a fun process. You get to focus on one goal at a time and eventually master it.
This way you can add in more self-care goals and slowly change your lifestyle for the better.
Start with One Goal
Think about all the things you want to start doing to add to your daily routine.
You can even write down a list of all your goals. Then go through and number each goal. Number one being the first one you want to start with.
Starting with your biggest goal is a good idea because it’s most likely the one you think about most of the time.
When you start doing this thing daily, you’ll quickly start to feel much better about each day. This helps motivate you to keep going. After this one becomes a habit, you can then focus on the next item on the list.
Carve out the Same Time Every Day
To develop a habit, doing it at the same time every day will help it stick. Your internal clock will start to know when to work on it.
Figure out what time of day works best for your schedule.
If you want to start working out, it might be best for you to set a time in the morning before your day starts.
I’ve personally found working out later in the day a challenge. There are more things to distract me and a lot of things tend to come up later in the day.
But, if you enjoy doing things later in the day then just find a time that works best for you. The goal is to find the best time that helps you do it every day consistently.
Start with Just 5 Minutes
If your goal requires you to set aside time daily to focus on it (like working out or practicing a hobby), start with just 5 minutes.
You can set a timer on your phone and accomplish your goal quickly. If you think about it, 5 minutes is nothing! That makes it super easy to do.
Doing this daily is doable, no matter how you’re feeling. Figure out a specific time of day where you can commit 5 minutes to your goal.
The nice part about it only being 5 minutes at first, is you may even look forward to doing it because it won’t take that long. It sets you up for a quick win.
For the first few weeks or months, you can keep it at 5 minutes. Then, you can start to increase it by 5 minutes a week or a month. When this becomes a habit, you can increase it again.
If your goal doesn’t involve a time limit, like saving money, then you can focus on adding money daily into a piggy bank. You can start with $1 or $5 a day.
You can start cutting out expenses, like going to Starbucks or buying lunch daily. Then you can use that money saved towards your savings account.
No matter what your goal is, just remember to start very small. You want it to be very possible to do it no matter what. Experiencing these daily small daily successes helps you build confidence to keep trying more.
Make a Commitment
You know deep down inside of you that you want to make a change. I know it, too!
If you’re pulling yourself out of depression or dealing with anxiety, then you’re facing a bigger challenge than others who don’t have to go through that.
That doesn’t mean it’s impossible though. And, these baby steps will help get you out of the rut that you’re in and move you forward.
Starting with just 5 minutes a day is doable. A good tip that helps me is whenever I hear my reminder go off on my phone, I immediately stop whatever I’m doing and focus on my goal.
I also set a timer for 5 minutes so that I can quickly get it done.
Don’t Overthink It
A big piece to all of this is to not overthink it. It’s easy to convince yourself that nothing matters and to just stay sitting on the couch. This is a habit that your brain becomes very accustomed to.
The nice part is that you can change that habit and grow a new one that is ingrained into your brain. The whole point of taking baby steps is to slowly phase out the bad habits and replace them with better ones.
Trying to change your whole lifestyle in one day just isn’t sustainable. Not when your brain and body are so used to doing things a certain way.
Imagine that your brain is very used to going down the same paved path every single day. It’s easy to walk down that path because you’ve done it a thousand times.
But, the day you decide to change up the route means you are walking into uncharted territory. You have to fight through branches and the unknown. You have to start creating a new path for yourself. And it’s not easy.
Even the most disciplined and determined person can fail if they try to change everything all at once.
Just remember why you want to do it in the first place. You probably have goals for the future to live a life you’re proud of. You want a life that includes all of the things you enjoy.
Making a commitment to these goals will give you a sense of purpose in your life. And it will help you see that your life matters.
Eventually, once you start to accomplish your goals, you’ll start to feel better. You’ll start to see that you don’t have to feel anxious or depressed all the time.
There is so much more to life than that. It doesn’t have to take over your whole life.
How To Get Motivated When You Struggle With Anxiety & Depression – Now, Go Love Yourself
While just implementing one of the above strategies can have a tremendous effect on your motivation, it’s important to note that this isn’t just a one-off thing. Consistency wins the game here.
But it can be done. Finding motivation when you’ve got anxiety can be super hard. And some days will be easier than others.
If there’s one thing you take away from this post, let it be that while you do need to make some changes in your life, trying to do too much, too soon, is a fast way to burn yourself out. Instead, take it step-by-step. Get clear on the direction you want to go and commit to it.
And if you want some extra help in learning to overcome your anxiety, check out the Anxiety Action Plan.
DISCLAIMER: We may receive a commission on some of the links you click on from this page.
Kindful is taking action.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consent tur adipisc elit. Morbi vitae commodo dui. Suspen disse accum san, eros auctor fringilla aliquet, ante nunc cursus du.
