by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence
Have you been wrestling with how to deal with criticism? Have other people been getting to you lately?
Do you have days where you think you are on the right track, and then someone comes in and makes you feel terrible about your life choices?
It happens to all of us. It usually happens when we have some sort of success or happiness. Even if you’re not that sensitive, some comments have a way of hitting home. They hit our insecurities and make us question ourselves
The ways you deal with criticism show what kind of person you are.
4 Ways To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident
When we are finally OK with what’s going on in our lives, someone tries to ruin it. As if we don’t deserve to be happy.
It’s a natural part of life. I mean, who’d put 7.4 billion people on the planet and expect them all to get along?
Unfortunately, there are some people out there whose main mission in life is to come through with a chainsaw and tear down everyone in their path. And if you are at all sensitive, it’s easy to let it get to you.
The main thing to remember is to not let it get to you or take over your life. You deserve everything good that comes to you. You are a good person.
There wouldn’t be a Lebron James or a Taylor Swift or any successful person if everyone stopped trying after someone told them they weren’t good enough.
This is why learning to push past the bullshit, and filtering your life to be exactly what you want, is what you need to work towards. It’s what you are already working towards, and you just need to stick to it!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
1. Understand You Can’t Control Other People
No matter how hard we try, we can’t change people. Everyone is the way they are for a reason, whether that’s how they were raised or because they are stuck in their ways.
The quicker you can come to terms with this, the less it will affect you. And if you can’t change other people, that should give you enough confidence to believe they can’t change you.
Why would you want to change for another person anyway? It’s pointless. Anyone who’s asking you to change is not worthy of having a relationship with who you already are.
Some people are going to say what you are doing isn’t enough, or you aren’t very good at what you do. That’s just their opinion. It doesn’t make it true.
Especially if what they are saying is purely negative, just to make you feel like shit.
At my old job, I worked with a negative co-worker who liked to throw up his opinion on everyone else. One day he took me aside and told me I wasn’t very good at my job and needed to be quicker if I ever wanted to be as good as him.
At first, I felt shitty because I felt helpless. I questioned myself a lot and didn’t feel 100% about going to work after that.
But, then I realized it was him that had issues, not me. I was at this job for a reason, and he wasn’t the one who controlled who got fired.
He was just a grumpy person who had too much time on his hands to complain about everyone else.
He got fired less than two months later, because of how negative he was. And nobody else ever told me I was slow or bad at my job. If anything, it was the opposite. So seriously, ignore those haters.
Haters don’t get very far in life, and they end up miserable, wanting to take you down with them. Don’t let them!
2. Be Logical About The Type Of Criticism You Receive
Whenever someone says something negative about me, I instantly think about their side of things. I logically ask myself “Am I doing something wrong?”.
I make sure I am being reasonable and giving them the benefit of the doubt. In reality, every time someone says something negative about me, they have underlying issues they need to deal with about themselves.
It’s always best to listen to the people who know you like the back of their hand. The ones who will call you out on shit, when you are legitimately doing something wrong. Because you trust them, and they know you well enough to be honest with you.
If you’re dealing with an irrational person, you will get mixed messages. They will like you, but then say things to you that are hurtful for no reason. And it’s always because they have issues and insecurities they haven’t dealt with.
Sometimes people are just plain mean. And it’s a waste of time to even try to figure out the underlying reasons why they are so freaking mean.
It’s always best to be the most logical you can about it, reflect on yourself to make sure you aren’t doing something wrong, and then let it go.
The more we let people upset us, the more power it gives them to keep doing it!
3. Practice Setting Boundaries
This is such an important step, for any part of your life. Setting boundaries is important, but it’s also a tough thing to do.
If you are a nice person, not-so-nice people will take advantage of that. They will see a way to take you down, and they’ll jump at the opportunity.
That’s when knowing how to set your boundaries will help you out a lot. You might not know how to effectively set boundaries, because like I said it’s not easy.
It’s hard to be strict with other people when you want to just be friendly. You want to be that person others can rely on, even if they are being assholes.
That’s what makes you such a good person! It’s also what makes it so easy for other people to take advantage. What’s cool is if you do set a boundary and stick to it, no one will want to mess with you.
The nice person with a secretly assertive side is like kryptonite to miserable people.
So work on setting boundaries, and figure out what your limits are. When you see someone is taking advantage of you, put a stop to it. Shut it down!
It doesn’t make you a bad person when you set boundaries, it makes you a badass.
4. You Can Control What You Allow And What You Don’t
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Someone can tell you you’re short and fat when you are 5’10 and 120 pounds.
You can choose to believe them, or you can choose to not allow it. Some people let the opinions of others completely take over their lives, and then they start to sink to the level of those negative people.
But, you don’t have to. You can choose right now to overcome it. Because just like the Eleanore Roosevelt quote says, nobody can make you feel less than who you are without you saying so.
Just focus on surrounding yourself with the people who love you, who are supportive, and who will be honest with you about things.
These are the people who will bring you back up and reassure you that you are doing just fine. I don’t know about you, but I would never bring someone down just to make myself feel better. I vent to a close friend about people who have made me feel bad.
But would never voluntarily talk bad about the kind person who is clearly trying their hardest. I’m guessing you’re the same way.
If you don’t instantly see the bad in other people, then you are a good person. You are trying your hardest to be a good person and I give you props.
How To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident – Conclusion
It isn’t always easy to deal with criticism. But know that most of the time, it’s their problem, and doesn’t really have anything to do with you at all.
This guide on learning how to not take things too personally may be a helpful read, too!
If you are having trouble building your confidence or getting rid of negative thinking, check out my happiness course Refine Your Life!
This is an all-inclusive, 15-lesson online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
If you are ready to make some changes in your life, click here!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
It is possible to feel less stressed overall, simply by letting go of the things that bother you. Do you find that you hold onto things longer than you should?
That one comment someone made about the way you look never fully disappeared from your head. And when you feel highly stressed, those thoughts creep to the surface.
This is how stress begins to build on itself. Holding onto things and letting them get to you will build resentment.
And so much unnecessary stress.
15 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Stressed
Learning how to let things go can massively reduce the stress in your life. It’s also not too difficult to do.
1. Understand You Control Your Thoughts
The thoughts you have every single day are what form you into who you are. When you listen to and believe every thought you have, you give power to them.
That’s how they can take control over you. You can actually learn how to control the way you think, even though I know it sounds crazy.
It starts with being more aware of your thinking, and understanding where those thoughts comes from. When you have a negative thought, replace it with a realistic, positive one.
As you begin to listen to these thoughts and become more aware of them, you can start to regain control of them.
2. Hang Out With Friends
Spend time around the people you love the most. Talk to them about the crap going on in your life. Let all of it out, and then move on.
Sometimes, the best thing you need is listening ear. One that doesn’t judge, and supports you no matter what. Hanging out with good friends will help you let go of the negative feelings you have, so you can feel less stressed.
3. Put Your Energy Into What You Want
Stop putting so much energy into the negativity and stress around you. Instead, work on focusing that energy on the good things.
Think about the stuff you want out of life, and focus on those things. Especially when you have rough moments.
Remember why you are putting yourself through these stressful times. This way, you can redirect the negative energy and put it to good use.
4. Put Yourself First
Usually, we feel stressed out because we’re pulled in a million different directions. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from trying to do it all.
As you’re feeling stressed, think about all of the commitments on your plate that you’re doing for someone else. That could be going to a soccer game for your niece. Or going to get dog food for your pup.
Anything that requires doing something for something else.
Then, think about what you want and need. Do that first. If you need a nap, go take one.
When you feel stressed, do something that slightly fills your cup. It’s most likely running dry, so this is the best time to work on yourself before trying to help others.
5. Get Outside
Try to get out for a hike or walk if you can. Take a break and focus on nature around you.
Listen to the birds chirping nearby, or pay attention to how warm the sun feels on your face. If you’re reading this in winter, think about the cool breeze on your face.
Practice being one with nature for a second. This will help you let go and feel much calmer.
6. Stop Taking Things Personally
The causes of stress range from not feeling good enough to overwhelming yourself with too much. When you don’t feel good enough about yourself, you end up taking things too personally.
As if everything around you is intentionally directed towards you as a means to piss you off. Try to focus on what you can control in those situations, and let go of the rest.
The world isn’t around to get you, I promise. It feels like it sometimes, but if someone offends you, think deeper about it.
What offends you about it? Why are you taking it personally? Try to validate how you’re feeling and get to the bottom of why.
Once you do that, you can begin to let go of those feelings.
7. Work on Forgiving the Past
The things that have happened in the past can still have a huge impact on your present mind. It’s difficult to let go of the things that have hurt us in the past.
And when things hurt you in the present, old feelings of pain can resurface. You can work on letting go of these things that have hurt you by forgiving them.
Try to understand that what happened happened. It’s a part of your life, but it doesn’t define who you are.
Use the regrets you feel about your past to focus on doing better in the future. Learn from those mistakes, and use them as a valuable learning resource.
Visualize yourself moving on from your old self, and forgiving that version of you. Practice this every day, until you have come to terms and forgiven the past.
8. Get Rid of the Things Causing You Pain
Sometimes we put up with pain for so long, that we forget how badly it hurts us.
Are there things in your life that are more of a burden than anything? From a bad job to a bad relationship, these things can make your life way worse than it needs to be.
If you know there is something in your life causing you pain, try to work on getting rid of it.
You deserve a great life, full of supportive people and full of love. If you aren’t receiving these things, it’s time to move on.
I know it’s not easy. But, you have to think about yourself and what you deserve. This way, you can begin to let go.
9. Be More With Less
Does it seem like once you achieve a goal, you’re constantly chasing after the next best thing? A lot of the times, the stress in our lives comes from our own expectations.
We are trying so hard to get that Perfect Pinterest Life. Which means trying to work longer hours to make more money, and give up valuable time.
Look around your life and pay attention to the things you already have.
- What will be enough for you? Is that getting a new car?
- Or is it something you can have, right now?
- Something that doesn’t involve a lot of money or “things”?
When you can learn to have more with less, you appreciate the true value of the things around you.
Chasing after materialistic things can leave you feeling stressed out and empty. Because that feeling never goes away. But, if you can stop that cycle and focus on being grateful for what you do have, you can learn to let go of all the other things that don’t really matter.
10. De-Clutter
Clearing up space around you will clear up your mind. This will help you learn how to let things go.
When you’re life is overwhelming and full of too much stuff, you won’t have the right mindset to remove stress. You can start doing this by cleaning out your home and getting rid of the stuff you just don’t use anymore.
Then, focus on other parts of your life. Like relationships that are toxic. Or eating better. De-cluttering is great for your mind and helps bring you back down to a simpler state of thinking.
11. Try Gardening
Gardening is a very peaceful and enjoyable thing to do. It allows you to be out in nature, care for plants, and focus your whole attention on one thing.
If you are stressed out, consider getting one of these cool Garden Towers which allows you to grow a vertical vegetable garden from home, even if you don’t have a yard. Fill it up with your favorite plants and veggies and then spend time each day taking care of it.
This can provide a sense of zen in your life. And if you can focus on it for 15 minutes a day, you can work on letting go of all the other stress in your life.
12. Write Down Your Achievements
Stop being so hard on yourself, and focus on what you’ve already achieved so far. When you’re stressed and aren’t sure what the point is in anything, think about how far you have come.
Write down all of the things that you once really wanted, and now have. That could be a certain toy as a child. Or getting into the college you wanted. Or running a marathon.
Think about the things you set your mind to and got. This will help you let go and focus on the good things you’ve done in your life.
I have a goals and achievements planner you can download for free right here. You will get all of these helpful resources too:
13. Make Someone Else Feel Good
Does a close friend need some support? What about someone less fortunate than you? Helping others will make you feel good, and feel more connected to the world around you.
We are all often wrapped up in our own thoughts and worries, we forget there are others out there who are struggling way more than us.
This can help you see things in a different way, and realize that you already have a really good life. Give out some love, and see how you feel!
14. Spend Time Around Animals
Animals are known to help reduce anxiety and stress. When you become too wrapped up in the stress, go hang out with some animals.
Or even consider adopting a pet from a rescue if you are in the right spot to do that. Being around animals can give you a sense of calm, and help you see the amazing things the world has to offer.
You could also volunteer at your local animal shelter!
15. Go Get a Massage
A great way to relieve stress without doing anything is by getting a massage. On a day when you feel way too stressed, try out a massage.
They feel amazing, and releasing all of the toxins in your body will help clear your mind. Once your muscles are all relaxed, you’ll feel more relaxed. And it will make you wonder if what you’re so stressed about is worth it.
15 Ways To Let Go And Feel Less Stressed – Conclusion
The biggest thing to remember is to make time for yourself. Practice self-care, and don’t try to take on more than you can mentally manage at this moment.
My course Refine Your Life Purpose & Wellness has 14 modules, and you can get $132 in bonus material for free if you click here.
What are some ways you like to let go and feel less stressed? Leave them in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How does one overcome self-doubt? Ah, self-doubt. It’s what gets into your head when you’re unsure about your abilities.
Whether that’s from something you’ve never done before or that one thing you’ve done a million times before.
Questioning yourself is natural. It’s what we do when we are trying to reflect on ourselves.
We want to make sure we are doing a good job, and living up to our standards.
When self-doubt does come into your head, it can quickly diminish your confidence
And sometimes it happens because we feel a little extra sensitive to things. But, these thoughts can actually become debilitating.
Doubting yourself can cause fear. Which will prevent you from trying in the first place.
Then it will make you question everything you do, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever be good enough to deserve what you want.
How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Boost Your Confidence
1. Speak up About Your doubt
It’s so easy to build up assumptions in our heads. When something goes wrong at work, you might question yourself and rethink if you’re even cut out for that position.
Whenever something goes wrong, we beat ourselves up internally. Because we are supposed to be on top of things, and we are supposed to be perfect at everything. Right?
Wrong.
There is no such thing as perfection! So push that thought out of your head. Instead, turn to people who can help reassure you that you are doing just fine.
If you keep things to yourself, it can quickly build up in your head.
Telling yourself you aren’t good enough and nobody really likes you anyway are thoughts that aren’t true.
They are just things you make up in your head because it feels true. But, this is why you need to talk to someone about it. Ask them if you’re doing a bad job at your job.
I can promise they will say no, and reassure you that you’re a great part of the team. We are so good about beating ourselves up and making sure that we don’t feel much pride in our work. Even if you are pretty close to perfect at your job.
That’s why it’s always good to get a second opinion and a different perspective.
Because other people see you differently than you see yourself. They value you and the right people want to be there to make sure you don’t have any self-doubt.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s so easy to do. You see someone else at school who gets straight A’s and makes it look so easy.
They must be born with a skill that automatically makes them smart. There’s no way to compete with that. Well, you should stop competing at all.
There is no point in comparing yourself to others, except to make yourself feel worse.
And the best way to avoid doing this is by looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of telling yourself false assumptions, work at becoming a better person. Chances are that person who gets straight A’s probably has to work really hard.
They most likely study any free second they get, and there’s a chance they are struggling with self-doubt as well.
- If you think about how hard it is to maintain that, then imagine how hard it is if you fall short.
Put yourself in their shoes for a second. And try to tell yourself that they might be struggling too. It’s easy to assume other people have it better than you, but everyone is dealing with something.
- Some people are really good at hiding it, but no one is perfect.
Once you believe this, it’ll be easier to stop comparing yourself. And it might make you appreciate what you do have and what you are capable of.
3. Separate Yourself from the Cause of Your Self-Doubt
When you are at work for 40 hours a week, the cycle of self-doubt repeats itself every day. When you are constantly surrounded by the things that are causing doubt, then you need to take a break.
I know that sometimes it’s not possible, because we can’t just stop showing up to work or school. But, you do have control once you get home and I’m sure you have at least an hour a day you could use to get away.
Spend some time doing something you really enjoy, that you know you are good at. Something that makes you feel really good. And forget about what’s causing your self-doubt. We can get so wrapped up in feeling bad about ourselves.
Even when we get home, going on social media can bring us back into the cycle. That’s where we start comparing ourselves to other people who seem to have their lives figured out.
This is when you need to shut your phone off and go on a hike. Or hang out with people you really care about and ask them to not let you talk about the things that are bugging you.
- It’s really important to take a break and not obsess over what’s causing you stress.
When you can learn how to separate yourself from the crap, it’s easier to get a new outlook. Read this guide to dealing with anxiety at work, which gives you a daily routine for managing your anxiety.
4. Write Down 3 Things You Love About Yourself Every Day
Thinking about what you love about yourself isn’t the easiest when you’re filled with self-doubt. You might think that you don’t like anything about who you are.
But, digging deep and understanding yourself more will give you more confidence. Think of the things that you are good at.
Are you a good person who cares about other people? Do you love animals? Is there a specific body type of yours that you love?
Grab a piece of paper and pencil and write it down. Then, do this every single day.
At first, it will feel weird, and maybe selfish. But, it’s not. And those thoughts are your self-doubt coming in to tell you it’s pointless. Ignore that voice, and do it anyway.
Then, you’ll start to discover what does make you so great. And you’ll remember these things when you question yourself. Which will make you believe in yourself more.
5. Tell Your Inner Critic to Shut Up
That inner voice that is always talking down to you needs to be quiet. What that voice is telling you isn’t true.
It’s a very convincing voice, but what it’s saying doesn’t provide any value to you.
- Imagine if that’s how your best friend talked about themselves.
You would quickly tell them to stop being ridiculous and that they are great just as they are. You are perfect just as you are now. And those voices that tell you otherwise are liars. Don’t give in to that inner critic.
Tell it to shut up, and focus on doing the things you enjoy. Because you deserve them!
Have you downloaded our FREE self-love guide?
How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Boost Your Confidence – Conclusion
If you are having trouble building your confidence or getting rid of self-doubt, A Course In Gorgeous would be a great fit for you!
This course will not only help you feel confident and gorgeous in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of self-doubt once and for all.
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A Course In Gorgeous is an all-inclusive, 12-part online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 13, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Are you struggling, wondering how to deal with anxiety at work? Whether your anxiety occurs because of personal problems, or because of work, experiencing it while you’re on the job makes everything much more challenging.
Anxiety makes it difficult to focus on a specific task. This can make getting to your work assignments almost impossible, and take you forever to get things done.
If left untreated, your anxiety has the ability to make your job impossible. Which can result in issues, like getting fired or your boss not knowing if you’re capable enough to do your job.
But, anxiety is a very real thing. And if you don’t have the right resources to work through it yourself, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.
How To Deal With Anxiety At Work
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Having anxiety doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring about your job.
It just means there are other factors that are making it that much harder to think work is important right now.
How To Deal With Anxiety – Before Work
1. Set up a morning routine
Waking up, chugging coffee and heading straight into work is a great recipe for anxiety.
Without giving yourself time to slowly wake up and get ready for the day, you’ll feel on edge the whole day. Some people thrive by getting up and going, and not thinking about anything.
But, anxiety can easily creep in if you don’t practice being more in-tune with yourself and the world around you.
Here are some ways to set up an anxiety-free morning routine:
- Wake up 30 minutes before you have to start getting ready
- Avoid looking at your phone/responding to any emails
- Take a second to be grateful for waking up to a new day
- Read a chapter of a new book
- Consider drinking a small cup of coffee while you’re still in bed
- Plan out how your day is going to go, so you know what you expect
2. Avoid watching the news
I get that it’s helpful to stay up-to-date on what’s going on in the world.
I used to watch the news every morning before I went to work. But, I started to realize that it made me a lot more fearful of my surroundings.
The bad news I kept seeing just started to make me think there wasn’t much good in the world. If you have high anxiety, try to stop watching the news or reading it on your phone.
It doesn’t mean you’re avoiding what’s happening out in the real world, it just means you need to stop triggering anxiety by bringing in more worries to your life.
If you think about it, the news stations are trying to find the craziest stories out there. That’s how they get your attention and keep you watching. And that’s why usually what’s shown on the news is bad stuff.
Chances are, you’ll hear about the important stuff from co-workers or friends. You don’t need to know about everything else.
3. Meditate in the car
Commuting in traffic can contribute to your anxiety.
A great way to stay calm is by listening to a mindfulness app on your phone while you’re driving in the car. This helps you focus on your breathing and stay in the present moment.
That way once you get to work, you won’t already feel so tense and possibly irritated.
Another helpful tip is to always leave a little extra early heading into work, so you can stay in the slow lane. Driving in the fast lane can make you feel like you have to just get to the destination.
When instead, you can take your time and not feel so rushed.
How To Deal With Anxiety – During work
1. Set small goals
Once you get into work and figure out what has to get done that day, start by planning it out.
Part of what causes a lot of work anxiety is feeling like you’re constantly behind. And you have to hustle to get as much done as you can.
But, that’s how anxiety can form and it’s how it can prevent you from getting anything done. Feeling overwhelmed can make it difficult to know where to start.
Instead, look at your to-do list and focus on getting 3 or 4 things done that day.
Set mini-goals, so that once you accomplish one thing you actually feel like you’re being productive and achieving success.
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2. Take it easy on high-anxiety days
Sometimes, you’ll have days where no matter what you do you’re anxiety will take over anyways.
On those days, you have to take it easy on yourself. When anxiety comes in, it’s similar to getting a cold.
It physically and mentally won’t allow you to be 100% there. And if you think about having a cold, you would most likely do the best you can but then rest often and take it easy.
Don’t expect to get much done on high-anxiety days. Where we often go wrong when we’re feeling anxious is when we feel like we have to keep working harder. But, listen to your body and just take a break.
3. Practice being mindful
Work on grounding techniques and pay attention to what’s going on in the moment. Our anxious thoughts can make it feel like everything is wrong. But, when you practice being mindful you can reduce the negative thoughts.
And you can work on dissolving your anxious thoughts, when you take a few minutes to think them through and challenge them.
Download my Mindfulness Activities book for free.
4. Eat a healthy lunch
Eating a healthy lunch is always good idea, even on the days when you’re anxiety is low.
If you work in a busy office, it’s probably pretty normal to just order some fast food and go back and sit at your desk.
But, taking control of your anxiety requires taking care of yourself.
That means actually taking a lunch break, and packing your lunch from home. With a filling salad or a healthy sandwich.
Eating healthy will keep your anxiety levels even, and won’t make you crash a few hours later. Practice making it a point to take some time for yourself throughout the day, so that you can stay in tune with your body.
5. Take frequent breaks
When you struggle with anxiety, it’s just not possible to keep trying to hurdle passed it. If you try to fight it or ignore that you have it, it will eventually build and build.
Until you aren’t sure how to manage any of it. Most jobs think it’s more acceptable to just work, work, work until it’s time to eventually go home.
The norm is 50 hour work weeks, but working 40 hours is way more than plenty. We think we have to be tied to our jobs to feel any sort of value or success in our own lives.
That’s why taking breaks during work feels weird. Especially when everyone around you never takes any. But, go against what everyone else is doing and make it a point to start taking care of your mental health.
That means taking the designated 15-minute breaks you’re allowed for every 8 hours. Also, taking your lunch break. These can be times where you can practice being mindful and reducing your anxiety.
How To Deal With Anxiety – After work
1. Leave work at work
It is so easy to leave work, then go home and either still think about work or continue to do work.
This is where it will feel like you can never escape it. But, there are ways to actually enjoy your life outside of work and to separate yourself from it.
It starts by leaving all of the work at work. Don’t respond to emails after you have left the office. And avoid going on your computer once you get home.
If you struggle with toxic co-workers or a difficult work environment, it’s very easy to allow that to bleed into other parts of your life. But, imagine that once you open the door to leave your office, all of the issues you have at your job cannot leave that door.
And then once you get home, work on focusing on other things that bring you joy. Try to avoid getting wrapped up in your thoughts about your job.
Practice being in the present moment and focus on the now. That way you can actually enjoy the time off that you do have. And just tell yourself that you will deal with work tomorrow, when the time comes.
2. Have something to look forward to
Working 8+ hours a day and then driving in traffic is exhausting. That’s a long time to give your energy to another place.
And once you get home, you might feel too tired to do anything but make up some dinner and watch TV. But, this is how it can be easy to think that your job takes over your whole life.
It’s important to create things on your schedule that you look forward to after work, that can take you away from work for a while.
Things like:
- Hanging out with friends
- Going out on a hike
- Going to the gym
- Trying out a new hobby
- Going to a night class
- Having date night
Try to set up 2 or 3 nights a week that you have something exciting to look forward to. This can make going to work more tolerable because you will be doing something you enjoy afterward.
It will also break up the cycle of getting up, going to work, coming home to eat dinner, sleep, repeat.
3. Practice self-care
On the days that you don’t schedule trying something new, work on practicing self-care. Do what you want to do. If that means enjoying a Netflix marathon, do it!
Throughout the day, your cup is being drained from all of the work crap you have to put up with. Find the things that fill up your cup, and make sure to do these things frequently. And if you aren’t sure what fills up your cup, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid.
During the times when you didn’t have to be a responsible adult. Maybe you could even try going to the same park you used to play at as a kid, and mess around on the playground.
These things will help reduce your anxiety because they allow you to connect with yourself.
4. Keep in touch with close family/friends
Talking to other people who understand what you’re going through helps in so many ways.
And if you know people who experience anxiety as well, make sure to reach out to them during the days when you’re anxiety is high.
It helps to talk to someone who understands, and who doesn’t judge.
Sometimes when you’re around people at work who don’t get it, it can feel like there’s just something wrong with you.
In reality, everyone experiences stress and anxiety to some extent. Most people don’t know how to deal with it (that’s why they bury themselves in their jobs).
When you are experiencing anxiety, talk to someone about it. That way you can get your anxious thoughts out and hear what other people have to say about it.
5. Set up an evening routine
Having an evening routine before bed will help calm you down after a long day. It can also help improve your sleep.
And when you struggle with anxiety, these morning and evening routines are essential to keeping your anxiety in check.
A good evening routine consists of:
- Shutting off all technology 30 minutes to 1 hour before going to bed
- Writing in an anxiety journal about how the day went, how you’re feeling, and any remaining anxious thoughts you have
- Practicing calming breathing techniques
- Thinking of 3 things that made you happy that day
- Thinking of 3 things that you are grateful for
I give away a selection of mental wellness books in our member library, one of which includes a daily routine scheduler!
Get them all for free! Just tell me where to send your invite code:
What to do when you can’t cope with your anxiety at work
1. Talk to your boss/ HR
If there is someone at work who you trust, don’t be afraid to talk to them. Anxiety is a serious thing if you aren’t sure how to handle it.
It can ruin your productivity, and if your anxiety is caused by work, it will have an effect on your overall well-being.
That is something that your boss or HR would want to know about. A lot of companies are expanding their resources when it comes to mental health.
If you can talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing, they might be able to help you. If there isn’t anyone at work you feel like you can trust to talk about these things, it might be time to reevaluate where you’re working.
2. Evaluate how important your job is
Your job might be what is causing your anxiety to shoot through the roof.
Anxiety occurs for a number of reasons, but sometimes it’s the environment that we’re in that can set it off.
Think about how your job makes you feel when you’re there, and if there is anything that causes you stress there. Also, think about your co-workers and who you would feel comfortable talking to about your anxiety.
If you come to the conclusion that your job is what is causing anxiety, and there are a lot of things wrong with it, you should consider trying to find another place to work.
I understand that sounds way easier than it is. I’m not saying that you should just go in and quit your job tomorrow. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities.
But, if you know your job is causing you anxiety, I am here to tell you there are other options. You should never feel stuck where you’re at.
Start by writing down a pros and cons list of your job, then think about the type of job you would really enjoy. You can slowly work on trying to find a new one while practicing the things above.
Or, do what I did: I quit my job so I could blog full-time. My blog is now my full-time, 6 figure business.
If you’d like to start your own blog, I recommend this blogging as a business course.
3. Find professional help
Anxiety is not the easiest thing to handle on your own. Especially if it has grown over time. Sometimes, talking to a professional is one of the best ways to sort through your thoughts.
A therapist can work with you to give you the right tools you need to work with your anxiety.
That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to. If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again. If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here.
Do you have more questions about overcoming social anxiety? Leave them in the comments below!
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by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 11, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
I have created this 30 Day Mental Wellness Challenge to help you. Are you interested in improving your mental health?
To help reduce anxiety and depression, and improve your overall confidence within yourself.
Improving your mental health takes some time. Your brain is like a muscle, so you basically have to work out that muscle just like you would any other muscle in your body.
And you know that you have to work out at least a few times a week to continue to build muscle. So let’s begin!
30-Day Mental Wellness Challenge
There are a lot of options out there to help improve your mental wellness. Medication and therapy help in ways other options can’t.
But, if you can’t afford them or just want to see what else is out there it is possible to improve your mental wellness without those.
Note: You can get an affordable, virtual therapist via the BetterHelp app.
Working on building up your mental strength requires that you focus on it daily. The good part is it doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of time on it.
And you can do it anywhere, you don’t need any special equipment.
To help you improve your mental wellness and reduce anxiety, doing a 30-day challenge can help keep you on track. You’ll also know exactly what to do each day, which makes it super easy!
You can start the challenge at any time. Some people find success at the beginning of the month, but you can start today as long as you just make a note of the day you started.
In addition to this mental wellness challenge, you may also like my Self-Love Guide, you can download that for free by clicking the image below:
Week 1
Welcome to the 30-Day Mental Wellness Challenge!
Day 1. Write down your goals for the next 30 days
What do you want to accomplish with this challenge? How do you want to feel when you’re done with this?
Where are you currently at with your mental health?
Tracking your progress throughout the whole challenge can help you notice a difference or not. Getting into the habit of journaling your thoughts daily can help improve your mindset as well!
Day 2. Wake up 30 minutes earlier to write in your journal about how you’re feeling
Today wake up 30 minutes earlier than you normally would so you have time to write down in your journal.
Here are some journaling prompts to help get your brain working first thing in the morning.
Day 3. Spend 20 minutes outside. Take in what you see and hear
Take some time to enjoy being outside, no matter what the weather! If it’s snowing, you don’t have to do it for the full 20 minutes.
Pay attention to what you see as you go on a walk. Being aware of your senses can keep you in the present and help reduce anxious thoughts.
Day 4. Drink enough water. A minimum of 8 glasses. Cleanse your body
Most people don’t drink enough water and instead replace it with other drinks.
Caffeinated beverages can increase anxiety levels and overall not make you feel your best.
- Try to drink at least 8 glasses of water today, and avoid any other type of drink.
- If you need a cup of coffee in the morning to get you going (like I do!), that’s fine. Just use the rest of the day to hydrate your organs and feel a little more refreshed.
Day 5. Ask to hang out with your closest friends
You might want to isolate yourself when you’re feeling anxious. Staying indoors away from people sometimes feels like the best solution.
But, isolation makes your anxious thoughts worse and can soon turn into depression.
- Make it a point to reach out to your closest friends or family.
- The people in your life who love to hear from you and want to support you. Set a date to hang out with them tonight.
Day 6. De-clutter
Cleaning out your closet might feel overwhelming, but it can seriously do wonders for your anxiety levels!
Look around your room or house and think about the things you can either clean or get rid of.
Clean up the space around you so you can clear your mind.
If It’s too overwhelming to tackle your whole house, just focus on one room at a time. Then reward yourself with a relaxing afternoon or your favorite dinner.
Day 7. Spend time alone. Practice self-care.
Today is your day. Time to be alone with your mind and body.
Practice some self-care:
- Sleep in
- Avoid any difficult chores
- Read a good book
- Take a bath
Give yourself some much-needed time to unwind and de-stress after a long week.
Week 2
Day 8. Eat healthy anxiety-reducing meals for the whole day
You can plan this out in advance or just work on making better food choices today.
Here is a list of the best anxiety-reducing foods and meals you can try today.
- Starting the week off with a healthy mind and body gives you the energy to tackle the rest of the week.
Day 9. Take a social media break for 24 hours
It’s scary how much we rely on our phones to get us through the day.
That’s why it’s important to consciously take a break from it all for a day.
Turn off your social media notifications, log out of your accounts, or even delete the apps off your phone.
- Do a social media detox for the whole day and log how you feel at the end. (If you don’t use social media, then you can do the same thing for emails, text messages, and phone calls. The only exception is if you need those things for work.)
Day 10. Spend 5 minutes meditating
There are some awesome apps out there that help you focus on meditating.
The cool thing is you only have to do it for 5 minutes today!
The best times to practice being mindful are either first thing or right before you go to bed.
Choose an app from below and pick a time of day that works best for you to practice being more mindful.
Some great apps for mindfulness are:
Day 11. No TV Night
Avoid coming home and watching Netflix for the rest of the night.
Most of the time we turn to TV as just a distraction from our lives.
Tonight, do something you really enjoy. What hobbies do you like that you haven’t done in a while?
- This can be something simple like cooking up a tasty dinner and baking dessert, reading a book, being around family, learning a new language, practicing an instrument, or building a skill of some sort.
Day 12. De-compress. Spend the evening watching your favorite movie and relaxing
You’ve worked hard, so it’s time to take a break!
Go easy tonight and do what makes you most comfortable.
Day 13. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing, then spend today doing them
Make it a point to go after the things you want today.
Splurge a little and go do something fun. Maybe that’s calling up some friends and going to the museum, bowling or on a hike.
Really enjoy today and soak up every minute of it
Day 14. Dance around to your favorite playlist.
Let loose, throw on some headphones, and dance around to your favorite tunes.
This helps you release all of the built-up tension. Allow yourself to fully enjoy each song and let go of all your problems for a few minutes.
Week 3
Day 15. Start your morning with a bang. Wake up earlier, drink some water, write in your journal, and practice gratitude
Today’s challenge is setting up a strong morning routine.
Take some time to complete each thing and really focus on being present for each task.
- You can see how you feel at the end of the day and if it helped your anxiety levels at all.
Day 16. Workout for 30 minutes
Yay, exercise! Well, the good part is you get to choose what it is.
Everyone has different preferences for working out. Some love running, others love yoga.
Choose an exercise that works best for you and do it for 30 minutes today.
Day 17. Do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone
Talk to your crush, ask your boss for a promotion, talk to a stranger, or travel to a different city.
These are just some things that will push you out of your comfort zone.
A good way to combat anxiety is by taking action and doing some of the things that really scare you. That way once you do them, you will see they aren’t as scary as you thought.
- Choose one thing that would make you uncomfortable while also benefiting you. Preferably something you have really wanted to do but were too afraid to try.
Day 18. Give more to someone in need.
Today you can focus your attention on helping someone else.
Pay close attention to someone who may be in extra need of support today.
Day 19. Listen to Mental Health Podcasts
Fuel your mind today by listening to mental health podcasts that are relatable to what you’re going through.
Podcasts have become really popular lately and there are a lot of valuable series to listen to or save for later.
Here is a list of highly-rated mental health podcasts.
Day 20. Cook up your favorite meal
You can do this for every meal or just for one. Even if you barely know how to cook use it as a challenge to learn something new today.
Pick one of your favorite dishes and spend time cooking it up and enjoying the art of cooking.
Day 22. Practice breathing exercises
Having a few breathing techniques up your sleeve can quickly help you relieve anxiety.
Any time you’re feeling anxious today (or any time you want to), practice some breathing exercises.
Week 4
Day 23. Don’t complain at all today. Work on seeing the good
Complaining leads to feeling like the victim of your own life. Instead of blaming other things for going wrong today, practice letting go.
Each time you get annoyed or frustrated by things, turn your thinking to something good.
For example, if you get annoyed about waiting in traffic, turn on some music or a podcast and look around.
- List 5 things you see, feel, and hear.
- Then list 3 things you’re grateful for. And think about what you have to look forward to when you get home.
Day 24. Act like a kid for the day. Do things your inner child would love
Think back to what you liked to do as a kid, then make it a point to do some of those things today. Act like a kid for the day and let go of adult responsibilities (as best you can).
When you listen to what your inner child wants, you help connect with yourself on a deeper level. And life doesn’t feel so overwhelming when you work on taking care of the inner child in you.
Some ways you can act like a kid for the day are:
- Color in a coloring book
- Go for a bike ride
- Eat your favorite cereal and watch some cartoons
- Hang out with your friends or family’s children
Day 25. Set some boundaries. Practice saying no to doing the things you really don’t want to do
Today, focus on setting some boundaries. If you have agreed to make plans or do something you didn’t want to do, speak up and let the people know you can’t do them.
Setting boundaries helps you feel mentally stronger because you don’t put up with things you don’t want. And other people start to respect you because they know they can’t walk all over you.
Day 26. Put yourself first today. Be kind and listen to what your gut tells you
There are many reasons to put yourself first, the main one being that you will have more patience for the people around you because your cup is filled.
Spend today putting yourself first. Set some boundaries and listen to what you truly want to do. Try to let go of the stress that other people may be causing you today and remember that you deserve to come first.
Day 27. Make a list of 10 things you love about yourself
Practice some self-love today and come up with 10 things you personally love about yourself. This can be anything.
From your personality to what you look like, list some things that you appreciate about who you are.
And if you can come up with more than 10 things, great! Throughout today try to come up with some things you like and then review them at the end of the day.
Day 28. Treat yourself. Buy that outfit or thing you’ve been wanting for a while
You’ve been working hard at improving your mental health! Take today and treat yourself to something special.
It’s always good to reward yourself every once in a while when you’re doing a challenge. This keeps you motivated to keep going.
- Treat yourself to your favorite meal or buy that thing you’ve been thinking about for a while now.
Day 29. Challenge your negative thoughts
You can honestly spend every day challenging your negative thoughts, but today it’ll be your main focus.
Whenever you feel your inner critic take over, work on challenging those thoughts. And if you’re feeling particularly anxious work on digging a little deeper as to why you’re anxious.
Ask yourself “Why is this bothering me?”. You can even write down your thoughts to get them out of your head and into the open.
Day 30. Self-reflect on the month
What do you want to do differently next month? What worked this month? Did this challenge help your anxiety?
Reflect on how this month went and see if this challenge helped your mentality at all.
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- Did you accomplish the goals you wanted?
- Which was your favorite and least favorite day?
- What do you want to do next month to help with your mental health?
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