Working On A Change


I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what my next plan is. What do I want to move forward with? Where will I be in 5 years? 10 years? While I hate thinking that far in the future, I am starting to realize that it helps to have some sort of plan thought up. Even if it does end up changing.

I want to move on from where I am at. I want to spend time working on things that actually matter and maybe I can get to the point where I feel like I have purpose. This life is full of many different paths, there shouldn’t be any reason I have to stay on this one forever. We can move towards what makes us happy, we can have control over a lot of the things in our lives.

It can be so easy to stay in the same spot because it feels safe. When there’s that spot where money is good and you have a good home, it can be very difficult to want to give that up. The security of a day job is where most people let go of their passions and define themselves based off of their jobs. It can be scary to pursue what you actually want to be doing, because you have responsibilities.

I want something different. I want to live a life that is my own, and not anyone else’s. Lately, I’ve started to realize that I am actually living someone else’s dream, this job and career path has never been one I’ve been interested in. It only became an interest once money and security started to come into the picture. Because I wanted to go for an English degree, but was told in during the middle of it that there might not be many jobs that come from it. And those jobs won’t pay well. Because, apparently, everything comes down to money

That mindset needs to change. Yes, we need money to survive. Yes, it is important and it’s ignorant to think that money doesn’t matter to some extent. Unfortunately, America is a very expensive place to live in. Insurance for anything is expensive, school is expensive and having a living is expensive. It’s become a place where having a lot of money is important, because you can’t do anything without it. I think we have come to rely on it too much because that’s how our country has grown. The reason why I can’t leave my job tomorrow is because I have bills to pay, I have a dog to take care of and nice enough apartment that makes me feel somewhat safe. The apartments going in Denver now for less than $1,100 are worrisome and don’t come with much. In order to have a decent home, it comes with a lot of money to pay.

But, I want to move away from this idea. I am starting to see that I am falling into the trap of earning more money, which means I can buy more things. I can have more things that I have to make payments on every month, because I earn more. But, the truth is, this just digging me a deeper hole. Having a car payment and nice apartment is what is bringing my monthly bills up to over $2,000.

When you learn that you don’t have to have a lot of money in order to be comfortable, that’s when you can start to change your mindset. Sure, maybe if I were to become a writer I’d be making significantly less. But, maybe I don’t need a whole lot to survive. When children are in the picture, it’s very different.

When wanting to follow your dreams I’d suggest figuring out what they are and not letting anyone else tell you you shouldn’t follow them. It can be easy to want to take the advice of our parents and people who we care about. Also, people who are older than us have more experience so their opinion could be more trustworthy. But, learning from personal experience, when we follow what everyone else is telling us to do, we can lose ourselves. It can be easy to follow this one dream because it’s what someone else wants for us.

I have grown up not wanting to make mistakes. For some reason it has been something I try to avoid at all costs. Making mistakes means I did something wrong, and it’s hard to face that. I think being the youngest, older people sometimes try to give their input and give suggestions. They don’t want to see you struggle, and it’s from a caring place. But, it’s not necessarily right. The only way to really learn is to try, and sometimes fail. Not trying means building up a fear inside. Not even giving it a shot means you automatically assume it won’t work. And that’s where the real mistakes come in.

The main advice I could give anyone struggling with what they want to do and who they want to be, is listen to yourself. Even if it’s hard and even if what you have to say seems unrealistic. Any time you google the question, why are some people successful and why others aren’t, it’s not because of luck. It’s not because this one person decided to randomly do something one day and not put any effort in it. It’s because people have a passion for something, and they aren’t afraid to go after it. I think that’s one of the main differences. Because, a lot of people grow up learning that it takes hard work and that life is hard. There are obstacles to overcome, and just being a new adult and learning the ropes of everything takes a few years to learn the ropes.

For the longest time I have just been trying to get both of my feet on the ground. It feels like I am always chasing after something, and never fully catching up. Like those awful dreams where you are trying to run, but literally not getting anywhere. Lately, though, things are starting to finally settle. And with this comes new ideas and a yearning for something more. I want to have my life be full of things I care about and a passion for something.


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