by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence
Have you been wrestling with how to deal with criticism? Have other people been getting to you lately?
Do you have days where you think you are on the right track, and then someone comes in and makes you feel terrible about your life choices?
It happens to all of us. It usually happens when we have some sort of success or happiness. Even if you’re not that sensitive, some comments have a way of hitting home. They hit our insecurities and make us question ourselves
The ways you deal with criticism show what kind of person you are.
4 Ways To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident
When we are finally OK with what’s going on in our lives, someone tries to ruin it. As if we don’t deserve to be happy.
It’s a natural part of life. I mean, who’d put 7.4 billion people on the planet and expect them all to get along?
Unfortunately, there are some people out there whose main mission in life is to come through with a chainsaw and tear down everyone in their path. And if you are at all sensitive, it’s easy to let it get to you.
The main thing to remember is to not let it get to you or take over your life. You deserve everything good that comes to you. You are a good person.
There wouldn’t be a Lebron James or a Taylor Swift or any successful person if everyone stopped trying after someone told them they weren’t good enough.
This is why learning to push past the bullshit, and filtering your life to be exactly what you want, is what you need to work towards. It’s what you are already working towards, and you just need to stick to it!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
1. Understand You Can’t Control Other People
No matter how hard we try, we can’t change people. Everyone is the way they are for a reason, whether that’s how they were raised or because they are stuck in their ways.
The quicker you can come to terms with this, the less it will affect you. And if you can’t change other people, that should give you enough confidence to believe they can’t change you.
Why would you want to change for another person anyway? It’s pointless. Anyone who’s asking you to change is not worthy of having a relationship with who you already are.
Some people are going to say what you are doing isn’t enough, or you aren’t very good at what you do. That’s just their opinion. It doesn’t make it true.
Especially if what they are saying is purely negative, just to make you feel like shit.
At my old job, I worked with a negative co-worker who liked to throw up his opinion on everyone else. One day he took me aside and told me I wasn’t very good at my job and needed to be quicker if I ever wanted to be as good as him.
At first, I felt shitty because I felt helpless. I questioned myself a lot and didn’t feel 100% about going to work after that.
But, then I realized it was him that had issues, not me. I was at this job for a reason, and he wasn’t the one who controlled who got fired.
He was just a grumpy person who had too much time on his hands to complain about everyone else.
He got fired less than two months later, because of how negative he was. And nobody else ever told me I was slow or bad at my job. If anything, it was the opposite. So seriously, ignore those haters.
Haters don’t get very far in life, and they end up miserable, wanting to take you down with them. Don’t let them!
2. Be Logical About The Type Of Criticism You Receive
Whenever someone says something negative about me, I instantly think about their side of things. I logically ask myself “Am I doing something wrong?”.
I make sure I am being reasonable and giving them the benefit of the doubt. In reality, every time someone says something negative about me, they have underlying issues they need to deal with about themselves.
It’s always best to listen to the people who know you like the back of their hand. The ones who will call you out on shit, when you are legitimately doing something wrong. Because you trust them, and they know you well enough to be honest with you.
If you’re dealing with an irrational person, you will get mixed messages. They will like you, but then say things to you that are hurtful for no reason. And it’s always because they have issues and insecurities they haven’t dealt with.
Sometimes people are just plain mean. And it’s a waste of time to even try to figure out the underlying reasons why they are so freaking mean.
It’s always best to be the most logical you can about it, reflect on yourself to make sure you aren’t doing something wrong, and then let it go.
The more we let people upset us, the more power it gives them to keep doing it!
3. Practice Setting Boundaries
This is such an important step, for any part of your life. Setting boundaries is important, but it’s also a tough thing to do.
If you are a nice person, not-so-nice people will take advantage of that. They will see a way to take you down, and they’ll jump at the opportunity.
That’s when knowing how to set your boundaries will help you out a lot. You might not know how to effectively set boundaries, because like I said it’s not easy.
It’s hard to be strict with other people when you want to just be friendly. You want to be that person others can rely on, even if they are being assholes.
That’s what makes you such a good person! It’s also what makes it so easy for other people to take advantage. What’s cool is if you do set a boundary and stick to it, no one will want to mess with you.
The nice person with a secretly assertive side is like kryptonite to miserable people.
So work on setting boundaries, and figure out what your limits are. When you see someone is taking advantage of you, put a stop to it. Shut it down!
It doesn’t make you a bad person when you set boundaries, it makes you a badass.
4. You Can Control What You Allow And What You Don’t
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Someone can tell you you’re short and fat when you are 5’10 and 120 pounds.
You can choose to believe them, or you can choose to not allow it. Some people let the opinions of others completely take over their lives, and then they start to sink to the level of those negative people.
But, you don’t have to. You can choose right now to overcome it. Because just like the Eleanore Roosevelt quote says, nobody can make you feel less than who you are without you saying so.
Just focus on surrounding yourself with the people who love you, who are supportive, and who will be honest with you about things.
These are the people who will bring you back up and reassure you that you are doing just fine. I don’t know about you, but I would never bring someone down just to make myself feel better. I vent to a close friend about people who have made me feel bad.
But would never voluntarily talk bad about the kind person who is clearly trying their hardest. I’m guessing you’re the same way.
If you don’t instantly see the bad in other people, then you are a good person. You are trying your hardest to be a good person and I give you props.
How To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident – Conclusion
It isn’t always easy to deal with criticism. But know that most of the time, it’s their problem, and doesn’t really have anything to do with you at all.
This guide on learning how to not take things too personally may be a helpful read, too!
If you are having trouble building your confidence or getting rid of negative thinking, check out my happiness course Refine Your Life!
This is an all-inclusive, 15-lesson online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
If you are ready to make some changes in your life, click here!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How does one overcome self-doubt? Ah, self-doubt. It’s what gets into your head when you’re unsure about your abilities.
Whether that’s from something you’ve never done before or that one thing you’ve done a million times before.
Questioning yourself is natural. It’s what we do when we are trying to reflect on ourselves.
We want to make sure we are doing a good job, and living up to our standards.
When self-doubt does come into your head, it can quickly diminish your confidence
And sometimes it happens because we feel a little extra sensitive to things. But, these thoughts can actually become debilitating.
Doubting yourself can cause fear. Which will prevent you from trying in the first place.
Then it will make you question everything you do, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever be good enough to deserve what you want.
How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Boost Your Confidence
1. Speak up About Your doubt
It’s so easy to build up assumptions in our heads. When something goes wrong at work, you might question yourself and rethink if you’re even cut out for that position.
Whenever something goes wrong, we beat ourselves up internally. Because we are supposed to be on top of things, and we are supposed to be perfect at everything. Right?
Wrong.
There is no such thing as perfection! So push that thought out of your head. Instead, turn to people who can help reassure you that you are doing just fine.
If you keep things to yourself, it can quickly build up in your head.
Telling yourself you aren’t good enough and nobody really likes you anyway are thoughts that aren’t true.
They are just things you make up in your head because it feels true. But, this is why you need to talk to someone about it. Ask them if you’re doing a bad job at your job.
I can promise they will say no, and reassure you that you’re a great part of the team. We are so good about beating ourselves up and making sure that we don’t feel much pride in our work. Even if you are pretty close to perfect at your job.
That’s why it’s always good to get a second opinion and a different perspective.
Because other people see you differently than you see yourself. They value you and the right people want to be there to make sure you don’t have any self-doubt.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s so easy to do. You see someone else at school who gets straight A’s and makes it look so easy.
They must be born with a skill that automatically makes them smart. There’s no way to compete with that. Well, you should stop competing at all.
There is no point in comparing yourself to others, except to make yourself feel worse.
And the best way to avoid doing this is by looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of telling yourself false assumptions, work at becoming a better person. Chances are that person who gets straight A’s probably has to work really hard.
They most likely study any free second they get, and there’s a chance they are struggling with self-doubt as well.
- If you think about how hard it is to maintain that, then imagine how hard it is if you fall short.
Put yourself in their shoes for a second. And try to tell yourself that they might be struggling too. It’s easy to assume other people have it better than you, but everyone is dealing with something.
- Some people are really good at hiding it, but no one is perfect.
Once you believe this, it’ll be easier to stop comparing yourself. And it might make you appreciate what you do have and what you are capable of.
3. Separate Yourself from the Cause of Your Self-Doubt
When you are at work for 40 hours a week, the cycle of self-doubt repeats itself every day. When you are constantly surrounded by the things that are causing doubt, then you need to take a break.
I know that sometimes it’s not possible, because we can’t just stop showing up to work or school. But, you do have control once you get home and I’m sure you have at least an hour a day you could use to get away.
Spend some time doing something you really enjoy, that you know you are good at. Something that makes you feel really good. And forget about what’s causing your self-doubt. We can get so wrapped up in feeling bad about ourselves.
Even when we get home, going on social media can bring us back into the cycle. That’s where we start comparing ourselves to other people who seem to have their lives figured out.
This is when you need to shut your phone off and go on a hike. Or hang out with people you really care about and ask them to not let you talk about the things that are bugging you.
- It’s really important to take a break and not obsess over what’s causing you stress.
When you can learn how to separate yourself from the crap, it’s easier to get a new outlook. Read this guide to dealing with anxiety at work, which gives you a daily routine for managing your anxiety.
4. Write Down 3 Things You Love About Yourself Every Day
Thinking about what you love about yourself isn’t the easiest when you’re filled with self-doubt. You might think that you don’t like anything about who you are.
But, digging deep and understanding yourself more will give you more confidence. Think of the things that you are good at.
Are you a good person who cares about other people? Do you love animals? Is there a specific body type of yours that you love?
Grab a piece of paper and pencil and write it down. Then, do this every single day.
At first, it will feel weird, and maybe selfish. But, it’s not. And those thoughts are your self-doubt coming in to tell you it’s pointless. Ignore that voice, and do it anyway.
Then, you’ll start to discover what does make you so great. And you’ll remember these things when you question yourself. Which will make you believe in yourself more.
5. Tell Your Inner Critic to Shut Up
That inner voice that is always talking down to you needs to be quiet. What that voice is telling you isn’t true.
It’s a very convincing voice, but what it’s saying doesn’t provide any value to you.
- Imagine if that’s how your best friend talked about themselves.
You would quickly tell them to stop being ridiculous and that they are great just as they are. You are perfect just as you are now. And those voices that tell you otherwise are liars. Don’t give in to that inner critic.
Tell it to shut up, and focus on doing the things you enjoy. Because you deserve them!
Have you downloaded our FREE self-love guide?
How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Boost Your Confidence – Conclusion
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A Course In Gorgeous is an all-inclusive, 12-part online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 13, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Are you struggling, wondering how to deal with anxiety at work? Whether your anxiety occurs because of personal problems, or because of work, experiencing it while you’re on the job makes everything much more challenging.
Anxiety makes it difficult to focus on a specific task. This can make getting to your work assignments almost impossible, and take you forever to get things done.
If left untreated, your anxiety has the ability to make your job impossible. Which can result in issues, like getting fired or your boss not knowing if you’re capable enough to do your job.
But, anxiety is a very real thing. And if you don’t have the right resources to work through it yourself, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.
How To Deal With Anxiety At Work
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Having anxiety doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring about your job.
It just means there are other factors that are making it that much harder to think work is important right now.
How To Deal With Anxiety – Before Work
1. Set up a morning routine
Waking up, chugging coffee and heading straight into work is a great recipe for anxiety.
Without giving yourself time to slowly wake up and get ready for the day, you’ll feel on edge the whole day. Some people thrive by getting up and going, and not thinking about anything.
But, anxiety can easily creep in if you don’t practice being more in-tune with yourself and the world around you.
Here are some ways to set up an anxiety-free morning routine:
- Wake up 30 minutes before you have to start getting ready
- Avoid looking at your phone/responding to any emails
- Take a second to be grateful for waking up to a new day
- Read a chapter of a new book
- Consider drinking a small cup of coffee while you’re still in bed
- Plan out how your day is going to go, so you know what you expect
2. Avoid watching the news
I get that it’s helpful to stay up-to-date on what’s going on in the world.
I used to watch the news every morning before I went to work. But, I started to realize that it made me a lot more fearful of my surroundings.
The bad news I kept seeing just started to make me think there wasn’t much good in the world. If you have high anxiety, try to stop watching the news or reading it on your phone.
It doesn’t mean you’re avoiding what’s happening out in the real world, it just means you need to stop triggering anxiety by bringing in more worries to your life.
If you think about it, the news stations are trying to find the craziest stories out there. That’s how they get your attention and keep you watching. And that’s why usually what’s shown on the news is bad stuff.
Chances are, you’ll hear about the important stuff from co-workers or friends. You don’t need to know about everything else.
3. Meditate in the car
Commuting in traffic can contribute to your anxiety.
A great way to stay calm is by listening to a mindfulness app on your phone while you’re driving in the car. This helps you focus on your breathing and stay in the present moment.
That way once you get to work, you won’t already feel so tense and possibly irritated.
Another helpful tip is to always leave a little extra early heading into work, so you can stay in the slow lane. Driving in the fast lane can make you feel like you have to just get to the destination.
When instead, you can take your time and not feel so rushed.
How To Deal With Anxiety – During work
1. Set small goals
Once you get into work and figure out what has to get done that day, start by planning it out.
Part of what causes a lot of work anxiety is feeling like you’re constantly behind. And you have to hustle to get as much done as you can.
But, that’s how anxiety can form and it’s how it can prevent you from getting anything done. Feeling overwhelmed can make it difficult to know where to start.
Instead, look at your to-do list and focus on getting 3 or 4 things done that day.
Set mini-goals, so that once you accomplish one thing you actually feel like you’re being productive and achieving success.
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2. Take it easy on high-anxiety days
Sometimes, you’ll have days where no matter what you do you’re anxiety will take over anyways.
On those days, you have to take it easy on yourself. When anxiety comes in, it’s similar to getting a cold.
It physically and mentally won’t allow you to be 100% there. And if you think about having a cold, you would most likely do the best you can but then rest often and take it easy.
Don’t expect to get much done on high-anxiety days. Where we often go wrong when we’re feeling anxious is when we feel like we have to keep working harder. But, listen to your body and just take a break.
3. Practice being mindful
Work on grounding techniques and pay attention to what’s going on in the moment. Our anxious thoughts can make it feel like everything is wrong. But, when you practice being mindful you can reduce the negative thoughts.
And you can work on dissolving your anxious thoughts, when you take a few minutes to think them through and challenge them.
Download my Mindfulness Activities book for free.
4. Eat a healthy lunch
Eating a healthy lunch is always good idea, even on the days when you’re anxiety is low.
If you work in a busy office, it’s probably pretty normal to just order some fast food and go back and sit at your desk.
But, taking control of your anxiety requires taking care of yourself.
That means actually taking a lunch break, and packing your lunch from home. With a filling salad or a healthy sandwich.
Eating healthy will keep your anxiety levels even, and won’t make you crash a few hours later. Practice making it a point to take some time for yourself throughout the day, so that you can stay in tune with your body.
5. Take frequent breaks
When you struggle with anxiety, it’s just not possible to keep trying to hurdle passed it. If you try to fight it or ignore that you have it, it will eventually build and build.
Until you aren’t sure how to manage any of it. Most jobs think it’s more acceptable to just work, work, work until it’s time to eventually go home.
The norm is 50 hour work weeks, but working 40 hours is way more than plenty. We think we have to be tied to our jobs to feel any sort of value or success in our own lives.
That’s why taking breaks during work feels weird. Especially when everyone around you never takes any. But, go against what everyone else is doing and make it a point to start taking care of your mental health.
That means taking the designated 15-minute breaks you’re allowed for every 8 hours. Also, taking your lunch break. These can be times where you can practice being mindful and reducing your anxiety.
How To Deal With Anxiety – After work
1. Leave work at work
It is so easy to leave work, then go home and either still think about work or continue to do work.
This is where it will feel like you can never escape it. But, there are ways to actually enjoy your life outside of work and to separate yourself from it.
It starts by leaving all of the work at work. Don’t respond to emails after you have left the office. And avoid going on your computer once you get home.
If you struggle with toxic co-workers or a difficult work environment, it’s very easy to allow that to bleed into other parts of your life. But, imagine that once you open the door to leave your office, all of the issues you have at your job cannot leave that door.
And then once you get home, work on focusing on other things that bring you joy. Try to avoid getting wrapped up in your thoughts about your job.
Practice being in the present moment and focus on the now. That way you can actually enjoy the time off that you do have. And just tell yourself that you will deal with work tomorrow, when the time comes.
2. Have something to look forward to
Working 8+ hours a day and then driving in traffic is exhausting. That’s a long time to give your energy to another place.
And once you get home, you might feel too tired to do anything but make up some dinner and watch TV. But, this is how it can be easy to think that your job takes over your whole life.
It’s important to create things on your schedule that you look forward to after work, that can take you away from work for a while.
Things like:
- Hanging out with friends
- Going out on a hike
- Going to the gym
- Trying out a new hobby
- Going to a night class
- Having date night
Try to set up 2 or 3 nights a week that you have something exciting to look forward to. This can make going to work more tolerable because you will be doing something you enjoy afterward.
It will also break up the cycle of getting up, going to work, coming home to eat dinner, sleep, repeat.
3. Practice self-care
On the days that you don’t schedule trying something new, work on practicing self-care. Do what you want to do. If that means enjoying a Netflix marathon, do it!
Throughout the day, your cup is being drained from all of the work crap you have to put up with. Find the things that fill up your cup, and make sure to do these things frequently. And if you aren’t sure what fills up your cup, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid.
During the times when you didn’t have to be a responsible adult. Maybe you could even try going to the same park you used to play at as a kid, and mess around on the playground.
These things will help reduce your anxiety because they allow you to connect with yourself.
4. Keep in touch with close family/friends
Talking to other people who understand what you’re going through helps in so many ways.
And if you know people who experience anxiety as well, make sure to reach out to them during the days when you’re anxiety is high.
It helps to talk to someone who understands, and who doesn’t judge.
Sometimes when you’re around people at work who don’t get it, it can feel like there’s just something wrong with you.
In reality, everyone experiences stress and anxiety to some extent. Most people don’t know how to deal with it (that’s why they bury themselves in their jobs).
When you are experiencing anxiety, talk to someone about it. That way you can get your anxious thoughts out and hear what other people have to say about it.
5. Set up an evening routine
Having an evening routine before bed will help calm you down after a long day. It can also help improve your sleep.
And when you struggle with anxiety, these morning and evening routines are essential to keeping your anxiety in check.
A good evening routine consists of:
- Shutting off all technology 30 minutes to 1 hour before going to bed
- Writing in an anxiety journal about how the day went, how you’re feeling, and any remaining anxious thoughts you have
- Practicing calming breathing techniques
- Thinking of 3 things that made you happy that day
- Thinking of 3 things that you are grateful for
I give away a selection of mental wellness books in our member library, one of which includes a daily routine scheduler!
Get them all for free! Just tell me where to send your invite code:
What to do when you can’t cope with your anxiety at work
1. Talk to your boss/ HR
If there is someone at work who you trust, don’t be afraid to talk to them. Anxiety is a serious thing if you aren’t sure how to handle it.
It can ruin your productivity, and if your anxiety is caused by work, it will have an effect on your overall well-being.
That is something that your boss or HR would want to know about. A lot of companies are expanding their resources when it comes to mental health.
If you can talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing, they might be able to help you. If there isn’t anyone at work you feel like you can trust to talk about these things, it might be time to reevaluate where you’re working.
2. Evaluate how important your job is
Your job might be what is causing your anxiety to shoot through the roof.
Anxiety occurs for a number of reasons, but sometimes it’s the environment that we’re in that can set it off.
Think about how your job makes you feel when you’re there, and if there is anything that causes you stress there. Also, think about your co-workers and who you would feel comfortable talking to about your anxiety.
If you come to the conclusion that your job is what is causing anxiety, and there are a lot of things wrong with it, you should consider trying to find another place to work.
I understand that sounds way easier than it is. I’m not saying that you should just go in and quit your job tomorrow. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities.
But, if you know your job is causing you anxiety, I am here to tell you there are other options. You should never feel stuck where you’re at.
Start by writing down a pros and cons list of your job, then think about the type of job you would really enjoy. You can slowly work on trying to find a new one while practicing the things above.
Or, do what I did: I quit my job so I could blog full-time. My blog is now my full-time, 6 figure business.
If you’d like to start your own blog, I recommend this blogging as a business course.
3. Find professional help
Anxiety is not the easiest thing to handle on your own. Especially if it has grown over time. Sometimes, talking to a professional is one of the best ways to sort through your thoughts.
A therapist can work with you to give you the right tools you need to work with your anxiety.
That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to. If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again. If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here.
Do you have more questions about overcoming social anxiety? Leave them in the comments below!
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by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 17, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Lately, I’ve been wondering how to live a more meaningful life. Wondering how I can have more control over my life. It’s something that happens as you get older.
You learn to let go of all these things you don’t want anymore. Things you maybe thought you wanted but eventually grow out of. That’s where claiming your true power comes into play.
Claiming your power is about your character and accomplishments. It’s the result of who you are and what you do. When you learn how to unlock your personal power, you can achieve your goals and lead a more meaningful life.
14 Ways to Step Into Your True Power & Live a More Meaningful Life
By harnessing that power, you will also speak up more about what you do and don’t want. You won’t feel so trapped by a life that you really don’t want.
In some ways, building up your inner power is like building up your outer body. It takes effort and practice.
Start with these exercises for cultivating inner strengths and taking positive actions.
1. Clarify your values.
Understand who you are and what’s important to you. You do this by getting to know yourself more. Don’t be afraid to do things alone and to step out of your comfort zone.
It’s too easy to have your values blocked by what you think you’re supposed to be. Instead of who you want to be.
Every day society is telling us what we should value and what we shouldn’t, but the only way to claim your true power is by ignoring all of these mixed messages.
Focus on what you value deep in your heart and what matters most to you. When you get clearer on this, your inner power will grow.
2. Practice Optimism.
The world tears us down from the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep. As the day wears on, your boss may criticize you or you get stuck in traffic.
It’s easy to allow these annoyances to change your view of the world. Making you more negative towards things that shouldn’t have that much power over you.
Focus instead on what is going right in your world. Sure, you have bad days because we all do. You’re not alone in this and I’m not going to try and tell you to just pretend to be positive all the time.
But there is beauty in the way that some people turn lemons into lemonade, right? Even when shit is hitting the fan these people can throw a smile on and shake it off.
Imagine what those people would do in your shoes. Laugh off the things that won’t matter tomorrow and turn your attention towards the things you love and value in your life.
Related: How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
3. Build your self-esteem.
Question your self-limiting beliefs. Have the courage to take worthwhile risks and give yourself credit for trying.
Building up your self-esteem is one of the best things you can do. When you believe in yourself, you build resilience towards anything in life.
This takes practice just like thinking more optimistically does. Most people aren’t born naturally confident, they are instead surrounded by things that build their confidence.
This means supportive people and allowing yourself room to make mistakes and take risks, without feeling like a total failure in the process.
4. Manage your emotions.
Recognize your feelings without letting them distract you from making healthy choices. Stop trying to bury emotions deep inside, pretending they don’t exist. This only makes things worse.
You won’t learn how to deal with bad things if you never express your emotions. And the only way to gain control over fear, anxiety, or depression is by shining a light on them.
Whenever you feel sad, angry, hurt, or confused, don’t be afraid to sit with yourself and dissect why you feel that way. Validate your feelings so you can manage them.
5. Let go of baggage.
Free yourself from grudges and resentments.
Forgive yourself and others for any past disappointments.
6. Persevere through obstacles.
Patiently accept reversals and delays as the price of success. Remember your purpose and renew your commitment when the going gets tough.
7. Be authentic.
Stay true to yourself. Be prepared to align your actions with your values even when it’s uncomfortable. Evaluate your progress according to your own standards instead of comparing yourself to others.
Authenticity gives you real strength.
8. Meditate and pray.
You don’t have to be religious to be spiritual. Faith and mindfulness can make you stronger and more resilient. Set aside time each day to give thanks and connect with your spiritual side.
Practice your faith by seizing opportunities to be kind and generous.
9. Engage in self-care.
Your physical condition affects your personal power. Keep your body in peak condition with a balanced diet rich in whole foods like fresh vegetables and fruits. Exercise regularly and stick to a consistent sleep schedule.
10. Continue learning.
Adding to your knowledge and abilities also makes you more powerful. Sign up for educational seminars at work or study a foreign language at your local community college.
Take courses online and read classic novels in your free time.
11. Communicate skillfully.
You can make yourself more likable and influential. Ask friends and colleagues you trust for honest feedback about areas where you need to grow.
- Brush up on your attentive listening or public speaking skills. Monitor your body language and proofread your emails.
12. Network vigorously.
A robust network gives you more opportunities to leverage your strengths by collaborating with others. Help others by sharing your time, expertise, and other resources. Stay in touch with your old contacts, and attend events where you can widen your circle.
13. Aim for balance.
It’s tempting to limit ourselves to the areas where we feel safe and appreciated. Ensure you’re giving adequate attention to both your professional and family life.
14. Maximize your productivity.
Time and other resources are limited. Organizing your routines can help you to do more with less.
Mental and spiritual strength allows you to take charge of your life and your future. Claim your true power so you can realize your potential and have a positive impact on the world around you.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 3, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life. It can be a real struggle to remain present in the moments of everyday life.
We have so much going on at any given moment that it’s difficult to slow it all down and just be ok with what’s happening right in front of you.
But from what I’ve experienced, it’s worth it every time I decide to take a step back and pay attention to what I have at the moment.
It’s the only thing I can control, and learning how to be more present has helped me feel less anxious plus I have so much more patience for even the tiniest things.
What Does it Mean to “Be Present in the Moment?”
Do you find that you get impatient waiting in line at the self-checkout lane at 5 p.m. on a Tuesday night?
Or what about driving in traffic eager to get home so you can throw off your work clothes and open up a fresh bottle of wine?
You may always be rushing to get to the next best place in your life, but the magic of the present moment is sitting here with you right now.
In fact, there’s an entire movement or awakening in which individuals have discovered that a secret to enjoying life is to “stay present.”
These are people just like you who experience racing thoughts or get stuck in painful memories of the past.
Anxiousness about the future also spoils the now moments. When you feel anxious, focus on living in the present moment
Living in the present moment is “the secret” that ties all the other secrets of life together, and it is a process referred to as “mindfulness.”
Because there’s no way to deny that there’s an element of magic in staying present.
To be present, you must lasso all of your attention and pull it directly into what is happening in your life in each current moment as it comes.
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
How do you achieve mindfulness? There are many ways to enter into this psychological process, and the benefits are undeniable.
The following are five simple ways to stay present in the moments of your everyday life.
1. Focus on the Now
We have these amazing brains that store memories and have the capability of imagining the future.
Unfortunately, all these brain functions often get away from us and pull us in the wrong direction. Life is only actually lived right now, in the moment we currently have. Which you can do easily by practicing mindfulness.
Be very intentional about focusing on what you are doing at each moment.
Download my free mindfulness activities that will help you to focus more on the now and instantly feel calmer:
2. Use a Breathing Exercise
In the mindfulness movement, breathing has been identified as a key to being present in the moment.
Take in a breath and then consciously breathe out the stress you’ve been feeling. Spend several moments simply breathing in and breathing out the stress that would rob you of this moment.
The power of a breathing exercise is that you focus on your own intake and exhale of air, which can stop other thoughts from invading your consciousness.
Just start over with renewed focus if other thoughts interrupt your breathing exercise.
3. Take a Single-Task Approach
In this age of the Internet, we become easily distracted. The constant input from forces around the globe on our handheld devices sends us into a spiral of thoughts that rob us of the current moments.
Focus on completing a single task at a time. Don’t get diverted from your task by technology, or any other distracting thoughts.
4. Add a New Dimension to Common Tasks
Mundane tasks can be gateways to negative lines of thought. Turn everyday tasks upside down. Think through each everyday activity so that you maintain and sharpen your focus.
Do each set of tasks in reverse order, from the approach to brushing your teeth and putting on your clothing to the way you bath or shower and dry off. When you become overwhelmed by your to-do list, work on taking things one step at a time.
6. Control Your Thoughts
The idea of controlling your thoughts may be new. Many people’s lives are held captive by the flow of thoughts that never end.
So, it can be a surprise to find out that just as you can control your next breath, you can control your next thought. Thoughts are very powerful and have a direct effect on how you feel at any given moment.
A happy thought can lift your mood and bring a smile to your face. A sad thought can cause your emotions to plummet into feelings of depression.
Isn’t it good to know that your thoughts are in your control?
The following are some tips to help you master controlling your thoughts:
- It may help to think of thoughts as things—almost like tangible objects.
- Learn how to stop your thoughts, whether those thoughts are positive, negative, ridiculous, or dull. Doing this can be as simple as saying, “I’m stopping those thoughts and choosing to pick a different thought intentionally.” Make the thought a good one!
- Make it a practice to identify negative thoughts or when you are dreading something.
- Write out your negative thought processes or your dread. This removes them from being a movie in your head. The power of those thoughts decreases as you write them down. When you do this, you are disassociating yourself from the event that was playing in your mind.
- Identify the lie in the negative thoughts and find a positive truth that you can offset the lies with.
Related: How to Cleanse Your Mind of Negative Thoughts
5 Simple Ways to Stay Present in Everyday Life
Start noticing the direction of your thoughts and divert them elsewhere if they are negative.
These five simple ways to stay present in the moment are just the first step. If you want a happier life, you can begin to incorporate powerful thoughts such as gratefulness. It’s possible to enjoy everyday life.
It all starts with what you do with your next moment.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Sep 1, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Living a happier life is something we’re all searching for, right? The main goal of most humans on this planet is to just be happy.
And yet it’s something that feels difficult to achieve a lot of the time. If you fall into the trap of thinking “Once I have x,y,z then I’ll be happy“, then you’ve probably seen time and time again that even once you have everything perfectly in place, you still aren’t happy.
That’s because buying things, losing weight, traveling every other week, or staying busy doesn’t guarantee happiness.
All of these are more of a distraction than anything. It keeps your mind occupied for a little while, making you believe that this is the answer to your happiness.
At the beginning of your journey, you may feel excited or eager to reach these goals. However, for a lot of people even when they reach their goals they don’t always feel that much happier. Even if they do, it seems to vanish quickly after the high is gone.
We as humans are taught to chase what seems important. Things that don’t always mean a happier life.
Like success, money, being attractive, a large home, a good job, etc.
But these things are external factors that are only there to fit in with society. Society says all of these things are acceptable so it’s only natural for all of us to strive for them. But society and social status are not what makes you happy.
What are actually the simplest things in your life? Things that don’t require much of anything. Like the smile on your child’s face, walking your dog, sitting out in the backyard on a Sunday afternoon reading a good book. All of these things fill up your cup in different ways.
Giving you the keys to sustainable happiness throughout your life.
So, if you’re chasing materialistic and external things, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying to work on the things that truly make you happy internally.
And if you can’t think of anything at the moment, I’ve compiled a list of rules for living a happier life.
Here are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life
These rules for a happier life are things that create the kind of happiness that sticks with you. It doesn’t disappear as soon as the next new material item catches your interest.
1. Live in the moment.
Stop worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Appreciate what is happening right now.
2. Give without expectation.
A compliment, a smile, your full attention, or an apology. Lend an ear when someone needs to talk. Forgive someone who has wronged you. There are many areas in which you can give without expectation.
3. Redefine the word failure.
Instead of thinking of it in terms of not succeeding, think of it as a challenge, a stepping stone. Reflect on it to see where things went wrong so you can adjust and keep going forward.
4. Stop overthinking.
Make a conscious effort to quiet your mind to all the negative things that can happen. Instead, focus on the positive outcome and go for it.
5. Own your emotions and actions.
Never place the blame for them on someone or something else.
6. Replace the words “should” or “could” with the word “will”.
I should/will stop smoking. I could/will be happier.
7. Stay focused on what you want.
It’s the only way to reach your goals. When you notice you’re losing focus, reflect on your thoughts and emotions.
Find the core reason for your distraction and deal with it so you can refocus and keep moving forward.
8. Practice acceptance.
Make peace with your past. Accept who and where you are now. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Set realistic goals.
9. Allow your emotions to guide you, but not define you.
It’s perfectly okay to feel emotions as they indicate you’ve experienced something that needs your attention. But don’t allow them to shape your life, to define or control you.
10. Let go of your inner ‘control freak’ so you can experience all that life offers.
The need to be in control is based on fear and the desire to feel safe. But you cannot control everything. In fact, the only thing you have full control of is yourself. For true happiness, sometimes you must let go of the reins and see where life takes you.
11. Place more value on your experiences than on things.
When you think about it, material possessions come and go. They may make you happy in the short-term but that’s about it. What you remember most about them is the experiences you had with them – in buying, using, and enjoying them.
12. Celebrate even the smallest wins.
Big wins are great, but a happy life is filled with lots of small wins too.
13. Make each day worth living.
Wake with Mother Nature and enjoy the sunrise. Practice reflection and deep breathing techniques. Rise with intent each day. Smile, laugh, and share your joy.
14. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.
Appreciate them. Express your gratitude for them being in your life. Share the love with others.
15. Be happy with yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t rely on others to make you happy. Know that you are enough.
16. Stop talking and start listening.
The more you listen to yourself, the better you understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions. The more you listen when others are speaking, the deeper your connections will become.
17. Practice gratitude every day.
The more often you feel gratitude, the quicker it will become a habit. The more gratitude you feel, the more positive emotions you will evoke.
18. Start each day with the intent to be happy.
Wake up each morning and tell yourself “Today is going to be a great day and I’m going to make the most of it.” Starting the day with a positive thought will set your subconscious to seek out more positive things all day.
19. Don’t allow others to tell you what you should think or how you should feel.
You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Only you know what’s happening on the inside.
20. Step out of your comfort zone.
Open your mind to new possibilities.
21. Stop thinking success will make you happy.
The opposite is true. Happiness makes you successful.
22. Follow your passion.
Find what makes you feel passionate and do it. Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t.
23. Find your true purpose.
If your life feels like it’s off-track, it could be that you’re not following your true purpose. Spend some time getting to know yourself and your desires. Find that one thing that makes life worth living well.
24. Practice forgiveness.
When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. Rather than view forgiveness as something you do for the other person, do it for yourself. By forgiving, you open more room within yourself for love, kindness, beauty, and happiness.
25. Focus on the positive.
Train yourself to speak and think in positive terms. Practice viewing the glass as half full rather than half empty.
Every time you experience negative self-talk, turn that negative into a positive. When something bad happens, accept responsibility for your part in it but do not place full blame on yourself.
25 Essential Rules For A Happier Life
These are 25 Essential Rules for Living a Happier Life. Do you have more to add to this list? Let me know in the comments below!
