by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 31, 2020 | Finding Motivation, Self-Confidence, Self-Improvement
Gandhi once said: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” And he wasn’t wrong; our every thought does have the power to influence our entire lifestyle.
If you’re an overthinking woman like myself, your thoughts can be detrimental to your personal development, hindering you from becoming the best version of yourself. I know you probably feel that you don’t have control over your mind because that’s how I felt for the longest time. Yet, the matter of the fact is, you do have the power to control your mind’s inner dialogue.
How so? One word: self–affirmations. Self-affirmations are sentences targeted at affecting your conscious and subconscious mind in positive ways to influence your behavior, thinking patterns, and habits.
Because I know that you might bounce off this article this very minute, let me first tell you whether affirmations work, and how they do. Then, I’ll showcase some of my favorite positive affirmations for women that I’ve tried myself at different stages of my life. Read on!
Do Affirmations Work?
You probably think that this is just some wishful, unrealistic thinking. I thought so too before trying affirmations myself. But believe me, they do work!
You can use affirmations in almost any scenario where you’d like to see a positive change. For instance, you could want to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence levels, overcome a specific bad habit, control negative feelings and thoughts, overcome self-sabotaging, and more.
When you use and repeat affirmations regularly, preferably daily, you actually start believing in them and make positive changes.
In a way, daily affirmations reprogram your thinking patterns and exercise your mind. Therefore, the key to make an affirmation work is to keep reciting it, especially as soon as you start encountering the negative thought or experience you want to overcome.
Just a tip: Before you start your affirmations, be clear with yourself about what you’re working on changing and what exactly you want out of the affirmations.
From one woman to another, below is a set of common yet diverse daily affirmations for women, including affirmations for black women, affirmations for single women, self-affirmations for women, and affirmations for positivity for women. To the power of positive thoughts!
Affirmations for Single Women
Lady, if you think you’re incomplete just because you don’t have a partner, think again! You’re fully whole on your own, literally. Being single will only feel horrible if you look at your life from such a pessimistic perspective. Shift your perception, take away the ‘being single sucks’ attitude, and be happy with the support of these positive affirmations. You go, girl!
- A relationship will never, ever define me.
- It’s not their job to like me; it’s mine.
- I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.
- Every day, I will practice the art of self-love.
- I’m worthwhile and deserving of real love.
- My life is already fulfilling, and I hold the keys to my own happiness.
- My single status is a blessing, not a burden.
- I’m enough. If I can’t be myself, then I can’t be with them.
- I enjoy having time to do whatever I want.
- There are so many opportunities for love in the future.
- Starting today, I’m letting go of anyone or anything that’s no longer serving me and my best interests.
- I forgive myself for accepting less than I deserved in the past.
- True love is out there for me; I just need to be patient and accept that my timeline is different than those around me.
- I deserve to be happy in my life, no matter who is in it.
- I’m capable of living each day to its fullest without someone else in it.
- Being single doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else.
Self-Esteem Affirmations for Women
It’s quite easy to get weighed down and lose sight of the bigger picture sometimes. However, it’s tough to restore our self-confidence and positive energy. Self-affirmation sure does take practice, so take yourself one step closer to loving the woman you are inside. Live by these boosters and watch how you’ll feel empowered with daily positive thoughts flowing through you.
- I’m in control of my life.
- I’m creating a beautiful life.
- I believe in myself.
- I value and honor my boundaries.
- Believing in myself comes naturally to me.
- I’m worthy of love and attention.
- I’m respected by the people around me.
- I value my worth.
- I will continue to learn and grow.
- I believe in my skills and abilities.
- I will stand by my decisions. They are sound and reasoned.
- I’m doing my best, and it is enough.
- It isn’t selfish to be kind to myself.
- I am my best source of motivation.
- I’m becoming a better version of myself one day at a time.
Positive Affirmations for Women
Positive affirmations for women are among the unique ones. Why so? Because positive affirmations can change your thought process, forever. Once your thoughts are positive ones, there’s no going back. Your life just propels from there, day after day. It’s worth the work, but if you want to take it slow, choose one positive affirmation to work with and watch the magic.
- I embrace myself and all women in the world.
- I attract energies and situations that fill me with joy every day.
- I’m grateful for this wonderful day and the endless possibilities it has to offer. I know something great is in store for me.
- I’m patient with myself and accept that positive change takes time. My best self is emerging every day.
- Rather than being discouraged by how far I have left to go, I’m grateful for how far I’ve already come.
- I’m ready to create more success in my life and release any excuses. I’m productive and focused on attaining results.
- I don’t have to wait until I feel ready to act on my goals. The timing will never be right; I’m ready now.
- I believe that life brings me only the best, and I rejoice in what is and what is coming.
- I recognize my role in attracting everything that comes my way.
- My journey of self-love means giving my mind some time to rest.
- My peace is mine; I won’t give anyone the power to take it away from me.
- I act with confidence and have a plan, and I accept that plans are open to change.
- I practice self-care and recognize when I need to take a break. I feel good about taking care of myself.
- I move at the perfect pace. I don’t need to speed up or slow down.
- I refuse to overcommit myself. I’m able to say no when I need to. I protect my time because I deserve it, and it’s invaluable.
Affirmations for Black Women
In these troubling and difficult times, we live in, we stand in full solidarity with our African-American sisters. Remember to love yourself and don’t lose perspective. Even one daily affirmation can go a long way, and these are some of the most positive affirmations for black women that I wholeheartedly believe in. I know that sometimes you believe you don’t have it in you to achieve your purposes, but in fact, all you need is this push below. You can, and you will!
- I have the power to create change.
- I will not let society dictate who I am.
- I feel comfortable in my own skin.
- “I know it can get tough out there. It can get downright ugly. Know you are designed for greatness. Black girl, you rock, because you have so much potential. I’m so grateful to be a black woman. I would be so jealous if I was anything else.”- Danai Gurira
- I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
- I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.
- “The things that make me different are the things that make me ME.”- A.A. Milne
- I can. I will. End of story!
- I now choose to release all hurt and resentment.
- I’m superior to negative thoughts and low actions.
- Mistakes are not the end of me. Challenges are not the end of me.
- My hair is the perfect halo for my head.
- “The black woman is art; a perfect expression of pain, struggle, strength, and beauty.” – Dr. X
- The comeback is always stronger than the setback.
Final Thoughts
This is just a glimpse of the many ways you can use affirmations for women in your day-to-day life, and I truly hope that by just going through every affirmation, you feel some sort of motivation and positive affirmation that your life is nowhere as bad as it feels like.
As I said, use these affirmations to reinforce positive thoughts in your mind and make them your new norm. If you need to, take it one positive affirmation at a time; it also helps to keep an affirmation journal where you can record your reciting every day to maintain progress. Have a look at some of our other blogs like this one “How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Increase Your Confidence” which can also help in finding your confidence. I really love this video from Oprah as well which explains why it’s so important for us to value ourselves and what we do. When You UNDERVALUE What You DO, the WORLD Will UNDERVALUE Who You Are
Every single day is worth living; so, unleash the life of your dreams by bombarding your subconscious with confidence and certainty to replace the extra baggage of negative thoughts and beliefs. You’ll thank yourself later.
Be happy!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 28, 2020 | Finding Motivation, Happiness Tips, Self-Improvement
There’s a Japanese word called “Ikigai,” which means “a reason for being,” and which aligns perfectly with the idea of passion projects.
The concept is to find meaning in life, a purpose that guides and directs you, and a cause that makes your existence worthwhile. Of course, this entails plenty of things, including the ability to do something you enjoy while providing a benefit to society and those around you. The big question though is where and how can I find passion project ideas?
Naturally, you’d need to make money to fund yourself and have the needed financial independence to manage something of this magnitude. And this is where passion projects come in.
What Is a Passion Project?
A passion project is a project you work on that aligns with your interests or hobbies, makes money for you, and benefits people around you. It could be your main business or a side hustle, but most often, it starts out as something small that requires a few hours (maybe only one) every day and grows little by little into something big and beneficial. A passion project is a bit more involved than a usual hobby but look at these 13 hobbies as some of them might actually resonate and align with your passion.
What Are the Advantages of Passion Projects?
You might be wondering why someone might want to add just another task on their to-do list with all the ones we can barely keep up with. Well, passion projects are definitely worth it if you pick the right ones. Here is what makes them worthwhile:
1. Boost Happiness
Everyone feels happier when they have a higher sense of control over their life, and that’s exactly what a passion project does. It enables you to pick what the project will be, its goals, its size, the deadlines, the standard you want to live up to, the plan to complete it, when it’s done, and the metric for its success.
2. Keep Yourself Creative
If you only finish work-related tasks throughout your day, how would you be able to think in different ways that aren’t shaped by your job? A passion project keeps your mind active and continuously provides you with fresh perspectives, which, in turn, help you achieve more in your everyday life and possibly your primary job as well!
3. Add Accomplishments to Your Portfolio
This is especially important for people who work in fields that require practical projects, not only certificates and degrees. For example, someone who wants to get a tech job would definitely need a portfolio of all the projects they worked on to prove the experience they’ve gained.
4. Stay Curious and Learn New Skills
If you pursue new ideas, you’ll need to learn skills that enable you to continue working on them and bring them to life. For example, if you want to enhance your writing, you might be looking for a program that collects synonyms and displays them in exemplary sentences.
Well, you could look for one, but a passion project would be to create your own! The possibilities are endless and are all quite promising.
Ideas for a Passion Project
Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind when discussing passion project ideas for students is to start a blog. There’s a high chance anyone reading this already knows someone who has their own blog, and these are pretty easy to start on different hosting platforms like Blogspot/Blogger, WordPress, Squarespace, Wix, and plenty more.
All you have to do is find the topic that interests you the most, like psychology, programming, or fashion, and write everything you know about it. The way I started was by using the “Launch your blog biz” course from the team at CreateandGo.com. This course helped me to build this exact blog you are reading. It’s a simple to understand and comprehensive step-by-step course. Can’t recommend it highly enough.
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Launch a YouTube or Vimeo Channel
I can bet on the fact that almost all of us have thought about becoming YouTubers at one point or another in our lives. If you’re into fashion, you can do “haul” videos, gamers can upload walkthroughs, and bookworms can upload videos of their book reviews.
There’s pretty much something for everyone and every interest. As long as you have something you love and find some free time to get creative about it, you’ll do quite well.
If you’re super talented with artistic work like animations or short films and have storytelling skills, you should totally opt for Vimeo.
Podcasts are the new hype. After all, they fit the modern person’s needs: get a lot of information quickly and compactly. Having your personal podcast is like having a YouTube channel, but it’s all audio, so you have to be a vocal and well-spoken person. But most importantly, you have to be really passionate about the topic you’re going to tackle.
You could tell Greek mythology stories, discuss your favorite books, review movies, or talk about trips and tricks to learn a certain skill that you’re good at.
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Have an Online or Physical Store
An excellent way to make money would be to sell things. I’d recommend an online store for students, but you can still have a physical one if human interaction is an important pillar for you.
There are so many free websites and apps that allow you to run your store such as Etsy (for handmade crafts), Shopify, Amazon, Carousell, or others. I’d recommend that you go through the subscription fees and the rules/regulations to start selling before you venture into that, though.
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Run a Facebook or Instagram Page
An excellent way to make use of your free time doing something you love would be to post on social media, such as Facebook and/or Instagram. All you have to do is post useful and meaningful content, which would be easy for you if you’re writing about topics you’re passionate about.
It’s a great way to build a community with like-minded people, and if you want to get some money out of it, you can definitely do so with some ads, especially if you curate good traffic.
If you’re good at something, like pottery, coding, makeup, you name it; you can definitely make a profit by teaching others how to do it. Holding a workshop is a fantastic way to share your knowledge as well as make some money on the side.
If you don’t have the time, place, or means to hold a workshop, you can replace it with an online course. It’s the same project idea, but you’ll be doing everything online. This means that you need to have incredible social and communication skills.
You can use Instagram (or any photo-hosting website) to start an online gallery of your drawings, paintings, or art. Of course, you can take it to a real-life gallery, but an online one would also be just fine.
This is the most creative of them all. Whether you want to solve a problem by creating something that doesn’t exist yet or modifying an already popular product, bringing your own unique idea to life would be one fantastic way of enjoying and monetizing your passion.
Passion Project Ideas by the Niche
High school students probably have the best head start when it comes to starting a passion project. This is because they have a suitable amount of time for a side project, don’t have something to do full-time, and can spare some effort for a genius hour project.
Middle-schoolers and kids can also benefit from how much free time they have, though their skills are probably still taking shape. So what are some passion project ideas for high school students? Do they differ from passion project ideas for middle-school students? And what about passion project ideas for kids?
I’d recommend online projects like Facebook pages, online stores, or YouTube channels for anyone. And if you want some creative inspiration, here are profitable niches that could serve as a compass and guide you to your future passion project:
For anyone interested in makeup and has a sense of color coordination and beauty, starting an Instagram page that shares tips or a YouTube channel with tutorials would be the perfect side hustle.
Are you a fashionista who knows all about the latest trends? Always flaunting your OOTD (Outfit of the Day, for those who aren’t into fashion)? Or perhaps, you were able to reach the perfect balance between being fashionable and preserving the environment by dressing vegan? These are all perfect ideas for blogs, vlogs, or content in general.
Love testing new games and reviewing them? Want to help other people by walking them through the toughest parts of the gameplay? Then, you have excellent content to share online and benefit from in the long run!
If you’ve built an incredible set of skills when it comes to a craft like pottery, knitting, crochet, or anything similar, then you’ve got a lot to share! People love to check out tips and tricks from passionate and experienced people. If you have those two, you should definitely start a YouTube channel or a blog to share what you’ve learned.
Art could entail creative writing, paintings, illustrations, animation, calligraphy, videography, or photography. It could also refer to performing arts like dance, music, spoken word poetry, and theater.
If you’ve got tips to share regarding these topics, like step-by-step tutorials or recommendations for the best equipment, you can build a strong community and benefit people as well as benefit yourself from this knowledge.
Do you love trying out new restaurants? Cooking unusual recipes? Taking aesthetically pleasing pictures of your favorite plates? You can make use of that by starting a page for it on Instagram, a blog, or a YouTube channel for cooking tutorials.
Do you love camping? Going on hikes? Taking day trips? Do you know all the places, secret spots, or hacks for backpackers or people on a budget? Make use of this information by sharing it online or by becoming a part-time local guide. There are online websites for that, like showaround.com.
Are you a gym rat with fun and engaging workout plans? Do you know the best tips to follow a diet religiously? Have you been through a successful weight loss trip? You can’t imagine the number of people who would love to hear what you have to say about it!
If you’re a thrifty shopper with a good sense of interior design, you will definitely do a good job in terms of home improvement. Plenty of people would love to renovate their room/house but don’t have the budget for it, so if you can give them tips on how to do it, you’ll have an incredibly wide fan base.
Just like home improvement, a lot of people are into DIY jobs as they provide more affordable alternatives to everyday objects. If you’re talented when it comes to building things using cheap materials, this is the niche for you.
This is one topic that everyone needs tips on. So, if you’ve already been through the ups and downs of raising a baby, you can definitely share your experience, tips, and things you’ve learned with other parents who are going through this satisfyingly life-changing journey.
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Personal Development and Self-Care
Self-care, mental health awareness, and improving oneself are all incredible topics that aren’t as tangible as others, which means they’re harder to tackle. If you’ve managed to do that, you can definitely use this knowledge to influence people and help them become better versions of themselves.
Though many people might limit this to career coaches, I think anyone could give career advice, especially those who have managed to shift careers. I think this is one of the most sought-after topics, so if you have information and experience, you can benefit from them.
Do you have advice on how to increase savings? Manage money? Be more thrifty? A lot of people have trouble with their finances, and they could definitely use your two cents!
From product reviews to tech-savvy how-tos and explanations of tech-related topics that aren’t as easy to grasp, the tech niche has endless possibilities, and focusing on a certain concept would widen your base and gain you lots of traffic.
3D printing is the new hype. If you’re into model building and 3D modeling, you can share all the tips and tricks with your audience. And since it’s a very skill-focused hobby with intricate details and complicated processes, it would definitely help that you’re passionate about it, and you’ll have an advantage in this field.
How Do You Write Down Your Passion Projects?
If you’re not sure exactly where to start, here are the general steps you need to follow to bring your passion project ideas to life:
1. Decide the Benefit You Have to Offer
You should prepare a list of benefits that someone could derive from your passion project. How would it help people? Try to think of all the possibilities.
2. List All the Project Possibilities
When you decide on a benefit, set a timer of around 20 minutes to come up with all the ideas you’ll filter through. Keep filtering them until you get to the top 3 ideas.
3. Don’t Divide Your Energy
You might be tempted to start more than one project to have backup options in case one project doesn’t work out. However, I would strongly advise against that. Choosing one thing and committing to it would be a much better route.
4. Set Milestones and Goals
For a project to be fruitful, it has to achieve something and make progress. That’s why you have to decide on short-term goals and long-term ones. Plan on the goals and how to reach them, how to stick to them, and when to decide that you’ve achieved them.
5. Commit to Your Genius Hour
Though deciding on a passion project is pretty hard, it’s only the first step. The tough part actually comes with setting an amount of time per day to work on it and grow it. So, make sure you’ve planned this out really well. Don’t overwork yourself, even if your passion pushes you to do so. Set one hour per day (The Genius Hour) and stick to it.
6. Document the Process
Even if your passion project is not a blog and doesn’t involve journalizing or writing, work on documenting the process. This gives you more credibility and serves as proof of experience and knowledge if you need to use it for future purposes like applying to a college or a new job.
7. Take the Leap of Faith
Most of the time, people are afraid of starting their projects because they think it’s not a suitable time or that they don’t have the means. However, in life, the best time to start something is right now.
Don’t stress yourself with something big or grandiose; just pick something you’re passionate about and love. Stick to the genius hour rule and make sure you’re making progress no matter how small. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.
Final Thoughts
When all is said and done, a passion project turns out to be as simple as it sounds: having a passion for something and then having the consistency and commitment to stick to a project. These two qualities together can guarantee massive success for the idea you’re considering.
Don’t let other commitments or a full-time job weigh you down or stop you; all a passion project takes is an hour of progress per day!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 17, 2020 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
If you are wondering how to stop caring what people think, you are in good company.
To care about what other people think is a part of our nature. We as humans crave connection with other humans.
But caring too much about what we assume other people think of us can turn into a negative anxiety spiral that can actually be very hard to get out of.
So here are some crucial tips, so you can confidently break into your own power. It’s time to become more assertive, more confident and not just a people pleaser or push-over.
How To Not CareWhat People Think
Being accepted and fitting in is a large goal a lot of us have in life. That’s why we try so hard to have the right job, to attract the right partner, to get married, have children, to buy a home, etc.
Checking off the list of things we’re “supposed” to do because that’s what everyone else does.
The problem is throughout this process, we forget who we are.
We stop listening to the things we want to be doing and eventually lose sight of what gives us purpose.
Then you end up waking up one day, wondering what you’re doing with your life. Negative thinking and anxiety form as a result.
Drawing the line between caring what others think of you and what you think of you is important.
You can’t stop listening to yourself, even when you worry about what others might think.
- Go after the things you want in life, despite what others say.
Because at the end of the day, you have to be on your side. And the people who don’t mind what you do will stand by your side, too.
Why Do We Care So Much About What Other People Think?
This goes back to being a child. Think about elementary or middle school.
If you wanted to hang out with the cool kids, you had to do what they liked.
Otherwise, you’d get made fun of. And as a kid, no one likes to get made fun of. It’s a crucial time in your life that morphs you into who you become as an adult.
We spend 12 years in school, learning how to be a certain way.
- And if you tried really hard to fit in and be accepted by people, that most likely has bled into how you act as an adult.
Trying to break that cycle is difficult because it’s going against everything you were taught growing up.
Letting go of what others think and listening to yourself is like speaking a different language. These days social media makes it even harder than before. It is all around us every minute of every day. How many times have you looked at that old friend from high school and silently judged their life, their weight, or their hair? We all do. The key is to not let social media become reality and not let it drive our thoughts.
The truth is, we won’t ever fully stop caring about what others think of us. And that’s OK!
It’s good, actually. Because that means you still care about being kind to others. How to not care what people think starts deep within yourself, and it is completely natural.
Not caring at all what people think can lead to possibly becoming heartless, so there is a fine balance.
Signs You Care Too Much
- Often assume what other people think of you. Such as “That person probably thinks I’m an idiot.”
- Try way too hard to get people to like you
- Put yourself last
- Saying no or setting boundaries feels impossible
- Always try to be one step ahead of what other people are thinking
- Get anxious if someone is upset with you
- Base your value on what others think about you
- One wrong look from someone makes you question yourself
How Can You Stop Caring What People Think?
Letting go of what others think about you is possible. It just will require some effort on your part. And self-reflecting.
Here are some ways to work on your ability not to care what people think
1. Stop Overgeneralizing
Overgeneralizing is when you experience something bad that sticks with you, and assume it’s going to happen every time.
- One bad experience shapes how you view every other possible future experience with the same scenario.
Let’s say when you were a kid you got made fun of for having a big nose.
So, whenever someone is talking to you, and you catch them looking at you weirdly, you immediately think it’s because of your big nose.
When in reality, it could be a number of reasons. Possibly just because the person is contemplating how to respond to what you said.
When you care too much about what others think, overgeneralizing can trigger anxiety.
It can also prevent you from putting yourself in situations that might require someone noticing your nose.
Overgeneralizing is all made up in your head. And giving power to those thoughts will make it feel like you’re not good enough.
Most of the time, people don’t notice the things you think they do. You’re just hyper-aware of it because it did happen before. And even if you do have a big nose, what’s so wrong about it?
You have to continue to ask yourself these questions and challenge the negative thoughts in your head.
This will allow you to reflect on yourself, instead of focusing so much on what others think.
2. Remember Everyone Feels the Same as You
If you can take a step back and look around you, you’ll notice that everyone has their own insecurities.
The ones they can’t bear when someone points out. No matter who it is, or how old they are. People feel the same as you. Never ever think you are alone, trust me you are not.
So, when you’re sitting there talking to someone, just remember that they are most likely more worried about what you think of them. Treat them how you would like to be treated. Listen before you judge, in fact don’t judge at all.
They are not judging you.
Unless you are doing something that is offensive or hurtful, most people don’t judge like that. They are way too focused on themselves to even care if you have a big nose. a Lot of people might actually love your nose.
3. Work on Finding Yourself
When you’re so focused on everyone else’s opinions of you, you aren’t listening to the most important person: Yourself.
The voices in your head can get insanely loud sometimes, and they can make you doubt yourself.
From your own inner critic to assuming what other people are thinking, it’s hard to quiet the noise and hear what you have to say.
So try to focus on yourself more. Write down the things you love about yourself, and what you really enjoy doing.
Spend some time alone, away from the outside noise. This might mean you have to start from scratch. Losing yourself is a common thing that happens in life.
Because we do the things we think we should do, not what we want to do.
If you can instead start focusing on what you enjoy, you will stop caring about what other people think. Because you’ll be having fun and enjoying life, and you won’t want those negative thoughts to ruin it.
Download my FREE Mindfulness Activities Book Now 🙂
4. Let Go of Trying To Please Everyone
Pleasing people and perfectionism are as real as a unicorn. So think that when you are trying to do these things, you might as well be trying to find a unicorn.
Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.
If you can learn this sooner in life, you will be one step ahead of most people in the world.
We are all unique, and you were made who you are right now for a reason. If we were all supposed to be the same, we’d all look exactly the same.
Embrace the fact that you are who you are. And let go of trying to please other people.
Because the people who love you and support you don’t need that. Being yourself is all they could ever want.
The people who ask you to change are the ones you might want to reconsider being around.
Because it’s impossible. And when you place your value on what others think of you, you lose complete sight of the value you already hold.
5. Stop Making up Stories in Your Head
Nothing ruins confidence more than assuming everything. Unless you can get the hard cold facts, don’t believe everything your brain is telling you.
We tell ourselves things based on past experiences, people’s body language, and how we view ourselves.
Mix all three of these together and you have a toxic mindset.
You have to fight off those evil thoughts that form in your head. If someone was pissed at you for no reason, that’s on them.
You can self-reflect and double-check you didn’t do anything wrong, and then you have to let it go.
- Get rid of negative people who put those thoughts into your head.
- Replace the made-up stories with real ones.
How To Stop Caring What People Think – Conclusion
It can be hard to learn how to not care what people think. But if you practice these tips, your self-confidence will grow over time. With practice, you won’t worry about what anyone is thinking about you, and you can believe in yourself, uninterrupted. Never stop believing in the magic of you. Although it might not always feel like it, you might be someone else’s hero, and they might look up to you. Start to worry more about what you think of yourself than what other people think of you.
Remind yourself that you are good enough, you are a kind person, you give love and receive love, and you deserve anything you want in this world.
Then let the rest of those stories go. Once you can learn to do all of these things, you will let go of caring about what others think of you.
Because how you think of yourself will matter way more. For more on this, read 12 signs you’re doing better than you think you are.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 13, 2020 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
Do you think you could stand to stop taking everything personally, a bit more? As human beings, it’s normal to take things personally every once in a while. We have egos that are sensitive at times.
If you’re finding that you’re taking everything personally, then it may be time to work on letting some things go.
Taking things personally can eventually lead to anxiety because you become so wrapped up in what other people think of you and how they treat you.
And if you’re an empath, it’s all too easy to take on other people’s emotions. We start to feel we aren’t good enough for the things we really want.
How to Stop Taking Everything Personally
If you are working hard at pursuing your dreams and then realize you can’t always get what you want, it’s very easy to assume it’s because something is wrong with you. Taking it personally is unfortunately natural. It’s not always easy to just look the other way.
The thing I’ve learned about life is that it doesn’t always revolve around us. We want to believe it does, but life continues to move forward with or without you.
And learning to understand how to not take things so personally can benefit you in many ways.
When you let go of the unnecessary pressure you put on yourself, your anxiety will become lighter. You will start to forgive yourself more and have confidence in your actions. Confidence is a critical component to stop taking things personally.
I get that letting go of your own values and beliefs is difficult. For the longest time, I had strong beliefs about my own self.
- I couldn’t stop taking everything personally and placed my value in other people’s hands. a Lot of people made me feel inferior and I started to take anything personally, and I would value the opinions of someone else more than I value myself. I tried to hide from any situation where I thought people might have something to say.
As you can imagine, I went through a very difficult phase of my life that involved losing who I was to learn how to become who I actually am.
That meant letting go of the feeling that everything was my fault. I stopped blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. I let go of the things that just weren’t in the cards for me.
And I started to forgive my past for what had happened to me. The things that felt like the world was out to get me.
Once this happened, a huge weight fell off my shoulders. I want to teach you how to do the same.
5 Steps To Stop Taking Everything Personally
1. Become Aware of What You Can & Can’t Control
Often, we think we can control certain situations or people. We think we can “fix” someone because we have the ability to care so much.
In reality, you can’t change other people. And some situations are out of your control.
Knowing where to draw the line is tricky, but once you figure it out you can then start to separate yourself from the situation. Instead of letting it become personal.
Some people feel like they are being too selfish if they choose to let someone go.
That’s just because you care a lot. But, in order to take care of yourself and live a better life you have to draw some boundaries within your life.
- The same thing goes for setting realistic goals. We can think we will become a millionaire within a year, but it’s not very realistic.
Start getting real with yourself. It’s easy to stay in a constant state of drama within your life, and you can feed into the thoughts that say, “I don’t deserve happiness.” “I’m not good enough.”
This all starts with you. And if you are sick of feeling that way, listen to that pain and allow it to be the driving factor to change it.
2. Believe in Yourself
Taking things personally has a direct hit on your self-esteem. It would only make sense to practice having more faith in yourself.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So… why allow others to define who you truly are?
We place our self-worth in how successful we are, what relationships we have, or how much money we have. And when you evaluate your life and realize you haven’t accomplished all that you wanted to, it’s easy to start to blame yourself.
Feeling worse about where your life is at, instead of embracing how far you have come.
A mindset change is usually all it takes to start feeling better about yourself. And that inner critic voice becomes a little quieter.
Believing in yourself takes time and only comes when you are willing to work at it. You can finally decide to let go of the “feeling sorry for yourself” and move forward.
When you put yourself first, you will then begin to believe in yourself. And slowly you will build up the confidence to stop questioning everything you do.
Then, you will let go of taking everything so personally. Because you will believe in yourself enough to know that it’s not always about you. And no matter what happens to you, it won’t crush you every time something bad happens.
3. Process What is Bothering You, Then Let it Go
There may have been times when you spoke out about what was bothering you, and someone told you to “just let it go” and move on.
This is good advice, but if you aren’t allowed to actually process what is bothering you, you won’t be able to let it go.
Instead, you will just suppress it and pretend it doesn’t bother you anymore.
This will only cause you to feel worse, and more sensitive to the things around you. And suppressing your feeling can make you feel anxious.
Think about what is really bothering you, or the moments where you do take things a little too personally.
- Ask yourself, why? Why is this getting to you so much?
- Really work hard at taking a few minutes to understand what it is.
Once you come up with an answer (no matter what it is), then you can begin to let it go.
- Imagine putting that thought into a balloon and releasing it into the air, letting it disappear.
This helps because you begin to understand yourself more and you learn why certain things stick to you.
Once you understand it, you can ask yourself why you’re allowing this to affect your life as much as it is. Then, you can work on letting it go.
It takes practice but recognizing how and why you feel the way you do helps you get to the root of the problem.
4. Remember That Other People Are Way More Focused on Themselves
No matter what you may believe in your mind, other people care way more about themselves than they do you.
Which means you are free to do more in life than you already are. We often try too hard to please others and to avoid criticism, so we can fit inside the lines.
What I’ve come to learn, however, is that other people don’t really pay that much attention.
Not as closely as I thought they did. And once I came to this realization, I started to let go of the pressure I thought their opinions held.
Other people are worried about what you are thinking of them. Or how they come across. And yes, other people also take things way too personally sometimes.
You’re not alone in a lot of the things that you feel. It’s just hard to see because we all are good at hiding our insecurities.
We don’t want to be a burden on other people, so we pretend we are ok.
The truth is, everyone has insecurities and issues within themselves. If you can remember this, it’s easier to stop taking things personally.
5. So What, Someone Somewhere is Waiting for You
There will always be people reviewing your art, your poems, your cakes, your store (or even your blog…) – and they might shrug and say “Yeah, I don’t like that”. This is such a common situation, and all people face this
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of taking things personally. People almost jump to conclusions that what people think or what someone says might actually be true. This usually has a direct impact on our self-esteem and we start to doubt ourselves and our abilities.
We need to learn how to identify when something someone says, triggers this feeling that we are not good enough. When that is triggered we need to realize what people think does not matter. Just ask yourself, so what? So what if they believe your cake is a flop or your blog is garbage? What people think or say is more a reflection on them not on you.
What you should never forget is that somewhere out there, someone would absolutely love your poem, your blog, your cake, or whatever you are selling. So stop your mind before it can jump to conclusions, and take the time to think and realize that you don’t need the approval of anyone but yourself.
You are the only person whose opinion matters. as that would help you to stop taking things personally.
For a great practical guide on how to not take things personally see this blog from Christine Kane.
Why do I take things so personally?
There are so many reasons why you would take it personally. Most often the no.1 reason why you take it personally could be from the way you were raised by your parents.
Have your parents ever allowed you to laugh at yourself or when you make a mistake? Or were you told to not act silly and be more serious? There is no right or wrong here or any judgment, these are just observations from many studies over the years.
Have you been laughed at in school or bullied? This is usually one of the biggest causes of people taking things personally. Nobody likes that feeling of a classroom of acne-faced teens laughing at you. The major problem at this stage of your life is that it is easy to jump to conclusions and most of the time the wrong conclusions. It starts building up layer upon layer. Someone says something about you behind your back, and immediately you feel like people think the worst of you, and you start to think that maybe they are all right, and the little voice inside your mind is wrong.
Taking things personally is a very difficult behavior to change, especially if you already suffer from low self-esteem. It’s like a snowball growing larger and faster, and with it, your self-esteem actually becomes even lower.
Why are there certain people, friends, or family who no matter what happens to them, do not take it personally? Although taking things personally is something that can be taught
How to Not Take Things Personally – Conclusion
Once you get a different perspective on things, you can start to see that nothing in your life is all that personal.
You don’t need other people’s approval or opinion to define your own happiness. If you are waiting for someone else and their opinions or approval to become happy, then you are seriously missing out.
Don’t be afraid to take chances, and don’t take anything for granted. Try to see it as a journey or an adventure. Look at any situation and don’t try to over analyze it. People are weird and there will always be something that someone loves or hates. That is what makes our life interesting.
Life moves on so quickly and what seems like a big deal right now won’t be an issue 3 weeks from now (most likely).
If you really want to stop taking things personally, start by focusing more on yourself. Let go of what others think about you because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.
You should want to have people in your life who support you, and anyone who doesn’t do that doesn’t deserve to have a say in what you do.
Work on believing in yourself more and everything else will fall into place. Have your back so that you can keep a level head whenever things start to offend you. You can brush it off instead of letting it ruin your whole day.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Aug 7, 2020 | Dealing With Emotions, Happiness Tips, Self-Improvement
10 Tips to Help Overcome Stress Once and For All
Are you stressed out in life? How do you handle stress and pressure? Learning how to handle stress and pressure can help you transform your life into one that you love.
I think we’re all feeling a little stressed out this year in the midst of the pandemic. But let’s not forget that many of us were already stressed out before this current situation hit. It just elevated it a lot.
So, let’s talk about stress on a deeper level. Obviously, a worldwide pandemic in the midst of an election year in America is going to cause everyone to feel a new level of stress and pressure.
But “normal” life can leave us feeling stressed out all on its own.
Think about it for a minute.
- The bills are rolling in faster than the money is hitting the bank.
- You really want to find the right person, but the thought of meeting new people just seems like too much to handle.
- That promotion at work seemed like a good idea, but now all you do is work and imposter syndrome hits you daily.
- You want to move to a new city, but you worry about what others will think of such a big move.
Honestly, you probably don’t even need reminders about what could cause you stress. If you’re reading this right now, something probably popped into your head instantly.
Maybe a situation that you don’t know what to do about. Or maybe it’s a relationship that has become a struggle. It could even be stress about not knowing what the future holds.
Stress happens. It’s part of life. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed if you struggle with it.
Why stress happens
Believe it or not, stress is meant to be a good thing. It’s one of the ways that your body tries to protect you. Here’s an example:
You’re out on a walk one day and you see a lioness who looks like she’s hunting you. It’s time to act quick. It’s not time to sit and think of a plan. You need to spring into action. Your body floods with stress hormones that trigger the fight or flight response.
Your brain knows that you either need to prepare to defend yourself or get the heck out of there fast.
That makes perfect sense, right? But here’s the problem. You probably aren’t facing life or death, dangerous situations on a regular basis. When you’re in a situation like this, stress helps keep you safe. Once your out of danger, your body works to return to normal.
However, when you’re experiencing daily stress from work, unhealthy relationships, an overwhelmed schedule, or an anxiety disorder, your body is constantly staying in that stressed-out zone. It’s not serving the purpose that it was meant to serve. And it can quickly become unhealthy.
Stress management is important!
Because we experience stress from so many different sources and in so many different ways, it’s really important to learn how to manage it in a healthy way.
Why stress is bad for you
I probably don’t have to tell you that stress affects your health. And it’s not just your mental health. You’re probably feeling it in your body too.
- You can’t sleep at night
- It feels like you’re constantly in a fog
- Your muscles are tight
- You have frequent headaches
- You’re super irritable, even with people you usually enjoy being with
- Your stomach and/or digestive systems feels like a mess
- It may feel like the tension and pressure is building up throughout your body
Stress can make life just feel too hard.
If you let stress go unchecked in your life it can lead to all kinds of problems. It can cause heart issues, relationship challenges, weight fluctuations, and all kinds of other things you don’t want to experience when trying to live your best life.
Living in stress and anxiety can also negatively impact your ability to make decisions.
The more stressed you are, the more you react based on natural instinct. Again, this is good if you come face to face with a wild animal, but not so much in your day-to-day life.
You want to make decisions based on your knowledge and life experiences. You want to use your full brain power in life, not always act based on instinct.
If stress is a major problem for you, then it’s probably playing a big role in how you make decisions. That means if you don’t learn how to manage your stress, you’re going to struggle to make the changes that you want to in life.
You need to learn to get your stress under control.
Stress management techniques that DON’T work
Dealing with stress isn’t easy. And if you try to avoid dealing with it in a healthy way, you probably find yourself dealing with it in a not-so-healthy way.
Can you identify with any of these behaviors?
- Popping open a new bottle of wine and polishing it off day after day
- Binging on Netflix for hours and hours
- Frequent shopping sprees on Amazon or (insert your favorite store name here)
- Looking for love in all the wrong places
- Letting food be your comfort
These are not successful or healthy ways to handle stress. These are known as “escape behaviors”. They may help you feel better for the moment, but it will be short-lived. And you probably feel even more stressed after indulging.
Don’t feel guilty. These are normal behaviors that people turn to when fighting stress on a regular basis. Feeling ashamed or guilty about it isn’t going to help you.
You don’t need to pile on one more thing to stress about.
Instead, turn your focus to learning how to manage stress in a healthy way.
10 stress management techniques that work
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Below are ten different stress management techniques for you to try. You may find that some work better for you than others. Do what works best for you.
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Exercise
Before you scroll on past this section, hear me out for a second.
I know that “exercise” is mentioned all over the place. I also know that it’s an easy trigger for anxiety, guilt, and shame.
You know that you’re supposed to be exercising. You might even struggle with comparing yourself with that super cute coworker who looks like she spends all her spare time in the gym.
That’s not what this is about.
No judgment, shame, or guilt is allowed here. This is simply exercising to help relieve your stress. It can be anything that works for you.
You don’t have to follow some crazy, challenging workout regimen. And it’s not about losing weight, toning your body, or anything like that. This is all about your mental health.
There are TONS of benefits for your mental health from exercising.
Even just going for a simple walk each day can reduce your stress, lower your risk of depression, and help your brain release mood-boosting chemicals. If you want to read more about the benefits, you can check out this article from BetterHelp: The Top Six Mental Health Benefits of Exercise.
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Write it down
Stress and pressure have a way of growing when you try to keep it to yourself. When stress is too much, there’s something that can feel liberating about putting it into words and getting it out of your head.
It’s easy to let anxious and stressful thoughts just roll around in your head. When you do this, it’s really easy for that stress to grow and the pressure to build.
It’s also easy to get stuck in wrong thought patterns without even realizing it. You can end up worrying about things that you don’t really need to spend time focusing on.
When you put your thoughts into words, it can help you gain perspective. You may see that some of the things you’ve been stressing about are things that you can let go. There are other things that you may be able to find action steps for once you see them written out instead of floating around in your head.
There are two approaches you can take once you have all your stress written down. You can hit the delete key or rip your paper and get rid of it forever. Or you can keep your stress writing in a journal to reflect on later.
If you’re able to keep it written in a journal and look back on it in a way that encourages you to overcome stress in the future, then I recommend doing that.
But if you find that you keep going back to your journal and reliving your stressful moments and concerns over and over again, get rid of it. That’s not serving the purpose of stress management.
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Talk to your friends
Isn’t there just something about pouring out your heart and all your crazy thoughts to a friend? That person that won’t judge what’s coming out of your head. The woman who can totally empathize with the stress you’re feeling because she’s felt it too.
It’s the beauty of friendship.
Don’t try to carry and handle stress and pressure by yourself.
Get together or call up that friend that you can be completely yourself around and let it all out. She may be able to help you gain a new perspective on a stressful situation. Or she may just be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.
If you don’t have any friends that you feel you can really trust, find a support system to connect with.
Don’t ever feel alone in your struggles with stress. There are lots of other women who are going through similar situations and struggling with the pressures and stress they face each day as well.
If you’re looking for a place to connect, you can join the Lovely Refinement free mental health support group. Not only will you get free eBooks to help you reduce anxiety, but you’ll also be connected with over 500 women in the Facebook group.
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Lower your expectations
As women, we often feel like we’re supposed to conquer the world. We have careers to build, and social lives to maintain, and we’re supposed to always look like we have it all together.
We feel the pressure that we must maintain this picture-perfect life.
Who are we kidding?
Sometimes the stress and pressure that we feel is coming from within. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet.
“Superwoman” might sound like a great title, and you might have loved the Wonder Woman movie, but here’s the thing—it’s not real!
There’s only so much that one person can take on and successfully handle on any given day. If you’re spending your time trying to be “perfect”, you’re probably going to start feeling stressed out. That’s normal.
Don’t be afraid to lower the bar and be realistic about what you can handle right now.
There are different times in life when you can take on more than others. This may be one of those times that you need to lower your expectations for yourself.
And here’s the kicker—DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT DOING IT! It’s perfectly acceptable and OK. Don’t let anyone make you feel that it’s not.
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Take a look at your calendar & get organized
When learning how to handle stress, it may help to take a look at your schedule. Did Superwoman show up one day when you weren’t paying attention and overbooked your calendar? It may be time to start cutting some things out.
Sit down and make a list of everything that you have on your plate at the moment. Then, prioritize your list. What things can you cut out? Can you delegate anything? Are there things that can be moved to the back burner to tackle when you aren’t under so much stress?
Once you have a list of the things that you really need to do—the things that need your attention—you can start to see where to focus your attention.
There are a few different ways that you can move forward from here. You can choose to work on the most important things first until you get them done. Or you could choose to work on the things that are fastest to finish so you can cross them off your list.
Do what works best for you.
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Find something to laugh about
Laughter really is the best medicine and it helps with handling stress too.
There’s a lot of science behind how this works, but the basic information is that your laughter triggers your brain to release endorphins that make you feel good. They even help reduce the amount of pain that you feel.
So, when you feel the pressure coming on and the stress is building in your life, find something that makes you laugh.
Watch a funny YouTube video. Call up your hilarious friend. Have Alexa tell you a few jokes. Or stream your favorite comedian’s latest show.
And if you can, combine this with #3 and get together and laugh with your friends. Allow yourself to have fun and be distracted from the latest and greatest stress in your life, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
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Create some simple wins in your life
When you’re under a lot of stress, it may feel like you can’t seem to succeed at anything. You may notice that as your anxiety builds, your confidence starts to decline. This can cause you to feel even more pressure in life.
You can fight this by creating and tracking small successes in your day. This may also involve you changing the way that you think about success.
Success doesn’t have to be big in order for you to celebrate it.
If you’re under stress and pressure or dealing with anxiety and depression, even the little things in your day can feel overwhelming. Many people struggling with mental health challenges like anxiety also struggle to do things like clean up the house, get the bills paid on time, and cook dinner.
If you’re doing these things, count them as successes.
Every evening, write down at least three things that you succeeded at doing during the day. Keep a running list. As you see the list of things that you have accomplished grow (even those small things), you’ll probably notice your attention start to shift from your stress to your success. And your confidence will begin to grow.
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Think about what you’re thankful for
I know there are just times in life when it doesn’t seem like there’s anything to be thankful for. When the stress becomes too much, it can start to consume your thoughts and your life. But you have the power to control your thoughts.
That’s right! You don’t have to spend time thinking about things that leave you stressed out and overwhelmed.
Yes, there are times when you may need to think about something that causes you stress. But it doesn’t have to be all that you think about.
If you’re not used to controlling what you think about, it may feel super challenging when you get started. The trick is to find something positive that you can think about instead of just trying not to think about the stressful thing.
This is where gratitude enters the picture.
No matter how bad your situation seems, there’s something you can be grateful for. It may be that you have a best friend to confide in. Or that you’re able to walk and talk. You may be thankful that you have a job that pays the bills or that you had a clean pair of pants to put on this morning.
Spend time each day making a list of things that you’re grateful for. Think of a few things in the morning before your feet hit the floor. Then, do it again before you fall asleep at night.
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Play out the stress in your head
I know this is going to sound weird, but I have talked with multiple women who find this strategy really helpful when they’re feeling stressed out about a situation.
Think about whatever the situation is that you’re worried about. Then, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”. Once you answer it, ask yourself, “Then, what would I do?”.
This forces you to play out step by step the situation that you’ve been allowing to cause you stress.
Some women find that when they do this it helps to remove some of the anxiety they have over the situation. You may realize that the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as they thought. Or you may realize that you’re stronger than you thought and even if the worst-case scenario happens, you’ll still be OK.
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Don’t be afraid to get help
There is no shame in talking to a therapist. There’s a stigma around mental health that stops people from getting the help they need.
Don’t let that be an obstacle for you!
And don’t fall for the myth that you need to have some kind of serious mental health disorder to see a therapist. A licensed therapist can help you with things like:
- Learning how to handle everyday stress
- Setting priorities
- Finding time management skills that help you regain control of your life
- Identifying where stress and anxiety stem from
- Improving stressful relationships with others in your life
- Learning how to gain control of your thoughts
- Overcoming negative thought patterns
It can even help to talk to a therapist if you aren’t sure what the problem is in your life, but you just feel like something’s off.
If you’re struggling, you don’t have to go through it alone. You can even do virtual therapy to make it easier on yourself.
How do you handle stress and pressure?
There are stressful situations that are going to come up from time to time. There are things that will happen that are outside of your control. Everyone handles stress in their own way.
That’s life.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel and experience stress and pressure in life. But you don’t have to let it get the best of you.
Try the tips above and start finding what works for you. And, check out the Anxiety Action Plan + Workbook available in the shop for just $19. You’ll learn an 8-step plan to reduce your anxiety once and for all.
Let’s make this the day that you decide to overcome stress instead of letting it control you!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Mar 23, 2020 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
Let’s talk about how to keep living your life when you have depression. Normally I write about anxiety on the blog, but today I want to dive a little bit deeper into depression.
Ah, depression. The thing so many people have and yet nobody wants to talk about.
It’s like some sort of voodoo. Where we all feel like something is wrong with us if we do have it and none of us want to admit we might have it.
I’m just going to lay it out there: depression sucks, but it’s not the worst thing in the world to have it.
How to Keep Living Your Life When You Have Depression
It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you if you struggle with it. Having depression just makes you human, seriously. There are many people out there who have depression and are able to live amazing lives.
This is so you know there’s no reason to feel ashamed if you do struggle with it.
I personally have learned that through a lot of trial and error. Depression wiggled its way into my life a few years ago and has stayed a very active visitor ever since.
Some days it’s not so bad and I actually feel pretty good. But when depression hits, it hits hard.
Last week a family member passed away, and I honestly didn’t know if I could go back to work and continue on with my life.
When depression hits it can honestly just make you believe that your life doesn’t matter, the people around you don’t matter, and that nobody would care if you ceased to exist.
Your mind goes against you. Any positive thoughts you have just go out the window and you’re just left there with the evil inner critic that is working its hardest to break you down.
During the days when my mental state is good, I work hard at remembering what that feels like. Because when I get depressed, I tend to forget.
I wanted to write this post for anyone out there who is struggling or has struggled with depression.
Below are a few ways you can work on it. I still deal with it, but I get through it. And every time I make it through to the other side, I am so grateful.
If you can, try to think of your depression as a head cold. It will knock you on your ass sometimes and you will be mentally too weak to fight it.
But it will pass, and you have to work on believing. And there are many ways to manage your depression to prevent it from getting unbearable.
I wish that it wasn’t as powerful as it was. It’s as though you’re in a Marvel movie where the bad guy has taken over your mind.
Sorry for all of the analogies… hopefully, you get my point.
How to keep living your life when you have depression
Before we dig into my advice on how to keep living your life when you have depression, I want to let you know that I offer a free mental health support group, and every member gets a free mental wellness kit. Join here.
1. Be open to talking to someone about it
I get that talking about depression is not easy. Especially when you know you’ll be ok, just not right now. And you don’t want other people thinking something is seriously wrong.
Depression should be taken seriously, but it doesn’t mean people will instantly judge you for the thoughts you have.
There are resources out there for your mental health. You should speak to professionals who know what you’re going through, and they will know how to make it better.
Please don’t give up on the hope that nobody understands what you’re going through. It’s actually quite the opposite. Most people get it, it’s just difficult communicating it sometimes.
Finding the right people to talk to can quickly make you feel better.
2. Listen to what your mind is telling you
Obviously, if you’re depressed then you will be listening to those awful thoughts that are making you feel worse.
But, try to dig a little deeper and figure out what your brain is actually telling you.
We all have insecurities and automatic thoughts we jump to when we aren’t feeling our best.
Thoughts like “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t know what the point of life is.” “Nobody cares about me” etc.
However, these thoughts are a cover-up of what you’re actually feeling.
What situations in your life have occurred recently that are making you feel this way? Did you get laid off? Did you recently end a relationship? Are you stuck in a job you hate and are wondering if this is all there is?
Start questioning what is causing your automatic negative thoughts. Work on digging deeper.
Automatic negative thoughts are there to actually prevent you from thinking more about what is bothering you. I
It’s easier to just say “I’m not good at anything.” than to think, “How can I improve from this situation? Is there anything I could have done differently?”
Work on stopping the self-sabotage and listening to your thoughts.
3. Change your environment
Sometimes the environment we are living or working in can be the underlying cause of depression.
If your job doesn’t make you feel your best, it might be time to evaluate if it is serving you enough.
And if your home life is less than ideal you may need to shine a light on what is causing you to feel so bad and work on fixing it.
I used to be in a toxic relationship that made me so depressed most days. I lived with the guy and never felt all that good.
It wasn’t until I had to force myself out of the situation that I started to feel much better.
You deserve to feel good about your life and if your environment is negatively affecting your mental health then your depression could be a sign telling you it’s time for a positive change.
4. Keep doing the little things, even if you really don’t want to
Last week my boss asked me if I could be back at work. That pressure immediately turned me off from ever wanting to go back.
I shut down and avoided his calls. I just was not ready to face work again and deal with responsibilities.
Not going to work made sense for last week but avoiding it for the rest of my life wasn’t possible. This week, I forced myself to go back and honestly felt a lot better mentally.
When you have depression, you won’t think anything will help. Going to the gym, watching a movie, talking to friends… all of these things seem pointless.
But, to avoid falling into a deep depression, you have to force yourself to keep doing those little things.
It’s okay to take a break from certain responsibilities if you aren’t feeling your best. Self-care comes first.
But, shutting down and avoiding everything will only make you feel worse. (I’m saying this from experience!).
When you want to retreat back to home and avoid your usual routine, instead try to do one or two things you would normally do.
Maybe that’s walking your dog around the block or calling your best friend. Keep up with those little things, because those little things could literally save your life.
5. Make a commitment to working at it every day
Taking care of your mental health should be your number one priority.
It honestly should be everyone’s first priority. Once your mental health is taken care of, you can literally conquer the world.
If you want to start making it one of your main priorities then make it a daily commitment.
Create a daily routine based on improving your mental health.
Some ways you can do that are:
- Set aside 5 minutes a day to write in your journal about how you’re feeling
- Practice mindfulness meditation
- Go for a 30-minute walk
- Try something different every day
- Find something that makes you laugh
- Practice gratitude for everything in your life
6. Do more of the things you love
It’s so easy to lose track of the things we enjoy in life. When we have to work most hours of the week and give ourselves over to other responsibilities.
But, adding in more things you love to do will help fight against your depression.
Partly because it will give you a reason to feel excited about things again.
Music has always been a huge part of what kept me going in life. Life got in the way and I stopped trying to make playlists and seek out the music that made me feel so much better.
I made it a point to create a playlist this week with all of my favorite songs and I felt so much more in tune with myself and the world.
That’s because I could really relate to what they were singing about, and I didn’t feel so alone in my thoughts.
Do more of what you love, and if you can’t remember what that is work on finding it again.
7. Rid yourself of the bullshit
Last but not least, ignore the bullshit. There is no right or wrong way to heal from depression.
Some days will be harder than others. But, that doesn’t you are destined to feel this way forever.
Being depressed does not mean anything is wrong with you. You aren’t crazy, and you’re not alone.
If you try to talk to someone and they don’t understand what you’re going through, that just means they haven’t experienced it before.
It doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel the way you do.
What sucks is when you try to talk to someone about it and they make you feel worse about it.
If this happens to you, please try to think that the person you’re talking to you just doesn’t get it. They aren’t the right person to talk to, and that’s okay.
There are people out there who understand. I understand. And I’ve been in that spot before where I felt like I had to change for others to accept me.
I kept telling myself I had to stop being so negative all the time and just snap out of it.
HA.
Yeah… you can’t just snap out of depression. People who are forcing you to snap out of depression will only make you more depressed.
Own up to how you’re feeling and tell yourself you deserve to feel better again. Don’t be ashamed of how you feel.
Embrace it and take care of yourself. Go easy on the days when you don’t feel your best.
You don’t have to feel ok all the time. Some days are just going to suck. But that doesn’t mean your whole life sucks.
I hope this list of ideas for how to keep living your life when you have depression helped you in some way… and if you’d like to talk to a professional about it then here are some resources for you:
I also offer a support group on Facebook, and every member gets a free mental wellness kit. Join here.
