by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 21, 2019 | Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Love, Self-Improvement
How can you learn how to be more confident with who you are? I know that feeling 100% confident in yourself can be a challenge.
Mainly because it’s difficult to keep it consistent. You may have days where you feel on top of the world, and other days where you feel unworthy of anything.
Unfortunately, how we feel about ourselves can affect a lot of things in our lives. Our relationships can suffer when we aren’t confident, and it’s hard to even want to get out of bed when you aren’t happy with how your life is going.
To be happy with who you are means figuring yourself out in a number of ways.
How To Be More Confident With Who You Are
Confidence comes from within, and it’s easy to lose sight of that. Especially when there are so many outside factors like money or materialistic things) that temporarily make us feel great but after a while leaves us feeling empty.
Instead of taking the easy road and finding things that temporarily fill your happiness, you have to take the time to build yourself up.
So that even when you aren’t feeling great, it’s not because you aren’t okay with who you are.
It’s just because it’s a bad day or you’re in a funk that you know you’ll pull out of because you have that confidence in yourself.
1. Start Trusting Yourself More
There may be times when you feel incompetent and like your self-confidence is long gone.
Life is not always easy, and there are events that happen that test us. Whether that’s a bad relationship, a shitty job, or someone passing away.
When the rug gets pulled out from under us, it’s difficult to keep things in perspective. You might wonder why you even tried in the first place and question everything.
Some people choose to let their own difficulties knock them down and they avoid ever trying again.
Trying HURTS. Rejection hurts. Living sometimes hurts. Enduring life when you have felt pain is a test to your will.
Trusting yourself during the toughest times is how you will ultimately find confidence and happiness within yourself.
Same with building resilience and overcoming the fear of failure. When you believe you can make it through to the other side, you are finding ways to trust yourself. But, you have to push through when you’re uncomfortable.
That means getting rejected and putting yourself out there to possibly get shot down.
Eventually, you build up so much tolerance to things that you just learn how to survive through it all. You’ll break through that barrier and find you can make it through just about anything.
2. Recognize the Thoughts That are Preventing you From Being Happy
Telling you that you can be happy right now, no matter your circumstances sounds too easy. If it was that easy, there wouldn’t be countless books and blog posts written about it.
Just change your mindset! That’s all there is to it. Yeah, I hear your skeptical laugh as I write this.
The thoughts we have every day have more control than we like to admit. What you have to do is become more aware of what they are saying to you.
The thoughts that are saying “I’m not good enough to date someone like that.” or “if I lost 20 pounds, I’d be a lot more confident and a lot happier.”
- If you ever come across thinking something similar, this is preventing you from being happy with who you are right now.
Trying to fix those things you are unhappy about will result in MORE unhappiness. Why are you giving power and value to thoughts that are preventing you from being happy right now?
I’ve gone through a period of feeling pretty low, and not seeing the purpose in my life. Basically, for a whole year, I felt that way. I didn’t see what my value was and some days I wondered what the point was.
It was because I allowed other people’s negativity to get into my head and break me down. Which resulted in a lot of unhappy days, even when nothing was wrong.
- What changed was training myself to believe I was good enough.
It meant practicing self-care and working on the parts of who I am that I’m not confident in. Instead of changing those things, I’m learning to embrace them. But, one thing to remember is that it takes time.
Nothing drastic happens overnight, and you will need to work on it daily.
3. Find positive people to hang out with
My sister is my rock and she always helps me see the value in who I am, even when I don’t see it.
No matter what, you need a supportive person in your life who will always reassure you that what you’re doing is good.
The world is full of way too much negativity, and it’s too easy to get sucked into it. But, there are also a lot of really freaking great people out there.
Even if you don’t have anyone in your life right now, make it a point to find someone. I could be your supportive friend if you want!
Find a supportive positive person (or people) who want to build you up. They are out there, and they can do wonders to help bring more happiness into your life.
I like to think that if these people are choosing to hang out with me, I must be doing something right. That brings me enough confidence to see that I must be a good person to be around, and once you feel that way, it’s easier to be happy with who you are.
4. Work On Changing Things That Aren’t Bringing You Happiness
Do you have a close friend who you care about a lot, but who always seems to take and not give a whole lot? Or are you in a relationship with a guy who isn’t quite the right fit, but you don’t want to go through the motions of breaking up?
If you are in a situation in your life where things aren’t bringing you happiness, and are the cause for your unhappiness, work on changing them.
I know, easier said than done. But, eventually, we end up so miserable that something ends up happening whether we like it or not.
- Change is inevitable, and if something feels wrong in your life, it probably is.
This is a tough one because some people don’t like to admit that there is a problem. They don’t want to see their friends leave because they care a lot and don’t want to inflict pain on anyone.
So we stay still, even if we are secretly miserable, to avoid anything bad happening to anything else.
- You aren’t a terrible person if it’s the people around you who are draining your energy and causing you to be miserable.
And you aren’t a terrible person if you choose to change your circumstances for a chance at a better life.
Start by evaluating your life. Base things off of the 80/20 rule for a week.
If you realize that your job or relationship makes you miserable 5 out of the 7 days of the week, something probably needs to change.
Letting go is tough, but if you know in your heart that letting go will bring you happiness, you know deep down you have to do it.
5. Understand What Happiness Means to You
What brings happiness is different for everyone. My happiness comes from the comfort of my home, with my dogs, my boyfriend, and my huge family.
What are some things that bring you happiness? Is it a specific day of the week? A coffee shop nearby? Write them down!
Get your thoughts out of your head and figure out what brings you happiness. If you are in a state of mind where it feels like nothing brings you happiness, start small.
The reason why I say this is because as we grow up and have to focus more on reality than our well-being, it’s easy to lose sight of the things that make us feel good.
What are some moments where you have truly enjoyed yourself? Channel inside and think about what things make you happy! If you still need help with this part, you can always email me.
6. Stay Consistent With Your Efforts
Building confidence means changing your thoughts. Which means it will take time and effort on your part.
Just like working out, it’s something you have to do often if you want to see results. And it’s definitely possible.
But sometimes we don’t think we need to work on ourselves. It’s difficult to put yourself first sometimes. Confidence comes from within, and that starts with you.
7. Start A Blog
Starting a money-making blog is something anyone can do, and it can be very lucrative.
A blog is a business, and having your own business allows you to take control of your income. This can give you a new lease on life. As your own boss, you will learn so many new skills! You will surprise yourself with how savvy you can be.
Some bloggers make 6 figures a year, like this one! You can take her free blogging course to learn how she does it.
The confidence that comes from owning your own business is like no other. Blogging has made me a much more confident person, and the money I make from my blog is now more than I ever made at a job. I’m a full-time blogger now and couldn’t be happier.
8. Train To Be Confident For The Long Run
If you make a commitment to work on yourself and your mindset, you can have more confidence. But learning how to do that takes a good teacher to show you what to do.
Did you know that there are amazing online training resources to help you build confidence from the inside out?
A Course In Gorgeous is the best training to help you build confidence and remove negative thinking for an overall mindset and balance makeover. It teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident and gorgeous in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
A Course in Gorgeous teaches you exactly how to make the necessary changes in your life and start feeling confident almost immediately.
If you are ready to take control and make big changes in your life, click here to learn more!
Pin this!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 20, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions
It’s important to discuss these ways to reduce stress. Being stressed out can cause your behavior to change and make you feel easily overwhelmed, irritated, and anxious. What’s even worse is once stress starts to take over, other areas of your life like your relationships and work start to suffer.
We all feel stressed at one time or another, and it’s a pretty normal part of life. Just like with anything else, stress is OK in moderation and it can sometimes push us to do better.
But, when things like school or work become overwhelming or you have money issues, stress quickly turns into a much more serious problem.
15 Ways To Reduce Stress and Feel More Calm
Reducing stress is important and you’ll want to first figure out what causes it for you. What might keep you up at night is a small worry to someone else. That’s why knowing your triggers can help you recognize when you’re starting to feel stressed.
That’s when you can start to learn how to reduce stress in your life and feel better. Are you ready to reduce the stress in your life and feel more calm?
Great! Let’s get started.
What Triggers Stress?
You’ll want to first figure out what is causing stress in your life before you know how to reduce it.
The top 7 causes of stress are:
- Job Pressure
- Money Issues
- Relationship Issues
- Health Problems
- Bad Diet
- Being Influenced By Social Media
- Not Getting Enough Sleep
If you work 40 hours a week at a job that puts a lot of pressure on you, that’s a good amount of time that you feel pressure. And if you have money issues that you can’t stop thinking about on a daily basis, that’s an example of chronic stress too.
The next thing you have to do is determine what is triggering stress to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed out do you feel right now?
15 Ways To Reduce Stress Fast and Feel More Calm
Here are some smart ways to reduce stress quickly.
1. Focus your attention
The main reason we feel stressed and how it gets out of hand is because we go into panic mode. Our minds tell us to freak out, so we get scared and it’s difficult to think clearly.
Focus on one thing that calms you down. Don’t make it worse by worrying and producing bad thoughts over and over again.
What you’re worried about right now is out of your control, and you have to quickly get to a state of mind where you are in control.
This doesn’t have to be complicated! Actually, the less complicated the better when you’re trying to calm down and relieve stress. Close your eyes and think about something that makes you happy, that always calms you down when you’re there.
For me, that’s sitting outside on a sunny day with a good book and smelling some veggie burgers getting cooked out on the grill. Or the sound of the ocean. If you can’t imagine these things, try to work on the grounding technique.
Grounding techniques help put you in the present moment and regain your focus when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
- Some things you can try are closing your eyes and listening to what is going on right now.
- If you’re at work, listen to the keyboards typing in the background.
- Listen to people chatting down the hallway.
- What do you smell?
- What do you see?
- And just sit in silence, being fully aware of the things around you.
When you feel like you need to relieve stress right now, but aren’t in a calm zone to do it, practicing grounding techniques can help put you back in the present.
Instead of thinking “this is the end of the world, and I’m going to freak out right now.” you can calm yourself down and believe you will figure things out.
2. Take a break
Whether you’re at work, school, or home if you’re feeling overwhelmed you need to take a break. The unfortunate part about what happens to the inside of us is that nobody else can see it.
If you were to break your leg or start throwing up, people would instantly know something is wrong with you. They give you more of a break because they can visually see what’s wrong.
What goes on in your brain is a different story. It’s why some people don’t think depression is a valid reason to skip work. Some people just don’t get it.
You can’t rely on someone to say “You don’t look so good, maybe you should go outside for a bit.” You have to do it yourself.
If the pressure at work is getting to you so bad that you can’t focus, then get up from your desk and go take a walk. And if you’re at home, take a long walk to really clear your mind. A long walk to yourself is such a great way to practice self-care and to listen to what you need right now.
- Stress is caused because we are pulled in a million different directions.
- When our lives are hectic, we beat ourselves up because we can’t always keep up.
Sometimes, we just can’t take the hustle and the bustle every single day. But, instead of beating yourself up over it, listen to your body. Take a break!
What’s surprising is what we consider acceptable. Working into your fingers fall off. Hustling to get what you want. This creates a strong sense of urgency and huge amounts of pressure.
When we don’t live up to these crazy standards, we feel terrible about ourselves. But, the only way to feel good about yourself is by letting go of what you should do and listening to what you need.
Knowing when to take a break and when to take time for yourself will benefit you so much in the long run. You’ll feel happier, be more confident and you’ll know what your limits are to avoid stress.
3. Talk to someone
Okay, so you know what happens when you add Mentos to Coke right? If not, you can get an idea here. Bear with me for a second while I explain why this relates to stress.
Humans are the Coke in this instant and outside factors (or stressors) are the Mentos. Once the Mentos get put into the Coke, the pressure just builds and builds and builds.
Until the bottle explodes. When you’re stressed, it builds up until you can’t take it anymore. Some people resort to alcohol or drugs to numb it. Others resort to exercising like crazy to try and release it.
But, I truly believe that getting all the crap that’s been building up in your head out into the open is the best way to get rid of stress fast.
What’s difficult is that you might not want to let anyone know you’re struggling. A good way to build on that pressure is by pretending everything is fine.
In most cases, the best way you can quickly relieve stress and feel a whole lot better is by calling up your closest friend and just saying “Hey, I need to vent.”
Some people hate talking. They don’t see a purpose in it if they can just handle things themselves. But, being open about things that are stressing you out is a great way to build up close relationships.
Nobody can relate to the perfect “Pinterest” girl who has it all together. People can relate and connect with people who go through some crazy crap and who aren’t afraid to admit it.
There’s a fine line between venting out your problems and complaining about everything. It’s why some people who need to vent avoid talking at all, since they don’t want to come across as a complainer.
The difference is, that a complainer loves to make a comment about everything all throughout the day, every day. A venter keeps it together until it’s just impossible to hold in anymore. They try to see if they can solve the problem on their own before talking to someone about it.
I think it takes a while to be labeled as a complainer. Most complainers don’t admit they have a problem. They just want to get a reaction out of people.
4. Blast Some Music
Sometimes, music is the greatest thing in the world, and other times it adds to the stress. Like listening to the radio during traffic at 5 p.m. with the same songs on repeat.
Instead, you need to create a Spotify playlist with all of your go-to songs. The ones that instantly make you feel better. With lyrics that relate to what you’re going through right now.
- When we’re stressed and overwhelmed, it’s all too easy to believe we’re all alone. Nobody is going through the pain you’re in right now. But, music is the best evidence in stating you’re NOT alone.
There’s always someone else out there who has been in your shoes. They also most likely wrote a song about it. My favorite band is Paramore (you might love me or hate me for saying that). Ever since I was 15, they have been my rock as far as music goes. Whenever I am stressed out, I love to drive around listening to them.
You have to find what songs work best for you. And really tune into the lyrics and try to focus on the moment. Ignore the other crap going on, and blast a good song that helps you focus on the moment right now.
Singing your heart out can also help relieve some of that stress. It’s similar to talking it out because you are releasing something.
5. Punch A Pillow
This isn’t the most common suggestion you’ll get. Some might think punching a pillow brings out aggression problems. But, there are just some days when it is necessary.
Imagine you have a day where everything goes wrong. From not getting enough sleep to Starbucks getting your coffee order wrong, to your boss calling you out about not getting your work done on time.
When you’re finally off work, you spend 45 minutes in traffic trying to get home, with about 10 people cutting you off during the process.
Then you get home and your dog gets into the trash and you realize there isn’t any food in the house for dinner. It’s just one of those days. Where you just want to scream. I’ve been there.
Something that seems to help is punching a pillow. And it might sound really weird. But, all you have to do is try it to see if it works for you or not. And sometimes, just punching the crap out of a pillow can really relieve built-up stress.
Especially if you just want to scream. The way I see it is it’s very similar to a punching bag (and if you have one of those, use that!). It’s just like an intense workout.
Instead of having to do a 30-minute intense workout, you can just go punch a pillow for a few minutes until you feel a sense of relief. Weird? Yes. Effective? Also, yes.
6. Do A High-Intensity Workout
If punching a pillow is not your cup of tea, an intense workout is a great option.
When you’re stressed, most people think you need to learn how to stay calm and relaxed. This is definitely true (which is why yoga is on this list), but there are other ways to effectively release stress.
Sometimes, staying calm and trying to have a relaxing evening isn’t what you need. Some people can’t bring themselves to practice mindfulness and enjoy a hot bath.
Relaxing methods are for long-term stress relief. I believe in these methods, but I also know what it’s like to just need to release the tension.
During really stressful moments in my life, I do have to say I became the most fit I’ve ever been. High-intensity workouts were my go-to after a stressful day at my toxic job.
And the thing that’s great about HIIT? You only need to do it for about 15 to 20 minutes to chill out and get a great workout in.
7. Get Organized
Chaos breeds chaos. If you have paperwork everywhere and emails that need to be answered, focus on getting organized. Organization is all about focusing on your priorities, you most likely don’t have a whole lot of time to go through your emails and reply to them.
Instead, you can come up with a system that works based on your priorities. When you are sorting through your emails, make a new folder for the top-priority ones that need a response.
Leave the rest for another day when you have more time and are less stressed. Cleaning can help reduce stress because it gives you something to focus on and is a decent workout.
Having a clean and organized workspace and home will remove that chaos from your life. And it’ll give you more time to focus on how to relieve stress in other areas of your life.
8. Eat a whole meal
Running on coffee until lunchtime and then only eating a salad won’t do much for your stress levels. Same thing if you decide to go through the drive-thru every day. There’s a fine balance between eating the right food to reduce stress.
Certain foods will help with low blood sugar (which causes stress!). Cortisol levels.
9. Practice Yoga
Yoga has so many benefits, one being it relieves stress. The combination of exercise, deep breathing, meditation, and relaxation, it’s one of the best options for relieving stress.
If you’re at work, there are some yoga poses you can do right at your desk! If you have an open work environment, it might not be possible. But, practicing yoga a few times a week, after work, is enough to help lower stress levels.
Yoga requires a lot of focus on your part and it takes practice.
10. Drink Water
Dehydration leads to higher cortisol levels, which is the stress hormone. Since our bodies are made up of about 55% of water, it makes sense that a lack of water causes tension.
Drinking enough water during the day isn’t that hard, especially if you can find a water bottle that’s 32 ounces. The recommended drinking amount is 64 ounces. You’d just need to drink 2 bottles and you’re done for the day!
Sometimes it’s the simplest things we take for granted and the simplest things that can quickly help.
11. Have Some Fun + Laugh
Getting caught up in being an adult means things get serious fast. We work so hard to make enough money and be successful at work. Letting loose and having fun is only something we reserve occasionally for Friday nights if we aren’t completely exhausted from the week.
Having fun is something you should do on a daily basis, and it’s such a good way to relieve some stress. What happens is we get scared to have fun, because we feel we have to do all the stuff we hate first. We don’t think we deserve to have fun.
Which makes life a lot less colorful. Having fun every day doesn’t mean you’re a reckless adult. Especially if you spend most of your day working hard.
Don’t forget to laugh often and enjoy yourself. Even on your most stressful day. There are no rules that say you can’t enjoy yourself at least part of the time.
Laughing is one way you can relax and realize what you’re worried about isn’t all that serious. If you’re laughing, things aren’t too serious, right?
12. Cut Back on Caffeine
This is a tough one. I pretty much need coffee to function at all in the mornings. You don’t have to completely get rid of caffeine, just minimize your intake.
If you find you need a third cup of coffee most days in the afternoon to get energy, you’ll probably want to work on cutting back. Caffeine causes dehydration. The more you drink it, the more you crave it but eventually, it stops doing the job correctly.
You get used to it, and instead of a caffeine boost, you’re just hit with an afternoon headache. But, in the evening, it stays in your system.
Too much caffeine can affect your sleep and your cortisone levels will easily get out of control. Try to swap out a large glass of iced water instead of coffee in the afternoons. And chug it to quickly get a burst of energy.
13. Relax With A Bath
At the end of a long and stressful day, finish it off with a relaxing bubble bath. Try out some essential oils and use Epsom salts.
A bath can help relieve tension in your muscles and the smells will help relax you.
14. Get some rest
Sleep is so important. More than most people realize. In our society, we think we can get away with very little sleep. It backfires and we end up reaching for that third cup of coffee and it’s difficult to focus throughout the day.
Instead of staying up late finishing last-minute work, leave it for the next day. The energy you’ll have with enough sleep will be well worth it.
15. Evaluate what’s causing stress in your life + work on fixing it
You might get plenty of rest and don’t have issues with caffeine intake. Something is causing you stress, and what you have to do is recognize what that is.
Most people can’t recognize when they are stressed. They get emotional and feel the side effects of stress, but sometimes it’s difficult to pinpoint what it is. And what’s causing it?
Once you learn to recognize the signs of stress, and what is affecting you, you can learn to relieve it properly.
15 Ways To Reduce Stress and Feel More Calm – Conclusion
All of these tips will help you relieve stress, but one of the keys to reducing stress in your life is understanding what is the cause in the first place.
Come back to this ’15 ways to reduce stress’ article anytime you’re feeling stressed out and decide which one works best for you. Be sure to pin it to Pinterest so you don’t lose it.
If you’re looking for more help with building a stronger mindset, reducing stress, and creating your dream life, make sure to check out Refine Your Life Purpose + Wellness.
The course is packed full of information that begins with changing your mindset to push through obstacles and ends with giving you important life skills that everyone needs to know.
For more ways to reduce stress, check out this list of hobbies that reduce stress.
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 16, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
Do you know how to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety? Creating a simple structure for your day can have surprising effects on your anxiety and depression.
It allows you to take back control over your days and fill them with things you really enjoy doing.
Having some structure also helps you fight back against anxiety because you start focusing more on improving your life, and less on the crippling feelings of anxiety.
Here are some tips to create a daily routine as an anxiety sufferer.
How To Structure Your Days When You Struggle With Anxiety
The idea of breaking out of the habits you’ve been stuck in for so long might feel a little overwhelming.
You have been living in survival mode for a long time. Which means a successful day for you was just getting through the day without having a panic attack. You’ve done what you needed to do to get by.
But now that you are ready to add structure to your life it’s time to focus on what is most important to you.
Here’s how to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety
Since you have struggled with anxiety, it won’t be as easy as just changing your everyday habits. If you try to move too fast, your anxiety will catch up with you.
Instead, you have to listen to your body and how comfortable you are with trying new things. You’ll have to work on getting motivated again to help push you into a routine.
1. Start Your Day Strong
I used to struggle with morning depression. I still do have days where I wake up not feeling so great, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.
I changed it by waking up at the same time daily and thinking about 3 things I’m grateful for before getting out of bed. If you wake up dreading the day, try to take a step back and plan out a simple morning routine.
It’s hard when you have to quickly get up and get ready for work, so try to take 5 minutes to yourself and think about everything you’re super grateful for. What things fill up your heart?
Think about the simple things that really make you happy. For me, that’s my dogs my home, and my boyfriend. I look forward to every evening where I can spend my time on our sofa hanging out with our pets.
It is the most fulfilling part of my day, so in the mornings I remind myself of what is my favorite part of my life.
- Also, drinking a tall glass of water and eating a healthy breakfast is a great way to start your day strong.
Take it slow and start with one thing a day in the morning to help get you motivated.
2. Pick 3 Things from Your To-Do List
When you deal with anxiety and depression, it’s important to start small. Nothing makes your anxiety worse than an overwhelmingly long list of things you have to get done.
Instead, pick just 3 things from that list that you can get done in the day. This helps you keep up with things but doesn’t overwhelm you.
If you’re someone who likes to plan for the week, you can figure out which 3 things to focus on daily, that way you will know exactly what you need to do each day. This can help keep structure to the day and give you something to focus on while making you feel productive.
3. Set a Strict Sleep Schedule
Sleep plays a critical role in your mental and physical health. Too much or too little can have negative effects on your body.
I am definitely guilty of not always sticking to my sleep schedule, but as I start to make my mental health more of a priority, I’m taking sleep much more seriously.
Try to set a time every night that you know you can be in bed. I personally set a bedtime of 11:00 pm and am in bed by 10:30, that way I can unwind and calm down before it’s time to sleep.
- Try to set the right time for you, and work on getting between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.
Getting up at the same time every day is just as important, including the weekends. (Which I know isn’t always possible, just try to aim for most of the time).
The right amount of sleep will help even out your hormones and keep your mood elevated throughout the day. This will help with keeping your anxiety levels low, and your energy will stay up.
4. Slowly Add New Things to Your Routine
There are a lot of things you can start doing daily that will help with anxiety and depression.
Things like:
But trying to do a bunch of things at once isn’t sustainable. Especially when you are dealing with anxiety and depression.
Anyone who tries to completely change their whole lifestyle in a day is facing a large uphill battle.
It takes time, dedication, and consistent action toward your goals. Even when you 100% don’t feel like doing it. Hearing that voice in your head to sleep an hour longer instead of going to the gym will eventually become stronger than your willpower.
That’s why taking baby steps is a great way to start adding new things into your routine. Write out all of the things you eventually want to start doing, then pick one thing out of that list to focus on.
- Start by doing it for 5 minutes a day, and after a few weeks bump it up to ten minutes.
It’s achievable and easy to start implementing new changes when they are small. You are working on a lifestyle change which means you don’t have to completely change your life in a day.
Take that pressure off and try to enjoy the process of slowly adding new things you enjoy to your everyday routine.
5. Take it One Day at a Time
As you are seeking to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety it’s important to take your goals in ‘small bites.’ I’ve found that when I look too far into the future, I get disappointed when I see how much farther I have to go.
When you’re at the bottom of the mountain looking up it can seem very daunting to see how far you have to climb. And if you get too caught up in the future it’s really hard to see what’s right in front of you.
Learning to take things one day at a time keeps you more in the moment. It also takes the much-needed pressure off. Try to enjoy the process as you are building up a new structure for your life and focus on today. Don’t think about tomorrow or your to-do list.
- Just remember what you’re grateful for and focus on making it through today.
This also helps in the days when you feel more anxious than usual. It’s all about you making it through the day. Doing this helps break up your week and goals into bite-sized pieces that are easy to consume.
6. Push Yourself, But Don’t Overdo it
There is a fine balance when it comes to your mental health. You want to push yourself to keep going in the right direction. But, you don’t want to overdo it to the point you never want to try again.
It’s one thing when you try something new and fall on your face. It’s another thing when you suffer from extreme anxiety and doing simple tasks just seems like too much.
Think about what you are comfortable doing, then try to push yourself a little out of that comfort zone. If you want to try going to the gym, try it for just 15 minutes. Or if you want to start dating again, choose the type of date you’d actually enjoy.
- Work on putting yourself out there, just pull back before you reach the point of “I hate this so much, I don’t want to ever do this again.”
- And if you do end up getting in a spot that’s too uncomfortable for you, practice being mindful of the situation.
Get the Ultimate List of Anxiety Resources for free! Enter your email to get the access code to download it: HERE
How To Structure Your Days When You Struggle With Anxiety – Conclusion
If you work to structure your days when you struggle with anxiety, everything will become easier. Your anxiety doesn’t have to completely control your life.
As you start to build a new structure to your life, you will have moments when you just don’t feel great about all the changes.
That just means you’re growing and pushing out of the dark hole you’ve been in for so long. Adding structure to your days helps keep you in check of all the goals you have for your future.
You can finally start doing the things you enjoy, without the strong burden of anxiety holding you back. This is your time to shine and you deserve to create a life that is exactly what you dream of!
Did you enjoy this article? Please pin it, and follow me @LovelyRefinement – And make sure you download our FREE mental wellness kit right now =)
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Confidence
Have you been wrestling with how to deal with criticism? Have other people been getting to you lately?
Do you have days where you think you are on the right track, and then someone comes in and makes you feel terrible about your life choices?
It happens to all of us. It usually happens when we have some sort of success or happiness. Even if you’re not that sensitive, some comments have a way of hitting home. They hit our insecurities and make us question ourselves
The ways you deal with criticism show what kind of person you are.
4 Ways To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident
When we are finally OK with what’s going on in our lives, someone tries to ruin it. As if we don’t deserve to be happy.
It’s a natural part of life. I mean, who’d put 7.4 billion people on the planet and expect them all to get along?
Unfortunately, there are some people out there whose main mission in life is to come through with a chainsaw and tear down everyone in their path. And if you are at all sensitive, it’s easy to let it get to you.
The main thing to remember is to not let it get to you or take over your life. You deserve everything good that comes to you. You are a good person.
There wouldn’t be a Lebron James or a Taylor Swift or any successful person if everyone stopped trying after someone told them they weren’t good enough.
This is why learning to push past the bullshit, and filtering your life to be exactly what you want, is what you need to work towards. It’s what you are already working towards, and you just need to stick to it!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
1. Understand You Can’t Control Other People
No matter how hard we try, we can’t change people. Everyone is the way they are for a reason, whether that’s how they were raised or because they are stuck in their ways.
The quicker you can come to terms with this, the less it will affect you. And if you can’t change other people, that should give you enough confidence to believe they can’t change you.
Why would you want to change for another person anyway? It’s pointless. Anyone who’s asking you to change is not worthy of having a relationship with who you already are.
Some people are going to say what you are doing isn’t enough, or you aren’t very good at what you do. That’s just their opinion. It doesn’t make it true.
Especially if what they are saying is purely negative, just to make you feel like shit.
At my old job, I worked with a negative co-worker who liked to throw up his opinion on everyone else. One day he took me aside and told me I wasn’t very good at my job and needed to be quicker if I ever wanted to be as good as him.
At first, I felt shitty because I felt helpless. I questioned myself a lot and didn’t feel 100% about going to work after that.
But, then I realized it was him that had issues, not me. I was at this job for a reason, and he wasn’t the one who controlled who got fired.
He was just a grumpy person who had too much time on his hands to complain about everyone else.
He got fired less than two months later, because of how negative he was. And nobody else ever told me I was slow or bad at my job. If anything, it was the opposite. So seriously, ignore those haters.
Haters don’t get very far in life, and they end up miserable, wanting to take you down with them. Don’t let them!
2. Be Logical About The Type Of Criticism You Receive
Whenever someone says something negative about me, I instantly think about their side of things. I logically ask myself “Am I doing something wrong?”.
I make sure I am being reasonable and giving them the benefit of the doubt. In reality, every time someone says something negative about me, they have underlying issues they need to deal with about themselves.
It’s always best to listen to the people who know you like the back of their hand. The ones who will call you out on shit, when you are legitimately doing something wrong. Because you trust them, and they know you well enough to be honest with you.
If you’re dealing with an irrational person, you will get mixed messages. They will like you, but then say things to you that are hurtful for no reason. And it’s always because they have issues and insecurities they haven’t dealt with.
Sometimes people are just plain mean. And it’s a waste of time to even try to figure out the underlying reasons why they are so freaking mean.
It’s always best to be the most logical you can about it, reflect on yourself to make sure you aren’t doing something wrong, and then let it go.
The more we let people upset us, the more power it gives them to keep doing it!
3. Practice Setting Boundaries
This is such an important step, for any part of your life. Setting boundaries is important, but it’s also a tough thing to do.
If you are a nice person, not-so-nice people will take advantage of that. They will see a way to take you down, and they’ll jump at the opportunity.
That’s when knowing how to set your boundaries will help you out a lot. You might not know how to effectively set boundaries, because like I said it’s not easy.
It’s hard to be strict with other people when you want to just be friendly. You want to be that person others can rely on, even if they are being assholes.
That’s what makes you such a good person! It’s also what makes it so easy for other people to take advantage. What’s cool is if you do set a boundary and stick to it, no one will want to mess with you.
The nice person with a secretly assertive side is like kryptonite to miserable people.
So work on setting boundaries, and figure out what your limits are. When you see someone is taking advantage of you, put a stop to it. Shut it down!
It doesn’t make you a bad person when you set boundaries, it makes you a badass.
4. You Can Control What You Allow And What You Don’t
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Someone can tell you you’re short and fat when you are 5’10 and 120 pounds.
You can choose to believe them, or you can choose to not allow it. Some people let the opinions of others completely take over their lives, and then they start to sink to the level of those negative people.
But, you don’t have to. You can choose right now to overcome it. Because just like the Eleanore Roosevelt quote says, nobody can make you feel less than who you are without you saying so.
Just focus on surrounding yourself with the people who love you, who are supportive, and who will be honest with you about things.
These are the people who will bring you back up and reassure you that you are doing just fine. I don’t know about you, but I would never bring someone down just to make myself feel better. I vent to a close friend about people who have made me feel bad.
But would never voluntarily talk bad about the kind person who is clearly trying their hardest. I’m guessing you’re the same way.
If you don’t instantly see the bad in other people, then you are a good person. You are trying your hardest to be a good person and I give you props.
How To Deal With Criticism And Feel More Confident – Conclusion
It isn’t always easy to deal with criticism. But know that most of the time, it’s their problem, and doesn’t really have anything to do with you at all.
This guide on learning how to not take things too personally may be a helpful read, too!
If you are having trouble building your confidence or getting rid of negative thinking, check out my happiness course Refine Your Life!
This is an all-inclusive, 15-lesson online course that teaches you how to tackle mental roadblocks that are preventing you from truly enjoying your life.
This course will not only help you feel confident in your own skin, but it teaches you how to put yourself first and get rid of negative thinking once and for all.
If you are ready to make some changes in your life, click here!
by The Lovely Refinement Team | Oct 14, 2019 | Dealing With Emotions, Self-Improvement
It is possible to feel less stressed overall, simply by letting go of the things that bother you. Do you find that you hold onto things longer than you should?
That one comment someone made about the way you look never fully disappeared from your head. And when you feel highly stressed, those thoughts creep to the surface.
This is how stress begins to build on itself. Holding onto things and letting them get to you will build resentment.
And so much unnecessary stress.
15 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Stressed
Learning how to let things go can massively reduce the stress in your life. It’s also not too difficult to do.
1. Understand You Control Your Thoughts
The thoughts you have every single day are what form you into who you are. When you listen to and believe every thought you have, you give power to them.
That’s how they can take control over you. You can actually learn how to control the way you think, even though I know it sounds crazy.
It starts with being more aware of your thinking, and understanding where those thoughts comes from. When you have a negative thought, replace it with a realistic, positive one.
As you begin to listen to these thoughts and become more aware of them, you can start to regain control of them.
2. Hang Out With Friends
Spend time around the people you love the most. Talk to them about the crap going on in your life. Let all of it out, and then move on.
Sometimes, the best thing you need is listening ear. One that doesn’t judge, and supports you no matter what. Hanging out with good friends will help you let go of the negative feelings you have, so you can feel less stressed.
3. Put Your Energy Into What You Want
Stop putting so much energy into the negativity and stress around you. Instead, work on focusing that energy on the good things.
Think about the stuff you want out of life, and focus on those things. Especially when you have rough moments.
Remember why you are putting yourself through these stressful times. This way, you can redirect the negative energy and put it to good use.
4. Put Yourself First
Usually, we feel stressed out because we’re pulled in a million different directions. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from trying to do it all.
As you’re feeling stressed, think about all of the commitments on your plate that you’re doing for someone else. That could be going to a soccer game for your niece. Or going to get dog food for your pup.
Anything that requires doing something for something else.
Then, think about what you want and need. Do that first. If you need a nap, go take one.
When you feel stressed, do something that slightly fills your cup. It’s most likely running dry, so this is the best time to work on yourself before trying to help others.
5. Get Outside
Try to get out for a hike or walk if you can. Take a break and focus on nature around you.
Listen to the birds chirping nearby, or pay attention to how warm the sun feels on your face. If you’re reading this in winter, think about the cool breeze on your face.
Practice being one with nature for a second. This will help you let go and feel much calmer.
6. Stop Taking Things Personally
The causes of stress range from not feeling good enough to overwhelming yourself with too much. When you don’t feel good enough about yourself, you end up taking things too personally.
As if everything around you is intentionally directed towards you as a means to piss you off. Try to focus on what you can control in those situations, and let go of the rest.
The world isn’t around to get you, I promise. It feels like it sometimes, but if someone offends you, think deeper about it.
What offends you about it? Why are you taking it personally? Try to validate how you’re feeling and get to the bottom of why.
Once you do that, you can begin to let go of those feelings.
7. Work on Forgiving the Past
The things that have happened in the past can still have a huge impact on your present mind. It’s difficult to let go of the things that have hurt us in the past.
And when things hurt you in the present, old feelings of pain can resurface. You can work on letting go of these things that have hurt you by forgiving them.
Try to understand that what happened happened. It’s a part of your life, but it doesn’t define who you are.
Use the regrets you feel about your past to focus on doing better in the future. Learn from those mistakes, and use them as a valuable learning resource.
Visualize yourself moving on from your old self, and forgiving that version of you. Practice this every day, until you have come to terms and forgiven the past.
8. Get Rid of the Things Causing You Pain
Sometimes we put up with pain for so long, that we forget how badly it hurts us.
Are there things in your life that are more of a burden than anything? From a bad job to a bad relationship, these things can make your life way worse than it needs to be.
If you know there is something in your life causing you pain, try to work on getting rid of it.
You deserve a great life, full of supportive people and full of love. If you aren’t receiving these things, it’s time to move on.
I know it’s not easy. But, you have to think about yourself and what you deserve. This way, you can begin to let go.
9. Be More With Less
Does it seem like once you achieve a goal, you’re constantly chasing after the next best thing? A lot of the times, the stress in our lives comes from our own expectations.
We are trying so hard to get that Perfect Pinterest Life. Which means trying to work longer hours to make more money, and give up valuable time.
Look around your life and pay attention to the things you already have.
- What will be enough for you? Is that getting a new car?
- Or is it something you can have, right now?
- Something that doesn’t involve a lot of money or “things”?
When you can learn to have more with less, you appreciate the true value of the things around you.
Chasing after materialistic things can leave you feeling stressed out and empty. Because that feeling never goes away. But, if you can stop that cycle and focus on being grateful for what you do have, you can learn to let go of all the other things that don’t really matter.
10. De-Clutter
Clearing up space around you will clear up your mind. This will help you learn how to let things go.
When you’re life is overwhelming and full of too much stuff, you won’t have the right mindset to remove stress. You can start doing this by cleaning out your home and getting rid of the stuff you just don’t use anymore.
Then, focus on other parts of your life. Like relationships that are toxic. Or eating better. De-cluttering is great for your mind and helps bring you back down to a simpler state of thinking.
11. Try Gardening
Gardening is a very peaceful and enjoyable thing to do. It allows you to be out in nature, care for plants, and focus your whole attention on one thing.
If you are stressed out, consider getting one of these cool Garden Towers which allows you to grow a vertical vegetable garden from home, even if you don’t have a yard. Fill it up with your favorite plants and veggies and then spend time each day taking care of it.
This can provide a sense of zen in your life. And if you can focus on it for 15 minutes a day, you can work on letting go of all the other stress in your life.
12. Write Down Your Achievements
Stop being so hard on yourself, and focus on what you’ve already achieved so far. When you’re stressed and aren’t sure what the point is in anything, think about how far you have come.
Write down all of the things that you once really wanted, and now have. That could be a certain toy as a child. Or getting into the college you wanted. Or running a marathon.
Think about the things you set your mind to and got. This will help you let go and focus on the good things you’ve done in your life.
I have a goals and achievements planner you can download for free right here. You will get all of these helpful resources too:
13. Make Someone Else Feel Good
Does a close friend need some support? What about someone less fortunate than you? Helping others will make you feel good, and feel more connected to the world around you.
We are all often wrapped up in our own thoughts and worries, we forget there are others out there who are struggling way more than us.
This can help you see things in a different way, and realize that you already have a really good life. Give out some love, and see how you feel!
14. Spend Time Around Animals
Animals are known to help reduce anxiety and stress. When you become too wrapped up in the stress, go hang out with some animals.
Or even consider adopting a pet from a rescue if you are in the right spot to do that. Being around animals can give you a sense of calm, and help you see the amazing things the world has to offer.
You could also volunteer at your local animal shelter!
15. Go Get a Massage
A great way to relieve stress without doing anything is by getting a massage. On a day when you feel way too stressed, try out a massage.
They feel amazing, and releasing all of the toxins in your body will help clear your mind. Once your muscles are all relaxed, you’ll feel more relaxed. And it will make you wonder if what you’re so stressed about is worth it.
15 Ways To Let Go And Feel Less Stressed – Conclusion
The biggest thing to remember is to make time for yourself. Practice self-care, and don’t try to take on more than you can mentally manage at this moment.
My course Refine Your Life Purpose & Wellness has 14 modules, and you can get $132 in bonus material for free if you click here.
What are some ways you like to let go and feel less stressed? Leave them in the comments below!
