by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 1, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Living a happier life is something we’re all searching for, right? The main goal of most humans on this planet is to just be happy.
And yet it’s something that feels difficult to achieve a lot of the time. If you fall into the trap of thinking “Once I have x,y,z then I’ll be happy“, then you’ve probably seen time and time again that even once you have everything perfectly in place, you still aren’t happy.
That’s because buying things, losing weight, traveling every other week, or staying busy doesn’t guarantee happiness.
All of these are more of a distraction than anything. It keeps your mind occupied for a little while, making you believe that this is the answer to your happiness.
At the beginning of your journey, you may feel excited or eager to reach these goals. However, for a lot of people even when they reach their goals they don’t always feel that much happier. Even if they do, it seems to vanish quickly after the high is gone.
We as humans are taught to chase what seems important. Things that don’t always mean a happier life.
Like success, money, being attractive, a large home, a good job, etc.
But these things are external factors that are only there to fit in with society. Society says all of these things are acceptable so it’s only natural for all of us to strive for them. But society and social status are not what makes you happy.
What are actually the simplest things in your life? Things that don’t require much of anything. Like the smile on your child’s face, walking your dog, sitting out in the backyard on a Sunday afternoon reading a good book. All of these things fill up your cup in different ways.
Giving you the keys to sustainable happiness throughout your life.
So, if you’re chasing materialistic and external things, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying to work on the things that truly make you happy internally.
And if you can’t think of anything at the moment, I’ve compiled a list of rules for living a happier life.
Here are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life
These rules for a happier life are things that create the kind of happiness that sticks with you. It doesn’t disappear as soon as the next new material item catches your interest.
1. Live in the moment.
Stop worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Appreciate what is happening right now.
2. Give without expectation.
A compliment, a smile, your full attention, or an apology. Lend an ear when someone needs to talk. Forgive someone who has wronged you. There are many areas in which you can give without expectation.
3. Redefine the word failure.
Instead of thinking of it in terms of not succeeding, think of it as a challenge, a stepping stone. Reflect on it to see where things went wrong so you can adjust and keep going forward.
4. Stop overthinking.
Make a conscious effort to quiet your mind to all the negative things that can happen. Instead, focus on the positive outcome and go for it.
5. Own your emotions and actions.
Never place the blame for them on someone or something else.
6. Replace the words “should” or “could” with the word “will”.
I should/will stop smoking. I could/will be happier.
7. Stay focused on what you want.
It’s the only way to reach your goals. When you notice you’re losing focus, reflect on your thoughts and emotions.
Find the core reason for your distraction and deal with it so you can refocus and keep moving forward.
8. Practice acceptance.
Make peace with your past. Accept who and where you are now. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Set realistic goals.
9. Allow your emotions to guide you, but not define you.
It’s perfectly okay to feel emotions as they indicate you’ve experienced something that needs your attention. But don’t allow them to shape your life, to define or control you.
10. Let go of your inner ‘control freak’ so you can experience all that life offers.
The need to be in control is based on fear and the desire to feel safe. But you cannot control everything. In fact, the only thing you have full control of is yourself. For true happiness, sometimes you must let go of the reins and see where life takes you.
11. Place more value on your experiences than on things.
When you think about it, material possessions come and go. They may make you happy in the short-term but that’s about it. What you remember most about them is the experiences you had with them – in buying, using, and enjoying them.
12. Celebrate even the smallest wins.
Big wins are great, but a happy life is filled with lots of small wins too.
13. Make each day worth living.
Wake with Mother Nature and enjoy the sunrise. Practice reflection and deep breathing techniques. Rise with intent each day. Smile, laugh, and share your joy.
14. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.
Appreciate them. Express your gratitude for them being in your life. Share the love with others.
15. Be happy with yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t rely on others to make you happy. Know that you are enough.
16. Stop talking and start listening.
The more you listen to yourself, the better you understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions. The more you listen when others are speaking, the deeper your connections will become.
17. Practice gratitude every day.
The more often you feel gratitude, the quicker it will become a habit. The more gratitude you feel, the more positive emotions you will evoke.
18. Start each day with the intent to be happy.
Wake up each morning and tell yourself “Today is going to be a great day and I’m going to make the most of it.” Starting the day with a positive thought will set your subconscious to seek out more positive things all day.
19. Don’t allow others to tell you what you should think or how you should feel.
You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Only you know what’s happening on the inside.
20. Step out of your comfort zone.
Open your mind to new possibilities.
21. Stop thinking success will make you happy.
The opposite is true. Happiness makes you successful.
22. Follow your passion.
Find what makes you feel passionate and do it. Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t.
23. Find your true purpose.
If your life feels like it’s off-track, it could be that you’re not following your true purpose. Spend some time getting to know yourself and your desires. Find that one thing that makes life worth living well.
24. Practice forgiveness.
When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. Rather than view forgiveness as something you do for the other person, do it for yourself. By forgiving, you open more room within yourself for love, kindness, beauty, and happiness.
25. Focus on the positive.
Train yourself to speak and think in positive terms. Practice viewing the glass as half full rather than half empty.
Every time you experience negative self-talk, turn that negative into a positive. When something bad happens, accept responsibility for your part in it but do not place full blame on yourself.
25 Essential Rules For A Happier Life
These are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life. Do you have more to add to this list? Let me know in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 20, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Why Courage is the Foundation to a Better Life. Once you establish courage, you begin to better your life.
Constructing courage will help you take risks to a brighter future that you usually wouldn’t take. When you establish courage, you put fear behind you.
Bravery is the process of admitting that you have dreads, yet you’re willing to determine a way to defeat those fears and not let these fears take charge of you. It’s ok to experience your fears at suitable times.
When you establish courage, you’ll learn to self-direct yourself in life.
You’ll learn to accept punishment and rewards graciously.
A courageous individual will frequently feel motivated to accept blame and responsibility while critiquing their actions and utilizing what they learn to move forward.
Brave individuals will step to the front, instead of stepping back when opportunities come their way.
At the same time, a brave individual will step back and take a view at his or her errors gracefully. They are willing to see their mistakes and grow from these things.
An individual willing to better their life will relax.
This individual will relax even when plans fail. For example, if it stormed the next day the individual will find something else to occupy his or her time and feel just as happy about joining this adventure.
You learn to take things as they come to you. And don’t get me wrong, it’s great to plan for things.
But, to be courageous means to walk into the unknown and believe you will make it through. And you know how unpredictable life can be no matter how much you plan for it.
Courage teaches you to be ok with the what-ifs in life and allows you to relax and enjoy your life more.
To be successful and better your life you’ll need to learn how to trust yourself.
When you trust yourself, you are able to trust others too. Regrettably, we live in a world where trust is difficult to find, yet when you trust yourself, you can’t blame other people when things go wrong.
It’s not easy believing in yourself 100% of the time. Life gets really freaking hard sometimes and it shakes you up.
Things happen to you that make you question yourself and the people around you, and it’s so easy for trust to be broken.
But, I believe that in order to really love yourself and feel confident in your own skin you have to build up that trust from within. Do things that push you out of your comfort zone and make it a positive experience.
Write down mini-wins in your notebook about how you made it through a tough day, or about a moment in your life when you weren’t sure of yourself but did it anyway.
Take note of these things and encourage yourself to grow, because this is how you build courage and how you build trust.
Related: How to Love Yourself More and Develop a Positive Mindset
Bettering your life includes utilizing your creative and critical mind.
When you can produce fresh ideas, you’re off on the road to success. You’ve many options in this world; it takes you to pull up resources to find those choices.
Occasionally in life, we feel uncomfortable. In fact, this is common.
Are you willing to accept your irritations?
Maybe at an interview, you feel lost. Are you willing to accept this irritation and discover a way to deliver a great speech to impress the interviewer? Alternatively, are you willing to allow negative energies to cost you the job?
Acceptance is your key to happiness.
When you are able to learn to accept the good with the bad, you are able to learn how to live happier and better your life.
If you can’t accept, however, well, reread this material again.
Have more fun adding more happiness to your life by trying this Smoothie Revolution Recipe!
SMOOTHIE REVOLUTION RECIPE
- 1 ½ cups dairy-free milk
- 1 cup kale
- ½ cup parsley leaves (flat-leaf)
- 1 green apple, chopped
- 1 tablespoon flax meal or chia seeds
- 1 teaspoon maca powder
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 20, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Often times, negative thoughts can creep into our day-to-day life and cause a little bump in our lives. Negative thoughts can affect our drive and ability to navigate through life’s tasks as fluidly as we’d like.
A negative mindset can also affect sleep, motivation, productivity, emotional strength, and stability.
Negative energy can pull you down, and the unconscious mind works in such powerful ways, to diminish our happiness and make us feel poorly about certain things in our life.
If you’re feeling down or overrun by negative thoughts, read on for some guidance on overcoming this obstacle.
How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
The most effective way to cleanse your mind of negative energy is to find the source of your unhappiness;
The root of what is directly causing these negative thoughts to surface. Ask yourself, what is causing me to have these negative thoughts?
Is it another person putting these thoughts into your head? Is it how you view yourself personally?
Start by finding the root of the problem and then you can work from there. This can be an eye-opening experience for a lot of people because we are often too afraid to dig any deeper.
We don’t want to reveal why it is we think so negatively all the time, for fear of making it worse. When in reality once you identify the poisonous source you can then work on removing it from your life.
Your happiness lies in the solution to your answer.
Related: How to Get Rid of Negative Thinking and Live a Better Life
1. Find a quiet place to sit and reflect.
Close your eyes and identify the root of your unhappiness. Allow your thoughts and feelings to reflect on how this thought is affecting you. How does it make you feel?
Any time a negative thought floats into your mind try to pay attention to it. What is it about this thought that’s making you feel bad?
Let’s say you neglect to take care of your own needs and wants. When you ignore your own needs it becomes harder to set boundaries with other people. The end result is people taking advantage of your kindness and you’re left feeling empty and depleted.
Your mind can then turn to negative thoughts like “No one cares about me, all I do is care for other people. What is it about me that is so meaningless?”
That’s a negative thought right there, so now it’s time to dissect it a little more. Reflect on why it is you don’t feel good enough. Why is it hard for you to set boundaries with other people? Is it a fear of wanting to be liked, of not being there for someone when they really need you?
This is just an example for someone struggling to set boundaries, but this is the same process you can work through no matter what thoughts you are having. This way you can identify the negativity and really begin to understand why it is you feel this way.
2. At this point, decide what you would like to replace your negative thoughts with.
Perhaps a word or phrase, an action, or a happy memory.
Feel yourself releasing the tension and negative thoughts from your head to your toes. Visualizing the tension exiting your body and replacing that space with positivity is the key to permanently ridding yourself of these negative thoughts.
Soak it in and let it absorb the empty space of negativity that has left your body.
This takes time, perhaps as short as 3 minutes, or as long as 8-10 minutes. However long it takes, ensuring you have completely detached from the negative thoughts is important. Any stranded thoughts can resurface into the negative energy you are working at resolving.
Replacing a negative thought with a positive one is an easy practice that shouldn’t have much weight attached to it. You are just trying to retrain your brain into thinking better about yourself.
There will be days where your negativity takes over your mind and that’s ok, don’t force positive thoughts if they aren’t coming to you.
Related: How to Love Yourself More and Develop a Positive Mindset
3. Go slow and be patient with yourself
Like I said, telling yourself to just be more positive won’t work. Filling your mind with affirmations that you don’t fully believe won’t work.
There is stuff that does work, and it’s the most realistic thing you can do. Affirmations sound great in theory, but they don’t make much sense in the real world. When you are struggling mentally and just want the bad thoughts to disappear.
What does help, is going easy on yourself and taking it slow Just like with anything else, cleansing your negative thoughts takes time.
It involves being patient and kind with yourself, and not giving up when you have setbacks.
How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts – Conclusion
Truthfully, I still have days where my mind is FULL of negative toxic thoughts. Even when I try everything in the book to feel better, I just can’t.
That’s when I just tell myself “Ok, today is not my day. Things will get better because it all balances out. But, today I am not going to force myself to work on this when clearly my brain just wants to be negative.”
When I tell myself this, I then do something that takes very little brainpower.
Like watching Netflix or silly YouTube videos. Do something where you don’t have to think too much and try to take that pressure off.
Print out this post and leave it on your refrigerator. Anytime you feel negative energy creeping your way, commit to this quick yet effective guideline to cleanse your mind!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 20, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Learning how to love yourself more takes time… and truthfully it’s a process that you go through for the rest of your life.
We often have to unlearn a lot of things we were taught growing up. And separate our own beliefs from the ones others put into our brains at an early age.
If you grew up feeling unsure of yourself and not knowing how to properly love yourself, you are definitely not alone! As children, we have to frequently be nurtured and encouraged, but it’s all too easy for adults to ignore these things.
Not by any fault of their own… we are human after all.
That just means as you grow up and learn to do things on your own, like live on your own, cook your own food, and provide for yourself, you also have to learn how to love yourself.
No matter what age you are it’s never too late to learn. I wish loving yourself was something we were taught in high school, but it’s not. It’s something you learn as you grow up and develop into the person you’re supposed to be.
How To Love Yourself More – Develop A Positive Mindset
So how do we get there? What steps need to be taken to fully love yourself more?
1. Be More Mindful
It first starts with becoming more mindful of how you react to things. Whether that’s being triggered by something bad or when something makes you feel happy.
You have to start being more mindful of what your body is telling you. By listening to yourself more and your internal cues, you can begin to understand what your needs and wants are.
I like to say that becoming more mindful is the same as basically resetting your brain because you have gone your whole life up to this point thinking a certain way. And if you don’t know how to love yourself then you have to change that thought process.
You have to take a step back and pay attention to what your mind and body is doing. Then, learn how to listen to what you need because chances are you have ignored your own needs and wants for a long time.
Long enough to completely forget what it is that you enjoy.
2. Identify Your Surroundings
So as you are becoming more mindful and aware, you then have to pay attention to your surroundings. What are the people you spend your time with like? Are they generally pretty positive or do you have some people in your life who only see the negative?
If you have struggled to love yourself growing up, was there anyone in your family that made you question your worth? Sometimes parents, intentionally or not, can make their children feel like they aren’t good enough. We value our parents’ opinions as we grow up and if they disapprove this can have a direct effect on your own self-worth.
Allowing others to decide how worthy you are means you don’t love yourself very much. It means you don’t matter as much.
And this is totally normal, but I want to point it out to you. If you place your value in other people’s hands then you have to start identifying when you do this, with whom you do this, and why. What is it that makes you compare yourself to others, to not feel as good as you should?
Think about these questions as you continue reading through.
Related: 15 Important Things to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
4. Set Boundaries and Limits
I think setting boundaries is a difficult thing to do. You want other people to like you, so you ignore warning signs and allow people to walk all over you.
I do this, too. In the past, I have let others completely take advantage of me just because I wanted to be nice and wanted people to like me. For the longest time, I cared wayyy too much about what people thought of me.
And if you’re an empath then setting boundaries will be a little more difficult for you. Because you can give and give and give until your cup is depleted. Until you have absolutely nothing else left to give.
But, you need to protect yourself from certain people in the world who just take and take. It would be so amazing if everyone could sense when they are taking advantage of someone, but it’s just not the case.
That’s why setting boundaries is so necessary for your own growth. For you to love yourself you have to take a stand for yourself. You need to say no and draw a line at the moments you don’t feel comfortable.
If you need a night to yourself to recharge, cancel your plans and do what YOU need to reset. If you ignore your wants and needs, then you will not feel mentally strong enough to stick to the boundaries you set.
5. Loving yourself is a process and you will have setbacks.
You’ll have moments that you will self-sabotage and not feel so great. But, then you can get right back up and keep going on the journey of loving yourself.
Self-sabotage is a habit that we create. That’s all it is… a habit, which can be changed with some effort.
When we get triggered, we self-sabotage. Even if you are feeling amazing you might have this fear inside you that takes over and says “Oh no, you’re happy… that means things are about to get really bad soon.” so you somehow end up ruining the good things in your life.
But, I’m happy to say that you can break this cycle. It’s just ingrained into your brain, but you can learn to break those bad habits that you’re in and move forward.
As long as you don’t give up, you will start to love and believe in yourself over time.
How to Develop a Positive Mindset
1. Energy Attracts Energy
Energy tends to attract similar energy, whether it is good or bad energy.
If you are sending out negative thoughts constantly, you are probably going to get that negative energy back.
On the other hand, if you can put all the most positive energy out, then you will get positive energy back. This is the core of why positive thinking works in your favor and why you should start embracing it more in your regular life.
2. Support Others More
Positive thinking isn’t just good for your own life, but for others as well!
If misery loves company, then doesn’t happiness?
By being a happier, more fulfilled person, you can spread that positive energy around and help others feel better as well.
Try to remain positive and uplifted when talking to other people in your daily life, and you will be amazed by what a more peaceful place the world becomes. Positive energy truly spreads around just as quickly as negative energy.
3. Improve Your Physical Health
Many people look at positive thinking and self-improvement as something that helps their mental health, which is true, but that’s not all. It can also have a positive impact on your mental health.
Whether you have mental conditions like anxiety and stress or just want to improve your mental clarity and focus, it can be really useful.
Positive thinking helps you to feel better, which can then create better motivation, and higher energy, and help you find more inspiration.
Related: 10 Ways Exercise Improves Your Mental Health
4. Get into Meditation
Positive thinking, mindfulness, and meditation, all go hand-in-hand. When you are working on one of them, the rest tend to follow.
Start meditating and practicing mindfulness while you are focusing on more positive thoughts, and it will make all the other benefits even better.
Suddenly you feel like you can take on anything and the positive energy will surround you.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Jul 7, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Mindful eating is the key to maintaining a healthy weight, feeling amazing and keeping off any weight you’ve lost. Learn these top 6 tricks that will send you towards more mindful eating. Let go of the dieting mindset and take over the mindful eating practice instead.
Mindful Eating Tips and Tricks for Long-Term Weight Loss
Do you want to lose some extra pounds? Ever wondered what strategies may help you lose weight quickly?
Namely, according to research, adopting a more thoughtful way of eating can help you solve your weight loss issues and apply a healthy diet without processed food and unhealthy choices.
That is, mindful eating is a new alternative method used to help people lose weight. The Buddhist concept of mindfulness is used as the basis of this approach.
This concept implies that one should be completely aware of everything that’s happening within and around at a specific moment.
But that’s not all! The Buddhist concept of mindfulness and its techniques are also extremely beneficial for relieving stress and some health issues like chronic gastrointestinal problems or high blood pressure.
Related: 8 Things Foodies Want As A Gift
What is Mindful Eating?
When it comes to eating, mindfulness refers to being aware and noticing food flavors, smells, colors, and textures. Plus, mindful eating suggests that one should chew slowly and solely focus on eating.
In other words, you should eliminate any distractions when eating such as TV, speaking, reading, or listening.
Also, if you want to enjoy the benefits mindful eating has to offer, you should learn to deal with the guilt and anxiety caused by food.
How are the Mind and Gut Connected?
Surprisingly but true, there’s a robust mind-gut connection. To be more specific, digestion isn’t such a simple process and consists of many different and connected parts.
It involves a complex chain of hormonal signals sent between the gut and the brain, i.e., the nervous systems.
And, the brain will note satiety only after 20 minutes. So, if one eats too quickly, the brain will record fullness only after the person has overeaten because the brain didn’t convey the message before that.
Plus, as we already mentioned, you should get rid of distractions when eating. But why? The answer is quite simple scientifically speaking.
If we eat while we are distracted by another activity, digestion will slow down or stop, and as a result, our bodies won’t get all the nutrients from the food we’re consuming.
Mindful Eating as a Treatment for Binge Eating
According to several studies, mindful eating is quite helpful and beneficial when treating certain eating disorders like binge eating, or trying to meet weight loss goals.
One study on 150 binge eaters, conducted by researchers from Indiana State and Duke University, compared two treatments (mindfulness-based therapy and a standard psychoeducational treatment) and a control group.
Both therapies resulted in reduced binge eating and depression. However, the treatment based on mindfulness suggested that people enjoy food more and stress less about controlling their diet.
The participants who practiced meditation at mealtimes and during the day got more benefits from the study.
Basic Mindful Eating Tips and Tricks
It may really seem that mindful eating is something difficult and challenging. But, on the contrary, you can get started and apply mindfulness to your diet by following some quite simple tips and tricks.
If you don’t want to get overwhelmed, you can start gradually applying mindful eating. For example, in the beginning, practice mindfulness at one meal a day for a week. Then, you can gradually add more mindful meals to your daily diet.
So, here’s a starter kit for mindful eating:
- Before you sit down to eat your meal (a normal-sized one) set a timer to 20 minutes. It will tell you when to stop and wait for the brain to record satiety.
- Try eating with your left hand (this applies to the right-handed people), or with your right if you are left-handed. In other words, eat with your non-dominant hand.
- If you don’t usually use chopsticks, try using them to eat slower and allow more time for the food to digest and for the brain to notice fullness.
- Dedicate the first five minutes of eating to silence. All you should think of is about the food, from what it took to produce it to the farmer, the grocer, or the cook.
- Think about your bites and their size. Try taking as small bites as possible. And, of course, focus on chewing well and slowly.
- And, last but not least, think about whether you’re really hungry before going to the kitchen and grabbing some food. Even better, occupy your brain with some other activity apart from eating.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | May 26, 2019 | Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips
What can you do to find yourself when you’re feeling lost? I totally get what it’s like to feel completely lost with life. And if you currently feel this way, then please don’t feel discouraged.
The truth of the matter is most people feel lost in their journey through life. Even when it seems like they have everything perfectly placed together. And as if their lives are going exactly as planned.
But, I can argue with you about anyone in the world who, at one point or the other, doesn’t have a clue about what they are doing with their life.
How To Find Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost
Please don’t be fooled because it’s just not physically possible to have your shit together 100% of the time.
Life will do its best to throw you off the beaten path. And it’s when your life is far from perfect that you learn how to actually deal with it.
- I just want to get rid of this idea that you need to have your life figured out. Right now, or even 5 years from now.
I’m not saying to stop caring about everything in your life right now and just “go with the flow”. Remember, we are talking about our lives here.
Our own bodies and minds control what we turn into and this changes almost on a daily basis. You might want to write a book and travel the world today, and want to have a secure relationship/office job by tomorrow. It gets messy, and there is no one specific way to go about living your life.
If anything I think it’s more important to understand who you are and what you want, instead of trying to nail down the one thing that you can stick to for the rest of your life.
If you feel lost right now, then you’re in just the right spot of living life as authentically as you want to be. It’s only when we become complacent and don’t question our surroundings that we are in trouble.
When you look back on your ancestors and how the human body has transformed over the hundreds or thousands of years that we’ve been on this earth, you will see that a lot of it is out of your control. And you may feel lost right now because of what is engrained into your genes way before you were even born.
In simpler terms, we as humans are modified to be and act a certain way. Yes, our surroundings have morphed tremendously within the last 100 years. We have electricity, internet, heat & air conditioning, safe cars to drive in, phones that give us instant access to whatever we want… the list goes on.
- And yet we are feeling more and more lost. But, it’s because we are looking to all of these things to solve our problems.
100 years ago it was more about survival. About how to figure out where to get your next meal that made life less about “Will I have my life figured out by the end of this year?” and more about “Will I be able to survive until next month?”
Let me remind you that CPR was invented in 1960, which means before that we had no clue what to do when someone’s heart stopped. And while hospitals have been around for centuries, the average lifespan for each person has increased from 47 years old in 1919 to 80 in 2019.
As the world evolves we are getting better and better at solving the most inconvenient problems, and yet we feel more and more lost.
I personally believe it’s because of all of our problems being solved. Our brains don’t have much to worry about, which makes us worry about the littlest things. And those small things turn into big things after a while.
Okay, so how can you start finding yourself when you feel lost and unmotivated? Let’s start with a few steps:
1. Embrace Simplicity
Some of you may hate me for saying this. Embracing simplicity isn’t that simple to do, is it? And even when it is, will that really solve your struggles at the moment? It sounds too simple, right?
I just have to say that the more and more we go searching for outside resources to solve every problem of ours until our houses are locked, ovens turned off and lights turn on with the sound of our voice – the less we feel at all productive.
These things are immediate solutions to our problems, and yet they don’t deal with the deeper problems. Like, the obvious question “Since I have everything to solve my problems, why am I not any happier?”
And honestly, this starts by embracing simplicity. Instead of going on your phone every 20 minutes to search for the next new thing to make you feel better, leave your phone at home. Or on your desk as you take a walk on your lunch break at work.
Embracing simplicity allows you to become more in tune with yourself, and your surroundings. Which is the most basic way of living you can get. And it allows you to slow things down a little bit.
Remember, 100 years ago a lot of people didn’t have cars to drive, or even lights in their homes. Right at this time, a lot of people in the world were just getting used to the idea of something out there being able to provide them light in their homes that didn’t involve fire.
I’m not trying to give you a history lesson, instead, I am trying to remind you of where you have descended from. Even though we try to forget these parts of ourselves, there was once a time when nothing was so easily accessible. Mankind has worked its ass off for the last 100 years to replace every problem with a solution, hoping to reach this point of zero problems.
But, as I said, life is not supposed to be lived without problems. It’s inevitable, and if you are going down this route then I encourage you to instead embrace the simplicity of it all.
2. Talk About Your Struggles
If you feel lost right now, don’t be afraid to admit it! It’s totally ok to just say “I really don’t have this thing called life figured out right now, but I sure am trying.”
Because if you do feel worried about feeling lost, or feeling behind, or whatever it is you feel, it means you are trying. You’re trying your best to figure it out.
So open up about this, to whoever you trust. Maybe that’s your sister your therapist or your professor at school.
Whoever seems to judge you the least, please don’t be afraid to open up to people. We are humans who crave connection and you seriously need this in order to feel more content in your life.
When you open up, you will see that other people feel the same as you. And you will have a companion who is on your side – which will help you see that you can conquer this time of your life.
- Tip: There is this misconception that we are more appealing if we just keep our mouths shut and pretend that we have our lives together. But, truthfully? Other people will be so much MORE grateful when you open up about not feeling 100% confident about your life. They will relate to you, and feel more comfortable opening up to you.
3. Look Inwards
One of the main reasons you feel lost right now is because you aren’t living authentically.
Which means you aren’t living life how you want to. You have all of this outside noise telling you how you should live your life. And you want to do a good job, so that means listening to those voices. But, by listening to other people around you and ignoring yourself, you will become more and more lost.
This is a confidence lesson in its simplest form – look inward. Listen to your needs and your wants.
Start small by doing one thing that you’ve been wanting to try for a long time. Whatever the hell it is, do it. Then, build from there.
Want to run a marathon? Sign up for a race in the next 3 months! Want to learn how to sing properly? Sign up for a vocal lesson.
I know, I’m making it sound way simpler than it is for you. If you had the time, you would. Or even if you had the money you would.
But, that’s just a sign that you’re ignoring your needs and wants. Stop ignoring these things! I promise you, that the minute you decide to take action towards one small thing you want, you will feel way more empowered. Give it a shot, then send me an email if you don’t.
4. Make it a Point to Be More Real
I am a fan of Instagram just like most twenty-somethings. But, I’ve set my limits on what I choose to believe and what I ignore.
And you have to do this, too. Whatever you see on social media (whether that’s Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc), you have to set boundaries with yourself.
Most of the time people only post to get more likes, views, and shares. A lot of people will go to great lengths to prove they are worthy of going viral. Which sometimes means selling their soul.
It’s your choice to decide to let other people’s “perfect lives” determine how successful you are. If you are feeling pretty good about your life but see your friends from high school getting married and having children, don’t allow that to influence your decisions moving forward.
That’s just because you have no idea what is truly going on. If people are trying that hard to make it seem like they’re picture-perfect on social media, then there may be a chance that they are trying to cover something up. Something they aren’t proud to share.
I never use Facebook anymore, but if I am ever feeling down in my life I still get an urge to post something uplifting. As if to prove that I am strong. Facebook can validate that for me. Which is dumb. And I still fight that urge, but then it passes and I move on and totally forget about Facebook for another few months.
I would suggest to you that being more real is as good as you can get. Embrace your personal struggles and embrace where you are at right now. Be kind to yourself, as cliche as that sounds. I am saying that from my heart.
How To Find Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost – Conclusion
When it feels like everything you read on the internet is just a ploy to get more likes and shares, or for you to purchase something, I am here to tell you to just focus on being more real.
Once upon a time the term “follow your heart” didn’t sound so cheesy. At least, I’d like to believe that.
If you ever need to talk to someone, Betterhelp is here for you at any time day or night.
Alright, that’s it for this post. What are some ways that you work at trying to find yourself? Leave a comment below or feel free to email me with your answer! I always look forward to hearing from each and every one of you.
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