by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 17, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
If you have anxiety, you know what it’s like when it hits unexpectedly.
Your day could be going along just fine, but then you come across a trigger and instantly feel anxious.
Or you wake up in the morning just not feeling quite right.
No matter when it hits, knowing how to manage your anxiety is essential.
Using medication is a common way to help with relieving anxiety symptoms.
But, what if you can’t afford medication, don’t like how it makes you feel, or want to try a different approach?
It’s definitely possible to reduce anxiety naturally.
The only thing is it will require more effort, and a commitment to working at it.
I’ve had moments in my life where I really didn’t want to be put on medication and couldn’t afford a therapist.
I normally do suggest seeing a therapist who has the right tools to guide you, especially if you have a lot of anxiety.
But, I understand the complications that come with finding the right therapist and the money it takes.
So, here are some ways you can naturally reduce anxiety that are affordable, too!
Eat Right
What you eat everyday matters.
It can definitely affect your anxiety levels, in a few different ways.
Partly from the hormones in your body reacting badly to certain foods.
And, partly how you feel about food personally.
A lot of people have food anxiety and for good reason!
We are often pulled in twenty different directions when we’re told what the right thing is to eat.
Try to keep it as simple as possible for yourself.
The moment you start making it complicated is when you get confused and eventually give up on trying to have it all figured out.
Start by increasing the amount of water you drink every day. Dehydration causes a number of issues, including feeling fatigued.
When you don’t have energy, that could make you anxious and eventually lead to depression.
Then move on to fruits and vegetables.
As you focus more on putting the right foods into your body, you will notice a difference in how you feel.
This isn’t about losing weight or eating less than you usually do.
It’s just about eating the right foods that make dealing with your anxiety much more manageable.
Related: Top 10 Best Foods to Eat When You’re Stressed
Increase Your Vitamin Intake
If you’re focusing on eating right, you’ll most likely meet the daily requirements for nutrients.
But, sometimes our specific diets make us deficient with certain vitamins which can affect our anxiety.
Some common deficiencies are Magnesium and Iron. Especially if you’re vegan/vegetarian.
Iron can make you feel fatigued, light-headed, and weak.
Magnesium can also affect your energy levels and is scientifically shown to reduce anxiety.
These are some simple changes you can make daily to help improve your energy levels and lower levels of anxiety.
Take Action Every Day
Anxiety prevents you from trying new things. It also can convince you to stop doing the things you do on a daily basis.
Listening to your anxiety makes the most sense, because you feel scared when you do things out of your comfort zone.
But, if you listen to your anxiety too much, you stop doing things.
When you stop trying, that’s when depression starts.
That’s why taking action is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
I understand that it sucks.
But, even if it’s just going outside for a 10-minute walk, that’s doing something.
You can’t let your anxiety completely take over.
That’s why taking steps every day towards ignoring those powerful thoughts will help reduce your anxiety.
Choose 3 things every day to try, even if your brain is telling you no. Do it anyway, no matter how you feel.
Get outside, cook a meal, clean the house, or just blast some music and dance around your room.
These small movements make a huge difference in fighting against your anxiety.
Try Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)
CBT focuses on retraining your negative thoughts and turning them into positive ones.
Once you learn to change your thinking, you then focus on changing your behavior.
The cool part is CBT is something you can start doing today, in the comfort of your own home.
There are numerous books out there about how to use it to help manage your anxiety.
It’s proven to be very effective in helping with common mental health struggles, especially anxiety.
CBT also brings positive results quickly and provides you the right tools to work through your anxiety going forward.
CBT is what a lot of therapists use to help their clients through mental roadblocks.
If you’re interested in learning more about CBT, here are two books I have tried and recommend (by the same author):
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic, and Worry
Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks: A Workbook for Managing Depression and Anxiety
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness goes hand in hand with CBT. The books above also focus on the importance of mindfulness.
Being mindful helps keep you in the present moment, instead of letting your brain wander to dark thoughts.
Mindfulness doesn’t always mean meditation, even though that’s one way to do it.
You can also practice with yoga, deep breathing techniques, or while you are busy doing other things.
Anytime you can think of it, work on being present in the moment around you.
What do you hear?
What do you smell?
What do you feel?
This allows you to stay in reality and appreciate the moment for what it is.
We are often caught up in our thoughts. They control what we do and how we react to things.
But, the power of being in the moment will give you control.
It will also help you see that nothing is really that big of a deal and that all of the thoughts floating around in your head are just that… thoughts.
They don’t need to mean something every time.
Talk to Someone Close
It’s always important to reach out to others when you aren’t feeling your best.
If you’re an over-thinker (like me!), you can easily convince yourself of anything.
That could mean talking yourself down, devaluing your self-worth, or wondering what the point of your existence is.
That’s why getting out and talking to someone you trust is always a good idea.
Other people can get you out of your head. And it helps to know someone else understands.
If you don’t have anyone close you can talk to about how you’re feeling, I definitely recommend reaching out to a therapist.
I personally use BetterHelp and recommend it to anyone who needs to talk to a professional about their mental health.
BetterHelp is an online counseling platform that will connect you with a counselor who has knowledge of what you’re going through.
Start a Work-Out Routine
Ok, let’s be honest. Working out isn’t always the best option.
It takes so much energy to just get up and face another day, so working out sometimes sounds impossible.
Trust me, I know.
But, working out does help.
It’s not something that will work right away. Just like anything on this list, it requires work and patience to see a difference.
But, getting your body and blood moving helps in numerous ways.
Including improving your mindset, reducing anxiety levels, and just overall feeling better about yourself.
Exercising doesn’t have to be about losing weight and getting into great shape.
If you can go in with a different mindset, it might motivate you to work at it.
Think of working out as another way to help your mental health, and that’s all you’re doing it for.
Taking a 30 minute walk every day or doing HIIT 3 times a week will help.
You could even try a 21-Day Fitness challenge to help motivate you. Some people like challenges.
I would just suggest finding other ways to stay motivated after the challenge is up, possibly by starting another challenge.
If you’re intimidated about going to the gym, try to find a friend who’s willing to go with you for the first couple of times.
Related: How to Deal With Anxiety at the Gym
Distract Yourself
When in doubt, work on distracting yourself from your thoughts.
You don’t have to be drowning in them 24/7, and there are healthy distractions out there.
Avoid unhealthy distractions, like drinking or partying, because they will only make your mentality worse.
If you’re stuck at home alone, try putting on some headphones and playing good music.
I know that when I have music blasting in my ears, I can’t focus too much on what I’m thinking about.
Or go hang out with some friends, read a new book, start a new hobby, or hang out and watch a new Netflix show.
I used to think that any distraction wasn’t healthy for relieving my anxiety. I just thought I had to suffer through it and work on my bad thoughts.
This only created more bad thoughts, though. And now I’m realizing that healthy distractions are great for an anxious mind.
Usually, we are just too wrapped up in our thoughts to feel okay about chilling out for a little bit.
When it comes to your anxiety, you have to take it easy sometimes.
Anxiety is draining, and it takes a lot of effort to work on it. That’s why taking breaks is important and going easy on yourself will help.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 9, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Do you ever find that when your house is a mess, you go into panic mode?
Dirty dishes in the sink, socks and shoes everywhere, and dog hair piling up on the staircase. It’s one thing if your house occasionally gets messy, and you can go through and easily clean everything up.
But, clutter is when your house becomes increasingly dirty, filling up with piles of stuff here and there.
Until the whole room is one huge mess.
For most people, it doesn’t take much (or long) for their house to get messy.
And it multiplies with every person living in your home.
And if you can’t keep up with it consistently, it can become a much bigger problem.
Reasons Clutter Causes Anxiety
There are a lot of reasons why clutter can cause anxiety or make your anxiety worse.
When you see large messes around your house, it’s difficult to know where to begin.
You can get overwhelmed when there is just too much stuff in your home.
Also, a lot of the things you own may have a strong sentimental value to you.
Making it difficult to get rid of things that are just adding to the clutter.
Living in a messy environment can increase your stress levels, and make you feel guilty about the way you’re living.
It can also make it very difficult to focus on more important things that you need to tend to.
A cluttered life can affect a lot of areas in your life, like your work, relationships, and your mental health.
Which makes sense as to why it causes anxiety.
So, is it possible to fix it? Absolutely!
How to Quickly Get Rid of Clutter
Start with One Room at a Time
Have you ever gone through the house, pulling out everything at once so you can get around to cleaning it?
This actually makes it a lot harder to tackle clutter.
Start with just one room, like your bedroom.
Go through your closet and take out all of your old clothes you don’t wear anymore.
Think about how long it’s been since you’ve worn something, and if it’s longer than 6 months, put it in a box.
Cleaning up one room at a time is very manageable because you can take a small break once you’re done and reward yourself for getting it out of the way.
It will also motivate you to keep moving forward, which is important when you feel anxious.
You don’t want to get so overwhelmed that you just give up and let your anxiety take over.
Let Go of the Things You Don’t Use Anymore
I know it’s hard to let go of things that remind us of our childhood, or someone we care about.
But, holding onto everything people give us just isn’t possible.
Unless you have a really big house with lots of storage.
Go through all of your old things that you don’t use anymore. Things that are only still around for sentimental value.
Hold onto the things that are very important to you but work on letting go of the things that are just taking up too much space.
Like stuffed animals, CDs, or clothes. Anything that really isn’t useful anymore.
Try to consolidate the things you want to keep into one or two small bins, so they are easy to store.
Take 20 Minutes and go Through All of the Piles of Paperwork
We often hold onto old bills, receipts, and pieces of paper that take up A LOT of space.
And these pieces of paper easily start to pile up in random places around the house.
I always hold onto receipts for way too long, until it’s 3 months later and way passed the 30-day refund window.
Set a timer on your phone and gather up all of the paperwork you have laying around.
Spend 20 minutes sorting stuff out, then take a break. Hopefully, you’ll be close to done by that point.
Once you have your paperwork organized, your mind will feel a lot calmer.
Sometimes the paperwork we have is very important, and it’s helpful to know exactly where it is. Put them away in folders in your office so you will always know where they are and ease your mind.
Go Through and Find What You Can Sell
If you really struggle to get rid of all the clutter in your house, posting things up for sale on Craigslist can help.
This will give you a little motivation to make some extra money, and clear out your home.
Especially if you find it difficult to get rid of certain things, selling them might make it a little easier.
You could even set up a garage sale for next Saturday. This makes it very easy to get rid of things, while making a profit!
Sometimes selling things online can take a little time, so it’s not the quickest option, but even if you list your larger items on Craigslist for free, somebody will want it.
This will help get it off your hands and clear up some of the clutter.
Get Help from Your Family/Friends
If you live with other people, it’s important to have house rules.
This way, everyone can be held accountable and you can stay more organized.
You can’t be expected to always clean up after everyone else, or that will just make your anxiety worse.
This is an easy way to develop a victim mentality because you’ll try hard at first, but then give up.
And eventually, you’ll just ask yourself “What’s the point?” and let the clutter continue to grow.
Sit down with whoever you live with and come up with a weekly chore list that both of you can stick to.
Once those items are identified, stick the list to the fridge and work on holding each other accountable.
This will make it much easier to manage your house and live in a clutter-free environment.
Spend 15 Minutes a Day Focused on De-Cluttering
We often have busy lives, with full-time jobs, keeping up relationships, and working out.
Cleaning your home feels like a pain, especially if you have to designate a big chunk of your Saturday cleaning up.
And it’s easy to just skip it and use that time to do something fun.
But, that can increase your anxiety because you don’t give yourself time to focus on de-cluttering.
And if you don’t manage the clutter, it will continue to get worse.
Instead, take 15 minutes out of each day (possibly right when you get home from work) to tackle one item.
That could be vacuuming, doing the dishes, cleaning a bathroom, or anything else on your chores list.
This way once the weekend hits you will only have one or two things to do, and can use the rest of your time to do something fun!
Your house will stay clean and organized most of the time using this method. If you can keep up with this and just spend a few minutes each day, your house will never get too cluttered.
Set Up a Reward System
If your house is a cluttered mess, and you really don’t even want to clean any of it, come up with a reward system.
This is also helpful if you have kids.
We are much more motivated to do things we hate when there is an awesome reward waiting at the end.
Tell yourself that if you clean the whole upstairs and get rid of the clutter, you can go out to a special dinner with your boyfriend.
Or spend the rest of the day relaxing, watching Netflix.
Leaving your clutter to just sit there makes you feel guilty and unorganized.
And if you just gave yourself the reward without cleaning up first, you’d continue to feel guilty.
This way, you can work hard on getting rid of the clutter in your home and then have something exciting to look forward to afterward.
A reward system is helpful if you are anxious about clutter because it makes it an enjoyable experience.
Not just something that feels like you’re getting teeth pulled.
And after a while, your brain will start to associate cleaning and organizing as a fun experience, because you get a good reward at the end.
That will make it easier for you to get motivated and stick with it every week.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 28, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
We all have our insecurities with our bodies.
Whether that’s crooked teeth, a flabby stomach, or hairy arms.
It seems like there’s always something we could change about ourselves.
When you are constantly chasing after an unrealistic version of yourself, you begin to lose sight of who you are right now.
Filling up with self-doubt, because you aren’t proud of who you are at the moment.
Not until you lose 15 pounds or have longer hair.
Why is it that we find it so hard to accept who we are right now?
Without learning how to love & accept your body, you can start to hate everything about who you are.
And once you convince yourself you have so much to work on and change, it becomes that much harder to let go.
What Causes Body Image Issues?
There are a variety of things that can affect your body image.
Things like:
- Being criticized by a family member or significant other about your weight
- Looking in magazines or on TV and seeing unrealistic body types
- Scrolling through Instagram and seeing someone else living an amazing life
- Not knowing how to trust and love yourself as a young adult
- Traumatizing events happening in your life and feeling out of control
- Getting made fun of in school about what you look like
Society teaches us at an early age that what we look like is important.
And how attractive we are determines our value to others.
Which is how you can become obsessed about how you look and how much you weigh.
So, how can you learn to accept and love your body as it is right now?
1. Listen to What Your Body Needs
If you have become very used to ignoring what your body needs, this could be a challenge.
You might think you “have” to go to the gym every day and eat super healthy to have the right body type.
But, that’s not what everyone needs on a daily basis. Sometimes, you need to rest.
Or you need chocolate.
When you learn how to listen to what you need, over what you “should do”, you learn how to accept yourself.
Stop ignoring your body. Stop forcing it to do things it doesn’t want or need.
Listen to what it’s telling you.
Become more in tune with yourself, and you’ll stop listening to everything else.
2. Stop Letting Your Weight Define You
Your weight and body do not define who you are.
They make up a part of you, but there is so much more to who you are.
Sure, some people care more about what you look like than how you act as a person.
But, those people are shallow.
Stop hanging out with those people.
Focus on being a great person, caring for others, and practicing kindness.
You will bring so much positivity and support into your life, and you’ll forget about how important your weight is.
Because honestly, how much you weigh doesn’t mean anything.
Living a life you love, without obsessing over your body is what matters.
3. Break the Cycle
Learning how to love & accept your body is confusing.
There are so many rules that people make up.
“Make sure to eat healthily”, “Work out every day ”, “Find balance”, “Stay at a healthy weight”, “Eat dessert”, “Avoid carbs”, “Don’t obsess about food”
I swear anytime I go online, I find someone trying a new diet or venting about why diets don’t work.
It’s a messy little world.
And with so much misleading information, it’s how we begin to binge eat and become anxious around food.
Eating food shouldn’t have to be this complicated.
Break this cycle in your own life.
Stop making it so complex and focus on simplicity.
Eat when you’re hungry. Eat what you want in the moment.
Don’t limit yourself.
Eventually, by letting go of this terrible cycle, you will learn how to eat intuitively.
This means you know what your body wants, and fill it with what it needs, at the times it needs it.
Then, after a while, you will stop feeling so uncomfortable about food.
Food isn’t the enemy, it’s just what everyone makes up in their own minds about it that is.
4. Dance Around… Naked
The time I feel most comfortable in my body is when I spend time with it, totally naked.
Sounds weird, I know. But, you have to work with what you’ve got.
Embrace the fact that you have a body.
With working muscles and organs; a body that is giving you the ability to breathe right now.
You might not always enjoy it, and it might piss you off sometimes.
That’s OK. My boyfriend pisses me off a lot, but I still love him.
Even if it’s just in the shower, play some music and dance a little bit.
As you shave your legs, look at your body and appreciate it for what it is.
Be grateful for your curves and all of the beautiful things about them that are only unique to you.
5. Let Go of Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparing yourself to others is a time waster.
Especially since, if you really look around, everyone else has their own insecurities.
Just because they have a flat stomach doesn’t mean they aren’t insecure about their nose.
We all come with insecurities and things we wish we could change.
The grass is not always greener on the other side.
That’s just life.
So, let go of comparing yourself to others. In all aspects of your life, not just with your body.
It’s pointless and it doesn’t get you anywhere.
And, there are things about you that other people are envious of.
Learn how to love those things about yourself, be grateful for what you have, and focus on more important things.
6. Stop Dieting
Dieting always feels like a Catch-22.
You go on a diet to lose weight and avoid all of the bad things you normally eat.
Then once you’re done with the diet, you feel a little better and might have lost a couple of pounds.
But, you can’t stop thinking about the foods you used to eat.
Then, you eventually give in and tell yourself you’ll get back on the diet next week.
Why is this such a normal thing to do?
Does telling yourself “I’ll start my diet on Monday” help you validate yourself for eating the foods you consider bad?
And who determines those foods are “bad”?
Dieting is more of a mental thing than anything.
You convince yourself you need to do it to feel better about yourself.
To stay on track so no one can say you are unhealthy.
But, it’s having a strong negative impact on your body image.
Let go of dieting! Stop doing it!
If you want to focus on eating healthier, do that.
Don’t restrict yourself and get sucked into the diet fads.
Because they don’t work, and they just make you feel bad
7. Be Grateful for What Your Body Can Do
Stop thinking about all of the things you want to change about your body.
Think about what you already have.
A big booty? Strong legs? Arms that allow you to do anything?
Get down to the basics and be grateful for just having a functioning body.
If your weight is the only issue you have with your body, there are soo many other great qualities about your body that you’ve made invisible in your eyes.
Take a look in the mirror and evaluate the cool parts about yourself.
Practice this often, so you can start to see all of the good things within yourself.
8. Fill Your Body with the Right Food 
Eating the right food for your body will make you feel great and energized to take on the day.
This doesn’t mean only eating vegetables.
Think about the foods you really love, whether it’s a vegetable, fruit, or pizza.
The foods that just make you feel good and happy.
Work on bringing these foods into your diet. Get rid of the food you eat just to be healthy.
If you don’t like it, don’t eat it!
It’s all about moderation and balance in your diet.
Something I personally enjoy using is this guideline from MyPlate.
It tells you how much food to have on your plate for a balanced meal.
Then, I modify it from there. If I want to have dessert, I have some.
This way, you are getting the right nutrients for your body, but you aren’t obsessing over calories or avoiding carbs.
9. Give Yourself a Break
Stop trying to do everything and be super woman.
You already are super woman.
If you feel constant pressure to look a certain way, it will break you down eventually.
And trying to please or impress others is an impossible game to win.
It just causes too much stress, and it’s totally unnecessary.
Take a break and focus on the things you can control right now.
If you’re really concerned about your body, work on letting it go.
That could mean practicing meditation techniques to slow down your breathing.
Or, it could mean taking a nap.
Try to relax for a little bit and go easy on yourself.
You need it!
And if you can do this often (like every day), you’ll learn how to relax and stop caring so much about what your body looks like.
10. Have a Chat with Your Inner Critic
That inner critic of yours always has something to blab about.
Always talking you down and making you feel like you’re not good enough.
Well, it’s time to pull your inner critic to the side and have a heart to heart.
Confront your inner demons and tell them to stop harassing you so much.
Those negative thoughts piling up in your head are what makes it so difficult to accept your body.
You have to quiet them down and stop listening to everything they have to say.
Your thoughts are a part of you, and they are the most convincing.
Ignoring them isn’t the easiest thing to do.
But, whenever you hear your inner critic rambling on, tell her to just be quiet for a little bit.
Replace those bad thoughts with good ones.
Anytime you think “My butt is too big”, also think “But, I love it anyways.”
And if you don’t love those parts, tell yourself you “accept” them.
That way, you can learn to be okay with who you are.
11. Accept Every Part of Yourself (Even if you don’t love everything)
Acceptance is what will bring peace in your life.
Trying to change everything and fix every flaw will only bring chaos.
Work on accepting the things you know you can’t change.
Even if you think you can change them, let it go.
Don’t try to fix everything. Because there is no such thing as perfection.
You can always work on improving yourself and growing but don’t try to change the parts that make you you.
You don’t have to love every part of your body but work on accepting it.
I promise that learning acceptance will put you on the right track to enjoy your life more without obsessing over all of these things you cannot control.
12. Balance Out Your Social Media Feed
All of the social media platforms out there have an unrealistic view of what the real world looks like.
Instagram is notorious for making things look way better than they are.
Anyone can filter a photograph or pose at a specific angle to make themselves look slimmer.
Don’t believe everything (or anything) you see on social media.
Most people only post the good times.
Nobody likes to talk about the bad times, because they don’t think anyone will accept them if they don’t appear perfect.
If you follow a lot of people who have unrealistic profiles, look for the more realistic ones.
Not using social media or following accounts that are completely irrelevant to body image is what I’d recommend first.
But, I have found a few accounts on Instagram that you can check out:
maryscupoftea
ownitbabe
I like these ones, just because they use their accounts to promote imperfections.
Which, in my opinion, is a lot more beautiful than trying to be something you’re not.
13. Move Your Body
Putting your body to work can help you appreciate what it can do.
It can be anything, like going to the gym, going for a run, playing outside with your pup, or a leisurely walk.
You don’t have to do intense exercises to be healthy.
Moving your body will help clear your mind and release endorphins, which give you energy.
Sometimes, sitting around all day can make thoughts about ourselves worse.
That’s why doing something where your body is moving for a few minutes can really help.
14. Focus on What Is Most Important
Caring too much about what you look like can make you lose sight of everything that’s already in front of you.
Like, all of the things you are working hard at achieving in life.
I bet that when you look back on your life, you won’t want to remember all of the times you were obsessing over how you looked instead of enjoying the moment.
What are your priorities in life?
Like ones that actually make you feel good?
Is that having a big family one day, or getting to travel the world?
Where is your calling you too?
These are the things you have to put first, not what you look like.
Focusing on what’s most important to you will help you accept yourself “as is”.
Because being at the perfect weight won’t matter as much as the adventures you have in life.
Also, once you learn how to focus on what is more important, it just gets easier to love your body.
15. Stop Waiting to “Look a Certain Way” to Feel Happy
How often have you told yourself “I just need to lose 20 pounds, then I’ll be happy”?
This is a lie a lot of us tell ourselves.
As a way to make the current situation better.
We just think our lives will change dramatically once we make more money, lose weight, or become successful.
These things are what drive a lot of people.
But, most of the time we are always chasing these things, and never getting to a place where we are content.
One of the best things you can do for yourself (and your sanity) is to start ignoring all of these things.
You won’t reach a point in life where your problems magically disappear.
Things happen, which means change is the only constant thing in your life.
Losing weight or changing the way you look won’t make you feel any happier.
It’s just not how it works.
It starts with you, and how you feel about yourself and your life.
If you can work on that, you will learn how to be more content and appreciate everything in your life.
16. Retrain Your Brain
You have thoughts built up in your mind about what you should look like.
And when you repeat them to yourself, you really believe they are true over anything else.
Work on retraining how you think about yourself.
There are practices you can do at home, such as:
- Figuring out your triggers
- Writing down your thoughts
- Practicing meditation
- Practicing positive thinking
- Letting go of the value you give to these powerful thoughts
Retraining your brain can help you see yourself in a completely different light.
We are our own worst enemy sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can learn to love yourself if you truly want to!
And if you find it hard to do yourself, it never hurts to look into therapy.
That way you can meet with someone who can work with you on properly retraining your brain to think more positively.
17. Let Go of Trying To Change Who You Are
You are who you are right now for a reason.
Trying to change your body to look a certain way will make you feel like you don’t matter enough.
But, you do!
Looks are not everything, and a lot of people will look deeper than that when trying to get to know you.
So, stop trying so hard to change the parts of yourself that make you so special.
Focus on the stuff you enjoy in life, and finding balance.
Getting too wrapped up in what your body should look like will bring on obsessive thoughts that are hard to get rid of.
We become obsessive because it’s not natural to be so focused on losing weight and being thin. It’s not what we were on the earth to do.
Spend time taking a step back and figuring out what your values are.
Let go of everything else. Because when you do this, you let go of the obsessive feeling. And learn how to live a life you love.
Did you enjoy this article, or have any questions? Leave them in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 22, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How To Break Out Of Victim Mentality & Own Your Happiness. At some point or another, we all feel like victims of our own lives.
Things feel out of control sometimes, and it’s easy to think the world is out to get you when everything seems to go wrong. Blaming others when things do go wrong is what seems to make the most sense. It’s an easy way to protect yourself.
Unfortunately, blaming everyone else instead of taking responsibility means you will push everyone away.
Then eventually, you truly won’t have anyone else to blame but yourself. The victim mentality is a vicious cycle that never stops unless you put an end to it.
At some point, you’ll have to take responsibility for the things that happen in your life. And for the decisions which you’ve made.
It’s the only way to move past the problems and to learn how to trust yourself.
That way you will know how to get through the tough times, without feeling like the world is out to get you.
You’ll know how to solve the problems life throws at you, instead of trying so hard to avoid them. This will keep the relationships around you strong, and your confidence high.
How to Break Out Of Victim Mentality & Own Your Happiness
1. Make Better Decisions
Let’s say you are a people pleaser. You hate saying no to people, so you end up saying yes to almost everything. But, you want to be a nice person and think you can handle the load.
This is a result of bad decision making. Instead of taking a step back and listening to what you want and need, you are doing what everyone else wants.
The result? You start blaming everyone else for the stress they have caused you.
Or maybe you just generally make decisions without thinking them through. You have to pay rent but end up spending all your money on clothes. At some point, you’re going to have to make better decisions about your life.
This starts with setting boundaries with people.
People who don’t see themselves as the victim take responsibilities for their decisions. And they think through their decisions before making them.
This means they are confident in sticking to them, even if they end up being wrong. If they make the wrong decision, they learn from it instead of dwelling on it.
2. Get Rid of the Excuses
Creating excuses is really just a way of hiding your mistakes. And to avoid taking the blame.
Excuses allow you to hide away from your problems, instead of facing them. That’s because it’s embarrassing to admit when we’re wrong. We hate feeling like we messed up.
When you find yourself coming up with a reason to why you messed up, just own it. Admit that you messed up and say you will try to work on it in the future.
It won’t be easy at first, because defending yourself is like a knee-jerk reaction. But, when you own up to a mistake you don’t have to say much.
- Just say “Ok, I screwed up. How can I fix this?”
Instead of spending twenty minutes coming up with an excuse and pushing away the awkwardness.
People will respect you a lot more when you own up to your mistakes. And, you’ll actually want to avoid making that mistake again, which will prevent those problems from happening in the future.
3. Work on getting rid of the negativity in your life
Take a look at your life. Are you in a relationship with someone who takes advantage of you?
Or are you in a job that sucks your soul dry, leaving you feeling miserable and unworthy of having a good life?
Constant negativity in your life is where the victim mentality thrives. And it’s hard to take care of yourself and work on your problems if you’re surrounded by it.
When it feels like others don’t appreciate you, you’ll start to feel like you don’t matter. This is a reflection on other people, not you.
- You are in control of your own life.
Get rid of the people who don’t appreciate you for who you are, and who just take a lot without giving you anything. If you’re at a job that is messing with your mentality, you have to do something about it.
Believe me, I know what it’s like to be at a job that makes you feel like dirt.
The power of needing money to live a comfortable life becomes too strong sometimes. But, sacrificing your mental health is not an option.
You have to trust that you can pull yourself out of a bad situation, and that you’ll do whatever it takes to have a better life for yourself.
- The longer you stay in a negative situation, the more your victim mentality with fester and grow.
Make a list of things in your life that don’t bring you happiness, and ask yourself how you can get rid of those things.
Think about how you want your life to be, in the best possible way. Do you want a healthy relationship with someone who loves you? A job that makes you actually want to get up in the morning? The ability to travel and explore the world?
Then start planning for those things. Stop thinking you don’t deserve what you want because you definitely do! It just starts with you believing in it.
Even on those days where it just doesn’t seem possible.
4. Look Inward Instead of Outward
Feeling like the victim means you’re constantly blaming other people, making excuses for yourself, and self-sabotaging.
It’s a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with your problems. But, you have to look inward instead of expecting any outside force to change you.
Remember, playing the victim is easy. Actually, looking inward and facing your own issues head-on? That’s terrifying.
You have to self-reflect or else it will always be you against the world. It’s how you can solve the problem.
Ask yourself why you choose to blame people for your own mistakes. Dig deep and reflect on your life. What decisions have you made that caused you to want to play the victim?
Maybe you secretly enjoy feeling like the victim and having others feel sorry for you. But, eventually, people stop feeling sorry. And then you’re left feeling pretty shitty about your life without anyone around to complain to.
Everyone gets crap thrown at them every once in a while. You’re no different than anyone else you see. Everyone struggles. But, the people with a strong mentality know how to look inward and face the issues in their lives.
5. Work on Building up Your Confidence
If you were confident, you wouldn’t feel like a victim all the time. Self-confidence is where strength comes from.
So, practice building up your self-confidence, and taking care of yourself. The victim mentality can stir up negative thoughts in your head, making you believe you’re not worthy enough.
The best way to combat this thinking is by leaning into the uncomfortable moments and being kind to yourself.
Once you’re on your own side, you can learn how to solve problems.
Building up confidence means you learn about how to overcome mentality roadblocks.
You try harder, explore more, and live a happier life. And, nothing compares to the attraction that comes with confidence.
It’s all about believing in yourself, no matter what life throws at you. And facing it head-on.
6. Stop Expecting the Worst to Happen
As a victim, you are just waiting for the next ball to drop. So you can say “I told you so”. But, you know what ends up happening?
People start calling you a Debbie Downer. Because, yes, shit happens. We all know this.
- If you are constantly saying something bad is going to happen, it eventually will.
That’s just how life is. Waiting around for it to happen? That’s no way to live life. You have to practice seeing the good in things, even if it’s really hard.
You can start doing things in spite of what you might think the outcome is. Because you can’t always predict how a situation is going to go.
It might suck, or it might be totally unexpected. And there is really no way to know unless you give it a shot.
You can be skeptical to avoid getting burned but don’t stop trying new things. Because you will always be surprised at the outcome, and the more you try things, the less skeptical you will become.
You might feel stuck in a victim mentality, but it’s not permanent. You can change if you really want to! And if you’re reading about how to get out of it, that means you are open to change.
The days of playing the victim and self-sabotage will be over when you are finished with the program.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 22, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Top 10 Best Foods To Eat When You’re Stressed. Emotional eating is a very common thing when you’re stressed out to the bone.
It’s a way to feel comfort when everything feels off. We all do it to some extent. But, when your stress becomes chronic, reaching for a bag of chips or pint of ice cream every time can lead to health problems. And eating foods high in sugar can actually make your stress worse.
It gives you a brief moment of relief, but then you’re left feeling guilty and sluggish from eating foods that don’t provide sustainable energy. And when you’re stressed, eating the right foods can go a long way.
Here are the Top 10 Best Foods to Eat When You’re Stress
You’ll have more energy to deal with your problems, and eating right is a proper form of self-care. Practicing self-care more often will result in a boost in confidence and learning more about yourself.
1. Strawberry Avocado Spinach Salad with Chicken
This is the ultimate power salad that will help reduce your stress levels. The mix of spinach, avocado and strawberries will keep you feeling energized and you won’t crash!
This will give you energy for the rest of the day and will prevent hunger pains.
Get the FoodieCrush recipe here
2. Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quinoa Bowl
Quinoa is a complex carbohydrate (a good kind of carbs!) and a complete protein. This means it helps level out your blood sugar and energy. Two things that can easily influence stress levels.
Sweet potatoes are also great for your blood pressure and heart. Mixing these two foods together provides a healthy meal that is good for your waistline and your stress levels!
Get the recipe here
3. Spicy Avocado Toast with Egg 
Avocados are full of Vitamin B, which is great for lowering stress levels!
If you have a Vitamin B deficiency, there are studies that link it to anxiety.
Avocados are also high in monounsaturated fat (the good kind of fat!) and potassium, which helps lower blood pressure.
This recipe takes less than ten minutes to put together, so give yourself some time in the morning to eat this powerful breakfast.
Get the recipe here
4. Blueberry Pumpkin SpiceMuffins
Blueberries are rich in antioxidants and Vitamin C. Two things your body needs when you’re stressed out or anxious. And who doesn’t love pumpkin spice, especially in the Fall?
Get the recipe from TodaysWorkAtHomeMom here
5. Chunky Monkey Energy Balls
These energy balls pack a punch, and they are a great snack for an afternoon slump. The walnuts reduce blood pressure and lower feelings of anxiety.
These are also a great option if you’re craving something sweet. Instead of grabbing a candy bar, try these out.
This will give you the right type of energy that will last throughout the afternoon and won’t spike your blood sugar levels.
Get the recipe here
6. Roasted Asparagus 
There are a lot of benefits to eating asparagus, but especially to help with stress levels.
Asparagus helps fight back against those crazy hormone levels and will stabilize them.
Which means your mood will even out.
Asparagus contains folic acid, which helps produce serotonin. Serotonin calms you down.
Get the recipe here
7. Iced Matcha Green Tea Latte
Instead of drinking a third cup of coffee in the afternoon, try out this refreshing Matcha green tea. Green tea helps you relax and balances your mood. Which is the complete opposite of what coffee does!
Green tea still contains caffeine, which can help improve your concentration and wake you up. You won’t get the jitters from drinking green tea, which is a win-win.
Get the recipe here
8. Yogurt with blueberries
You already know the benefits of blueberries. Add them to some Greek yogurt and you have yourself one of the best stress-fighting snacks!
It’s been reported that eating yogurt each day reduces stress and increases decision-making. Eating yogurt has many other benefits, like improving your gut health. Which, most likely is what helps improve your overall mental health.
9. Roasted Lemon Pepper Salmon & Garlic Parmesan Asparagus
There are many reasons to include salmon in your diet, and reducing stress is one of them. The omega-3 fatty acids help counteract stress hormones and lower adrenaline.
Get the recipe here
10. Dark Chocolate 
This is when you can really satisfy your sweet tooth.
Dark chocolate helps reduce cortisol levels and is rich in antioxidants.
Eating dark chocolate every day can help relieve stress and give you a reason to eat some chocolate without feeling guilty.
Whether you’re dealing with chronic stress or have a stressful event coming up, eating these foods will help reduce your overall stress.
When we get stressed, we tend to turn to comfort food to make ourselves feel better. But, there are a lot of healthy options out there that are just as good as the comfort food options.
Work on bringing these foods into your diet, and improve your stress levels.
Read more: How to have stress-free family dinners
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jun 22, 2018 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Journaling – The Fastest Way To Get Rid Of Anxiety?
In a world full of social media, ‘swiping’, and ‘clicking’ – it can be easy to forget about one of the oldest methods of self-reflection – journaling.
Journaling is one of many ways to help naturally reduce your anxiety. Writing is a form of therapy where you can focus on getting all of your thoughts out of your head.
This helps you create clarity and gives you a different perspective on your thoughts. Usually, when we’re so wrapped up in our thoughts, we lose sight of what’s real from what isn’t.
Your thoughts form your reality. That’s why writing everything out in a journal is a great way to get out of your head.
But what do you journal about? What questions do you ask yourself? Where should you direct your focus?
Well, there’s no ‘packaged’ answer – everyone’s different. But, there are a few journal prompts you can use to combat anxiety both in the short-term and long-term.
There are some surprising things that cause anxiety. Of course, there are more than a handful of triggers for anxiety.
It all depends on the person and what personally effects them. You may have a different trigger for your anxiety.
There are many common triggers like public speaking, a job interview, or starting the first day of school.
But, what about the lesser-known causes? The ones that we aren’t even aware of trigger our bodies to feel anxious. And are you aware of them?
7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety
The answer to this question lies in the moments when you think you’re going crazy. You feel insanely uncomfortable but aren’t sure if anxiety is the cause.
For example, my main trigger is large crowds of people. Whether that’s the grocery store or a traffic jam. It just makes me feel really vulnerable and uncomfortable.
It might just be that you’re overthinking or something else.
Or maybe someone else is telling you that you’re just overreacting and it’s not a big deal.
Well, luckily here are a few triggers that may answer those questions. So, if you ever encounter the moments below and feel weird on the inside, it could be a result of an anxiety trigger. This may give you peace of mind the next time you encounter these moments.
Just remember, anxiety can pop up in the most random moments in your life. Even if what you’re experiencing isn’t on this list doesn’t mean it’s not a symptom of anxiety.
Listen to your body and dig deeper into how you’re truly feeling. Why is it making you feel uncomfortable?
Ok, now let’s dive into these triggers you may not know of.
Here are 7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety
1. PMS
Just another fun item to add to the list of symptoms of PMS. The hormones you experience during that time of the month can have an effect on your anxiety.
The stress hormone, Cortisol, increases before your period even starts. Causing you to become a worried mess and make you feel like you’re going crazy.
If you find that you can normally handle your anxiety most of the time, but find it unbearable at times, check your calendar.
If you notice your date approaching, there are a few things you can do to reduce these anxiety symptoms:
This will level out your cortisol levels, reducing feelings of panic.
- Go on more walks. Walking really helps reduce anxiety anytime you feel it coming on.
Take a quick 20-minute walk, even a few times a day.
This will help you focus on the present and feel less overwhelmed.
There’s nothing worse than having a full work/school load during that time of the month. Plan ahead and try not to schedule anything too stressful beforehand. This is the best time to stay in your comfort zone and focus on taking care of yourself.
2. Your Parents
How your parents treat you can have a direct impact on your anxiety. Whether or not they are intentionally doing it.
If you have parents who cater too much to your needs and worry about everything you do, this can rub off on you. Causing you to worry or stress out.
If you don’t have a good relationship with your parents, this can also cause anxiety. Seeking approval, or feeling distant from your parents can make it difficult to know how to be a functioning adult.
If we aren’t taught the right skills we need as kids, learning those things as we’re older becomes difficult. If you realize that your parents have a big effect on the way you live your life, you can work on changing it. At the end of the day, you are your own person.
You have to learn how to live your own life for yourself. There are ways to move past what our parents have taught us and to learn new things to reduce anxiety in your life.
3. Anxiety Causes Anxiety
If you’re aware you have anxiety, you could make it worse by bringing on more anxiety. Thinking about a time when you felt anxious can cause you to start feeling anxious again.
It’s a crappy cycle to be in. Anxiety can build onto itself if you allow it.
The best way to break the cycle is by working on worrying less, facing your fears, and practicing self-care to reduce the anxiety you’re feeling.
Worrying is just like fear, because it’s False Evidence Appearing Real. The more you believe in it, the more power you give it.
That’s why you have to work on getting over your fears and seeing that not everything is as bad as it seems.
4. Smoking Weed
This seems odd, right? After all, weed is supposed to make you feel calm and relaxed.
Smoking weed doesn’t always have positive effects. It can also possibly magnify your anxiety, causing worse thoughts than you’ve had before. Even panic attacks!
If you’ve been considering it to relieve your worries and anxiety, I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Take caution with this, if you already experience anxiety in your life.
Often, one or two puffs are all you’ll need to get the relaxing effects, without the anxiety.
5. After Eating Food
We all know the feeling. We ate way too much than we were supposed to. But, did you know that it can also affect anxiety? There are reports such as chest pains, heart palpitations, lightheadedness, and indigestion.
Experiencing any of these symptoms can make you feel worried, causing your anxiety to spike. The solution to this is to eat a well-balanced meal and eat slowly.
Focus on foods that lower stress levels and that keep you feeling full. So you don’t feel the need to have to eat two servings.
6. Nothing at all
The chemical imbalances in our brain can randomly set off waves of anxiety, for what seems like no reason. Maybe everything in your life is going fine, but you still feel anxious.
It can honestly feel like nothing is causing it, but you just feel it. It’s most likely something inside your body, that is impossible to pinpoint unless you went to a doctor to run some tests.
If you feel like nothing is causing your anxiety, take a step back and work on taking care of yourself.
During the times when you have no idea what is causing it, just go easy on yourself. You can even say, “I feel anxious right now, but I’m ok. I’m not in any danger, I just feel off today.”
Then practice being mindful and work on some breathing techniques to help calm you down.
I’ve personally felt this myself and it’s not fun to go through. I mentally go through everything in my life to see if anything has been stressful lately.
When I come up with nothing, I get discouraged. I like to pinpoint a specific cause of my anxiety. But, it’s actually completely normal to not have anything cause your anxiety.
You just feel it. And that’s nothing to disregard. During these moments when you can’t identify a specific problem, just focus on helpful calming strategies to push you through it.
7. TV
Watching a lot of crime television and news causes anxiety. Even if you can watch it without a problem, you could experience anxiety effects later on.
Let’s say you hear on the news someone was murdered downtown in an alleyway. The next time you go downtown and see an alleyway, the image instantly floods into your brain.
Causing a little fear and anxiety.
The best option if you get scared after watching TV is to avoid those channels. Most of the time, the news focuses on the bad because it’s more exciting.
They want to get the best story, but it doesn’t mean the whole world is a crazy scary place. And you have to balance that news out with the good, or it can lead to a lot of worry and anxiety.
With these in mind, you can work on getting rid of the triggers that bring on anxiety. No matter what is causing your anxiety, there are ways of dealing with it that will help reduce it.
7 Surprising Things That Cause Anxiety – Conclusion
While just implementing one of the above strategies can have a tremendous effect on your motivation, it’s important to note that this isn’t just a one off thing. Consistency wins the game here.
But it can be done. Finding motivation when you’ve got anxiety can be super hard, and there will be easier days than others.
If there’s one thing you take away from this post is that while you do need to make some changes in your life trying to do too much, too soon, is a fast way to burn yourself out. So, take step-by-step, get clear on the direction you want to go and commit.
You got this 🙂
