by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 23, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
It is possible to break bad habits brought on by stress, once you are willing to change.
Do you ever find during difficult times that you turn to something that makes you feel good, but is actually pretty bad for you?
Like binge eating, smoking, or watching too much TV? That’s because all of these things are temporary distractions that help us feel a little bit better in the moment.
During moments of distress, we turn to things that we know are bad for us.
It’s not just because we crave what is bad for us, it’s also because we have created these habits.
They are engrained in our brains, so when we’re feeling overwhelmed and burnt out, they are the first things we turn to. Our brains can only take so much at a time.
Why do we Form Bad Habits?
We form bad habits when we don’t have the right resources to develop healthy habits.
Bad habits usually start because of:
- Feeling stressed
- Being bored
- Peer pressure
- Negative environments
- Sub-conscious repetition
These things trigger us to get into our habits. Let’s say you feel stressed out at work, so you immediately reach for a cigarette.
That’s a habit made from something triggering the feeling.
Then, you become so used to reaching for that cigarette every time you’re stressed, it turns into a natural reaction.
And the end result is you feel more relaxed after smoking. Or you feel comfortable after emotionally eating.
It all starts with a trigger, then the natural reaction or urge you feel from the trigger, which turns into what you get out of that habit.
How to Break Bad Habits Brought on by Stress
1. Pinpoint the Triggers
First, start with figuring out what sets off your bad habits. What’s causing you to feel stressed? Does this stress reoccur often in your life?
Recognize what is triggering stress in your life, and work on eliminating those triggers.
If you find every day after work you go for a glass of wine, go for a walk instead. Or, completely remove the wine from your house and focus on something else.
Breaking bad habits starts by first recognizing your triggers, and then changing the pattern ingrained in your brain.
2. Replace Bad Habits with Supportive Habits
As you are focusing on what triggers your bad habits, come up with some ways you can change them.
When the urge comes along to do what you’re so used to doing in the face of stress, you’ll have to be prepared to consciously make the effort to do something different.
Replace your bad habits with something healthier. If you always look for chocolate when you’re bored, eat an apple.
If you’re bored, try out a new activity that keeps your mind occupied.
Talk to a professional. Get affordable online counseling at any time, with BetterHelp. <- That link gives you a free trial!
3. Start Small
Habits aren’t easy to just let go of. Especially if your habit is a highly addictive source like smoking.
You most likely can’t just turn the switch off and always choose to replace bad habits with good ones. It will require taking baby steps.
The nice thing about creating small habits is they are easy to implement into your life. Instead of trying to change everything all at once, just start small.
Do what you can to practice building new habits and eventually, those things will start to replace old bad habits.
4. Set your environment up for success
Our environments play a huge part in building habits, good or bad. When your kitchen is full of unhealthy convenient food, the decision to make a healthy meal is almost impossible.
Especially if you have to go to the grocery store and take an hour to prep it all. You can plan it out and use Sundays to meal prep for the week.
It takes the guesswork and effort out of making the right choice.
If you are working hard at studying more but live with loud roommates, find a quiet space in your room or a spot at a nearby coffee shop to reduce distractions.
Setting up an environment that supports your habit changes will make it much easier to stick to them.
5. Set up a Reward System
Changing habits that have been ingrained in you for months or years is tough. We have a lot going on during the day and trying to keep up with it all is exhausting.
Sticking to new changes is a challenge, and if there isn’t much benefit from it you’ll wonder why you’re doing it in the first place.
Setting up a reward system is a great way to keep you on track and remind you why you want to develop better habits.
There are a bunch of ways you can do this. If you have a habit you want to change you can try a 21-day challenge.
It typically takes around 21 days to develop a new habit, and challenges make it fun to try something new. And, 21 days isn’t that long. Think about how fast 3 weeks go by!
In the end, you can give yourself a reward, like buying a new outfit or celebrating with a nice dinner out.
You can also set weekly goals. If you want to start working out more, you can work really hard for 4 or 5 days out of the week and then use 2 days to relax.
The reward system works because it makes you work hard toward what habits you want to change, and then you get a break. Doing this creates a good balance, and it motivates you to stick to your goals.
6. Figure out Your Why
Why do you want to change your old habits in the first place? Is it for your health? A better life? More money?
For habits to change you have to want it bad enough. During the moments when you’re questioning why the heck you want to change when it was way easier before, remember why.
Our willpower isn’t the strongest and we can’t always rely on it. This will keep you in check during the times you want to just give into your old habits.
It’s not the easiest thing to do, but remembering why you’re doing it in the first place can help you to keep going.
How to Break Bad Habits Brought on by Stress – Conclusion
To help you on your journey, I have created the 12 Healthy Habits Book, and you can download it for FREE right here!
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This course will help you learn to identify my own bad habits and replace them with better ones. The information-packed in this course will get you well on your way to overcoming mental roadblocks and start living the life you’ve been dreaming of.
This course talks all about:
- Mindset
- Emotions and feelings
- Self-love
- Problems
- Overwhelm, burnout, and busyness
- Productivity
- Time management
- Goal setting
- Habits
- Bonus lessons on skills to get good at.
The course begins with working on your mindset to push through obstacles and ends with giving you important life skills that everyone needs to know.
You can check out the course by clicking here!
More Stress Relief Tips
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 21, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How can you learn how to be more confident with who you are? I know that feeling 100% confident in yourself can be a challenge.
Mainly because it’s difficult to keep it consistent. You may have days where you feel on top of the world, and other days where you feel unworthy of anything.
Unfortunately, how we feel about ourselves can affect a lot of things in our lives. Our relationships can suffer when we aren’t confident, and it’s hard to even want to get out of bed when you aren’t happy with how your life is going.
To be happy with who you are means figuring yourself out in a number of ways.
How To Be More Confident With Who You Are
Confidence comes from within, and it’s easy to lose sight of that. Especially when there are so many outside factors like money or materialistic things) that temporarily make us feel great but after a while leaves us feeling empty.
Instead of taking the easy road and finding things that temporarily fill your happiness, you have to take the time to build yourself up.
So that even when you aren’t feeling great, it’s not because you aren’t okay with who you are.
It’s just because it’s a bad day or you’re in a funk that you know you’ll pull out of because you have that confidence in yourself.
1. Start Trusting Yourself More
There may be times when you feel incompetent and like your self-confidence is long gone.
Life is not always easy, and there are events that happen that test us. Whether that’s a bad relationship, a shitty job, or someone passing away.
When the rug gets pulled out from under us, it’s difficult to keep things in perspective. You might wonder why you even tried in the first place and question everything.
Some people choose to let their own difficulties knock them down and they avoid ever trying again.
Trying HURTS. Rejection hurts. Living sometimes hurts. Enduring life when you have felt pain is a test to your will.
Trusting yourself during the toughest times is how you will ultimately find confidence and happiness within yourself.
Same with building resilience and overcoming the fear of failure. When you believe you can make it through to the other side, you are finding ways to trust yourself. But, you have to push through when you’re uncomfortable.
That means getting rejected and putting yourself out there to possibly get shot down.
Eventually, you build up so much tolerance to things that you just learn how to survive through it all. You’ll break through that barrier and find you can make it through just about anything.
2. Recognize the Thoughts That are Preventing you From Being Happy
Telling you that you can be happy right now, no matter your circumstances sounds too easy. If it was that easy, there wouldn’t be countless books and blog posts written about it.
Just change your mindset! That’s all there is to it. Yeah, I hear your skeptical laugh as I write this.
The thoughts we have every day have more control than we like to admit. What you have to do is become more aware of what they are saying to you.
The thoughts that are saying “I’m not good enough to date someone like that.” or “if I lost 20 pounds, I’d be a lot more confident and a lot happier.”
- If you ever come across thinking something similar, this is preventing you from being happy with who you are right now.
Trying to fix those things you are unhappy about will result in MORE unhappiness. Why are you giving power and value to thoughts that are preventing you from being happy right now?
I’ve gone through a period of feeling pretty low, and not seeing the purpose in my life. Basically, for a whole year, I felt that way. I didn’t see what my value was and some days I wondered what the point was.
It was because I allowed other people’s negativity to get into my head and break me down. Which resulted in a lot of unhappy days, even when nothing was wrong.
- What changed was training myself to believe I was good enough.
It meant practicing self-care and working on the parts of who I am that I’m not confident in. Instead of changing those things, I’m learning to embrace them. But, one thing to remember is that it takes time.
Nothing drastic happens overnight, and you will need to work on it daily.
3. Find positive people to hang out with
My sister is my rock and she always helps me see the value in who I am, even when I don’t see it.
No matter what, you need a supportive person in your life who will always reassure you that what you’re doing is good.
The world is full of way too much negativity, and it’s too easy to get sucked into it. But, there are also a lot of really freaking great people out there.
Even if you don’t have anyone in your life right now, make it a point to find someone. I could be your supportive friend if you want!
Find a supportive positive person (or people) who want to build you up. They are out there, and they can do wonders to help bring more happiness into your life.
I like to think that if these people are choosing to hang out with me, I must be doing something right. That brings me enough confidence to see that I must be a good person to be around, and once you feel that way, it’s easier to be happy with who you are.
4. Work On Changing Things That Aren’t Bringing You Happiness
Do you have a close friend who you care about a lot, but who always seems to take and not give a whole lot? Or are you in a relationship with a guy who isn’t quite the right fit, but you don’t want to go through the motions of breaking up?
If you are in a situation in your life where things aren’t bringing you happiness, and are the cause for your unhappiness, work on changing them.
I know, easier said than done. But, eventually, we end up so miserable that something ends up happening whether we like it or not.
- Change is inevitable, and if something feels wrong in your life, it probably is.
This is a tough one because some people don’t like to admit that there is a problem. They don’t want to see their friends leave because they care a lot and don’t want to inflict pain on anyone.
So we stay still, even if we are secretly miserable, to avoid anything bad happening to anything else.
- You aren’t a terrible person if it’s the people around you who are draining your energy and causing you to be miserable.
And you aren’t a terrible person if you choose to change your circumstances for a chance at a better life.
Start by evaluating your life. Base things off of the 80/20 rule for a week.
If you realize that your job or relationship makes you miserable 5 out of the 7 days of the week, something probably needs to change.
Letting go is tough, but if you know in your heart that letting go will bring you happiness, you know deep down you have to do it.
5. Understand What Happiness Means to You
What brings happiness is different for everyone. My happiness comes from the comfort of my home, with my dogs, my boyfriend, and my huge family.
What are some things that bring you happiness? Is it a specific day of the week? A coffee shop nearby? Write them down!
Get your thoughts out of your head and figure out what brings you happiness. If you are in a state of mind where it feels like nothing brings you happiness, start small.
The reason why I say this is because as we grow up and have to focus more on reality than our well-being, it’s easy to lose sight of the things that make us feel good.
What are some moments where you have truly enjoyed yourself? Channel inside and think about what things make you happy! If you still need help with this part, you can always email me.
6. Stay Consistent With Your Efforts
Building confidence means changing your thoughts. Which means it will take time and effort on your part.
Just like working out, it’s something you have to do often if you want to see results. And it’s definitely possible.
But sometimes we don’t think we need to work on ourselves. It’s difficult to put yourself first sometimes. Confidence comes from within, and that starts with you.
7. Start A Blog
Starting a money-making blog is something anyone can do, and it can be very lucrative.
A blog is a business, and having your own business allows you to take control of your income. This can give you a new lease on life. As your own boss, you will learn so many new skills! You will surprise yourself with how savvy you can be.
Some bloggers make 6 figures a year, like this one! You can take her free blogging course to learn how she does it.
The confidence that comes from owning your own business is like no other. Blogging has made me a much more confident person, and the money I make from my blog is now more than I ever made at a job. I’m a full-time blogger now and couldn’t be happier.
8. Train To Be Confident For The Long Run
If you make a commitment to work on yourself and your mindset, you can have more confidence. But learning how to do that takes a good teacher to show you what to do.
Did you know that there are amazing online training resources to help you build confidence from the inside out?
A Course In Gorgeous is the best training to help you build confidence and remove negative thinking for an overall mindset and balance makeover. It teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident and gorgeous in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
A Course in Gorgeous teaches you exactly how to make the necessary changes in your life and start feeling confident almost immediately.
If you are ready to take control and make big changes in your life, click here to learn more!
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by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 16, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
Do you know how to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety? Creating a simple structure for your day can have surprising effects on your anxiety and depression.
It allows you to take back control over your days and fill them with things you really enjoy doing.
Having some structure also helps you fight back against anxiety because you start focusing more on improving your life, and less on the crippling feelings of anxiety.
Here are some tips to create a daily routine as an anxiety sufferer.
How To Structure Your Days When You Struggle With Anxiety
The idea of breaking out of the habits you’ve been stuck in for so long might feel a little overwhelming.
You have been living in survival mode for a long time. Which means a successful day for you was just getting through the day without having a panic attack. You’ve done what you needed to do to get by.
But now that you are ready to add structure to your life it’s time to focus on what is most important to you.
Here’s how to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety
Since you have struggled with anxiety, it won’t be as easy as just changing your everyday habits. If you try to move too fast, your anxiety will catch up with you.
Instead, you have to listen to your body and how comfortable you are with trying new things. You’ll have to work on getting motivated again to help push you into a routine.
1. Start Your Day Strong
I used to struggle with morning depression. I still do have days where I wake up not feeling so great, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.
I changed it by waking up at the same time daily and thinking about 3 things I’m grateful for before getting out of bed. If you wake up dreading the day, try to take a step back and plan out a simple morning routine.
It’s hard when you have to quickly get up and get ready for work, so try to take 5 minutes to yourself and think about everything you’re super grateful for. What things fill up your heart?
Think about the simple things that really make you happy. For me, that’s my dogs my home, and my boyfriend. I look forward to every evening where I can spend my time on our sofa hanging out with our pets.
It is the most fulfilling part of my day, so in the mornings I remind myself of what is my favorite part of my life.
- Also, drinking a tall glass of water and eating a healthy breakfast is a great way to start your day strong.
Take it slow and start with one thing a day in the morning to help get you motivated.
2. Pick 3 Things from Your To-Do List
When you deal with anxiety and depression, it’s important to start small. Nothing makes your anxiety worse than an overwhelmingly long list of things you have to get done.
Instead, pick just 3 things from that list that you can get done in the day. This helps you keep up with things but doesn’t overwhelm you.
If you’re someone who likes to plan for the week, you can figure out which 3 things to focus on daily, that way you will know exactly what you need to do each day. This can help keep structure to the day and give you something to focus on while making you feel productive.
3. Set a Strict Sleep Schedule
Sleep plays a critical role in your mental and physical health. Too much or too little can have negative effects on your body.
I am definitely guilty of not always sticking to my sleep schedule, but as I start to make my mental health more of a priority, I’m taking sleep much more seriously.
Try to set a time every night that you know you can be in bed. I personally set a bedtime of 11:00 pm and am in bed by 10:30, that way I can unwind and calm down before it’s time to sleep.
- Try to set the right time for you, and work on getting between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.
Getting up at the same time every day is just as important, including the weekends. (Which I know isn’t always possible, just try to aim for most of the time).
The right amount of sleep will help even out your hormones and keep your mood elevated throughout the day. This will help with keeping your anxiety levels low, and your energy will stay up.
4. Slowly Add New Things to Your Routine
There are a lot of things you can start doing daily that will help with anxiety and depression.
Things like:
But trying to do a bunch of things at once isn’t sustainable. Especially when you are dealing with anxiety and depression.
Anyone who tries to completely change their whole lifestyle in a day is facing a large uphill battle.
It takes time, dedication, and consistent action toward your goals. Even when you 100% don’t feel like doing it. Hearing that voice in your head to sleep an hour longer instead of going to the gym will eventually become stronger than your willpower.
That’s why taking baby steps is a great way to start adding new things into your routine. Write out all of the things you eventually want to start doing, then pick one thing out of that list to focus on.
- Start by doing it for 5 minutes a day, and after a few weeks bump it up to ten minutes.
It’s achievable and easy to start implementing new changes when they are small. You are working on a lifestyle change which means you don’t have to completely change your life in a day.
Take that pressure off and try to enjoy the process of slowly adding new things you enjoy to your everyday routine.
5. Take it One Day at a Time
As you are seeking to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety it’s important to take your goals in ‘small bites.’ I’ve found that when I look too far into the future, I get disappointed when I see how much farther I have to go.
When you’re at the bottom of the mountain looking up it can seem very daunting to see how far you have to climb. And if you get too caught up in the future it’s really hard to see what’s right in front of you.
Learning to take things one day at a time keeps you more in the moment. It also takes the much-needed pressure off. Try to enjoy the process as you are building up a new structure for your life and focus on today. Don’t think about tomorrow or your to-do list.
- Just remember what you’re grateful for and focus on making it through today.
This also helps in the days when you feel more anxious than usual. It’s all about you making it through the day. Doing this helps break up your week and goals into bite-sized pieces that are easy to consume.
6. Push Yourself, But Don’t Overdo it
There is a fine balance when it comes to your mental health. You want to push yourself to keep going in the right direction. But, you don’t want to overdo it to the point you never want to try again.
It’s one thing when you try something new and fall on your face. It’s another thing when you suffer from extreme anxiety and doing simple tasks just seems like too much.
Think about what you are comfortable doing, then try to push yourself a little out of that comfort zone. If you want to try going to the gym, try it for just 15 minutes. Or if you want to start dating again, choose the type of date you’d actually enjoy.
- Work on putting yourself out there, just pull back before you reach the point of “I hate this so much, I don’t want to ever do this again.”
- And if you do end up getting in a spot that’s too uncomfortable for you, practice being mindful of the situation.
Get the Ultimate List of Anxiety Resources for free! Enter your email to get the access code to download it: HERE
How To Structure Your Days When You Struggle With Anxiety – Conclusion
If you work to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety, everything will become easier. Your anxiety doesn’t have to completely control your life.
As you start to build a new structure to your life, you will have moments when you just don’t feel great about all the changes.
That just means you’re growing and pushing out of the dark hole you’ve been in for so long. Adding structure to your days helps keep you in check of all the goals you have for your future.
You can finally start doing the things you enjoy, without the strong burden of anxiety holding you back. This is your time to shine and you deserve to create a life that is exactly what you dream of!
Did you enjoy this article? Please pin it, and follow me @LovelyRefinement – And make sure you download our FREE mental wellness kit right now =)
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
It is possible to feel less stressed overall, simply by letting go of the things that bother you. Do you find that you hold onto things longer than you should?
That one comment someone made about the way you look never fully disappeared from your head. And when you feel highly stressed, those thoughts creep to the surface.
This is how stress begins to build on itself. Holding onto things and letting them get to you will build resentment.
And so much unnecessary stress.
15 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Stressed
Learning how to let things go can massively reduce the stress in your life. It’s also not too difficult to do.
1. Understand You Control Your Thoughts
The thoughts you have every single day are what form you into who you are. When you listen to and believe every thought you have, you give power to them.
That’s how they can take control over you. You can actually learn how to control the way you think, even though I know it sounds crazy.
It starts with being more aware of your thinking, and understanding where those thoughts comes from. When you have a negative thought, replace it with a realistic, positive one.
As you begin to listen to these thoughts and become more aware of them, you can start to regain control of them.
2. Hang Out With Friends
Spend time around the people you love the most. Talk to them about the crap going on in your life. Let all of it out, and then move on.
Sometimes, the best thing you need is listening ear. One that doesn’t judge, and supports you no matter what. Hanging out with good friends will help you let go of the negative feelings you have, so you can feel less stressed.
3. Put Your Energy Into What You Want
Stop putting so much energy into the negativity and stress around you. Instead, work on focusing that energy on the good things.
Think about the stuff you want out of life, and focus on those things. Especially when you have rough moments.
Remember why you are putting yourself through these stressful times. This way, you can redirect the negative energy and put it to good use.
4. Put Yourself First
Usually, we feel stressed out because we’re pulled in a million different directions. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from trying to do it all.
As you’re feeling stressed, think about all of the commitments on your plate that you’re doing for someone else. That could be going to a soccer game for your niece. Or going to get dog food for your pup.
Anything that requires doing something for something else.
Then, think about what you want and need. Do that first. If you need a nap, go take one.
When you feel stressed, do something that slightly fills your cup. It’s most likely running dry, so this is the best time to work on yourself before trying to help others.
5. Get Outside
Try to get out for a hike or walk if you can. Take a break and focus on nature around you.
Listen to the birds chirping nearby, or pay attention to how warm the sun feels on your face. If you’re reading this in winter, think about the cool breeze on your face.
Practice being one with nature for a second. This will help you let go and feel much calmer.
6. Stop Taking Things Personally
The causes of stress range from not feeling good enough to overwhelming yourself with too much. When you don’t feel good enough about yourself, you end up taking things too personally.
As if everything around you is intentionally directed towards you as a means to piss you off. Try to focus on what you can control in those situations, and let go of the rest.
The world isn’t around to get you, I promise. It feels like it sometimes, but if someone offends you, think deeper about it.
What offends you about it? Why are you taking it personally? Try to validate how you’re feeling and get to the bottom of why.
Once you do that, you can begin to let go of those feelings.
7. Work on Forgiving the Past
The things that have happened in the past can still have a huge impact on your present mind. It’s difficult to let go of the things that have hurt us in the past.
And when things hurt you in the present, old feelings of pain can resurface. You can work on letting go of these things that have hurt you by forgiving them.
Try to understand that what happened happened. It’s a part of your life, but it doesn’t define who you are.
Use the regrets you feel about your past to focus on doing better in the future. Learn from those mistakes, and use them as a valuable learning resource.
Visualize yourself moving on from your old self, and forgiving that version of you. Practice this every day, until you have come to terms and forgiven the past.
8. Get Rid of the Things Causing You Pain
Sometimes we put up with pain for so long, that we forget how badly it hurts us.
Are there things in your life that are more of a burden than anything? From a bad job to a bad relationship, these things can make your life way worse than it needs to be.
If you know there is something in your life causing you pain, try to work on getting rid of it.
You deserve a great life, full of supportive people and full of love. If you aren’t receiving these things, it’s time to move on.
I know it’s not easy. But, you have to think about yourself and what you deserve. This way, you can begin to let go.
9. Be More With Less
Does it seem like once you achieve a goal, you’re constantly chasing after the next best thing? A lot of the times, the stress in our lives comes from our own expectations.
We are trying so hard to get that Perfect Pinterest Life. Which means trying to work longer hours to make more money, and give up valuable time.
Look around your life and pay attention to the things you already have.
- What will be enough for you? Is that getting a new car?
- Or is it something you can have, right now?
- Something that doesn’t involve a lot of money or “things”?
When you can learn to have more with less, you appreciate the true value of the things around you.
Chasing after materialistic things can leave you feeling stressed out and empty. Because that feeling never goes away. But, if you can stop that cycle and focus on being grateful for what you do have, you can learn to let go of all the other things that don’t really matter.
10. De-Clutter
Clearing up space around you will clear up your mind. This will help you learn how to let things go.
When you’re life is overwhelming and full of too much stuff, you won’t have the right mindset to remove stress. You can start doing this by cleaning out your home and getting rid of the stuff you just don’t use anymore.
Then, focus on other parts of your life. Like relationships that are toxic. Or eating better. De-cluttering is great for your mind and helps bring you back down to a simpler state of thinking.
11. Try Gardening
Gardening is a very peaceful and enjoyable thing to do. It allows you to be out in nature, care for plants, and focus your whole attention on one thing.
If you are stressed out, consider getting one of these cool Garden Towers which allows you to grow a vertical vegetable garden from home, even if you don’t have a yard. Fill it up with your favorite plants and veggies and then spend time each day taking care of it.
This can provide a sense of zen in your life. And if you can focus on it for 15 minutes a day, you can work on letting go of all the other stress in your life.
12. Write Down Your Achievements
Stop being so hard on yourself, and focus on what you’ve already achieved so far. When you’re stressed and aren’t sure what the point is in anything, think about how far you have come.
Write down all of the things that you once really wanted, and now have. That could be a certain toy as a child. Or getting into the college you wanted. Or running a marathon.
Think about the things you set your mind to and got. This will help you let go and focus on the good things you’ve done in your life.
I have a goals and achievements planner you can download for free right here. You will get all of these helpful resources too:
13. Make Someone Else Feel Good
Does a close friend need some support? What about someone less fortunate than you? Helping others will make you feel good, and feel more connected to the world around you.
We are all often wrapped up in our own thoughts and worries, we forget there are others out there who are struggling way more than us.
This can help you see things in a different way, and realize that you already have a really good life. Give out some love, and see how you feel!
14. Spend Time Around Animals
Animals are known to help reduce anxiety and stress. When you become too wrapped up in the stress, go hang out with some animals.
Or even consider adopting a pet from a rescue if you are in the right spot to do that. Being around animals can give you a sense of calm, and help you see the amazing things the world has to offer.
You could also volunteer at your local animal shelter!
15. Go Get a Massage
A great way to relieve stress without doing anything is by getting a massage. On a day when you feel way too stressed, try out a massage.
They feel amazing, and releasing all of the toxins in your body will help clear your mind. Once your muscles are all relaxed, you’ll feel more relaxed. And it will make you wonder if what you’re so stressed about is worth it.
15 Ways To Let Go And Feel Less Stressed – Conclusion
The biggest thing to remember is to make time for yourself. Practice self-care, and don’t try to take on more than you can mentally manage at this moment.
My course Refine Your Life Purpose & Wellness has 14 modules, and you can get $132 in bonus material for free if you click here.
What are some ways you like to let go and feel less stressed? Leave them in the comments below!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How does one overcome self-doubt? Ah, self-doubt. It’s what gets into your head when you’re unsure about your abilities.
Whether that’s from something you’ve never done before or that one thing you’ve done a million times before.
Questioning yourself is natural. It’s what we do when we are trying to reflect on ourselves.
We want to make sure we are doing a good job, and living up to our standards.
When self-doubt does come into your head, it can quickly diminish your confidence
And sometimes it happens because we feel a little extra sensitive to things. But, these thoughts can actually become debilitating.
Doubting yourself can cause fear. Which will prevent you from trying in the first place.
Then it will make you question everything you do, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever be good enough to deserve what you want.
How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Boost Your Confidence
1. Speak up About Your doubt
It’s so easy to build up assumptions in our heads. When something goes wrong at work, you might question yourself and rethink if you’re even cut out for that position.
Whenever something goes wrong, we beat ourselves up internally. Because we are supposed to be on top of things, and we are supposed to be perfect at everything. Right?
Wrong.
There is no such thing as perfection! So push that thought out of your head. Instead, turn to people who can help reassure you that you are doing just fine.
If you keep things to yourself, it can quickly build up in your head.
Telling yourself you aren’t good enough and nobody really likes you anyway are thoughts that aren’t true.
They are just things you make up in your head because it feels true. But, this is why you need to talk to someone about it. Ask them if you’re doing a bad job at your job.
I can promise they will say no, and reassure you that you’re a great part of the team. We are so good about beating ourselves up and making sure that we don’t feel much pride in our work. Even if you are pretty close to perfect at your job.
That’s why it’s always good to get a second opinion and a different perspective.
Because other people see you differently than you see yourself. They value you and the right people want to be there to make sure you don’t have any self-doubt.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s so easy to do. You see someone else at school who gets straight A’s and makes it look so easy.
They must be born with a skill that automatically makes them smart. There’s no way to compete with that. Well, you should stop competing at all.
There is no point in comparing yourself to others, except to make yourself feel worse.
And the best way to avoid doing this is by looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of telling yourself false assumptions, work at becoming a better person. Chances are that person who gets straight A’s probably has to work really hard.
They most likely study any free second they get, and there’s a chance they are struggling with self-doubt as well.
- If you think about how hard it is to maintain that, then imagine how hard it is if you fall short.
Put yourself in their shoes for a second. And try to tell yourself that they might be struggling too. It’s easy to assume other people have it better than you, but everyone is dealing with something.
- Some people are really good at hiding it, but no one is perfect.
Once you believe this, it’ll be easier to stop comparing yourself. And it might make you appreciate what you do have and what you are capable of.
3. Separate Yourself from the Cause of Your Self-Doubt
When you are at work for 40 hours a week, the cycle of self-doubt repeats itself every day. When you are constantly surrounded by the things that are causing doubt, then you need to take a break.
I know that sometimes it’s not possible, because we can’t just stop showing up to work or school. But, you do have control once you get home and I’m sure you have at least an hour a day you could use to get away.
Spend some time doing something you really enjoy, that you know you are good at. Something that makes you feel really good. And forget about what’s causing your self-doubt. We can get so wrapped up in feeling bad about ourselves.
Even when we get home, going on social media can bring us back into the cycle. That’s where we start comparing ourselves to other people who seem to have their lives figured out.
This is when you need to shut your phone off and go on a hike. Or hang out with people you really care about and ask them to not let you talk about the things that are bugging you.
- It’s really important to take a break and not obsess over what’s causing you stress.
When you can learn how to separate yourself from the crap, it’s easier to get a new outlook. Read this guide to dealing with anxiety at work, which gives you a daily routine for managing your anxiety.
4. Write Down 3 Things You Love About Yourself Every Day
Thinking about what you love about yourself isn’t the easiest when you’re filled with self-doubt. You might think that you don’t like anything about who you are.
But, digging deep and understanding yourself more will give you more confidence. Think of the things that you are good at.
Are you a good person who cares about other people? Do you love animals? Is there a specific body type of yours that you love?
Grab a piece of paper and pencil and write it down. Then, do this every single day.
At first, it will feel weird, and maybe selfish. But, it’s not. And those thoughts are your self-doubt coming in to tell you it’s pointless. Ignore that voice, and do it anyway.
Then, you’ll start to discover what does make you so great. And you’ll remember these things when you question yourself. Which will make you believe in yourself more.
5. Tell Your Inner Critic to Shut Up
That inner voice that is always talking down to you needs to be quiet. What that voice is telling you isn’t true.
It’s a very convincing voice, but what it’s saying doesn’t provide any value to you.
- Imagine if that’s how your best friend talked about themselves.
You would quickly tell them to stop being ridiculous and that they are great just as they are. You are perfect just as you are now. And those voices that tell you otherwise are liars. Don’t give in to that inner critic.
Tell it to shut up, and focus on doing the things you enjoy. Because you deserve them!
Have you downloaded our FREE self-love guide?
How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Boost Your Confidence – Conclusion
If you are having trouble building your confidence or getting rid of self-doubt, A Course In Gorgeous would be a great fit for you!
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A Course In Gorgeous is an all-inclusive, 12-part online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 13, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
Are you struggling, wondering how to deal with anxiety at work? Whether your anxiety occurs because of personal problems, or because of work, experiencing it while you’re on the job makes everything much more challenging.
Anxiety makes it difficult to focus on a specific task. This can make getting to your work assignments almost impossible, and take you forever to get things done.
If left untreated, your anxiety has the ability to make your job impossible. Which can result in issues, like getting fired or your boss not knowing if you’re capable enough to do your job.
But, anxiety is a very real thing. And if you don’t have the right resources to work through it yourself, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.
How To Deal With Anxiety At Work
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Having anxiety doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring about your job.
It just means there are other factors that are making it that much harder to think work is important right now.
How To Deal With Anxiety – Before Work
1. Set up a morning routine
Waking up, chugging coffee and heading straight into work is a great recipe for anxiety.
Without giving yourself time to slowly wake up and get ready for the day, you’ll feel on edge the whole day. Some people thrive by getting up and going, and not thinking about anything.
But, anxiety can easily creep in if you don’t practice being more in-tune with yourself and the world around you.
Here are some ways to set up an anxiety-free morning routine:
- Wake up 30 minutes before you have to start getting ready
- Avoid looking at your phone/responding to any emails
- Take a second to be grateful for waking up to a new day
- Read a chapter of a new book
- Consider drinking a small cup of coffee while you’re still in bed
- Plan out how your day is going to go, so you know what you expect
2. Avoid watching the news
I get that it’s helpful to stay up-to-date on what’s going on in the world.
I used to watch the news every morning before I went to work. But, I started to realize that it made me a lot more fearful of my surroundings.
The bad news I kept seeing just started to make me think there wasn’t much good in the world. If you have high anxiety, try to stop watching the news or reading it on your phone.
It doesn’t mean you’re avoiding what’s happening out in the real world, it just means you need to stop triggering anxiety by bringing in more worries to your life.
If you think about it, the news stations are trying to find the craziest stories out there. That’s how they get your attention and keep you watching. And that’s why usually what’s shown on the news is bad stuff.
Chances are, you’ll hear about the important stuff from co-workers or friends. You don’t need to know about everything else.
3. Meditate in the car
Commuting in traffic can contribute to your anxiety.
A great way to stay calm is by listening to a mindfulness app on your phone while you’re driving in the car. This helps you focus on your breathing and stay in the present moment.
That way once you get to work, you won’t already feel so tense and possibly irritated.
Another helpful tip is to always leave a little extra early heading into work, so you can stay in the slow lane. Driving in the fast lane can make you feel like you have to just get to the destination.
When instead, you can take your time and not feel so rushed.
How To Deal With Anxiety – During work
1. Set small goals
Once you get into work and figure out what has to get done that day, start by planning it out.
Part of what causes a lot of work anxiety is feeling like you’re constantly behind. And you have to hustle to get as much done as you can.
But, that’s how anxiety can form and it’s how it can prevent you from getting anything done. Feeling overwhelmed can make it difficult to know where to start.
Instead, look at your to-do list and focus on getting 3 or 4 things done that day.
Set mini-goals, so that once you accomplish one thing you actually feel like you’re being productive and achieving success.
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2. Take it easy on high-anxiety days
Sometimes, you’ll have days where no matter what you do you’re anxiety will take over anyways.
On those days, you have to take it easy on yourself. When anxiety comes in, it’s similar to getting a cold.
It physically and mentally won’t allow you to be 100% there. And if you think about having a cold, you would most likely do the best you can but then rest often and take it easy.
Don’t expect to get much done on high-anxiety days. Where we often go wrong when we’re feeling anxious is when we feel like we have to keep working harder. But, listen to your body and just take a break.
3. Practice being mindful
Work on grounding techniques and pay attention to what’s going on in the moment. Our anxious thoughts can make it feel like everything is wrong. But, when you practice being mindful you can reduce the negative thoughts.
And you can work on dissolving your anxious thoughts, when you take a few minutes to think them through and challenge them.
Download my Mindfulness Activities book for free.
4. Eat a healthy lunch
Eating a healthy lunch is always good idea, even on the days when you’re anxiety is low.
If you work in a busy office, it’s probably pretty normal to just order some fast food and go back and sit at your desk.
But, taking control of your anxiety requires taking care of yourself.
That means actually taking a lunch break, and packing your lunch from home. With a filling salad or a healthy sandwich.
Eating healthy will keep your anxiety levels even, and won’t make you crash a few hours later. Practice making it a point to take some time for yourself throughout the day, so that you can stay in tune with your body.
5. Take frequent breaks
When you struggle with anxiety, it’s just not possible to keep trying to hurdle passed it. If you try to fight it or ignore that you have it, it will eventually build and build.
Until you aren’t sure how to manage any of it. Most jobs think it’s more acceptable to just work, work, work until it’s time to eventually go home.
The norm is 50 hour work weeks, but working 40 hours is way more than plenty. We think we have to be tied to our jobs to feel any sort of value or success in our own lives.
That’s why taking breaks during work feels weird. Especially when everyone around you never takes any. But, go against what everyone else is doing and make it a point to start taking care of your mental health.
That means taking the designated 15-minute breaks you’re allowed for every 8 hours. Also, taking your lunch break. These can be times where you can practice being mindful and reducing your anxiety.
How To Deal With Anxiety – After work
1. Leave work at work
It is so easy to leave work, then go home and either still think about work or continue to do work.
This is where it will feel like you can never escape it. But, there are ways to actually enjoy your life outside of work and to separate yourself from it.
It starts by leaving all of the work at work. Don’t respond to emails after you have left the office. And avoid going on your computer once you get home.
If you struggle with toxic co-workers or a difficult work environment, it’s very easy to allow that to bleed into other parts of your life. But, imagine that once you open the door to leave your office, all of the issues you have at your job cannot leave that door.
And then once you get home, work on focusing on other things that bring you joy. Try to avoid getting wrapped up in your thoughts about your job.
Practice being in the present moment and focus on the now. That way you can actually enjoy the time off that you do have. And just tell yourself that you will deal with work tomorrow, when the time comes.
2. Have something to look forward to
Working 8+ hours a day and then driving in traffic is exhausting. That’s a long time to give your energy to another place.
And once you get home, you might feel too tired to do anything but make up some dinner and watch TV. But, this is how it can be easy to think that your job takes over your whole life.
It’s important to create things on your schedule that you look forward to after work, that can take you away from work for a while.
Things like:
- Hanging out with friends
- Going out on a hike
- Going to the gym
- Trying out a new hobby
- Going to a night class
- Having date night
Try to set up 2 or 3 nights a week that you have something exciting to look forward to. This can make going to work more tolerable because you will be doing something you enjoy afterward.
It will also break up the cycle of getting up, going to work, coming home to eat dinner, sleep, repeat.
3. Practice self-care
On the days that you don’t schedule trying something new, work on practicing self-care. Do what you want to do. If that means enjoying a Netflix marathon, do it!
Throughout the day, your cup is being drained from all of the work crap you have to put up with. Find the things that fill up your cup, and make sure to do these things frequently. And if you aren’t sure what fills up your cup, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid.
During the times when you didn’t have to be a responsible adult. Maybe you could even try going to the same park you used to play at as a kid, and mess around on the playground.
These things will help reduce your anxiety because they allow you to connect with yourself.
4. Keep in touch with close family/friends
Talking to other people who understand what you’re going through helps in so many ways.
And if you know people who experience anxiety as well, make sure to reach out to them during the days when you’re anxiety is high.
It helps to talk to someone who understands, and who doesn’t judge.
Sometimes when you’re around people at work who don’t get it, it can feel like there’s just something wrong with you.
In reality, everyone experiences stress and anxiety to some extent. Most people don’t know how to deal with it (that’s why they bury themselves in their jobs).
When you are experiencing anxiety, talk to someone about it. That way you can get your anxious thoughts out and hear what other people have to say about it.
5. Set up an evening routine
Having an evening routine before bed will help calm you down after a long day. It can also help improve your sleep.
And when you struggle with anxiety, these morning and evening routines are essential to keeping your anxiety in check.
A good evening routine consists of:
- Shutting off all technology 30 minutes to 1 hour before going to bed
- Writing in an anxiety journal about how the day went, how you’re feeling, and any remaining anxious thoughts you have
- Practicing calming breathing techniques
- Thinking of 3 things that made you happy that day
- Thinking of 3 things that you are grateful for
I give away a selection of mental wellness books in our member library, one of which includes a daily routine scheduler!
Get them all for free! Just tell me where to send your invite code:
What to do when you can’t cope with your anxiety at work
1. Talk to your boss/ HR
If there is someone at work who you trust, don’t be afraid to talk to them. Anxiety is a serious thing if you aren’t sure how to handle it.
It can ruin your productivity, and if your anxiety is caused by work, it will have an effect on your overall well-being.
That is something that your boss or HR would want to know about. A lot of companies are expanding their resources when it comes to mental health.
If you can talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing, they might be able to help you. If there isn’t anyone at work you feel like you can trust to talk about these things, it might be time to reevaluate where you’re working.
2. Evaluate how important your job is
Your job might be what is causing your anxiety to shoot through the roof.
Anxiety occurs for a number of reasons, but sometimes it’s the environment that we’re in that can set it off.
Think about how your job makes you feel when you’re there, and if there is anything that causes you stress there. Also, think about your co-workers and who you would feel comfortable talking to about your anxiety.
If you come to the conclusion that your job is what is causing anxiety, and there are a lot of things wrong with it, you should consider trying to find another place to work.
I understand that sounds way easier than it is. I’m not saying that you should just go in and quit your job tomorrow. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities.
But, if you know your job is causing you anxiety, I am here to tell you there are other options. You should never feel stuck where you’re at.
Start by writing down a pros and cons list of your job, then think about the type of job you would really enjoy. You can slowly work on trying to find a new one while practicing the things above.
Or, do what I did: I quit my job so I could blog full-time. My blog is now my full-time, 6 figure business.
If you’d like to start your own blog, I recommend this blogging as a business course.
3. Find professional help
Anxiety is not the easiest thing to handle on your own. Especially if it has grown over time. Sometimes, talking to a professional is one of the best ways to sort through your thoughts.
A therapist can work with you to give you the right tools you need to work with your anxiety.
That’s why I always recommend using BetterHelp.
BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist who has professional experience in teaching you how to get through social anxiety.
The cool part is you can connect with your therapist any time you need to. If you have any questions throughout the week, you can just shoot them an email or a message, and they usually get back to you within a day or two.
When I used to go to in-person therapy, it was only once a week, which sucked when I really needed to talk to someone.
I would also sometimes forget what I needed to talk about, and end up remembering later and would have to wait another week to talk about it again. If you’re interested in learning more about BetterHelp, you can click here.
Do you have more questions about overcoming social anxiety? Leave them in the comments below!
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